pave colorado
roba...@student.tc.umn.edu
So I have been waiting for this newsgroup for some time.
As it is, Colorado is a beautiful place, and really fun to drive through.
(Nothing Climbs Hills Like Gasoline!(tm)) The trouble is, the 4wd roads, the
really interesting ones, are not entirely safe for my 2wd car.
Therefore, we must begin paving the really good mountains. Not with concrete,
but asphalt. Just pipe it on up there and let it spill down like hot
fudge. There! Now you can drive, skateboard, roller sled all over.
It would be so much more fun to bicycle down on a 45 degree asphalt slope
than to ski down a 45 degree snow slope, don't you think ? Road rash
is so _exciting_!
Philip K. Roban n0etx
roba...@student.tc.umn.edu
Tamara Stephas
> ... we must begin paving the really good mountains. Not with concrete,
>but asphalt. Just pipe it on up there and let it spill down like hot
>fudge.
This is not a new idea. In fact, on the West Coast we (ignore my address,
I'm a misplaced Oregonian) have been working on it for some time. Our
technique is called "Vulcanism," but unfortunately there are some serious
bugs to be worked out. Our volcanoes have a tendency toward explosion rather
than extrusion. Related work is being done on the Big Island of Hawaii and
in the Philippines. Although they are likely to have applicable results
first, you will have a hard time driving your 2WD there until intervening
stretches of the Pacific are converted to Interstate. Comments from the
Atlantis team on that section of the project?
- T. Stephas
Yamanari
>I thought of paving the earth, or certain sections of it, some years ago.
>So I have been waiting for this newsgroup for some time.
>
>As it is, Colorado is a beautiful place, and really fun to drive through.
>(Nothing Climbs Hills Like Gasoline!(tm)) The trouble is, the 4wd roads, the
>really interesting ones, are not entirely safe for my 2wd car.
>
>Therefore, we must begin paving the really good mountains. Not with concrete,
>but asphalt. Just pipe it on up there and let it spill down like hot
>fudge. There! Now you can drive, skateboard, roller sled all over.
No no no. First, you flatten the mountains. Then pave over
the nice, beautifully flat landscape.
Flatten--and THEN pave--the earth. We can use the mountain
rock to fill in canyons.
--
"The waste.. The waste sometimes brings tears to my eyes. Just the
thought that all of those animals are being put into garbage bags and
thrown in lakes or dumpsters when they could be gloves or shoe laces,
or feeding the homeless." (kill file suggestion: "/ :rsrodger/h :j")
Philip K Roban-1
How do you propose to have any fun without hills?
Thanks to Tamara for reminding me of the existence of vulcanism.
Sho' 'nuf, the problem of explosion remains to be solved, but even
these "failures" still amount to sloped, hard, rashy material.
It must be undertaken to polish the surfaces,
then I'm hitting the slopes.
At once!
Philip K. Roban
dan...@max.physics.sunysb.edu
>So I have been waiting for this newsgroup for some time.
Well, I don't want to be picked on for paving Colorado, per se.
But hey, if it's good for my Mustang (V-8, '67 Convertible), then
it's good for me!!!!
Danube
Matthew Belmonte
>Therefore, we must begin paving the really good mountains. Not with concrete,
>but asphalt. Just pipe it on up there and let it spill down like hot
>fudge. There! Now you can drive, skateboard, roller sled all over.
The first thing to be done, of course, is to remove all the voters of Colorado.
I say we send them to Mars like someone else in this newsgroup was discussing
recently. Having got rid of them, we can then proceed to the paving of their
territory. Then maybe in the middle of the resulting huge square of asphalt we
can paint a pink triangle, large enough to be visible from space, just to bug
them when they peer through their telescopes at their former home.
--
Matthew Belmonte mbel...@ucsd.edu
`The Bohemian Kingdom' - Risley Residential College for the Creative and
Performing Arts, Ithaca, New York
RSJ...@psuvm.psu.edu
obtaining really nasty velocities. As for removing the voters of Colorado,
well, I don't think that's really necessary. I'm sure the voters of Colorado
aren't much different from the voters anyplace else. We need to find a new
group to be singled out for genocide, perhaps the environmentalists or the
queers to start. Maybe we could tether them to the mountains as we pour the
hot asphalt over top of them... a monument to the achievements of man!
NEXROTH
Dimensional Dictator
PLEASE -- malicious replies ONLY!
Al Von Ruff
>>Therefore, we must begin paving the really good mountains. Not with concrete,
>>but asphalt. Just pipe it on up there and let it spill down like hot
>>fudge. There! Now you can drive, skateboard, roller sled all over.
>
>
> No no no. First, you flatten the mountains. Then pave over
> the nice, beautifully flat landscape.
>
> Flatten--and THEN pave--the earth. We can use the mountain
> rock to fill in canyons.
This is an inappropriate news group for such a remark. In the future
please post to alt.flatten.then.pave.the.earth.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Al von Ruff Motorola Microcomputer Division, Urbana Design Center
Voice: 217.384.8553 1101 East University Avenue, Urbana, IL 61801 USA
Internet: avon...@urbana.mcd.mot.com UUCPnet: uiucuxc!udc!avonruff
William Hmph! Johnson
>
>The first thing to be done, of course, is to remove all the voters of Colorado.
>I say we send them to Mars like someone else in this newsgroup was discussing
>recently. Having got rid of them, we can then proceed to the paving of their
>territory. Then maybe in the middle of the resulting huge square of asphalt we
>can paint a pink triangle, large enough to be visible from space, just to bug
>them when they peer through their telescopes at their former home.
Hey chummo! IF we are going resolve social woes (and of course..destroy the
Earth) we really should launch a few nukes and flatten New York. Aw to hell
with it, why don;t we turn everything from, lets say, Boston to Washington
into a nice flat glass parking lot?
This would resolve a few problems inherant with the new paved world order,
1. Eliminate most (remember the survivors are the lucky ones) licensed
drivers that live on the northeast coast of the United Sates. Plus a few
Cariboo in Canada. This would eliminate most traffic congestions, since
well people from the BosWash area would have no clue what to do with that
much space to drive in.
2. Free up 20-80ish million parking spaces in a couple of minutes.
3. Grind up enough raw material to pave a good chunk of the USA. Who
cares if it is too radiated?
4. Eliminate politaclly correct east coast dweebs from BITCHING and
MOANING about the political backwardness of this fine state I live in.
There is no room or time for "political correctness" in the new paved
world order. Right Matt Belmonte?
5. Those who are "lucky" enough to survive this rebuilding effort, will
most likely need new cars. And well that would put a boom to the auto
industry, since we will need new FAST cars for a paved world...but
especially them.
So hey lets pave the Earth and forget this petty PC crap about Coloradoans
passing Amendment 2. If you don;t like it, well PISS OFF, its our state
we will ruin it however we please. (and BTW I voted no on Amed. 2, twit)
-------------------------------------------|
| William "Wes" "Arrr!" "Golden Earring" | So You Will Come To Know...
| "Gener" "Sierra" "Mohican" "Mr. Kamikazi"| When The Bullet Hits The Bone.
| "Bite Me" "EVIL MOOSE" "Sentri" Johnson | --Golden Earring
-------------------------------------------|
Net Address: wljo...@nyx.cs.du.edu
Matthew Braun
>In article <1993Feb2.1...@wam.umd.edu> rsro...@wam.umd.edu (Yamanari) writes:
>> No no no. First, you flatten the mountains. Then pave over
>> the nice, beautifully flat landscape.
>> Flatten--and THEN pave--the earth. We can use the mountain
>> rock to fill in canyons.
>This is an inappropriate news group for such a remark. In the future
>please post to alt.flatten.then.pave.the.earth.
This is complete crap, Al. I suppose YOU can pave a 500 foot sheer rock
mountain. Such a wall *is* flat and made of earth, but virtually
unpaveable, using even the most modern of paving techniques. Those
"flatten-the-earth" people would be happy leving the rest of us inpavably
flat sheer plateaus. So, flattening the earth won't help...
But, *leveling* the earth--there's where the answer lies! Yamanari, you
want alt.level.then.pave.the.earth.
(Try to get out of Illinois a little more, Al. The whole world isn't the
paver's dream that cental Illinois is. You know, if not for the low water
table here, I'll bet there wouldn't be an acre of unpaved farmland for
miles!)
m@
+-mb...@urbana.mcd.mot.com-+--I watch the TV every night --------------------+
| Matt Braun -- Motorola, | I stay awake by satellite |
| Urbana, IL Design Centre | I hope and pray the nightmares |
+---------------------------+--- stay away today... ------------------[DD]--+
Chris G. Demetriou
>But, *leveling* the earth--there's where the answer lies! Yamanari, you
>want alt.level.then.pave.the.earth.
but how do you level something that isn't flat?
i guess we're gonna have to call in the guys from the flat earth
society...
<sigh> i somehow think they might appreciate the die-world idea...
chris
--
Chris G. Demetriou c...@cs.berkeley.edu
"Sometimes it is better to have twenty million instructions by
Friday than twenty million instructions per second." -- Wes Clark
Pete Ashdown
>This is complete crap, Al. I suppose YOU can pave a 500 foot sheer rock
>mountain. Such a wall *is* flat and made of earth, but virtually
>unpaveable, using even the most modern of paving techniques. Those
>"flatten-the-earth" people would be happy leving the rest of us inpavably
>flat sheer plateaus. So, flattening the earth won't help...
Do you suppose it is possible to pave the grand canyon by just building lots
of bridges over it? I mean, what you can't see won't hurt you, right? If we
build all the bridges over it, then lay over the asphalt thick, would it
matter if it is still running underneath?
Frankly, I feel that it would be much cooler if we advanced our paving
techniques to the point of being able to pave over *anything*. Seeing an
asphalt shape that resembles the statue of liberty would be hilarious, not to
mention the skating possibilities.
--
Brian has been amusing his friends by chewing on some plastic flashbulbs.
DISCLAIMER: My writings have NOTHING to do with my employer. Keep it that way.
Pete Ashdown pash...@slack.sim.es.com ...uunet!slack.sim.es.com!pashdown
tim clinkenpeel
>Do you suppose it is possible to pave the grand canyon by just building lots
>of bridges over it?
why bother? just fill it up with refuse and sewage, _then_ pave over it.
--
there is no religion when a man has good curry
-
tim clinkenpeel: aberrant analytical skeptical agnostic idealist.
-- i exclusively represent myself --
Al Von Ruff
>>This is an inappropriate news group for such a remark. In the future
>>please post to alt.flatten.then.pave.the.earth.
>
>This is complete crap, Al. I suppose YOU can pave a 500 foot sheer rock
>mountain. Such a wall *is* flat and made of earth, but virtually
>unpaveable, using even the most modern of paving techniques.
The Japanese have already done this. Visit the north face of Mt. Fuji sometime.
Haven't you ever wondered why Mt. Fuji has such a smooth appearance?
Not only does paving give a mountain a very pleasing asthetic look, but
it also reduces the number of eruptions in active volcanoes. In other words -
it saves lives. The Japanese are at least 3 to 5 years ahead of us in advanced
paving techniques; I believe that they filed the patent for asphalt with high
rock adhesion in 1988. Rumuor has it that they have developed a technique
which allows paving on sea water!
Are you saying that Americans are incapable of developing this kind of
advanced technology? I believe that by the year 1999, America could put
a man on the moon - and pave it.
>Those "flatten-the-earth" people would be happy leving the rest of us inpavably
>flat sheer plateaus. So, flattening the earth won't help...
I'll say. Any moron knows that the Earth is spherical. Flattening it into the
shape of a coin would prove to be extremely difficult. And how would we pave
the edge?
>But, *leveling* the earth--there's where the answer lies! Yamanari, you
>want alt.level.then.pave.the.earth.
I couldn't think of anything more disasterous. Okay - let's say that you COULD
level the Earth. You fill in the Grand Canyon; pump all the sea water into outer
space; knock down the mountain ranges and fill in the empty ocean basins; and then
pave the whole thing (Okay, okay - I admit that this part WOULD be fun). Now you
have a black, frictionless ball to live on. Any of the following can now happen:
1) The extremely low albedo (due to low surface reflectivity) causes the Earth's
surface temperature to rise to 400 degrees F, burning off the atmosphere.
2) Without mountains, hills, and other bumps, everything begins to slowly slide
toward the South Pole. If you were to trip at the North Pole, the resulting
fall would surely be fatal.
3) The loss of surface friction causes the Earth to spin faster on its axis,
whipping its inhabitants out into space.
4) An advanced extraterestrial civilization takes us for a Black Hole and
mistakenly begins using us for interdimensional quantum mechanical experiments.
So you see, while we might be happy on such a flat, paved world, ultimately
we would die.
Matthew Braun
>In article <1993Feb5.0...@urbana.mcd.mot.com> mbr...@urbana.mcd.mot.com (Matthew Braun) writes:
>>This is complete crap, Al. I suppose YOU can pave a 500 foot sheer rock
>>mountain. Such a wall *is* flat and made of earth, but virtually
>>unpaveable, using even the most modern of paving techniques.
>The Japanese have already done this. Visit the north face of Mt. Fuji
>sometime. Haven't you ever wondered why Mt. Fuji has such a smooth
>appearance? Not only does paving give a mountain a very pleasing asthetic
>look, but it also reduces the number of eruptions in active volcanoes. In
>other words - it saves lives.
Yeah, but have you ever tried to park on it? Some of those foreign cars
don't weigh enough to stick to the paved side of a small hillock, much less
Mount Fuji. I ask you, how can one contemplate the majestic, yet elegant
beauty of a snow flake as it softly alights on the delicate petals of the
snow lily and achieve any semblance of universal harmony while chasing your
rice burner down the side of Mount Fuji, because it wouldn't stick to the
*paved* rock face where you parked it? Answer that one, me bucko!!!
If we leave those cliffsides up there, though, and don't *level* them, soon
we'll have kids acting like Wile E. Coyote, and painting false tunnel
entrances on the cliffsides, and causing accidents all over the place!!!
One way or another, though, we've gotta pave them. No doubt.
> The Japanese are at least 3 to 5 years ahead of us in advanced paving
>techniques; I believe that they filed the patent for asphalt with high rock
>adhesion in 1988. Rumuor has it that they have developed a technique which
>allows paving on sea water!
This I can't deny. Once one of the world leaders in paving technology,
this is just another sad example of where America has fallen behind her
foreign counterparts. Sadly, it's cheaper for us to export the raw paving
materials to Japan, have them mix and mold paved segments, and then import
the pavement back into this country for later laying. Where will it end?
>Are you saying that Americans are incapable of developing this kind of
>advanced technology? I believe that by the year 1999, America could put
>a man on the moon - and pave it.
>>Those "flatten-the-earth" people would be happy leving the rest of us
>>inpavably flat sheer plateaus. So, flattening the earth won't help...
>I'll say. Any moron knows that the Earth is spherical. Flattening it into
>the shape of a coin would prove to be extremely difficult. And how would
>we pave the edge?
Who said anything about a "coin-shaped" mass? Maybe I'm thinking ringworld.
Now, the earth is on average 93x10**6 miles away from the sun. Thus, the
total distance travelled in one orbit is 2*PI*(93x10**6), or 585x10**8 miles
(about a half-a-billion miles). Assuming an earth radius of approximately
3950 miles, we have 4/3*PI*(3.95x10**3)**3, or 258x10**9--258 billion cubic
miles of earth to work with! Now, granted, there wouldn't be sufficient
cohesion to hold it all together, but that's where paving comes in! With
sufficient paving technology, we *could* pave everything together, or better
yet, pave ourselves a hollow tube around the sun, and seal the atmosphere
in!
>>But, *leveling* the earth--there's where the answer lies! Yamanari, you
>>want alt.level.then.pave.the.earth.
>I couldn't think of anything more disasterous. Okay - let's say that you
>COULD level the Earth. ... Now you have a black, frictionless ball to
>live on. Any of the following can now happen:
Not necessarily. We could pave "traction groves" onto the surface. No
problem at all. You're one of those ``Drive Now--Pave Later" type of
people, I'll bet.
Have you ever noticed when driving over those grooves, that they make your
tires vibrate at a certain frequency, producing a low hum throughout your
car? With appropriate grooving in the pavment, does anyone know if it would
be possible to arrange the grooves, making them change frequencies, so that
your car tires would vibrate, and say words like, "Slooooow Dooowwwwn" if
you drive too fast? (Driving too fast decreases pavement's effective
lifespan, after all.) I'm just wondering.
Anyway, you're confusing leveling the planet with flattening it. I want it
level, not flat. But to address your silly arguments:
>1) The extremely low albedo (due to low surface reflectivity) causes the
>Earth's surface temperature to rise to 400 degrees F, burning off the
>atmosphere.
You must be crazy, if you think I'd pave this planet solid black.
Obviously, we need to paint lane lines, and parking spaces!!! And we don't
have to pave with blacktop or asphalt. Concrete mixtures span the entire
chromatic spectrum from black to white. For crying out loud, use some
imagination!
>2) Without mountains, hills, and other bumps, everything begins to slowly
>slide toward the South Pole. If you were to trip at the North Pole, the
>resulting fall would surely be fatal.
So we put up a couple of guard rails. Problem solved. Next.
>3) The loss of surface friction causes the Earth to spin faster on its
>axis, whipping its inhabitants out into space.
What, you have something against space travel? How do you propose we pave
the universe? By remote control? But, I digress--I mean, heh-heh, this
isn't alt.pave.the.universe. :-) However, If we don't take the bull by the
horns, and pave this planet soon, it may be too late for us all...
>4) An advanced extraterestrial civilization takes us for a Black Hole and
>mistakenly begins using us for interdimensional quantum mechanical
>experiments.
Hey, they start experimenting, I say we pave their collective butts!
>So you see, while we might be happy on such a flat, paved world,
>ultimately we would die.
Look, I know my days are numbered, and nobody lives forever...but...but I
plan to go out showing this whole damn planet just how much I love it...by
PAVING as much as I possibly can!!! (I'm getting all tearful now, so I'd
better close.)
Jason John Seaver
>I couldn't think of anything more disasterous. Okay - let's say that you COULD
>level the Earth. You fill in the Grand Canyon; pump all the sea water into
>outer space; knock down the mountain ranges and fill in the empty ocean
>basins; and then pave the whole thing (Okay, okay - I admit that this part
>WOULD be fun). Now you have a black, frictionless ball to live on. Any of the
>following can now happen:
>
>1) The extremely low albedo (due to low surface reflectivity) causes the
> Earth's surface temperature to rise to 400 degrees F, burning off the
> atmosphere.
>
>2) Without mountains, hills, and other bumps, everything begins to slowly
> slide toward the South Pole. If you were to trip at the North Pole, the
> resulting fall would surely be fatal.
>
>3) The loss of surface friction causes the Earth to spin faster on its axis,
> whipping its inhabitants out into space.
>
>4) An advanced extraterestrial civilization takes us for a Black Hole and
> mistakenly begins using us for interdimensional quantum mechanical
> experiments.
>
>So you see, while we might be happy on such a flat, paved world, ultimately
>we would die.
What's your point?
Matthew Belmonte
>As for removing the voters of Colorado,
>well, I don't think that's really necessary. I'm sure the voters of Colorado
>aren't much different from the voters anyplace else. We need to find a new
>group to be singled out for genocide, perhaps the environmentalists or the
>queers to start. Maybe we could tether them to the mountains as we pour the
>hot asphalt over top of them... a monument to the achievements of man!
>
> NEXROTH
> Dimensional Dictator
>
>
>PLEASE -- malicious replies ONLY!
Although alt.destroy.the.earth is usually a discussion in jest, this posting
seems to violate that spirit. If it's a joke it's in very poor taste, because
it perpetuates homophobia. If "NEXROTH" here is serious, then perhaps (s)he
should consider moving to Colorado: seems (s)he'd find a lot of political
company there.
Since I respect the right to freedom of speech and prefer not act like an
ostrich with my head in the sand, I'm not going to say that this shouldn't have
been posted. I am now cross-posting it to soc.bi, though, since I think that
NEXROTH is just asking for a dose of the alternate, non-prejudicial viewpoint.
To followers of alt.destroy.the.earth - sorry to put this little break in the
fun, but I couldn't let this attitude go by without a response.
David Carter
>car? With appropriate grooving in the pavment, does anyone know if it would
>be possible to arrange the grooves, making them change frequencies, so that
>your car tires would vibrate, and say words like, "Slooooow Dooowwwwn" if
>you drive too fast? (Driving too fast decreases pavement's effective
>lifespan, after all.) I'm just wondering.
Perfectly possible. The road would be stamped with a giant die the
same way an LP record is pressed. Enlarge a single record groove,
make its V-shape shallower, and we're there! I see no problem with
stereo sound: Left wheels pick up left channel, etc... and even
Sensurround by exaggerating the amplitude a bit. This could be used
to announce all warning signs and upcoming exits audibly for those
near-blind people who insist they don't need glasses. In some distant
future, maybe the totally sightless will be able to pass their
drivers test as well! One additional thought: in Canada we'd want
seperate French and English speaking lanes
--
David Carter Well I'll Be Greased And Fried!!!!!!
dac...@netcom.com - some old nobody
jo...@yang.earlham.edu
>
> I'll say. Any moron knows that the Earth is spherical. Flattening it into the
> shape of a coin would prove to be extremely difficult. And how would we pave
> the edge?
>
It's doubters like you that make a difficult job harder still. After all,
if we could build the Colossus of Rhodes... the Great Wall of China... the
Pyramids... the Sphynx... Pee Wee's Playhouse... The task may be hard,
but we must persevere! The road is rough-- SO LET'S PAVE IT!
[minor physical difficulties with continued existance on our dearly
beloved dream "Coin World" deleted]
> So you see, while we might be happy on such a flat, paved world, ultimately
> we would die.
>
So? Chickening out? What's the point of destroying the earth if you're
NOT willing to undergo mass death and destruction?
What do you MEAN, cross-posted to alt.save.the.earth?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
--Josh
Ciaran McHale
>In article <93035.121...@psuvm.psu.edu> RSJ...@psuvm.psu.edu writes:
>>
>[...] I am now cross-posting it to soc.bi, though, since I think that
>NEXROTH is just asking for a dose of the alternate, non-prejudicial viewpoint.
Thanks, but no thanks. The soc.bi and soc.motss newsgroups are *not*
suitable places for exchanging flames on whether any particular type of
sexuality if "evil", "perverse" etc.
Followups directed to alt.flame.
Ciaran.
--
---- Ciaran McHale (cjmc...@dsg.cs.tcd.ie)
\bi/ Department of Computer Science, Trinity College, Dublin 2, Ireland.
\/ Telephone: +353-1-7021539 FAX: +353-1-6772204
Henry Leong
quicker. It's those heavy trucks you see all the time with those 40-50 ton
loads. If you got rid of all the trucks, the roads would last much longer.
Course the bridges would still fall down at about the same rate.
Tob Wood
incomplete and doesn't have the adhesion quality I'm looking for,
but it does seem to be a tactile neurotoxin that paralyzes small
mammals. The advantage to this is that if a hedgehog tries to run
across the road (or parking lot, or Colorado etc...) it will cross
one of these lines, become paralyzed, and thus making an easier,
non-moving target for motorists.
Now, some people might complain that this paint would take all the
sport out of this but I disagree. I find that knowing the animal
knows it's about to become road pizza gives me great satisfaction.
However, the paint doesn't work on armadillos or turtles and it takes
about 56 hours to dry. I need some collaboration from a polymer
chemist, so if anyone can help, you know where to find me.
Tob
P.S. I guess we really don't need to paralyze turtles now do we?
^^^^^^^
Bryce Hamm
now we need alt.pave.the.oceans.and.lakes
------------------------------------------------------------------
br...@sdf.lonestar.org (baphomet)
------------------------------------------------------------------
Adam Shelly
>>I couldn't think of anything more disasterous. Okay - let's say that you
>>outer space; knock down the mountain ranges and fill in the empty ocean
>>basins; and then pave the whole thing (Okay, okay - I admit that this part
>>WOULD be fun). Now you have a black, frictionless ball to live on. Any of the
I can't believe everyone let this slide... Since when is asphalt frictionless?
Our cars would spin their wheels forever if it was.
>>2) Without mountains, hills, and other bumps, everything begins to slowly
>> slide toward the South Pole. If you were to trip at the North Pole, the
>> resulting fall would surely be fatal.
Last I checked, Gravity pulls things toward the center of the earth,
not the South Pole.
>>3) The loss of surface friction causes the Earth to spin faster on its axis,
>> whipping its inhabitants out into space.
>>
You need an accelerating force to cause an faster spin. This would
only happen if we lined all our cars up facing east and step on the
gas (or we could face west, and stop the rotation entirely.)
>>4) An advanced extraterestrial civilization takes us for a Black Hole and
>> mistakenly begins using us for interdimensional quantum mechanical
>> experiments.
>>
What's so bad about alien experiments?
But I don't think a perfectly flat (speherical) earth is the right
solution. I like terrain. I just think we should do like the highway
engineers and smooth out the extremes: shave off the tops of the mountains
and use the earth to lessen the grades. Then places like Colorado would
have gently rolling hills rather than impassable walls of granite. This is
much better for the drivers.
-Banzaii
"Wherever you go, there you are."
.
My Gun Is Quick
roba...@student.tc.umn.edu retched up these words:
>As it is, Colorado is a beautiful place, and really fun to drive through.
>(Nothing Climbs Hills Like Gasoline!(tm)) The trouble is, the 4wd roads, the
>really interesting ones, are not entirely safe for my 2wd car.
>
>Therefore, we must begin paving the really good mountains. Not with concrete,
>but asphalt. Just pipe it on up there and let it spill down like hot
>fudge. There! Now you can drive, skateboard, roller sled all over.
I'm with you, however are you forgetting all that messy snow? What
this plan needs is heating coils embedded in the asphalt powered by
numerous nuclear power plants.
traveller
>I'm working on a special formula paint for the lines. So far, it's
>incomplete and doesn't have the adhesion quality I'm looking for,
>but it does seem to be a tactile neurotoxin that paralyzes small
>mammals. The advantage to this is that if a hedgehog tries to run
>across the road (or parking lot, or Colorado etc...) it will cross
>one of these lines, become paralyzed, and thus making an easier,
>non-moving target for motorists.
>
>Now, some people might complain that this paint would take all the
>sport out of this but I disagree. I find that knowing the animal
>knows it's about to become road pizza gives me great satisfaction.
>
the end is a priceless gem.
>However, the paint doesn't work on armadillos or turtles and it takes
>about 56 hours to dry. I need some collaboration from a polymer
>chemist, so if anyone can help, you know where to find me.
>
> Tob
>
>P.S. I guess we really don't need to paralyze turtles now do we?
> ^^^^^^^
actually, we need to do something to stop turtles from coming onto the road
in the first place. if you hit a good sized turtle with your tire, you stand
a pretty good chance of having a blow-out, losing control of the car, or
throwing the wheel altogether. <well, barring the loss of the tire, most manly
men shouldn't lose control of the car, but there are a lot of bad drivers out
there, and it is for their benefit that i mention this.> and if you hit the
turtle with the undercarriage of the car, it can do some pretty nasty things
to your oil pan, etc.. although, if you do it just right and manage to grind
the turtle with the drive train of say a pick up truck, it does make a
wonderfully satisfying noise..
>
trav
"one planet, one people, one parking lot."
--
tr...@wixer.cactus.org | In Austin, Tx:
The Traveller | The city that made being a slacker an
| acceptable alternative lifestyle.
Bite me! -- It's not just a rude expression, it's a way of life!
Russell W. Sawyer
>Overcome by nausea on 2 Feb 93 17:01:43 GMT,
[stuff deleted]
>
>I'm with you, however are you forgetting all that messy snow? What
>this plan needs is heating coils embedded in the asphalt powered by
>numerous nuclear power plants.
Nah, use coal plants -- you can build them faster.
travis jensen
>Tis true, a solution for turtles must be found. All soup aside, those
>little tertiary terrapins leave a lot to be desired. Somebody back me
>up here. Mayhaps we could increase interest in tortiseshell buttons?
Better idea: doesn't everybody think that cobblestones are neat?
We could make a little variation in the pavement by using turtles,
neatly super-glued together, as 'cobblestone' pavement.
Travis A. Jensen "Who needs a life if you have
Brain Dead Student lots of money? Who needs money
Overworked Employee if you have no life?"
Ugggghhhh --T. Jensen (relating his life)
Tob Wood
little tertiary terrapins leave a lot to be desired. Somebody back me
up here. Mayhaps we could increase interest in tortiseshell buttons?
Tob
Robert Reid
>Tob
Perhaps we could convince the transportation authority to use them
for city titties; you know, those really big yellow or white lane
markers that are supposed to prevent you from driving where you
really want to.
The Human Mi-Go
Paint the big'uns light gray and use as traffic islands.
Paint medium sized ones orange and use as traffic cones.
Paint little'uns silver and embed in paving as road studs.
Problem solved - I mean, we'll need a lot of these things!
--
bob_c...@mentorg.com "More dynamite!" - Theron Marks
Eugene N. Miya
Nonsense. In the words of T.E. Lawrence:
No prisoners.
--eugene miya, NASA Ames Research Center, eug...@orville.nas.nasa.gov
Resident Cynic, Rock of Ages Home for Retired Hackers
{uunet,mailrus,other gateways}!ames!eugene
Second Favorite email message: Returned mail: Cannot send message for 3 days
A Ref: Mathematics and Plausible Reasoning, vol. 1, G. Polya
Tob Wood
Aaron D. Mandelbaum
I think if we go to all the trouble of paving over everything we
should use concrete, or at least paint all the pavement white.
White pavement would reflect more sunlight, and if the entire
planet was painted white enough sunlight would be reflected to
turn the earth into an ice-covered, lifeless ball.
My favorite idea for destroying the Earth is still stopping its
rotation, though. All you'd have to do is make a huge flywheel
(millions of tons, at least) at the notrth pole and float it on
superconductor magnets so there wouldn't be any friction. Put it
in a giant vacuum chamber to be even better. Then you just spin
it faster and faster in the same direction the Earth rotates,
using all kinds of coal and oil burning power plants built nearby
for the purpose, and eventually, because of conservation of
angular momentum, the Earth would stop rotating. With one side
facing the sun, the air on the other side would liquify while the
sun-side air would boil away, leaving something like Mercury.
It would be hard for any life to evolve, since in the course of
a year the planet would go from extremes of hot to cold and back...
--