Cuddleland Classics - A Morning Walk
KittWulf
I
Peanut Butter Chocolate Caramel Deluxe Fudge
It was a fine August morning when Greyhawk looked up from where he
was busily compiling his memoirs and gazed out over the cool green meadow
and deep emerald forests of Cuddleland. Small wavelets played across the
deep blue surface of Cuddlepond and the waterfall sparkled like diamonds in
the morning sun.
"Today," he said to no one in particular as he stood and stretched,
feeling the sun's warmth flow through him as he opened himself to the magic
of the day and let it race along his veins, "is much too fine a day to sit
up here in my tiny study pouring over a lifetime's worth of journals,
sketches and memos. What I really need is to get out of the manor for
awhile, meet some people, and explore some of the forgotten corners of
Cuddleland. Just for the fun of it."
Gently closing the open book on his desk, he glanced around the
study to make sure everything was in place, then took up a walking staff
from where it rested in the corner and headed downstairs to greet the day.
Bounding down the stairs, he paused a moment to enjoy Lotusblossom's
painting of a dragon winging its way across the Peaceful Sea, smiling at
the memory of its magic, and then pushed through the double doors at the
entryway and smiled at the sun streaming through the garden.
"Much too nice a day for Traveling," he mused, "and perfect walking
weather. Too bad I don't have a camera."
Thinking about that for a minute, he changed his mind. "Nope.
It's even too nice a day for a camera!"
Letting the doors swing shut behind him he headed down the walk,
out the front gate, and turning left on the footpath, set out to explore
the meadow more closely.
Cuddlepond on his right was sparkling in the sunlight, but Dolphin
and Otter were nowhere in sight. Probably out cuddling someone he
supposed. It did not take long at all to pass Primadonna's cottage, and he
was pleasantly surprised to find her sitting on the front step watching the
wind play with the sun on the surface of Cuddlepond while Dillon scampered
around poking his nose into snuggleberry bushes and chasing butterflies.
They waved to one another as he went by and Dillon let out a friendly bark
just as Greyhawk turned left where the footpath wound toward Rainbow Pass.
As soon as the water narrowed enough, he hopped across the stream and
headed north toward the center of the meadow.
The trees of Cuddle Forest soon gave way to the tall grasses and
uncountable wildflowers of the meadow proper. Colorful butterflies flitted
from flower to flower in a stunning rainbow of hues, almost as if the
petals of each flower were flying around visiting their neighbors. Passing
Sir Stu's Elm, he contemplated heading over for a visit, but it looked like
no one was home, so he continued on until The Fudge Shoppe surrounded by
snuggleberries appeared on the right. If there was anything worth leaving
the path for, it was a big slice of Phuffalump's Peanut Butter Chocolate
Caramel Deluxe Fudge, so the decision to head on over was really no
decision at all.
To his surprise, even though the front door of the Fudge Shoppe was
open, there was no one inside. He called and called, but no one came to
the counter.
"Now this is very strange," he whispered into the empty shop, "I've
not seen anyone north of Cuddlepond. I wonder if there's a party somewhere
I haven't heard about? No Dolphin, no Otter, no Sir Stu, no Fensheya.
Most peculiar. Still, can't leave all that fudge lying around!"
Dropping forty-eleven or so hugs and cuddles on the counter, he
helped himself to some Peanut Butter Chocolate Carmel Deluxe Fudge with
Macadamia Nuts and a cup of tea and then sat down at a table near the
window to watch the foot path and see if anyone would come along to join
him on his journey through Cuddleland.
"No better way to spend a summer morning," he mumbled around a big
bite of fudge, "then cuddle fudge, a nice cup of tea and good company."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KittWulf
II
Tea For Two
Sitting at a corner table on the patio of Baron Von Snowybear's
Bistro, Lady Kittwulf leans back after finishing her light breakfast of
snuggleberry juice and scones with dollops of lemon curd. Allowing the
soft, fragrant breeze to play through her hair she tilts her head upward
and closes her eyes as the morning sun warms her face.
"Oh, my," she muses. "What a lovely morning for a walk."
Lady Kittwulf opens her eyes and reaches behind her to where her
shawl rests on the back of her chair. She drapes it loosely across her
shoulders and rises to leave the Bistro, waving adieu to the Baron as she
begins strolling along the path leading north to the Cuddleland Airport.
Just before reaching the southern end of the Airport she spies the
Fudge Shoppe and notices that the door is ajar. Curious, Lady Kittwulf
wanders over to the footpath leading to the doorway of the Shoppe to see if
Fensheya is in. She enters the Shoppe and whiffs in the tantalizing
chocolatey aromas with delight, but does not see Fensheya anywhere.
Turning she notices Greyhawk relaxing at a table near the window, enjoying
cuddle fudge and a nice cup of tea.
"A bright good morning to you, Milord Greyhawk!" she smiles. "May
I join you?"
The tall mountain elf grins around a mouthful of cuddle fudge and
waves Lady Kittwulf over to his table. She walks to the counter and
deposits many hugs and cuddles there, then pours a lovely cup of jasmine
tea. Looking over the delicious assortment of cuddle fudge Kittwulf
selects some Deluxe Double Chocolate Fudge with Walnuts and takes them to
the table by the window. Sitting opposite to Greyhawk she takes a sip of
the aromatic tea and nibbles daintily on a piece of the cuddle fudge,
savoring its rich texture as it melts on her tongue.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KittWulf
III
Quiet Disquiet
"Odd, don't you think," Greyhawk mumbled around another bite of
fudge.
"What is?"
Pausing to wash down the last of his fudge with a sip of tea,
Greyhawk sighed contentedly before replying, "Fensheya's not around. Sir
Stu was out, and neither Otter nor Dolphin were frolicking in the pond. Is
something going on? Am I missing a great party somewhere?"
Tilting her head thoughtfully, Lady Kittwulf said slowly, "I don't
think so. Hytzipky's having a Bunny Hop, and there's a scruffy band of
pirates hanging around just off the submarine dock and looking lost, but
nothing else going on that I know about. There's a couple new residents
drifted in from the Flame Desert, but not much else. The Baron was at the
Bistro this morning, does that help?"
"Just my imagination, I suppose." Shrugging his shoulders he
added, "Probably just too many hours spent locked away in my study. I
sometimes expect to be deluged by happy smiles every time I poke my head
out and I guess sometimes folks are just a little too busy."
They shared a smile for a moment, relishing the opportunity to
spend a quiet moment with a friend sipping tea and admiring the dappled
patterns of light and shadow drifting across the floor.
As Kittwulf daintily finished the last of her fudge and took a
final sip of tea, Greyhawk stood and stretched, a shiver of pleasure
passing through him as his arms fell back to his sides. Taking up his
walking staff carved with vines and grapes he said, "We elves don't usually
cook well, because we tend to eat far less than most humans do, but
Fensheya sure can whip up a wonderful batch of fudge, can't she?"
"That she does! So, where to first, milord?"
"Well, milady. I was thinking of heading over Cuddle U to check on
things, poking my head into the Cuddles 'n Hugstore, Jelliebun's Bakery and
the Cuddle Factory along the way. Shall we?"
"Let's!"
After holding the door open for Lady Kittwulf, Greyhawk stepped
outside into the dazzling morning sun. Taking a clue from a bright yellow
butterfly, he tucked his staff under one arm and paused just long enough to
scoop up a handful of bright red fruit from the Snuggleberry bushes just
outside the shop. Popping one in his mouth, he let it melt away like a
sweet memory and then offered some to Kittwulf. They cut straight across
the grassy part of the meadow, scaring up clouds of butterflies in bright
crimsons, emeralds, turquoise and ochre, and sending them fluttering on the
soft breeze like living jewels. Chamomile, lavender, lemon grass and the
faint scent of summer poppies lay softly on the background perfume of love
that gave Cuddleland breezes their unique power to ease the mind and soothe
the troubled heart.
On this particular morning, there seemed to be some other scent
hiding behind the pleasant aromas. Almost not there at all, as if floating
in on a vagrant breeze blown in from the nearby flame desert, was the
almost undetectable tang of...
And then it was gone, as completely as if he had imagined it.
After popping another berry in his mouth, Greyhawk opened himself
to the magic of Cuddleland and reached out to feel the countryside around
him. Birds, butterflies, flowers, trees, grasses, insects in the soil, and
the powerful essences of the residents of Cuddleland hummed along the
energies of the land. The power of the goodness of the meadow's loving
residents sent tingles of happiness soaring along the waves of magic
rolling through him.
But just there...
Something different...
And then it was gone, too. Just like the odd breeze. He wondered
if things were particularly harsh out in the flame desert this season.
Summer was always hard in the land of flame and spite, but some summers
were worse than others. Passing it off as imagination, he released the
magic and let the softness of the breeze and the pleasantness of Lady
Kittwulf's company wash the doubts away.
He popped the last Snuggleberry into his mouth, let it melt away,
then went back to tapping his long staff as he walked in the way people
normally do. "Do you remember, milady, my first afternoon in the meadow?"
"You looked very lost, milord," she replied smiling.
"Well, you have to admit, one's first sight of an owl's nest
wearing a sweater can be a bit disorienting."
Kittwulf giggled. "'Twas Locksley's idea of a 'house-warming'
gift. Worked, too. Kept their not so little nest warm all winter long."
"And the lollipop grove! Now that was a shock. I've seen some odd
flora and fauna in my life, but 'twas the first time I'd ever seen
lollipops springing up out of the ground like trees! 'Tis truly a
remarkable land."
"The scenery is amazing sometimes, but 'tis the people that make
Cuddleland so wonderful, after all. The meadow is just a place to play, a
magical place to be sure, but the warmth of the people are what makes this
place truly special."
"Well-spoken, my friend. Well-spoken indeed."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KittWulf
IV
Empty Shops With Bulging Shelves
They crossed the footpath and soon came to the Cuddles 'n Hugstore.
The candy cane walls and shortbread tile roof shone radiant in the morning
light. The shutters were flung open invitingly and the double-chocolate
doors stood wide open to welcome cuddlers in need of hugs, cuddles,
snuggles and wuzzles of all sizes, shapes and styles. Inside the shelves
were sheets of white chocolate supported by stripped candy sticks that
sagged beneath the weight of the store's delightful inventory.
"Hello!" They both called out together, "is anyone about?" But no
one answered.
"Most peculiar," observed Greyhawk.
"But not Old Peculiar," Kittwulf said with a sheepish grin that
Greyhawk answered with a smile, and they both burst out giggling.
Picking up a few wuzzles and wandering over to the Jolly Rancher
Watermelon counter, Greyhawk added, "Still, you have to admit. It is
rather strange that no one is about. Open for business just like any other
morning, but no one behind the counter, and no one wandering the aisles
browsing. It even feels empty, like a sugar-coated haunted house."
Kittwulf smiled at the image of a frightfully dark haunted house
covered in powdered sugar that blossomed in her mind. She idly wondered if
such a place would be made of licorice, and then decided dark chocolate
would work just as well. Shaking her head at her own silliness she
offered, "Everyone is probably over at the castle sharing cuddles and
chocolate."
"Probably," Greyhawk agreed, but not entirely convinced. Something
nagged at the back of his mind. That odd breeze, and the funny feel in the
background magic. It seemed familiar. He left some hugs and cuddles in
exchange for the wuzzles he pocketed as they headed out the door.
Stepping into the warming rays of the morning sunlight Greyhawk and
Lady Kittwulf turned left in the general direction of the Cuddle Factory.
Strolling companionably as they headed West they crossed a narrow road and
turned down the licorice topped lane which led to the factory's main
entrance.
"Milord, the factory is a mystery to most of the residents of the
land. It was built early on by an unknown cuddler who designed it to
provide a perpetual supply of cuddles to the residents of the kingdom,"
Kittwulf said pensively.
"Perhaps, should we eventually encounter Sir Stu, he might remember
who built it," Greyhawk replied as they arrived at the main entrance. When
he opened the door the hinges creaked, and a curious expression crossed his
face.
"Odd," he mumbled to himself as they entered the factory.
Lady Kittwulf looked about the huge expanse of the factory,
noticing the high walls made of unbroken sheets of peanut brittle topped
with frosty sugar-glazed windows. Her gaze turned to the equipment
churning out cuddles of all sizes and shapes onto licorice strip conveyor
belts that transported the perpetual supply to the candy tufted shipping
bays at the rear of the factory.
"Gosh, it's amazing that the factory has been producing cuddles all
this time and never needed maintenance," Lady Kittwulf wondered loudly.
"Come, milady," Greyhawk beckoned as he walked briskly across the
factory's vast expanse. "I wonder if Jelliebun will be baking this
morning," he said thoughtfully as he led them out through the shipping
bays.
Pausing for a moment outside Lady Kittwulf drank in the freshness
of the morning breezes which were warming comfortably under the sun's
spell. She dropped the shawl from her no longer chilled shoulders and tied
it loosely about her waist. Noticing a small patch of huggleweed with
delicate stalks of puffed flowers she stooped to admire them for a moment,
then skipped lightly to catch up with Greyhawk, matching his stride and
looping one hand around his arm companionably. They turned onto an angular
path to the right, Greyhawk's elegantly carved staff tapping a muted rhythm
on the path as they wandered toward Jelliebun's Bakery.
Nearing the bakery they paused to admire the front entrance.
Bricks of milk chocolate-laced brownies and dark chocolate-laced brownies
were stacked in offsets and bonded together with marshmallow mortar to
create the houndstooth pattern on the exterior walls. Brown sugar-glazed
windows on either side of the open doorway filtered the sunlight, allowing
the interior of the bakery to remain cool when the ovens were in use, with
the caramel tiled roof also insulating the interior from the added heat of
the sun's rays.
Kittwulf moved to the doorway and giggled as she barely resisted
the urge to nibble at the door frame of molded marzipan.
"Milady, tsk, tsk!" Greyhawk grinned teasingly.
"Oh, all right," she pouted unconvincingly as they entered the
bakery.
Kittwulf's eyes grew big as they took in the contents of the
display cases directly in front of them. Shelf upon shelf filled with such
delightful baked confections as Daffy Donuts, Snuggleberry Fruit Tarts,
Awesome Angelfood, M'Oatmeal Cookies, and Chocolate Doodles. Behind the
display cases sitting on shelves along the wall to the right of the doorway
leading back to the ovens were all manner of pies. Warm Chocolate Pecan
Pies, Pumpkin Pies, Royal Cream Pies, Banana Cream Pies, and Chocolate
Cream Pies filled the shop with a luscious bouquet of tempting aromas.
Kittwulf placed her hand lightly on Greyhawk's arm and smiled as
she pointed to an entire section in the middle of the of the display cases,
filled from bottom to top with nothing but Chunky Chocolate Chip M'Oatmeal
Cookies with Walnuts.
"Can't imagine whom Jelliebun bakes those for," she giggled.
Greyhawk turned to Kittwulf and winked. "Couldn't be a certain
large cartoon bear, now, would it?" he chortled. "But where is Jelliebun?"
he asked as he turned toward the door leading to the back of the bakery.
"Hello! Anyone in the shop?" Greyhawk called out and walked toward
the doorway to the baking room. Waiting for a reply he paused momentarily
in the doorway, then shrugged when there was none.
Kittwulf joined him and they walked through the doorway back toward
the baking area. The preparation counters were covered with freshly
spilled flours and sugars. A wave of heat floated toward them from an oven
behind the counters. Curious, Kittwulf walked over to the oven and opened
its door. Her eyes widened in surprise as she looked inside, then searched
around until she found an oven mitt hanging from the handle of the door to
the oven on her right. She put the mitt on her right hand and reached into
the oven, pulling out a baker's sheet filled with nearly over-done
M'Oatmeal cookies.
"Jelliebun would never leave the bakery while there was baking
going on." Greyhawk offered with a slight frown creasing his brow. "What
could possibly have caused Jelliebun to disappear in the middle of baking?"
he asked with a puzzled look.
"Maybe she decided to dash over to the guardpost near the Castle
with a fresh batch of warm M'Oatmeal cookies for Balloo," Kittwulf offered,
smiling her amusement.
"Perhaps you're right," Greyhawk replied and shrugged his shoulders
as Kittwulf placed the tray of cookies on the counter to cool. She turned
the oven off and rejoined Greyhawk as they returned to the front shop of
the bakery.
"Well, milord?" Lady Kittwulf asked hopefully as she motioned to
the display cases. "Shall we purchase a few goodies to take with us on our
trek? I'm most interested in seeing the changes you've made at the Cuddle
University since reopening it. Perhaps we could enjoy a picnic on the
University lawns!"
"Indeed, milady!" he replied warmly.
Depositing the appropriate hugs, cuddles and snuggles on the
counter top of the display cases they filled a bakery bag full of pastries
and cookies, and their mood lightened more as they laughingly walked arm in
arm outside where the fragrant breezes washed away the sweet smells of the
bakery as they turned toward the railroad tracks which ran by the
University.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
squirrel
>
> A Morning Walk
> I
>
> "No better way to spend a summer morning," he mumbled around a big
> bite of fudge, "then cuddle fudge, a nice cup of tea and good company."
>
By the way, I agree, we do need some stories to bolster us at the
moment, remind us in the face of ugliness that there is still some magic
in life.
KittWulf
V
An Exercise in Enlightenment
"Are you enjoying the walk, milady," Greyhawk asked suddenly.
"Why yes, milord, and yourself?"
"Very much so. I do wonder where everyone is, though."
"At the Bunny Hop most likely."
"Most likely. Wonderful weather today, isn't it? The sky in
Cuddleland is always so blue. It reminds of a place on Ur called Hawaii."
"Hawaii? I've heard of it. An island, isn't it?"
"Several hundred islands, actually. Although only a handful are
truly large enough to amount to anything, and only a few of those are
habitable. They stretch like a string of emeralds through a clear blue
sea."
"They sound lovely. I should like to visit them one day."
They walked along in silence for awhile. The sun's glow shining
down on them, bathing them in warmth as the gentle breezes brought pleasant
daydreams. Before long they came to the tracks of the Cuddleland Express
just where it started up the gentle slope of the hill. As they stepped
over the first rail, Greyhawk noticed an oil stain spreading between two
ties and running up to the other rail.
"Watch your step, milady! The train seems to be leaking a bit of
oil."
Lady Kittwulf nimbly stepped past the shiny puddle of light weight
oil, and then paused just before she passed the second rail. "Milord?"
"Yes?"
"The Cuddletrain doesn't use oil, at least, I don't think it does."
"It doesn't?" They both stopped to look at the slowly congealing
puddle. "But where else could it have come from?"
"I don't know milord, but I'm almost certain it's not from the
train."
"Now that is odd."
"Isn't it, though."
"We'll have to talk to Greybear and see what he says."
"I suppose."
Their mood somber, they walked the rest of the way lost in silence.
Dark thoughts wove tortured paths through their clouded minds, thoughts so
dark not even the sun's dazzling light could dispel them.
Without realizing how far they'd come, they suddenly found
themselves within sight of the cotton candy hedge that surrounded the
campus of Cuddle U.
Greyhawk's mood brightened immediately. "Just wait till you've
seen the improvements I've put in! As you know, when I first took it over
it had been abandoned for quite some time. At first, I only had one
classroom fit to teach in. The others often as not had broken panes in the
windows and one room even had a family of wild rabbits living in it! It
took weeks for the kits to grow up, and then the Mother and Father had to
be moved into the woods. They've settled in quite nicely now, though.
They've even dug a new burrow near..."
Rounding the corner of the hedge they came upon a scene of total
chaos. One of the double doors in the entryway hung by a single hinge, the
other was nowhere to be seen. Some windows had been broken out on the
ground floor, and bits of turf were torn up and thrown about.
"Ohmigo..." Was all Greyhawk managed to get out before he dropped
to his knees. The big white sign he'd put up in front was gone, a stump of
one sidepost marking where it'd been. Bits and pieces of white-washed wood
were everywhere. The sign lay scattered all across the front lawn with a
trail of white splinters leading up to the shattered front doors.
"Milord," Kittwulf began, her voice faint, "What has happened
here?"
"I-I don't know. Something has been tugging at the edge of my
magic all morning long. Something familiar, and not very cuddly."
Dropping the bag of pastries in Greyhawk's lap, Kittwulf moved off
toward the shattered sign. "I'll just have a look around and see what I
can find. Rest here as long as you like, but don't change anything yet,
okay?"
Greyhawk clutched the bag of pastries like a drowning man reaching
for daylight. "Yes. I'll just sit for a minute and watch, but don't go
inside yet, okay?"
"That, milord, is a very good idea."
He sat watching Lady Kittwulf wandering through the wreckage. From
time to time she kicked aside odd pink lumps of something that were in her
way, but mostly she just looked. After a few minutes, a brief, "ah-ha"
burst from her as she snatched up a bit of white-washed wood and carried it
back to him.
"Look! It's the same oil as was on the tracks!"
She handed him a piece of one sidepost. The ends were cracked and
splintered, as if something had slammed into the sign, and along one edge
was a thin, oily film had partially soaked into the wood and was congealing
on the outside into a slimy yellow-white mass.
He passed a hand over the stain, weaving all five flows into the
wood and analyzing the energy field of the oily film and yellow-white
slime.
"High concentrations of sodium, potassium, and other chlorides.
Traces of minerals. Lots of animal fat, mostly from pigs but partly from
horse, cow, and even bits of chicken. Oh my god, insect matter and... Do
you realize what this is! This is Spam! Of course! Spam monstas are
loose in the meadow again! We've got to do something. Wait, let's think
about this. They might have reinforcements with them. This could be a
bonafide invasion."
Kittwulf smiled, a wolfish glittering of canines behind curled
lips. "We've got quite a fight on our hands, eh? Shall we search the
building first?"
"Excellent idea, milady!" Greyhawk shouted, leaping to his feet
and spilling pastries on the lawn. The sign was suddenly whole again,
along with the front doors. He grinned sheepishly. "I've left the inside
alone, but I couldn't stand to look at the damage anymore."
Lady Kittwulf patted him on the shoulder. "Perfectly
understandable, milord. Perfectly understandable."
They headed across the front lawn and through the new front doors,
the restored sign shining in the sunlight behind them.
_______________________________________________
| |\
| Now Open! ||
| Cuddleland University ||
| Offering the finest education ||
| in the meadow. Classes in: ||
| Elfin Magic and Mysticism ||
| History and Evolution of Cuddleland ||
| The Theory and Practice of Hugging ||
| Basics of Friendship & Love ||
| All things Huggable and Cuddly! ||
| ||
|----------------------------------------- ||
| || | ||
| || | ||
| || | ||
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KittWulf
VI
Inside the Halls of Learning
Closing the front doors behind them, Greyhawk and Lady Kittwulf
paused for a moment to allow their eyes to adjust to the interior lighting.
On the right and left of the main entryway were glass display cases set
into the wall. The shelves were filled with wonderful Cuddle Mementos and
Huggle Trophies from the university's high scholastic achievements, as well
as various old, leather bound books with gold-leaf lettering, filled with
Cuddleland Classics.
The entryway led into a large open area with corridors running off
to the left and right. On the north side of the left corridor were five
classrooms, and the north side of the right corridor had three laboratories
plus two additional classrooms. On the south side of the right corridor
were a series of ten staff offices. And on the south side of the left
corridor were the university's admissions office, the Dean's office, and
the staff lounge.
Greyhawk motioned to their left and they walked towards the
admissions office. The office was enclosed by a half-picture glass wall
which was divided in the center by a three-quarter glass door standing
ajar. The view through the glass was one of eerie calmness. The wooden
secretarial desks were all where they should be and neatly ordered on top,
with chairs perfectly aligned behind them, yet the scene lacked depth in
some peculiar way.
"Milord, everything would appear quite orderly," Kittwulf said
quietly as she peered closer through the glass. "Yet I sense that
something is amiss," she said, curiosity tingeing her voice. "There are no
shadows; the wood has no sheen."
Greyhawk moved through the doorway and looked about the admissions
office, narrowing his eyes slightly as they scanned the room and beyond.
"Aha!" he shouted as he walked briskly toward the nearest desk. Eyes
steely calm with one eyebrow raised slightly, Greyhawk raised his staff in
front of him and brought it slamming down on top of the desk, which
crumbled and collapsed like a house of cards.
"Apparently the Spam Monstas have learned a few very clever
camouflage and infiltration techniques," he said in a bemused voice as he
walked to the next desk and repeated the process.
"But milord," Kittwulf asked in a puzzled voice as she stepped into
the doorway, "why would they want to create the illusion of normalcy here
in the admissions office by using fake cardboard desks?"
Greyhawk turned to Kittwulf and smiled knowingly. "Perhaps they
imagined we would not have investigated further if everything appeared
normal around the main entrance," he replied.
Looking somewhat confused Kittwulf entered the office and poked the
third desk firmly with her foot, wondering where the real desks could be.
As it crumbled Kittwulf turned a keen gaze toward a small office to the
rear of the room. She walked to its closed door and reached for the
doorknob.
"Yuck!" she cried, pulling her hand back suddenly. "Milord, here!
On the doorknob to this office, there appears to be some more oil."
Lady Kittwulf took her handkerchief out and carefully wrappped it
around the doorknob before turning it to open the door. Greyhawk moved to
her side as the door swung open, and they peered into the interior of the
windowless office.
"There's the explanation," Kittwulf said with satisfaction as they
looked at three secretarial desks which had been smashed into large,
splintered chunks of wood that were strewn and piled on the floor of the
smaller office. "They are indeed clever vandals," she observed.
"Have a care, milady," Greyhawk warned as they turned to leave the
admissions office. "Caution shall be the watchword from here on," he said
as he flicked his wrist outward, restoring the admissions office to normal.
"Indeed, milord," Kittwulf agreed in a hushed voice.
Turning left out of the admissions office they looked down the
quiet corridor at the various doorways.
"Shall we toss a coin, milord," Kittwulf whispered jokingly.
Greyhawk chuckled softly. "I'm keen on inspecting the classrooms,"
he replied, pointing to the right.
Crossing the corridor cautiously they proceeded to the nearest
classroom which had been in use recently for Greyhawk's Elfin Magic 101
course. Standing on either side of the doorway they peered into the
classroom, Kittwulf gasping at the sight within.
"Good Lord!" she cried as she pointed to the blackboard which was
not black at all and the chalk lettering of 'Fundamentals of Weaving the
Five Flows' from the last class, which was not white at all. A reverse
negative in hues of deep charcoal grey and black the depth of a void, the
blackboard receeded into infinity. The once-white chalk lettering had
taken on a yellowish shading around the edges that gave the words a
three-dimensional quality, with the whole presenting the illusion of words
suspended at the center of a large, rectangular black hole.
"Ha!" Greyhawk laughed. "I must give the Spam Monstas a small bit
of credit for originality," he said as he waved his hand towards the
illusion, restoring the blackboard to its normal state. "This
investigation is turning out most interesting, milady," he mused as they
turned back into the corridor and continued on to the next classroom. "I
wonder what new surprises await us."
"Most interesting, milord? More akin a Twilight Zone in
Cuddleland," Kittwulf giggled appreciatively as they reached the doorway of
the next classroom on their right.
Peering into this classroom Greyhawk and Kittwulf were startled
into guffawing laughter at the sight of all of the student desks stacked
like acrobats at the far end of the room in a tall pyramid. The topmost
desk teetered on one leg, spinning around awkwardly as if trying to find
its balance.
His laughter beginning to wane, Greyhawk looked about the rest of
the room and spied a glinting reflection off of the windowsill opposite
them. Walking over to the window he looked at it with smug satisfaction.
"Spam oil," he called back to Kittwulf.
"Hmm...milord, I would expect that most of the other classrooms are
to be found in a similar condition," Kittwulf said, her amusement fading
somewhat. "Shall we retrace our steps and investigate the laboratories?"
"Quite a good idea, milady," Greyhawk replied. Waving his hand the
classroom was restored to normalcy as he rejoined her in the corridor.
"I'm a bit concerned as to the conditions of the Library and the Mystical
Studies Department, and should like to proceed there as quickly as
possible," he said calmly, his voice belying the concern in his eyes.
Turning back along the corridor they walked briskly through the
open area into the east corridor, passing the door to the stairway on their
left. Farther along they came to the doorway of the first laboratory on
their left. It was the Cuddle-Science Laboratory, recently added to expand
the list of academic courses in the art of cuddling.
Kittwulf hesitated at the doorway and turned to Greyhawk, her eyes
creasing shut as she sank back against the wall to the left of the door.
"Milord, you look," she said softly.
Placing his hand on Kittwulf's arm he squeezed it reassuringly. "I
understand, milady," he replied gently as he turned to enter the
laboratory.
Kittwulf waited apprehensively for several moments. Total silence
surrounded her, her breath echoing through the stillness. She opened her
eyes slowly and turned an ear to the laboratory, trying to sense even the
slightest whisper of motion. Several more moments of silence passed as
Kittwulf's brow begans to crease in worry. Finally she squared her
shoulders and prepared to enter the laboratory, her concern for Greyhawk
increasing alarmingly.
Suddenly a head popped around the doorway!
"BOO!" Greyhawk shouted, grinning broadly.
"EEP!" Kittwulf cried out, startled by his sudden appearance, and
collapsed against the wall in a serious giggle-fit before sliding down to
sit on the floor.
Greyhawk chuckled deeply, and reached out a hand to help Kittwulf
up again.
"Milady, I could not resist," he grinned sheepishly. "But truly,
there is no cause for alarm. Come! I think you'll enjoy this latest bit
of Spamgenuity!"
With a comforting arm guiding her into the laboratory Greyhawk
pointed his staff to the center of the lab where, linked together in a
chain, a length of microscopes hung suspended from the ceiling fan.
Kittwulf clapped her hands in delight and stepped closer to examine
the illusion. She looked up curiously at the ceiling trying to determine
how the chain of microscopes was attached to the fan. Upon closer
inspection she spied the pull-chain for the fan tied around the neck of the
topmost microscope. Turning back to Greyhawk Kittwulf suddenly noticed a
large spot of oil by the wall near the doorway.
Following her gaze Greyhawk walked over and stoopped to examine it.
"A much larger deposit than any of the last," he observed.
"Yes. And slightly more viscous," Kittwulf replied as she watched
Greyhawk poke at the ooze with his staff.
"Enough!" Greyhawk said firmly as he straightened up again. "I
think it is time for us to investigate the library."
"I must agree with you, milord," Kittwulf replied as she moved to
join him.
They turned right out of the lab and raced down the corridor back
toward the open area.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KittWulf
VII
An Old Story With a New Twist
Reaching the open area at the center of the ground floor of the
university Greyhawk and Lady Kittwulf turned right, heading north toward
the large double doors of the library. At the doors they each took hold of
a long door handle. Pushing inward to open the doors they suddenly pulled
up short in utter shock at the sight before them.
All around the huge expanse of the library, books of every size
were sailing through the air, capering among the stacks and shelves and
dancing on top of desks. The tall ladders which reached the higher
bookshelves were toppled over at angles, and small books were floating in
and out of their rungs. Cards from the catalog card files were flitting
about the room like swarms of butterflies, and pencils were tap-dancing
across tabletops.
"Amazing!" Greyhawk mumbled in shock and amusement. "Who could
weave such flows?"
A slightly puzzled and speechless Kittwulf looked at Greyhawk,
wondering what he meant.
Staring at the apparition a moment longer, Greyhawk waved his hand
casually and slowly the books sorted themselves back onto the shelves,
catalog cards filtered into their trays, and the ladders arighted
themselves.
Backing out of the library and closing the doors firmly, Greyhawk
and Kittwulf stared at the doors momentarily, and turned their gaze to each
other.
"To the second floor, milord?" Kittwulf asked, not wanting to waste
anymore time.
"Let's go, milady!" Greyhawk replied briskly.
They quickly retraced their steps through the open area and turned
left back into the west wing, stopping at the door to the stairway on their
immediate left. Greyhawk opened the door and stepped back momentarily to
allow Kittwulf to pass through, and together they bounded up the two
flights of stairs to the second floor of the university.
Emerging from the stairwell Kittwulf and Greyhawk entered the
university's lovely new atrium. Located at the precise center of the
second floor and dividing the east and west wings, the square shaped, glass
enclosed atrium boasted a spectacular pyramid shaped, stained glass roof
that filtered the light down into its lush foliage in splashes of rainbow
colored sunbeams. On the outside of the east and west wings of the third
story level of the atrium were cozy student lounges, balconies with tables
and chairs that looked down into the tranquillity of the lush setting.
Newcomers to the kingdom sometimes found temporary quarters in the student
dormitories on either side of the lounges and atrium on this floor.
Inside, at the center of the atrium, a graceful marble water
fountain burbled water out and down into the surrounding pool. Medium to
large koi in shades from the deepest orange-pink to white with orange
splotches drifted lazily through the crystal clear waters of the pool.
Along the edges under the pool's surface were colonies of tropical fresh
water fish called cichlids of every shade from the deepest azure blue to
the palest bluish silver which darted and dove among large lava rocks.
Small clusters of water lilies floated above the surface of the water
displaying large blooms in shades of pure white to the palest blush pink.
Greyhawk and Lady Kittwulf slowly walked through the atrium,
drinking in the beauty of this tranquil oasis, monstas momentarily
forgotten. Curved marble benches were scattered here and there about the
atrium for weary and monsta driven cuddlers to find a moment's respite from
their daily battles within the lush foliage of ferns, willow trees, and
dwarf fruit trees. Exotic flowers sprang forth through the foliage create
a breathtaking tropical canvas. Here and there among the foliage brightly
colored butterflies and hummingbirds flitted from bloom to bloom, feasting
on the richly sweet nectars of the flowers.
"Milady!" Greyhawk whispered urgently, pointing to the far
northeasterly corner of the atrium.
Kittwulf squinted as she peered into the shadows and suddenly spied
the cause for alarm. Sitting on a marble bench half hidden by the branches
of a weeping willow tree sat a Depression Monsta, poised and ready to
pounce on any unsuspecting cuddler whose misfortune it might be to pass
close by.
Silently Greyhawk motioned to Kittwulf to cautiously circle around
to the right of the Monsta and distract it. Immediately Kittwulf began to
saunter casually in the outer direction along a flagstone path curving to
the right. As she neared the Monsta Kittwulf began to whistle casually.
Out of the corner of her eye she noted that the Depression Monsta had been
alerted to her presence, and was hunching down behind the branches as much
as possible, ready to pounce upon this cuddler when she least expected it,
or so it thought.
Kittwulf wandered closer to the bench, barely out of reach.
Suddenly the Monsta straightened into a crouch, aiming directly at her,
when WHOOSH! Out of nowhere Greyhawk made a flying huggle tackle and
landed in the dense foliage behind the bench clenching the Monsta in a
tight cuddle!
Several moments passed as loud thrashing noises filled the atrium.
Kittwulf waited nervously, unsure if she should try to assist in some way.
But the thrashing noises soon began to diminish, and she cautiously tiptoed
closer to try to see what was happening. Pushing aside the willow branches
Kittwulf grinned hugely as she watched Greyhawk, sitting placidly on the
ground, firmly huggle the Monsta which wasn't much of a monsta any longer!
Kittwulf applauded her approval as she watched the monsta shrinking and
shrinking under the irresistible nurturing of Greyhawk's cuddling. Soon
the monsta began to change shape and color as a gossamer cocoon began to
form about it.
Gently cradling the cocoon in his hand, Greyhawk took his staff and
used it for balance as he rose from the ground. With a twinkle in his eye
he winked at Kittwulf and turned to the willow tree, placing the cocoon in
the crook of one of the lower branches, making sure that it is securely
nestled and would not fall. He turned to Kittwulf and held out his arm
parallel to the ground. Within minutes a large butterfly with iridescent
blue wings landed on his hand and rested there, fanning it's lovely
gossamer wings slowly open and closed.
"This, milady, was a Health Monsta that was trapped only last week
and huggled," Greyhawk explained, amusement lighting his face.
"Milord, 'tis indeed a wonderful addition to the university!" Lady
Kittwulf beamed. "What a fabulous way to teach the art of hugging and
cuddling."
The butterfly flew off towards another of its kind and they flitted
about the atrium in a lovely dance. Kittwulf turned to Greyhawk, an
unspoken question on her lips.
"Yes, milady," Greyhawk agreed. "It is time to continue with our
investigation. Come," he beckoned, leading them to the door to the east
wing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KittWulf
VIII
Arts, Crafts and Infinite Dreams
The Graduate Student Study Lounge occupied the southeasterly side
of the wing and provided a peaceful environment for research and study.
Across from it was the open area of the Periodical Library. As was to be
expected, both were in a state of disarray, with chairs and tables upended,
and magazines and newspapers strewn about haphazardly. Without a word
Greyhawk waved his hand to restore the east wing to its usual tranquil
environment, and they turned to reenter the atrium.
Passing through the atrium Kittwulf and Greyhawk exited through the
door to the west wing, which had two enclosed departments. The Fine Arts
Department occupying the southwest side of the west wing, and the Mystical
Studies Department on the northwest side. Wanting to proceed to the
Mystical Studies Department as soon as possible, Kittwulf and Greyhawk
walked quickly to the doorway of the Fine Arts Department to survey the
expected.
Artwork along the walls was tilted at crazy angles, some having
dropped onto the floor were precariously wobbling from side to side.
Sculpture floated in the air as if weightless, and fine tapestries floated
about like so many flying carpets. With a flick of his wrist, Greyhawk
caused the illusion to dissipate and the original condition of the art
collection to be restored.
Kittwulf and Greyhawk left the Fine Arts Department and crossed the
hall to stand before the door to the Mystical Studies Department. They
looked at each other for a moment, apprehension palpable in the air, and
took a deep breath as Greyhawk reached for the doorknob.
The door swung open to reveal a scene from a nightmare. The floor
ended at the door frame. Beyond that was the endless blackness of distant
space, broken only by the bright pinpoints of scattered stars. No Milkyway
streamed across the emptiness, no planets, no sun, just the vast emptiness
of infinity. That was when Greyhawk realized the 'stars' were not stars at
all, but were each a complete galaxy containing billions of stars, an
untold number of planets, and an infinite variety of life both sentient and
not.
Kittwulf gasped, and Greyhawk caught her just before she fainted,
guiding her to the floor of the corridor behind them rather than out into
the vastness of empty space.
Carefully, he reached out beyond the door frame and felt the
curtain of wind and spirit woven to keep the reality of Cuddleland from
vanishing into nothingness. It was definitely not another illusion.
Somehow, someone had brought infinity to Cuddleland's doorstep and anchored
it in the department of Mystical Studies.
"A fitting place for it," he mused as Kittwulf stirred at his feet.
He knelt down and lifted her head and shoulders from the floor.
Her eyes fluttered open hesitantly, threatened to close again, and finally
settled on a cross between sheer terror and stunned shock.
"What happened?"
"You got a glimpse of eternity and fainted."
"Eternity?" Awareness bloomed in her eyes. "Stars?"
"Galaxies. Unless I miss my guess, the door to the Mystical
Studies Department now opens about a gazillion miles from nowhere."
"Can-can I look again?"
"I don't see why not."
He helped her to her feet and together they stood gazing into the
void.
"Now what do we do?"
"Well, milady, first off I suppose we ought to fix this little
anomaly, and then we should see if we can't locate some other cuddlers and
find out who's behind this."
"Can you?"
"I don't know."
She turned to face him, her eyes sharp enough to cut stone. "What
do you mean you don't know? If you don't, who does? I certainly don't
know how to..." Waving her hand helplessly, she paused and gazed back
into space, "...how to fix something like this!"
"We could ask Locksley."
"You've got to be kidding! He invents things, not..." She crossed
her arms in front of her chest and looked thoughtful. "I suppose he could
fire the Clock Tower into it and go exploring, but that still wouldn't fix
anything. Besides, the last time that happened he landed in Texas."
"That's true. Well, what about Hamsterman? He's a super hero and
super heroes deal with this kind of thing all the time."
"I don't think ACME makes anything to restore rifts in reality."
"Well... That is to say..." It was Greyhawk's turn to look
thoughtful.
"So we jump!" And with that he grabbed her arms and before she
could complain, leaped through the doorway carrying her along.
"No-o-o-o-o-o-o-..."
But it was too late. At first, they just fell. Down, down, down,
down, or maybe up. When you have no point of reference it's kind of hard
to see which direction you're going. They zipped passed a galaxy and
Greyhawk thought they might be falling down, but when they passed the next
one, it looked more like falling up, unless they'd gotten turned around
somehow. The third galaxy they dropped through kinda sideways, and then
the fourth they skimmed right past falling sideways all right, but
perpendicular to the galaxy itself. Then it was a plunge headfirst into
what looked an awful lot like the Milky Way, but at this scale they all
really did look alike. And then suddenly there was a brilliant white light
like a billion flash bulbs all popping at once and they landed on the floor
of the Mystical Studies Department with a loud, *SMACK*
Rubbing their bruised bottoms, they stood up and looked around
them. The main study table with its collection of crystals was in the
center of the room right where it belonged. Cabinets and shelves with
books, candles, odd magical paraphernalia, and a variety of other
bric-a-brac lined two of the walls. The far wall was a sink and counter
beneath a large window looking out into space. Behind them was a wall
holding astrological charts from a variety of cultures, including one from
Greyhawk's home world. There was no door. Instead, there was a
rectangular opening into infinity.
"It would seem we've come full circle, milord. Now we have the
room, but nothing beyond it."
"That's true, but now I know where I am, and where I want to be.
Before, I only knew where I was!"
He closed his eyes, Kittwulf felt the room shift, but it seemed to
move without going any particular direction. It did not go right, left,
forward, backward, up or down, it just shifted, and then beyond the window
was the sunny summer sunshine of the meadow and through the door the
familiar tile of the corridor.
"We're back!" She giggled and clapped her hands merrily, looking
for all the world like a child who'd gotten a puppy for Christmas.
"I suppose we are," Greyhawk said looking around skeptically. "For
a minute there I was not quite sure we'd make it."
"You weren't?" Concern knit Kittwulf's forehead into tight little
furrows.
"Something was interfering with my magic. If I didn't know better,
I'd say there was another elf fighting me, but none of the other Elfs in
the meadow use magic the same way I do. Most curious."
Hesitantly, Kittwulf stepped through the doorway and into the
corridor, then back again, repeating the process three or four times while
an odd smiling played across her lips. Greyhawk watched curiously. "We
are back, aren't we?"
"Well, we certainly seem to be. There's only one way to be sure of
course. Last one out eats Spam pizza for lunch!"
And with that they raced out to the corridor and down the back
stairs laughing all the way until they burst through the rear doors and ran
right into the broad back of The Dented Knight, who fortunately wasn't
wearing any armor or they would have gotten some nasty bruises as the three
of them tumbled through the grass in a confused lump.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KittWulf
IX
Unexpected Allies
"Chris!" Greyhawk and Kittwulf shouted together. They hugged him
furiously and then the story came tumbling out with both of them trying to
talk at once and poor Chris nearly spraining a neck muscle swiveling his
head back and forth trying to listen to both of them.
"I was out for a walk..."
"...when I ran across Greyhawk in the Fudge Shoppe..."
"...and it was such a wonderful morning..."
"...so we decided to go by the university..."
"...just to check on things, you know..."
"...haven't seen anyone else all morning long..."
"...thought maybe there was a party somewhere..."
"...found some strange oil on the rails..."
"...naturally we went by the Cuddle Factory first..."
"...and the Huggs and Cuddles Store was empty..."
"...Jelliebun left cookies in the oven..."
"...nobody in the bakery at all..."
"...university front lawn was covered in Spam..."
"...and the sign was broken..."
"...wrecked classrooms everywhere..."
"...library books were dancing..."
"...Mystical Studies Department was gone..."
"...fell right past four different galaxies..."
"...got to find some help!"
Naturally the only thing Chris really heard was, "cookies",
"cuddles", "Spam" and "help!" He got that last word loud and clear though,
so he jumped up and declared, "Help is on the way! I'm off to grab my
armor and find Greybear!" And then took off at a run across the meadow.
"Check the trains and meet us in New Village!" Greyhawk shouted
after him.
"Just north of the ice cream glacier!" Kittwulf added for
emphasis.
He waved his acknowledgments and kept right on running.
"Do you suppose he understood us, milady?"
"I hope so, milord. He certainly took off fast enough. I hope he
finds Greybear."
"I hope the rail system is still intact. A smart invader would
have captured the rail stations first."
"True, but whoever heard of intelligent Spam?"
"Well, there was a Depression Monsta in the atrium, and someone
tried to keep me from bringing back the Mystical Studies Department."
"Any idea who?"
"Not yet, but something tells me we'll find out soon enough,
probably too soon."
Kittwulf shrugged her shoulders and smiled. "I'll say this for
you, milord, you certainly do know how to make a morning walk interesting."
Greyhawk smiled as innocently as he knew how. "Who, me? Hey, I'm
just an exiled elfin prince trying to record his memoirs before he heads
off into a new life. 'Twas the invasion that made this morning different
from any other, not me."
"True enough! So, where to next?"
"Synny's Cottage is not far from here, I suggest we head for it.
We'll swing along the Western Mountains as we work our way toward the Ice
Cream Glacier. Any cuddlers we happen across can be sent out to do
reconnaissance and then join up with us at the New Village. With any luck,
the trains will still be free and we can use them to sweep down on the
monstas before they even know we're coming."
It took only a few minutes to reach Synny's cottage. As they got
closer, they noticed the door swinging slightly in the breeze.
"She usually keeps it open, milord." The words were mild enough,
but they came out tinged with worry.
"Yes, but it's also usually blocked open so it doesn't swing like
that."
"Maybe someone tripped over the door block and was in too much of a
hurry to replace it?"
Greyhawk looked her straight in the eye. "After everything we've
seen this morning, milady, you tell me, is someone leaving Synny's Cottage
in a hurry something to worry about or not?"
But before she could answer, Cuddlelion came bounding out the open
door. The three of them saw each other at the same time and dashed
together. Hugs were passed all around even as a flurry of words exploded
from all three of them at the same time.
"Synny's gone! I can't find her anywhere!"
"There's been a Spam invasion!"
"We haven't seen anyone all morning!"
And then they stood looking at each other for a moment before
having a good laugh at their own silliness.
"Well," Cuddlelion said, "we'll not beat back any invasion by all
talking at the same time. I've been wandering around looking for Synny and
I haven't found her. There's been trouble elsewhere as well, has there?"
"Yes," Greyhawk answered, "there has. We've been to the Cuddle
Factory, The Huggs and Cuddles Store, Jelliebun's bakery and Cuddle
University. Everything else was just empty, but the university was a mess.
We've put everything back to rights and sent The Dented Knight off to find
Greybear and inspect the trains. Kittwulf and I are headed north along the
Western Mountains. Once they finish with the train system, Chris and
Greybear are supposed to meet up with us in New Village."
"If you could search around in the central part of the meadow,"
Kittwulf continued when Greyhawk ran out of breath, "it would be a great
help. See if you can locate where the monstas are setting up their base of
operations, gathering up any other cuddlers you find along the way. Then,
bring everyone to New Village and we'll plan our counter-attack."
"Right!"
Cuddlelion then bounded off toward the center of the meadow,
leaving the two of them standing outside Synny's Cottage.
"Do you suppose Synny left some tea on, milord?"
"There's only one way to find out."
So they ducked inside and helped themselves to some of Synny's tea
and cookies, knowing she wouldn't mind in the least and planning to return
the favor in full at the first opportunity.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KittWulf
X
Hidden Trails and Quiet Homes
Refreshed and eager to continue their journey, Greyhawk and Lady
Kittwulf left Synny's cottage and turned north along the road, passing
Dan's old Chickencoop and Snigly's Rest Tree as they headed for the
Squirrel Run along the west side of the Lollipop Patch.
"Milord, perhaps we could swing by Nanny Owl's and Angyroo's Nest
Tree," Lady Kittwulf suggested. "We could ring the bell to see if they're
home. And if David the Cuddly Bear is in his den in the cave behind the
Nest Tree surely he'll come out to say hello."
"How strange," Greyhawk muttered half to himself as they swung up
through the Squirrel Run. His brow creased slightly and he appeared to be
peering at something in the distance.
Startled by his abrupt comment, Kittwulf asked, "What is strange,
milord?"
"I don't hear any bees, milady," Greyhawk replied, pointing to the
honeybee hives not too far off.
Lady Kittwulf stopped dead in her tracks and stood very still,
listening closely to the sounds being carried on the warm meadow breezes.
Her eyes widened as she noticed that there was hardly even the whisper of
the wind rustling through the tree branches. And no bees.
"Milord, surely the monstas do not have the power to alter the
natural environment!" Kittwulf gasped as she hurried to catch up with
Greyhawk. "And yet so many cuddlers have gone missing this morning," she
continued puzzling as they walk past the hives and turn toward the Nest
Tree.
Greyhawk stopped next to the Nest Tree and looked back at Kittwulf,
an eyebrow lifted in amusement. "After what we witnessed at Cuddle
University, and most especially the Mystical Studies Department, I have
begun to suspect an intelligent psychic force may be behind this invasion,"
he suggested. "It was not so long ago that the psychic spammers were
flooding Cuddleland with their ridiculous Spam, requiring an intensive
effort to drive them out of the kingdom."
"So very true, milord," Kittwulf responded. "I've never seen a
more organized nor thorough Spam invasion than the one by the psychic
spammers. Do you suppose their leader has regrouped the lot?"
"Hardly, milady," Greyhawk replied bemusedly. "That bunch
scattered as soon as they learned that the defenders of the realm were
mounting an all-out counterattack. No, but I do suspect that at least one
of them has switched over to another group of spammers, and is responsible
for creating the illusions we've seen," he concluded, and turned to ring
the bell to signal that guests had arrived at the base of the big old oak
tree.
Kittwulf looked up at the sunlight dappled tree branches as they
waited somewhat anxiously for Nanny Owl or Angyroo to come out onto the
Nest Tree's porch verandah to greet them. Several moments passed without
any movement being detected in the treehouse. Greyhawk once again rang the
bell, this time looking past Kittwulf towards the cave to see if the Cuddly
Bear would poke his head out of his den. Several more moments passed with
still no sign of the resident cuddlers.
"Not at all unexpected," Greyhawk commented.
"Perhaps the Cuddly Bear is napping, milord," Kittwulf offered
hopefully.
"There's only one way to find out, milady," Greyhawk replied as he
walked over to the cave's entrance and peered into the semi-dark interior.
Seeing a candle near the entrance he lit it and motioned for her to follow.
Entering CB's den Kittwulf immediately noticed the smell of freshly
baked honey cakes. "CB has been busy baking this morning," she smiled as
she reached for one of the Cuddly Bear's special recipe cakes, knowing he
wouldn't mind her helping herself to a favorite treat. Nibbling at the
cake and enjoying it's warm sweetness she offered one to Greyhawk. "CB
could not have been gone long, milord. These cakes are still quite warm
from the oven."
"Indeed, milady," Greyhawk mumbled as he savored the sweetness of
the honey cake. "And yet another cuddler has disappeared mysteriously."
"Perhaps we should quicken our pace a bit," Kittwulf suggested as
she licked honey off her fingers.
"Oh, no!" Kittwulf cried out, jumping to her feet in alarm, "My
wolf den, Milord!" she cried in panic.
Greyhawk took Lady Kittwulf's free hand and patted it soothingly.
"Fear not, milady," he said, "Whatever we find, we will face it squarely
and deal with it head on."
Kittwulf relaxed and sighed. "Of course, milord," she replied.
"It is the only way to deal with monstas."
Grabbing one more of her favorite treats Kittwulf split it and
offered half of it to Greyhawk as they headed out of the cave. As soon as
this mystery is solved I'll bake up a lovely batch of M'Oatmeal cookies to
give to CB to thank him for the honey cakes, Kittwulf thought to herself as
she snuffed out the candle and replaced it at the cave's entrance.
Greyhawk smiled as he nibbled at the piece of honey cake, noticing
that some honey had dribbled to the ground. He stopped for a moment and
stoopped down to watch as several ants, busily marching about gathering
their daily needs, discovered the delightfully sweet bonanza that had
dripped onto their path. Smiling in satisfaction that something yet
remained undisturbed, he rose to his feet and walked toward where Kittwulf
waited at the beginning of the footpath which wound through Cuddleforest to
her den.
Walking through the 'Forest they pass the Dwarf Hame on their left.
Kittwulf smiled at the perfume of moss and ferns and pine needles
surrounding her. A light mist hung low to the forest floor, swirling about
slightly as their movements disturbed it. Soon they came upon the entrance
to Kittwulf's den beneath an outcropping of rock at the base of the
mountain.
Walking to the outcropping Kittwulf noticed a trace of greasy oil
smeared along the outer edge of the rock. Hesitating momentarily Kittwulf
looked at Greyhawk with concern in her soft golden-brown eyes. Greyhawk
smiled and took her hand. Together they ducked beneath the rock
outcropping and into the den. Since the angle of sun's rays shone down on
the outcropping in a way that blocked light from entering the den, Kittwulf
reached for the lantern she kept near the entrance and lit it.
They immediately jumped back, startled by the shadows dancing about
the wolf den. Turning the lamp up to full brightness Kittwulf burst out in
a fit of hysterical laughter at the sight before them. As if they had a
life of their own every costume from the box of disguises that Nanny Owl
and Angyroo had given to Kittwulf as a present last Christmas was dancing
merrily about the den.
Greyhawk's guffaws joined Kittwulf's as he shook his head in
amusement at this latest cleverness. With a twinkle in his eye he looks
surreptitiously over at Kittwulf and waved one hand just slightly. One by
one the costumes danced and twirled their way over to the box and climbed
inside, folding themselves up neatly to make room for the others.
"Wonderful, milord!" Kittwulf cried gleefully, clapping her hands
in childish delight.
As the last of the disguises, a bear costume, stepped into the box
and sat down to fold itself up, it reached for the flaps of the box top and
closed them over itself. With a very pleased expression on his face
Greyhawk flicked his wrist and a huge length of ribbon wrapped itself
around the box and tied itself up over the top in a looping bow.
"Very pretty, milord," Kittwulf said with pleased giggles and
walked toward the entrance of the den. She lowered the wick in the lantern
until the flame was extinguished, and followed Greyhawk as he ducked back
out through the entrance of her home.
Turning northeast along the foot of the mountains Greyhawk and
Kittwulf passed through the misty lowlands where the forest was densely
shrouded and moss hung heavily from arching tree branches. Reaching the
road again they hiked up into the mountains and through the north pass to
the ice cream glacier.
Careful with her footing, Kittwulf walked over to Princess Vivan's
igloo and called out a "halloo". Her voice echoed back to her from within
the igloo, but no other sound could be heard. "Yet another missing
cuddler, milord," she commented grimly.
"It is time, milady," Greyhawk replied in a quiet voice. "Onward,
to New Village to wait for Chris the dented knight, Greybear, and
Cuddle-Lion to join us. Perhaps they will have some news to report.
Cuddleland is in danger and we seem to be the only cuddlers able to do
something about it."
Briskly but carefully they crossed the ice cream glacier and headed
toward New Village on the other side of the mountains just through the
north pass.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KittWulf
XI
Rallying the Cuddle Railway
Greybear's station was not too far south of the university, so
Chris arrived there in quite short order. Given the disconcerting
information just supplied by Greyhawk and Kittwulf, Chris was intent on
making a cautious approach to the station until he spotted Vido happily
lounging, virtually, on the platform.
Rushing into the stationmaster's office, he spurted out as much of
the story as he had understood to an astonished Greybear, who a moment
before had been calmly trimming lamp-wicks.
He didn't do a very good job of it:
"Greyhawk...
Kittwulf...
Walk...
Oil...
Missing People...
University... Spam... Break-in... Monstas... Spacewarp...
BLUE MEANIES!"
(Whoops, wrong monsters)
Calmed down by a mug of railwayman's tea, the color and taste of
old brass, the dented knight briefed Greybear in a more orderly manner and
concluded, "I need to get to Castle Station as quickly as possible to pick
up my armor and the various anti-Spam weaponry I have there. The Party
Loco should be quickest to fire up, so I'll take that as soon as it's hot
and check the line through the meadow to the castle. Can you put a work
train together and follow as soon as you're ready? We may need to repair
some line, or connect up to the new north village to make the best
strategic use of the railway if this is a serious invasion. Recruit anyone
who you come across who can help."
With that, the two Cuddlers fired up their respective locomotives
and, as soon as there was some steam pressure, the multi-colored Party Loco
eased out of the station sidings heading first east, and then north across
the unusually quiet meadow, with the dented knight at the controls. With
the fire burning brightly and smoke-rings puffing merrily from the chimney,
the little locomotive waddled down the line at something like it's top
speed.
Running past the airport, there were no signs of unusual activity,
in fact, very little activity at all. Carrying on, only patches of
unsightly oil on and beside the track indicated that things are not as they
should be. As the stands of bamboo ended, allowing a broader view of the
meadow, Chris looked up from stoking the firebox to scan the golf course
for cuddlers.
A tremendous scream split the air and the loco suddenly lurched!
Braking rapidly to a halt, the dented knight looks back to see...
A very badly wounded spammonsta.
"That's unusual" says the dented knight to no-one in particular
"they're usually a lot tougher than that. Ah-ha! I have it. It wasn't
the loco, it was the fact that I didn't notice it! These things live on
attention, so failing to notice them can cut them up pretty badly. Now,
can I finish this one off?"
Approaching cautiously, the dented knight observed that this was a
juvenile monsta and still wearing a legible collar. Copying down the name
on a piece of paper, the knight added mystic runes of postmaster@ and
abuse@, before folding the sheet into a paper dart and sending it high into
the sky.
As a localized thunderstorm with clouds shaped like a lion's head
and forepaws began to gather, Chris returned to the party loco and headed
on towards castle station. There were other monstas out there and it was
time to pick up some more weaponry. Watching the track more carefully, the
dented knight eased his brightly colored loco along the left route at the
junction by the Garden of Remembrance, the line that ran to the small
station tucked away beside the castle. The station, built with stone with
crenellation to match the castle, appeared un-infested, which a cautious
reconnaissance confirms.
First things first, before going on to inspect the castle itself
the dented knight paused to equip himself.
Armor: Clipping on his battle-worn rig, as ever, the many dents
and dings caused old memories to spring up. Some sad, some cheering.
None that deserved to be forgotten.
Weaponry: Puppets, glue, sticky labels, certainly. The home
camouflage net was more defensive, giving the appearance of false doors and
windows for monsters to butt their heads against. Friends on the other
hand, always knew where the real door was. Although a little awkward to
leave in place permanently, it had proven effective in countering more than
one intended invasion. A sharp sword always had some uses. Finally, a
holster for his most reliable piece of self protection: A rapid fire
deleter. It had an odd action that limited it's total effectiveness, a
deleted monster could not harm the shooter but was free to pester the rest
of the meadow. When surrounded by hordes of the things however, it was
absolutely essential.
Refueling: first the loco, then the knight!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KittWulf
XII
The Cuddle-Elves Stop for Brunch
As Greyhawk was just sitting down to a generous helping of fudge
and Kittwulf was just leaving the bistro, Grimm, the nominal leader of the
Cuddle-Elves while Sir Locksley was off getting married, was actively
participating in his favorite pastime: sleeping late on a workday morning.
His snores cut the air like a lumberjack sawing logs and one arm was flung
casually over the edge of his bed on one of the upper floors in the
Clocktower when suddenly a huge 'CRASH' from way down below made him jump
to his feet mumbling, "Hokay! Hokay! I'm up! I'm up!"
Looking around, his bleary eyes noted that neither had his alarm
clock rung (he'd turned it off the night before) nor had anyone busted down
his bedroom door trying to wake him. Curious, he rummaged around the floor
until he found his cleanest pair of dirty green pants with red suspenders
and pulled them on. Just as he opened his door, he heard shouting and more
crashing down on the ground floor of the Clocktower and realized that
whatever was happening down below sounded like a lot more fun than heading
off to trim back the snuggleberry bushes along the footpath, so he leapt up
on the banister and began sliding down the circular staircase that rose
through the center of the Clocktower:
d
o
w
n
a
n
d
a
r
o
u
n
d
a
n
d
d
o
w
n
h
e
w
e
n
t
until he slammed painfully into the capping on top of the bottom
post and went sailing through the air head first to slam into something
soft and oily that smelled faintly of pork. Looking up, he found himself
staring into the distorted features of a grinning $$$EASY MONEY$$$ Spam
monsta. "Get rich now!" the huge mouth mumbled, "Pay your bills and start
living on easy street! Perfectly legal and highly effective way to make
money using the Internet!"
The oily pink clumpy arms of the monsta latched onto Grimm and
lifted him up to look him dead in the eye. "Keep reading!" it roared.
"Chance of a life time! Don't delete this message! For more details see
below!" and then it opened its massive jaws to swallow him whole.
Grimm smiled. "No thanks. Been there, done that, paid my fines
and got off easy. You however, look like supper." His smile changed from
casual to wicked as Grimm whispered, "pizza".
Instantly the dozen or so Spam monstas that had broken into the
Clocktower were surrounded by fifty little men and women dressed in green
and red, all of them carrying forks, knives and tin plates which they began
to beat together rhythmically as they chanted, "Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!"
over and over again.
"One question before we use you as god intended, where are the rest
of you?" Grimm said, his wicked smile growing even wider as the startled
beast set him gently on the floor.
"In da Castle," it mumbled, and turned to flee as the fifty
Cuddle-Elves swarmed over the dozen monstas and in no time at all had them
sliced, diced, spread over special sauce, cheese, and crust and baked into
pizzas which they immediately devoured.
After breakfast, Grimm gathered the other Cuddle-Elf supervisors
around him. "Grok, your team can carry the pizza oven and wood. Gripe,
your team will be responsible for flour and crust tossing. Grimace, you
and the ladies mix up some barrels of sauce and be ready to roll as soon as
I finish getting dressed. We're going hunting!"
A short time later the fifty Cuddle-Elves and their nominal leader
Grimm headed toward the castle, stopping occasionally to capture any Spam
monstas they found, transform them into pizza, and sit down to a late
breakfast, a brunch, an early lunch, and several mid-morning snacks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KittWulf
XIII
Secrets of Cuddle Cartography
Cuddlelion bounded toward the mystic center of Cuddleland, the
birthplace of the land, and the wellspring of it's existence, the meadow,
and at it's center, the treehouse atop the central hill.
"I've GOT to find Synny!" he thought worriedly as he arrived at the
center of Cuddleland in a cloud of blowing grass and dust. He looked up
into the huge old white-oak known as the treehouse tree. Centuries old,
and covering over an acre with it's broad limbs, the tree not only provided
a shady retreat from the midday sun, its roots were the anchor to
cuddle-reality, home to myriad lesser and greater creatures, and it was
also a really great place to leave messages because everybody passed by
there sooner or later.
Cuddlelion searched through the small windrift of e-mail around the
roots of the tree - and saw the dread mark of oil on many of them.
"Spam" muttered the lion, turning the word into a curse.
There were many older messages from Synny: wonderful, funny,
endearing messages, that were insightful as well - but all originating from
some place called "AOL" and none recent. Mustering the forces at his
command, the lion leapt into the tree and climbed to the highest branches
that could bear his weight. Tuning his thoughts to this AOL place, the
cuddle-lion concentrated on creating a sending...
Over his head a thundercloud formed in the shape of a lion's head
and forepaws - the astral form of Cuddlelion. It turned to the sky, and
gazed into the depths of cyberspace - searching... searching...
"Could she even be found?" he worried, "Would she be able to
return, and meet us at New Village - the one marked xxx on my map?"
"Synny," he projected into infinity, "are you there? We miss you
in the meadow... How are you biding?"
Cuddlelion, after communing with the astral form of Synny - which
surprised her a great deal, since she didn't even know she HAD an astral
form - looked down from the thundercloud and thundered, "Synny sends her
best wishes. She too has been affected by the waves of Spam but has taken
refuge in a RL hospital to wait out the worst of it, and depends on the
rest of us to bravely fight back. Also, she warns us to never try stabbing
or cutting Spam with a sword since that will only release more oil, and
make it more annoying!"
Reassured by the news of Synny, the immense thundercloud quickly
shrank down into the top of the treehouse tree and coalesced into the form
of. Shaking his massive head to clear away the fog, he rummaged around in
his mane for a bit looking for the map of cuddle-land:
rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage
rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage
rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage
rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage rummage
"Aha! I knew it was in here somewhere!" he declared happily and
quickly smoothed out a tiny wrinkle over Cuddle University. Then closing
his ears, (not his eyes, because you have to see the map to use it for
inter-dimensional travel, and besides, the bang is always quite loud) the
lion touched the New Village icon lightly with a foreclaw, and
concentrated.
BANG!
And just like that the Lion came to the edge of town. There was
thick Spam everywhere, herded by all kinds of nasty monstas, just like
herds of sheep would be - except not at all warm and cuddly. Seeing no way
into town on foot from this angle, the lion leaped onto the nearest roof,
trotted carefully across it, then leaped to the next roof, thus proceeding
across town to the rendezvous. Crossing streets was the hardest part - he
really had to get up some speed to jump across main street.
He wondered where everybody was. There was a strange greasy feel
to the air, as though something was oiling the air molecules - no, worse,
trying to slip through the spaces between and into Cuddleland. There was a
kind of horrid fascination to it that almost forced a response. This was
very bad.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KittWulf
XIV
Greybear and Vido Go for a Spin
Greybear was calming trimming lampwicks when Chris the Dented
Knight barged through the door screaming out an incomprehensible tale of
Spam and Blue Meanies and sending lampwicks flying through the station
office. With his vital, delicate work now scattered all over the floor
there was only one thing to do: put the kettle on!
Calmed down by a mug of railwayman's tea, the color and taste of
old brass, the dented knight briefed Greybear in a more orderly manner and
concluded, "I need to get to Castle Station as quickly as possible to pick
up my armor and the various anti-Spam weaponry I have there. The Party
Loco should be quickest to fire up, so I'll take that as soon as it's hot
and check the line through the meadow to the castle. Can you put a work
train together and follow as soon as you're ready? We may need to repair
some line, or connect up to the new north village to make the best
strategic use of the railway if this is a serious invasion. Recruit anyone
who you come across who can help."
With that, the two Cuddlers fired up their respective locomotives
and, as soon as there is some steam pressure, the multi-colored Party Loco
eased out of the station sidings, heading first east and then north across
the unusually quiet meadow, with the dented knight at the controls.
Now this is a highly dangerous maneuver, two trains setting off one
after the other like that, so Greybear invokes permissive block working for
the duration of the Spam emergency. That's better, more business-like.
While the Cuddleland Pullman Loco is getting up steam, Vido helps
to disguise it with a black air-smoothed casing, and couples up a works
train including a strange-looking apparatus with a hopper, a crusher, a
pulverizer and a conveyor belt leading to the tender fuel space. It looks
like it started life as a ballast washer, but what on earth could it be
now? Could it have something to do with that book Greybear has been
reading? "Unfinished Projects of O V S Bullied"? Anyhow the whole thing
is quickly concealed under a big tarpaulin.
After a safe interval Greybear and Vido ease the train out of the
yard and onto the main line northbound, moving carefully and as quietly as
possible, not letting the safety valve blow or sounding the whistle.
"Hush-hush" is the word! Chris may have gone ahead, but this should really
be The Leader.
What will they find up ahead? Greybear has a grim determined look,
Vido is too covered in coal dust to have any expression at all. The
massive train moves into the gloom ahead, electric lights showing the way.
As soon Greybear got the Spam-Burner locomotive in good running
order, he left Vido in charge and set off to meet the other cuddlers,
driving the latest product from the Cuddle Rail workshops: a steam powered
all terrain vehicle cum ski mobile. He drives through the mountain pass,
glides swiftly over the smooth surface of the glacier and soon arrives at
the rendezvous to find Kittwulf waiting with Chris the Dented Knight and
Greyhawk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KittWulf
XV
Rendezvous
Settling down with a mug of seriously strong tea and a plate of
cookies, Chris relaxed for a few moments on a platform bench, keeping a
look-out across the land south of the castle.
The tea and biscuits were not quite consumed undisturbed, as the
watchful and fully armed knight became aware of what could only be
described as an armed horde flowing across the meadow from the east.
Not Spam colored, but bright red and green, the Cuddle-Elf company
were preceded by their renowned battle-cry, "Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!"
Grimm paused by the knight to regain his breath and to explain his
plans for a veritable moveable feast. Chris responded with a distinctly
evil grin: Cuddle-Elves in a feeding frenzy would not even hear the opening
words of a spammonsta's special oily pleading.
Briefly visiting his stationmaster's house, the knight added a few
bottles of Lea and Perrins sauce to Grimm's culinary knapsack, since they
could improve the flavor of the most dubious food.
Happy in the knowledge that the castle was in good hands, or at
least teeth, Chris resumed his train journey, heading the Party Locomotive
east again, before taking the northern route past the clocktower (still
with strong smells of cooking) and into the eastern of the two passes in
the northern mountains. The gradient here was steep so, traveling fast,
even a lightly laden locomotive had to work. Once over the crest and
heading downhill, even a steam locomotive could become remarkably stealthy.
At the point nearest New Village, where a railway extension had
been planned but not completed, the knight left his charge in a permanent
way siding and completed the journey on foot, anxious to re-join Kittwulf
and Greyhawk, as well as concerned at his inability to spot and recruit any
other cuddlers.
It was a relief to see and hear Greybear's transport heading over
the glacier to the village by the western route.
At the edge of the village, which was unusually quiet as so much of
the meadow had been, Chris, Greybear and Kittwulf took instructions from
Greyhawk.
"The answers to the strange magic and the monstas are somewhere
near here. I could sense the half familiar flavor of the spells from some
distance. Now I need your help. If I were to work much magic this close,
whoever is responsible would be aware of my presence, and I think it would
be best to leave him or her unaware as yet. The village must be searched
carefully and quietly. Somewhere here is the center for all this
disturbance."
In two pairs they entered the village, Chris and Kittwulf staying
near the road while Greybear and Greyhawk circled to the south. Again
there were signs of abandonment: doors open, a chair overturned. Oily Spam
residue was more frequent here than it had been further south and the smell
of the creatures was becoming more pervasive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KittWulf
XVI
Chaos Multiplies
After flying around trying to find out what was going on, Silver
Eagle saw a tired looking Cuddlelion making his way cautiously across the
roof-tops. He swooped down and landed close to his comrade. "Hey
Cuddlelion, you look like you could use a lift! Hop on and you can fill me
in while we scout from the sky."
Cuddle-Lion gratefully accepted the offer, and soon felt the wind
ruffling through his fur. "Not much time to fill you in, but I overheard
something on the roof back there. I was looking through the skylight and
heard some monstas talking about their master coming. We've got to warn
the others! And I think the rest of our friends are being held captive
somewhere in town. We've got to hurry something Terrible is about to
happen, I can feel it."
Meanwhile, down in the streets...
Scouting through the streets of New Village, Greyhawk suddenly
found himself standing alone in front of a small dry goods shop.
"I think Greybear went thataway," he mumbled to himself, "I guess I
must have zigged when I should have zagged."
Not far down the street, a large 24-Hour-Live-Coeds monsta and a
$$$Get-Rich-Quick-Perfectly-Legal$$$ monsta crossed the street casually
unaware that disaster was about to befall them. Briefly touching the
energy background and finding no hint of the SpamLord, Greyhawk readied a
nice little spell to transform the pair of Spam monstas into teddy bears
when suddenly:
ShadowWalker brazenly, and some might say foolishly, stepped out in
clear sight, growling and all of her fur up on end, silver tips shining
from some inner strength and power. A quick dash into the square and she
tore the throat from the first monsta who instantly dissolved into a haze
of 1s and 0s before winking out completely. She was on the second monsta
before it could react, knocking it to the ground and blinking in surprise
when it broke up into bits and blits before fading into nothingness.
Glancing up and down the deserted street, she missed Greyhawk who had not
moved from where he was concealed by shadows and headed off in search of
more invaders.
"Well", Greyhawk whispered to himself, "she certainly is
persuasive."
Slowly, watching the windows along the street for any sign of
movement, Greyhawk stood to his feet and stepped out of the shadows
intending to follow ShadowWalker and see if she knew where everyone had
gone. Too late to react, he felt a shield slide into him, breaking his
connection with his magic before he had a chance to defend himself. The
air around him suddenly solidified into a band wrapped so tightly from
shoulders to toes that it forced his arms painfully against his sides and
knocked him off balance. He thumped to the ground in a most undignified
manner and rolled a short way into the street.
"Uh-oh," he had just managed to mumble when a band of air slammed
his jaw shut and held it there.
Immobilized and barely able to breath, he stared across the street
at the distant storefront, ironically having time to wonder why they built
their stores a foot off the ground in a place with neither heavy snowfall
nor the danger of flooding.
Someone picked him up from behind, and just as he noticed that the
shop across the street sold a delicious looking cheesecake, a woman in a
long blue dress stepped in front of him. Both the dress and the scarf that
protected her hair were made from a deep blue silk with silver threads
woven into it in a random pattern of stars, crescent moons, swirling
galaxies, and suns. In other circumstances he might have thought her
pretty.
"Really now, Greyhawk," she said pleasantly, "after everything I've
heard I expected you to be much harder to capture. I guess that just goes
to show how much more powerful psychic ability is than magic.
Nighty-night."
One pale hand with slim fingers and long nails painted deep blue
reached out to touch his forehead and the world disappeared.
"Hmm," said Cuddlelion, crouching with Silver Eagle on the roof of
a pale yellow warehouse on the edge of New Village "this building looks a
lot like the place those Spam monsters were describing. Let's see if we
can find a way in. Ah, here's a skylight - wait. Do you hear something?"
The cuddlers crouched low over the dirty glass window, as something
blue begins to coalesce in the room below them. It turned, swirled tighter
and tighter, and then formed into a woman wearing a dark blue dress with
silver symbols woven into the cloth. She clapped her hands, and a
chain-mail Spam monster entered, dragging a wrapped up figure.
"Oh my god," breathed Cuddlelion quietly, "I think that's
Greyhawk!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KittWulf
XVII
Moving Into Position
Pressing on towards the center of the village Chris and Kittwulf
twice concealed themselves in empty cottages as wandering monstas slurped
by. Their monotonous cry of "Get your sex-appeal here" was pathetic and
horrifying at the same time.
"Do you suppose they understand what they're saying?" whispered
Kittwulf.
"I doubt it," Chris replied. "They just have an instinctive desire
to seek victims. A chain-letter monsta with any sort of brain would know
it was talking rubbish, but they still keep on chanting."
Nearer the market square the incidence of monstas grew worse, so
the dented knight and Kittwulf moved from garden to garden rather than risk
the lanes.
"The picture's clear enough now," Chris said, watching the heaving
pink blobs slurping back and forth. "It's all centered on the town hall.
They're coming and going and there's hordes of them in front of it and in
the square. I want a look inside before we head back, if possible."
"Well we can't just march up to the front door and demand
admittance," replied Kittwulf, "so we'll have to make our way around back
and try for a quiet approach."
A small alley to the rear of the building looked promising but
turned out to be guarded by a solitary but large monsta: quiescent but
awake.
"There's only one here," Chris whispered to Lady Kittwulf, "If I
can take him out quickly I can get a peek in through the window and we'll
be away before anyone's the wiser."
So saying the dented knight advanced, keeping in the shadows, while
reaching into his bag for the necessary equipment...
First the large glove puppet, then the super-glue, liberally
squirted inside. Distracting the monsta with a thrown stone, a quick dash
and a squeeze saw the puppet firmly installed on the monsta's tail. The
doll looked just enough like a computer newbie to fool a very small brain
(which is all it had to do). Additionally, every time the monsta moved its
tail the puppet issued the characteristic chime of a Windows machine
switching on.
Hearing the noise of a victim in the area, the monsta swung round
and just caught sight of the newbie moving away behind him. The rest was
inevitable and did not take too long, leaving the monsta collapsed in a
heap, gently quivering and making occasional attempts to continue to turn
clockwise.
Chris approached the town hall window and looked in. His face grew
grim and his eyes cold at the sight revealed. Returning to Kittwulf, he
hurried her without a word down the alley and back along the route they had
come. As soon as they were undercover, Kittwulf demanded to know what
Chris had seen.
"It's horrible," the dented knight replied. "There must be half of
Cuddleland squashed in there, and not a bar of chocolate or a cookie to be
seen. It's just inhumane. The bears are suffering terribly. Worse even
than that, they're being forced to write chain letters, address envelopes
and package pheromones. If we don't get them out quickly their minds will
have gone. We've got to head back to the rendezvous point and hope that
Greyhawk has a good plan."
"Greybear came by while you were distracting the monsta and he's
gone back to look for Greyhawk," she whispered as soon as Chris finished
his report, "he seems to have taken a wrong turn somewhere."
A few minutes later Greybear reappeared creeping around the
opposite corner. He slid up to them and tersely announced, "Greyhawk's
completely vanished. I can't find him anywhere. He must be gone!"
"Gone? You mean lost?" demanded Kittwulf, before realizing and
answering her own question. "No, he couldn't get lost, not with his
ability to read Cuddleland's magic background. Do you suppose he's been,"
she swallowed nervously, "taken?"
"What now?" Greybear asked, "it was his plan and instructions that
brought us here. He was right about the problem, but what about the
solution?"
"Our choices are becoming limited" the dented knight said, grimly.
"I was counting on Greyhawk for a plan, but without him, we must do what we
can with what we have."
"There is a way to get the cuddlers free and out of the town hall
but it will mean you two doing something you have never done before. It's
not going to be easy. I don't want to speak this out loud, the Spam is
every where now, so come close and I'll whisper. This is what we're going
to do..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KittWulf
XVIII
A Rescue Attempt
TigerPuss, having spent a few days in the inflirtary suffering from
a minor chocolate deficiency had just begun feeling better when she
suddenly sensed something was terribly wrong. Raising her head to listen
for Cuddlelion's thoughts, she located him and teleported to where he and
Silver Eagle were standing atop a pale yellow warehouse in New Village.
Looking down through the skylight, she saw Greyhawk in terrible danger.
"We've got to do something quick to get Greyhawk out of there! Who
knows what they are planning on doing to him! I've got an idea! I know
where there is an invisibility plant. It has three leaves on it that are a
pale white, the rest of the leaves are a normal green. Each white leaf
will, when eaten, make a person invisible. To become visible again, a
green leaf needs to be eaten. I'll go get some of those leaves. Back in a
flash."
TigerPuss disappears, then reappears a few minutes later with the
green and white leaves. "Here, each of you take one white and one green
leaf. My plan is this, Cuddlelion and I, after we eat a white leaf, will
go down to the street and create a disturbance. That should get the woman
out of the building long enough for Silver Eagle to get in there and get
Greyhawk out. Bring him back to this roof. If I can teleport him far enough
away from that woman, her psychic hold on him should be neutralized. Then
I'll bring him back and we can meet the others at the rendezvous. Ready?
Let's go."
TigerPuss picks up Cuddle-Lion and flies him gracefully down to the
street in front of the building. Looking around, she spots the cheesecake
in the shop window across the street. Concentrating hard, she teleports
the cheesecake and some other pies, throwing them through the open door of
the building, right into the face of the woman. Startled, the woman looks
out into the street, (after wiping the mess off her face) but sees no one.
Frowning, she steps outside to investigate. As soon as she steps into the
street, TigerPuss teleports a large black and white striped tablecloth over
the woman, wrapping it securely around her head.
"Now it's your turn, Cuddlelion. Tackle her and hold her down,
until I return. Once Greyhawk is free of her hold on him, I'll take him
back to the rendezvous. Then I'll come back and teleport you to the
rendezvous as well!"
The invisible Cuddle-Lion, emboldened, Leaps through the door, only
to bounce off the chain mail monster as it suddenly moves into the way.
"Urff!" grunts the lion, as he crashes through the concrete wall,
stunning himself. The blasted thing had the resistance of a pyramid.
Quickly shaking his head and recovering, the Lion unleashes his
claws... YIPE! Haven't done that in a while... and rammed back into the
room, where the woman in blue had removed the tablecloth, and was beginning
some kind of telepathic spell. Desperately, Cuddle-Lion slashes a hole
straight through the chain mail monster, and leaps on the Spam mistress,
but too late! Even as she is knocked to the floor, she unleashes a blast
of psychic energy, lifting the lion clear of the floor, and hurling him
through the roof and over the mountains! He lands in a clear mountain
pool, fortunately, and splashes down no worse for wear.
"I hope TigerPuss was able to get Greyhawk out of there," mutters
the soggy lion, swimming to shore, "That Spam was dynamite."
Visible once again after chewing one of the green leaves the white
tiger gave him, he quickly shakes his mane, sending a rainbow over the
small valley, and starts to run back towards the rendezvous point. The tear
in the fabric of reality has gotten worse and Cuddlelion fears even his
secret weapon might not be able to stem the horrible tide of Spam now
flowing through. Unfortunately, the dang thing won't work when it's wet.
run run run...
Wildlife, made ill by the uneasy Spam vapor filtering through the
air, are startled by the sudden pass of the lion.
Faster... I've got to get there before it's too late... Faster....
FASTER...
The form of the Lion becomes a blur, rocketing through the mountain
pass...
wwwwwWWWWWHHHHOOOOOOOSSSSSSSHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh
In dismay, as the Lion approaches the town, he sees that a huge
rushing pool of Spam flows outward from a central point. "Blast that Spam
lord!" he thinks, "They must have completed opening the rift!"
Finally, exerting his utmost strength, the lion rams through the
pool, spraying a great wave of Spam to both sides. the sound of his
ferocious passage is terrible, and the smell from the terrible ocean of
Spam is overwhelming. Gasping for breath, the lion arrives at the
rendezvous and
collapses.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KittWulf
In later years, The Cuddle-Lion would sit at the mouth of his cave
- uh, Den, rocking in his favorite rocking chair, and recount to the
newbies and young cuddlers the story of the final battle between the
Knights in Tarnished Armor, with the help of the Cuddlers Valiant Strike
Force, and the evil Spam Lord and her greasy minions.
The psychically powered invader, a tall woman dressed in a dark
blue dress with sparkly cabalistic sybols all over it, had snuck her forces
into cuddle-land through the new village in the northern territories.
Acting quickly, the greasy forces had captured many cuddlers from their
beds and spirited them away to tie them up with spam bonds in the new
village town hall.
Greyhawk, out for a morning walk with some friends, noticed an odd
quietness in the land, and a bad feel to the undercurrents of magic in
which he was expert. After finding evidence of the invasion, and contacting
the few cuddlers who were left, he led an expedition north to the new
village, where unfortunately, he was captured, caught unawares by the
tricky spam lord, who had just arrived, tearing a hole in the fabric of
reality, and flooding the area with an ocean of spam. Flying White Tiger,
Greybear, Kittwulf, Chris the dented knight, and I devised a plan to rescue
him, along with the rest of the cuddlers being held captive. Unfortunately,
our first attack was none too well coordinated, and I got thrown far away,
and the others separated. By the time I made it back to the rendezvous, I
was exhausted from fighting my way through the ocean of spam. I had
determined to use my last ditch defence, but passed out before i could tell
the others about it. Meanwhile, the remaining group had devised a clever
ruse to free Greyhawk, which involved a noble sacrifice by the Dented
Knight. The last we saw of him, he had been buried under a horrible
mountain of spam.
What we didn't know was that, once the odds had simply become
overwhelming, he had simply withdrawn into his armour, the way a turtle
draws his legs and head into his shell, So he was safe and unharmed. While
The Spam Lord was distracted by this valiant effort, Greybear and Kittwulf
had snuck in to the town hall, using back streets, and freed the rest of
the cuddlers, who made it to the train station where a relief train had
arrived.
Greyhawk, freed from his magic shackles, carefully approached the
Spam Lord while the Valliant Cuddler Attack Force engaged the Spam Army in
a mighty battle in the town square. Flying White Tiger, with her squadron,
kept the enemy busy, and relayed enemy troop movements to Kitwullf, who, at
the forefront of the fighting, was dispatching spam mercenaries left and
right, up and down, forward and back and every which way - while each of
the Valiant Cuddler Attack Force handled the waves spam attacks according
to their own particular personalities - The roos used their powerful feet
and legs to great advantage, the bears huggled and cuddled much of the
hotter flaming spam into submission, the lighter cuddlers wove in and out
of the enemies battle lines, confusing and disconcerting, there were
sparkles of magic everywhere, sudden gaps in the enemy front where whole
ranks of spam would suddenly disappear out of embarassment, distractions
and misdirections - it was a sight to make a lion proud. But the spam was
everywhere, and it kept coming and kept coming and KEPT coming... soon the
cuddlers, who had freed the dented knight, were separated into two groups,
one was surrounded in the square, battling hard against the inexhaustible
spam, the other, a small group of Greybear, Greyhawk, and Cuddle-Lion, who,
though he had recovered from his earlier battle, was playing possum. This
group was confronted directly by the spam lord herself right in front of
the hole in the fabric of reality, where she directed her psychic powers
through the opening.
"You see how hopeless it is?" she sneered at Greyhawk. "You have no
chance of overcoming us. Why fight it? You know you want to join us... Join
me, and you will become a part of the most powerful force in the universe.
Come to the dark side of the net. Wouldn't it be so much easier than this
fruitless, hopeless battle? What is the use of fighting us, when you know
the battle will be ours. Join me Luke. I mean, Greyhawk. Give yourself over
to the darkside. Come with me, and together we will rule side by side.
Everything that you ever wanted could be yours."
I shuddered at the power of her persuasion, and I was not even the
focus of her psychic efforts. But Greyhawk remained unmoved. I am ashamed
to say that I do not remember his counter arguments, but they cleared my
head like a cool breeze. I saw that the Spam Lord was troubled. Thinking
quickly, I caught Greybear's attention "You must help me," I whispered, as
the argument between Greyhawk and the Spam Lord continued. I know something
which might be able to defeat her... Greyhawk is convincing, but she has
too much invested in this effort to turn back now. Take my map..."
The greybear tried to protest, but I wouldn't hear of it. Quickly I
outlined my plan. Greybear took one end of the map and we began folding the
top edge carefully... oh so carefully. It had to be done precisely so, or
it wouldn't work at all. We heard the angry voice of the Spam Lord raised
in argument - if only Greyhawk could keep her distracted long enough! His
voice rose as well, but not with anger. instead the cool tones of
considered reason prevailed in his voice.
I knew that The Spam Lord would not find it easy to resist his
logic - I also knew that there wasn't a snowballs chance in
H>E>double-toothpicks that she would give in - no matter how right she was
forced to admit he was. He was using magic now, in weavings of such
strength as I had never seen, but only to isolate them from the noise of
the battle, and keep himself free of her enchantment. The angry Spam Lord
shouted and I felt a gathering of terrible forces. "You will not thwart
me!" she cried, and a terrible blast of psychic energy glanced barely off
Greyhawks magic shield, missing Greybear and I by inches... I heard a
building behind us explode into flame, but dared not look and break my
concentration. I was concentrating on the position... where was it, the
point of my desire... where EXACTLY was it....
Off in the square, the battle was going badly. Several of the
strike force had fallen under the onslaught, the rest were encircled and
badly pressed. More buildings burst into flame around us as the argument ws
cut short by the Spam Lord. "Pah! I will listen to no more of this
foolishness! Why should I go meekly back when i am on the verge of victory!
BEGONE!" and she began her own weaving of power. A great wave of spam rose
over the embattled cuddlers in the square. The outlook was mighty grim...
when suddenly.... a wind sprang up out of nowhere. No ordinary wind, this
was a wild and terribly powerful, violent blast of air, all rushing toward
the gap in reality torn by the spam lord. Springing to my feet, I clawed at
the cobblestones beneath my paws and grabbed Greybear to keep him from
flying away, then grabbed a lampost with a clang of digging in claws. The
spam wave, poised to overwhelm the last little group of cuddlers, slowed,
paused, and began to draw back, pushed by the sheer volume of clean air.
I roared at the top of my voice to be heard over the terrible howl
of the wind, "Draw back! Get to the train, and then to the mountains as
fast as you can! We three will end this, you've done all that you can! GO!"
The cuddlers picked up the exhausted and wounded and headed for the
train station as fast as they could against the powerful wind, which grew
stronger by the moment. Kittwulf left them and ran over to us. The reality
map, known as the map of cuddleland fluttered in my grasp, but Greybear and
I kept hold of it tightly, especially three newly folded spots.... Kittwulf
joined us and held the map, though she was not privy to our plans.
The Spam Lord seemed to grow huge - and laughed in a voice like the
crack of thunder. "HA HA HA HA HA! Do you think you can defeat ME with mere
wind and words, you pathetic fools! I am INVICTA, the Lord of All Spam! I
COULD CRUSH YOU WITH A THOUGHT!"
Gathering all my powers of concentration and reality bend, I
carefully began to move one corner of the map just that last little
fraction of an inch. The Spam Lord's server fluttered.
"What..." her thunderous voice cracked.
Greyhawk Spoke, and his voice, though quiet, rang out clearly.
"Lord of Spam you may be. But lord of this world you shall never see." And
he laid his hand on the map.
Together, Greybear, Greyhawk, Kittwulf and I moved the folded
corner, which depicted the image of a black hole, that final fraction of an
inch. Within the gap in reality behind the Spam Lord, appeared a real
black hole, cutting off her server and sending it into darkness. The
howling wind became like a a giant roaring hand, shoving all the spam
back through the hole, Faster and faster it flowed, clogging the hole,
streaming through it, cleaning the streats of it's greasy, miasmic
presence, dragging it to pieces, and then the gravity of that inescapable
force grabbed hold and dragged it too down into darkness. Screaming, the
Blue and pink creature revealed as the spam lord clutched at the edges of
our reality. "You cannot! I will STILL win, I will take this world and
rebuild, and send you all to the depths of slimy misery!" She resisted the
tremendous pull of the black hole with all her power. I dared not bring the
hole into the town itself, it would swallow the world, but... "Greyhawk!" I
yelled at the top of my lungs over the hurricane, feeling the solid iron
support we were holding bend, watching the cobbles in the road itself tear
up and fly into darkness, bouncing off the Spam Lord as she struggled to
stay in this world. As the last of the spam she had released into
cuddle-land was drained back through the hole, I revealed my thought.
"I Can do one more thing! I can summon the blast from the heart of
a star to this spot - That would force her through, I know it, but I can't
control all that energy! I can only bring it here.... and it will destroy
this valley and everything in it! You must get Greybear and Kittwulf to
safety!" Greyhawk responded... I strained to hear, but the howling wind
whipped his words away. "Greyhawk, you must get to safety!" I roared. But
Greyhawk only shook his head and pointed to the map. I took it to mean that
he had used too much of his power in fighting off the spam lord's assaults.
Sorrowfully, I took the last folded corner of the map, and brought it down
into the little drawing of a town, thinking... "Well, at least we'll go out
with a bang, and get rid of all that pink grease..." The sky grew
bright... brighter... impossibly bright. My eyelids were tight shut, but i
could still see the outlines of everything around me... a building
collapsed and roared instantly into the black hole, its timbers and blocks
bouncing off the spam lord's body. She screamed... I wasn't too far from
screaming myself.
From beyond the mountains, the cuddlers there, escaping on the
train, said it seemed a solid bar of whiteness shot downward through the
clouds, followed by a terrible rumbling in the earth.
And it bent!
The bar of fire from the heart of a star, TURNED as it reached the
earth, and blasted straight at the Monstrous lord of Spam.
She was gone. I felt her go. Instantly, I unwrapped the map,
unfolded it.... the black hole and the star's heart both vanished, back to
their places in the heavens.
"What a terrible, terrible waste." I heard Greyhawk murmer softly.
"We have to close the hole in reality, or more spam might come
through. And frankly, I'm just not up to another fight right now." said
Kittwulf. Greybear, who seemd to have been struck dumb through most of
this adventure, nodded in agreement.
"Greyhawk? I know you are a weaver of spells, could you help me
reweave this spot on my map?" I asked. Together we pulled the edges of the
tiny hole together and watched the hole in reality close... then Greyhawk
closed his eyes, and the fibres of the map wound together, knitted, and the
map was healed as though it had never been torn. I smoothed the wrinkles
out where we had folded it, and it was as good as new. Then i looked up at
my friends. Each was a bit scorched, scuffed, dirty, and banged up, and i
wouldn't need a mane trim in quite a while, having just had most of it
burned off.
"Mrruu-emm," I said, "My family, my friends. Let's go home."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The End
woodsman
Hugs
--
Roger
The Woodsman
The magic of the heart makes all things glow.
May we all see with the magical part of our heart and like a child look on
in wonder..
TFT
"KittWulf" <SeaW...@newsguy.com> wrote in message
news:h9tqqt0gje2c2104r...@4ax.com...
>
> XVII
> Moving Into Position
woodsman
Thank you for the stories.
Hugs
--
Roger
The Woodsman
The magic of the heart makes all things glow.
May we all see with the magical part of our heart and like a child look on
in wonder..
TFT
"KittWulf" <SeaW...@newsguy.com> wrote in message
news:0smtqtkn9upk5mv51...@4ax.com...
Gayle
Hugs
--
Gayle <":~>
TFT
Whether we bring our enemies to justice
or justice to our enemies,
justice will be done.
George W. Bush
KittWulf
>Applause Applause
>Thank you for the stories.
Ooooo, why thank you....from all of us who wrote the stories. :)
*Hugs*
Kitt
KittWulf
>That was great! Thanks, Kitt.
>Hugs
And thank -you-, for appreciating the stories. From all of us. :)
*Hugs*
Kitt
Kevin Ilias (Countryk)
:c(
believe or not but my server expired all the parts to the story .. along
with a bunch of other posts
Hmmm maybe google with have them.
*Hugs*
--
Sir CountryBear, KiTA
TFT
The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand,
nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship;
it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when
he discovers that someone else believes in him and is
willing to trust him.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
also on Aol as kevin52864
ICQ# 47343368
page always under construction http://www.geocities.com/~countryk
not much to look at now but always pondering it :c)
KittWulf
<kevi...@bellsouth.net> wrote:
>:c(
>
>believe or not but my server expired all the parts to the story .. along
>with a bunch of other posts
>
>Hmmm maybe google with have them.
Yup, Google's got them all. It's the server I checked each day to make
sure all the posts were propogating. :)
If you have any problems let me know and I can e-mail the file to you.
*Hugs*
Kitt
Kevin Ilias (Countryk)
will give that a try .. thanks Kitt :c)
Melissa
we've got in here! *HUGS*
Kennabear