Pshycic Fair
Mat Taberner
utterly confusing and upsetting a member of barstaff.
In several prominent positions around the pub were posters proclaiming
Psychic Fair. Here today. 2.30pm in the upstairs function room'.
As it was lunchtime, we had only had a couple, but things were picking up.
The conversation between me (M), Vince (V) and the barman (B) went as
follows:
M: Two more Stellas, please. What's that all about,then?
B: It's a pshychic fair.
V: I know that. I can bloody read, but what's that?
B: What's what?
V: That! The piece of paper.
B: Well, it's a poster for the psychic fair we're having here toda...
M: Why?
B: Well, we thought the customers might like it
M: No, why the poster?
B: Advertising, isn't it?
V: What do you take us for? Are you taking the piss?
B: I'm sorry, I don't follow
M: Why do you think we're here, hey? Why?
B: Umm, I dunno. Beer?
M: No, the fair. Have a guess how we found out about it
B: Dunno, a poster?
M: No, we didn't see one of your poxy posters, we're fucking psychic, aren't
we?
B: What?
M: We're psychic
Manager: Gentlemen, is there a problem?
V: Quite frankly, yes. It's these stupid posters
Manager: Why are they stupid?
V: Duh? (sarcastically)
M: Look, we don't need posters, we don't need adverts, we're psychic, we
know it's here
V: If you hadn't had to pay for the posters, you could have made the beer
cheaper, then everyone would have benefited
Manager: What about people who aren't psychic, then? How are they going to
find out about it?
M: If they're not fucking psychic, they're not fucking interested, are they?
Look, where's the manager?
Manager: I AM the manager and I think you'd better leave
V: God help us...
M: (suddenly pointing at barman) And you can stop thinking that, son. I know
all about you.
Manager: Right, I really must insist..
V: Alright, alright, we're going. Come on, Mat
M: (on way to the door) IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT GET THE PSYCHIC WORLD A
BAD NAME...
We walked ten yards, then I turned round, went back and stuck my head round
the door
M: OI! I felt that...
We nearly got kicked out of the next pub for shaking and howling
hysterically...
Mat
Bastard Bear
>
SNIP PSYCHO STORY
>
> We nearly got kicked out of the next pub for shaking and howling
> hysterically...
>
> Mat
Er ... Mat. I've had a re-think about popping down to see you on
the 20th ... :-)
--
Regards,
Bastard Bear
Remove "loadsabeers" for reply.
These are my own opinions, and not necessarily those of all Bears
"Man; now we're out of the eighties, the nineties are gonna make the
sixties look like the fifties!"
darsy
<mathew....@lineone.net> wrote:
>Me and a mate, Vince, once got kicked out of a rather posh bar in Bath for
>utterly confusing and upsetting a member of barstaff.
Bars in Bath vary wildly, I've always found. From the sort that serve
tea to the sort that play loud thrash metal and have pictures of
pierced genitals on the wall. There's even one - and I kid you not on
this - that has an oil painting of a bloke on a bike, sort of flying
over a seascape-by-moonlight thing...thing is the bike is a Honda
Goldwing...
Also, this is the same bar that I once instagated the "Wine Incident".
This was a real ale and bikers pub, and although they had some white
wine in the fridge, they'd never served any. As is my won't I decided
I'd have some - the barmaid didn't know how much to charge, and had to
leave the bar unattented to go and find the owner, who was drinking in
another bar nearby - she came back and said he didn't know either, but
reckoned about Ł4 a bottle was ok. We bought about 10 bottles at that
price, and were very, very pissed. Good sport.
The last time I was there (August last year) the beggars appeared to
be better dressed than I was!
--
darsy
"He had an air of having wallowed, fully
dressed, all day on an unmade bed"
Mat Taberner
darsy wrote in message <36c46edd...@news.dircon.co.uk>...
<snip Bath stuff>
>
>The last time I was there (August last year) the beggars appeared to
>be better dressed than I was!
>
Geoff and I went off on one in Bath just before Christmas. We bought a
dictaphone and stood around the shopping centre at about the eighth pint,
posing as researchers for HTV. After a lengthy introduction, in which we
explained that we were working on a programme investigating the links
between socio-political standing and educational background with a specific
interest in communications and I.T., we said to them:
"So do you mind if we asked you a few quick questions?"
"Not at all, fire away"
"OK. Who do you hate most, the Pope, or coons?"
Without fail they just walked away, apart from one bloke, who said "The
Pope".
Mat
Mat Taberner
Bastard Bear wrote in message
<36C16B4E...@loadsabeersglobalnet.co.uk>...
>Mat Taberner wrote:
>>
>SNIP PSYCHO STORY
>>
>> We nearly got kicked out of the next pub for shaking and howling
>> hysterically...
>>
>> Mat
>
>Er ... Mat. I've had a re-think about popping down to see you on
>the 20th ... :-)
Lightweight...
Mat