-- From The Recycling Bin: Part 9/10 --
Jose Thekkumthala
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- FROM THE RECYCLING BIN -- Part 9/10 -
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It is not very often that a series deemed to have been dead and buried
makes an attempt at resurrection. Well folks, here is such an unusual
event!
The series entitled "From the Recycling Bin" is dying for a
second life. For those of us who care to remember, this series was
born sometime last year and took an early retirement for reasons that may
not be of interest to anybody.
Like the proverbial Phoenix, this series is picking itself up from
the ashes of death hoping for a second lease on life!
Therefore, for whatever it is worth and for whoever that may care,
here we go (again!)
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+ The Origin of Kerala Civilization +
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+ by Jose Thekkumthala +
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The most authentic theory on the origin of Kerala civilization is attributed
to Charles Darwin who spent a sabbattical posthumously at the University of
Vayanad.
When Charles Darwin, father of the Theory of Evolution died, the resident-God
in Heaven refused to let him in. God, in his infinite wisdom, had earlier
planned that Darwin become a creationist, but he disappointed the
creator by becoming an evolutionist. This infuriated God and He transformed
him into a frog instantly as soon as he arrived at the footsteps of Heaven.
He was asked to return to earth to pay penance for his sins.
The frog-prince Charles reluctantly croaked and decided to spend his
sabbatical at the Dept. of Anthropology of Vayanad University. The chair-frog of
the Dept. gave him all the resources that he could muster to make his stay as
pleasant as possible.
You might be unaware of this, but the Anthropology Dept. of Vayanad University
is staffed by a bevy of famous misfits. The Department is chaired by an
intellectual who erred on a critical theory of Keralasaur (maternal uncle of Dinosaur,
who predominantly lived in Trivandrum, occasionally visited Trichur and never set
foot in Vayanad). Contrary to the widely believed theory that Keralasaur is the
ancestor of Dinosaur, he propounded a theory in which Keralasaur was deemed to be a
predecessor to Dino. This critical mistake made him eligible to chair the famous Dept.
His task was to rewrite his theory. Each and every member of the faculty is on
a long-term appointment to complete the task of rewriting his/her doctoral thesis.
No wonder Darwin chose the said Dept. to be part of in rewriting his theory of evolution.
Charles' task was to convert himself into a creationist.
The famous scientist succeeded partially in that task; he became a
creationist-evolutionist! He could not become a total creationist; old
habits are hard to die! He added a flavor of evolutionism to creationism
and propounded a theory --still kept in the museum of Anthropology at the
Vayanad University-- that involves the origin of Kerala. Hence our interest
in his new theory.
Here are the salient aspects of the famous theory:
In the beginning there was nothing except void. Then God created Western
Ghats. This is the very first mountain range in the world. Not even the mighty
Himalaya was there, leave alone the Alps, the Atlas and the Rockies.
Western Ghats became lonely in no time. God presented the mountain with a playmate.
Her name is Arabian Sea. The Western Ghats acted sentinel to the Arabian sea that
spanned the entire world. God complimented himself for creating this pair of sublime
beauty. He had created them in his own image!
Heavens filled with joy that accompanied the union of the
mountain and sea. But this happiness was soon to be short-lived.
Soon a shadow of gloom fell on the earth. They were lonely without a baby. The pair
wanted desperately to have a baby!
Soon that wish was granted. God incarnated as ParasuRaman
and soon Kerala was born as a daughter to the Western Ghats and the Arabian Sea.
This union of Western Ghats, Arabian Sea and Kerala marks the beginning of
civilization in the world. Kerala civilization precedes any other civilization
on the face of the earth.
A number of events that accompanied the origin of Kerala are chronicled in
frog-Charles' book. These are, in fact, reminiscent of the very rapid
transformations that the primordial soup of matter and energy underwent
just after the famous Big-Bang. Ask your friendly neighbourhood physicist
for details.
ParasuRaman threw his famous axe into the Arabian Sea and Kerala was born.
Malayalee was born in a matter of a billionth of a second, riding through a
ladder of rapid metamorphosis that involved fish, turtle, boar and sphinx.
Malayalee comes next. Fish begot turtle who begot boar who begot sphinx who
begot Malayalee!
Malayalee is nothing but the fifth incarnation of MahaVishnu.
He was created in the image of God. The common ancestor of all Malayalees
is fish. This explains the affinity between fish and a Malayalee. Fish is the
first Malayalee that walked on the face of the earth, on second thought,
make it the first Malayalee that ever swam on the earth.
Well folks, this is the solemn story of the beginning of civilization in the world.
Even though this is a spiced version of the old theory of evolution, God
was happy that some recognition was given to him. He was pleased enough
to grant a penthouse in Heaven to the famous scientist when he was done
with his sabbatical at Vaynad University.
It is said that the frog-prince Charles Darwin was kissed by a heavenly beauty on his
second arrival at the heaven's footsteps and he was instantly transformed into his
original form. The pair is living happily ever after.
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Jose jo...@csd.uwo.ca
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