-- From the Recycling Bin -- Part 2/10
Jose Thekkumthala
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- FROM THE RECYCLING BIN -- Part 2/10 -
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Hi Folks,
Here we are again. This is the second in a series of articles
written in the good old days of ack, when men were men and women were
women. Walking down the memory lane adorned with yellow brick walls,
I see ack has transformed into a different entity altogether.
What happened to our most distinguished writer Paul Chemmannoor alias
Icarus? I sure do miss his writings. Talking about prominent
writing, whatever happened to James Joseph whose style of writing
was simple, unassuming and yet pleasantly captivating?
It is hard to keep away from ack for long time. There is something
that keeps on drawing us back to the ackland. Why else would
we bypass a number of important priorities to parttake in the continuously
evolving ack arena?
"To ack or not to ack" that is not the question. The Hamlet-like indecision
was beyond our realm of existence in the old days of ack. We knew
"To ack is the answer" and there was no question about it.
Now, turning to the question from Sateesh Pillai of Caltech as to what
I was up to all these days, I would say I was meditating on the all-important
question of "who am I?". I did not get a satisfactory answer from my
sunmistress(I fondly call my sun workstation as my sunmistress)when I
typed in whoami. This search took me through a roller coaster ride of
transcendental meditation. I am still searching for the answer. For the
time-being, I know who I am not.
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who am I? | Narcissus, that is not me!
|
Folks, let us see how ParasuRaman made history on that day of days when he
decided to create Kerala. Just keep reading...
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+ THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING AXE +
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+ by Jose Thekkumthala +
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If ParasuRaman did not stand on the Western Ghats and throw
his historic axe into the Arabian Sea, all we ack-readers
and ack-writers would be swimming in the Arabian Sea
today -- not as human beings, but as fish.
As we know, ParasuRaman raised land from the sea thereby creating
Kerala. Folks, story does not end there!
Famous historians from History Department of the Vayanad University
along with anthropologists from the University of Sahara Desert
decided to investigate this historic landmark further. They went
to two locations of the coastal Kerala -- Kovalam Beach and
Cherthala Beach -- and dived to the bottom of the Arabian Sea
in search of the famous axe.
Now, don't forget that the axe was never spotted after ParasuRaman
threw it over the sea. Its location remained a mystery.
At long last, Vayanad historians decided to take some solid steps
in unraveling this intriguing mystery.
These dedicated historians had earlier searched for the axe far and wide,
including the Museum of Natural History in New York City, but their
effort was of no avail, except one of them got mugged in the New York
subway.
--------- - oo - o - oo - o - oo - o - oo - o - -----------------
At this point in the narration of this historic event, I have to
reluctantly take a digression. This is to narrate the interesting
episode of the subway mugging of our Vayanad historian. It seems,
gathering from the accounts in the New York Times, that this mugger
was a kind-hearted person. He did not hurt our historian friend.
However, he was disappointed in getting only Indian Rupees from our
poor friend; not a single U.S. (stands for Uncle Sam) dollar! It
seems that he promptly returned all those inflated rupees. But then,
that is not the end of the episode! Our poor researcher from Vayanad
later on discovered that he was missing some important documents on the
ancient Kerala History! Putting all the facts together, anthropologist
colleague from Sahara Desert University concluded that the
mugger was none other than an educated Malayalee!! Who else
would be interested in the ancient Kerala history?
(If any of you ackers is walking around with the historic document,
I would like to urge him to return it, or at least post it in
alt.culture.vayanad).
Now, back to our story.
--------- - oo - o - oo - o - oo - o - oo - o - -----------------
Recent findings by our hard-working historians remade history, as
you probably read in the latest edition of The Illustrated Weekly
of Vayanad. I quote the following excerpts from the said weekly:
------------------------- CUT HERE --------------------------
From " The Illustrated Weekly of Vayanad"
Historians from Vayanad University recently unraveled the
mystery surrounding the missing axe. The axe, purportedly
still lying in the seabed off the Kerala coast, was nowhere
to be found when they recently dived to the bottom of the
sea. Instead, they found evidence to prove that the axe was
bounced off to another destination further downstream. This
could be caused only by a supernatural force, thereby
reinforcing the belief that it was actually thrown by God
himself. The fact that ParasuRaman is one of the avathars
of MahaVishnu conclusively proved that he is the person who
did the historic throwing. The said historians in fact
discovered the axe downstream, retrieved it from the seabed
and have preserved it in the "Museum of Naxalite Studies"
of Kerala University. It is not clear why they decided
to keep the axe in that museum. The speculation is that
a potential future Naxalite would want to reuse the
historic axe.
------------------------- AXE HERE --------------------------
I was quite intrigued by this report as many of you obviously are.
The fact that there was no apparent explanation on what happened to
the land between the axe's first landing and the second landing
aroused my curiosity even further. How come there is no land beyond
the coastal Kerala? After all, the axe is supposed to raise land from
the part of the sea it flew over. If, in fact, there was some sort of
a land created by the second lap of the axe, whatever happened to it?
Questions, questions!
Mystified though I was with this set of affairs, I did not give
up my plan to investigate this further. I discussed this concern of
mine in detail with a Vayanad researcher, but came up with no
speculation, leave alone a plausible explanation.
--------- - oo - o - oo - o - oo - o - oo - o - -----------------
I went to the Mother of all investigators, none other than Sherlock
Holmes himself. It was a chilly morning in No.221B Baker street in
London of the good old England. Mrs. Hudson ushered me in. Holmes
was relaxing with a cigar. Both him and Dr.Watson were positioned
on both sides of the fire.
They listened to my account of the incidents with utmost attention.
Holmes did not take his eyes off the fire while I was doing the
narration. He seemingly did not know when I finished with my narration,
for he kept on sitting there staring at the fire for a long, long time.
But a glimmer that emanated from his eyes revealed that he had a
solution or at least a way to find the solution.
This was the time when Holmes had just solved a mystery involving the
aborigines in the Andaman islands. So naturally, he was interested
in listening to my account, considering the proximity of Kerala
to the said island. He already had a vast collection of books on Kerala
history. I gave him the said issue of the Vayanad weekly which I had
dutifully carried with me. He asked me to meet him at his residence
exactly one week later.
What he had to tell me next week was as melodramatic as it was
interesting. I was proud to be the first Keralite to listen to his
account of what happened on that historic day when ParasuRaman
threw his axe from the Western Ghats. And I am happy to share that
information with my dear ack-readers.
Here is a gist of his surmise on the entire set of events that
marked the beginning of Kerala:
--------- - oo - o - oo - o - oo - o - oo - o - -----------------
Sherlock Holmes: ParasuRaman is the father of all Naxalites, or
should I say mother of all Naxalites in you-know-who's
language. He chopped off the sea, setting an example to the
present-day Naxalites who are dutifully imitating their
leader by chopping off the human heads. The strong link
between the two would explain why there is a preponderance
of Naxalites in Kerala.
He continued:
Holmes: Now the question of the missing land. My investigation reveals
that there was indeed a land beyond the current Kerala coast
and the final destination of the axe. This land was in the
form of a huge rocky boulder. It was nothing but an eyesore.
It was totally out of place, considering the supernatural
beauty of Kerala. It just did not belong near the Western Ghats!
ParasuRaman quickly disposed of the boulder. He leased a
jumbo-jet from the Afghanisthan Airlines and transported the
gigantic boulder to an area southwest of the great Midwest
of the United States of America. With the help of the native
Indians there, he was able to position that boulder in Colorado
and named that location "Boulder", appropriately enough.
Well, the great Rocky Mountains lost their beauty forever,
but then that was not ParasuRaman's problem. He wanted to
preserve the beauty of the Western Ghats more than anything else.
I was curious to know how he came to this amazing discovery and wanted
to know the source of his information, if any. I wanted to know if this
narration was purely a figment of his imagination.
Holmes: Far from it, my dear lad, far from it! There are three contributing
factors that prove this theory beyond a shadow of doubt. The fact
that there is a huge dip in the seabed near the Kerala coast
revealed the presence of a boulder structure that was lying there
once upon a time. This discovery solved the first piece of the
puzzle. There remained two other puzzles.
He refilled his cigar and sent a puff of smoke towards Dr. Watson. The good
surgeon had earlier determined that the cigar smoking was dangerous to
Holmes' health and had advised him accordingly. But he would have nothing
of that advice. The doctor went towards the window, opened it wide, letting
in some fresh air. Once relaxed, the detective continued.
Holmes: The second puzzle centred around the possibility of ParasuRaman
having rented a jumbo-jet from the Afghan Airlines. I sent Dr. Watson
to check the database of the said airlines to see if they had
any dealings with a certain ParasuRaman around the time Kerala
was formed. His findings, unfortunately, were discouraging.
There was no record of that in their database. This was a set-back.
But you know, my techniques. I never give up. On my advice, Dr. Watson
went to the Kabul public library and checked "Kabul Times"
newspaper dating back to Kerala's origin. Sure enough, there was
an interesting accord described therein on how the airlines first
refused to lease the plane, but retraced their step upon hearing about
his dangerous weapon. He was able to rent the plane after all!
This lucid description had all the makings of a detective story, as it should
naturally be. Both me and Dr.Watson were listening intensely to the famous
detective. Mrs. Hudson came in and refilled the cups with the famous English
Tea. We sipped the rejuvenating juice.
Some more cloud of smoke towards the good doctor. The chain-smoker continued:
Holmes: Now, we come to the most important piece of the puzzle. If that
puzzle could not be solved, then all the efforts we put in
together would have been futile. My reputation would have been at
stake. Sir ARTHUR CONAN the BARBARIAN DOYLE would not have
written about me anymore if I failed this third important test.
The question is how to prove that ParasuRaman indeed came to
Colorado. To prove this was almost a superhuman task. I wanted
to conduct the investigation myself. Therefore I flew to Colorado
by British Airways. My mission was to prove the impossible.
I talked to the chief of Indians in Colorado, and, as good-luck
would have it, there certainly was evidence proving the bondage
between ParasuRaman and the native Indians. There is reference
to him in their folklore. There is an account of an Eastern God
having come to their land and having drastically changed their
landscape. Their mythology says that that God came flying like
an eagle, an obvious reference to the Afghan Airlines.
I was so deeply absorbed in this extraordinarily interesting piece of
narration that I went into a trance. Dr. Watson had to come and shake me
awake from my trance.
He also mentioned to me that outside the National Airport in Boulder
ParasuRaman's footsteps are still imprinted on the ground. These
imprints perfectly match the imprints he left on the western
Ghats, an additional proof that ParasuRaman indeed came to
Colorado.
The native Indians have preserved those imprints outside the airport and worship
them on all full-moon nights.
--------- - oo - o - oo - o - oo - o - oo - o - -----------------
Njan and Icarus, I hear that you both live in Boulder. Is there any truth
in this story? Is Boulder too ugly-looking to stay in the Indian
subcontinent? Considering that Boulder is the twin-sister of Kerala,
is there anything resembling Kerala in Boulder? At least, is the weather
as hot as it is in Kerala? Is that why the cool religion
is embraced there -- to offset the heatwaves? Is Icarus the promised
AntiChrist preparing us for the impending ice age
that is probably characteristic of the KaliYuga that we are in?
Answers, answers, where are you?
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jose email: jo...@csd.uwo.ca
Dept. of Computer Science
Univ. of Western Ontario
CANADA
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HONKY TONK MAN.
Fine job on that Parasuraman axe issue...quite an intriguing issue HA!!
However i would rather that Sherlock Holmes be the Father of Investigators...
noentheless keep up the works...
Incidentally, folks in ACK I am a pattar from Bombay..with my native place
being the village of Cherpalcheri..in PGT district. I used to visit Kerala
frequently. I used to go around a heluvalot. But the most amazing and breath
taking sight.....was......a fisherman catching a baby shark in his net which he
was casting into the sea standing on the beach...can u believe it!!!!
This was ....well how do i describe it......
here goes...
i believe they are known as chinese fishing nets...u know those which
have several huge boulders hanging from ropes... the weight of which lifts
the nets from the sea... well this was on the island of Kochi..whenever I went to
kerala i used to make my pilgrimage to this ethereal island. I would visit the beach
check out the catch in each net..visit the church where Vasco da gama was first buried
and then return to EKM. However getting back to the fisherman, i wonder how
in the world could someone ever catch a baby shark just from the beach (which
in all probability would't have gone any farther than 30 metres.).
I wonder if those marble (goti) soda bottles are still sold in shops.
Back in Cherpalcheri we(the grandchildren) used to relish the nai-roast for a rupee..
Those were great times.....
Just wondering...
Where in the world is Paul Chemannoor. it would nice if this Salman Rushdie
of sorts(for his hiding away) would to the scene ACK....
VENKY......