MSTed: Lyndon LaRouche on what's wrong with the GOP

[John Nevins]

My MSTing:

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Mike: I see - he's trying out for the role of Lucky in
_Godot_.

>From: euse...@aol.com (Eusebius7)

Crow: Oh great. The author of this named himself after one of
the great frauds of history. I guess we can expect
more of the same.

>Newsgroups: alt.conspiracy
>Subject: LaRouche on what's wrong with the GOP

Crow and Tom burst into tears.
Mike: Oh god.

>Date: 21 Mar 1996 05:16:56 -000
>Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)

Tom: MAYDAY! MAYDAY! Hang on tight, boys, we're going down
hard on this one.

>Lines: 70

Mike: Look on the bright side, guys, it's only 70 lines long.
Tom: Face it, Mike, 70 lines of LaRouche is like having to sit
through an hour of Buchanan's `92 Convention
speech. We're _dead_.

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- Why the Republican Party is a Disaster -

Mike: Well, I'm in agreement with Lyndon so far.

Q: Mr. LaRouche, Republicans Abroad Oxford, a group at Oxford,
Enland, of Americans abroad, have produced a series of policy
papers.

Tom: (Gumby voice) HOW...TO TAX...THE POOR...BY J...P...GUMBY!

They bemoan the fact that the Anglo-American special relationship

Crow: (Harvey Fierstein voice) They just want to love each
other - is that so wrong?

is in trouble, they call for a geopolitical approach to Central

Mike: Comedy Central?
Tom: If he's recommending we practice realpolitik on Doug
Herzog and send a hit-squad to eliminate him and
his family, I may have to change my mind on Lyndon.

Asia and the Transcaucasus. What do you think of these various
proposals?

Mike: *makes OK sign with his right hand* It stinks!

LYNDON LAROUCHE: Well, the problem is, that

Tom: I'm in jail.
Mike: And an inveterate liar.
Crow: Nuts, too.

what you have in the Republican Party,

Crow: Is proof of Satan's existence.

the dominant elemet at the top of the party today, is

Mike: Former SS Majors and people who want to burn the _Wizard
of Oz_ because it endorses Satanism?
Tom: Say, Mike, I heard this one the other day - did you know
Pat Buchanan's father died in a concentration camp?
Mike: Uh...no, Tom, I didn't know that.
Tom: Yeah, he fell from a guard tower.

controlled from London,

Crow: Is it just me, or did Lyndon totally ignore the
question?

and I'm not exaggerating.

Tom: You, Lyndon, exaggerate? No, never. After all, look how
moderate you were with your charge that the Queen
of England is in charge of the world drug trade.

That's no speculation, that's an obvious fact.

Mike: I wonder what color the sky is on Lyndon's planet.

For example, you have a British intelligence operation

Crow: Hah! When was the last time the British successfully ran
one of _them_ - when they financed John Wilkes
Booth?
Mike looks quizzically at Crow.
Crow: Um...never mind.

called the Mont Pelerin Society,

Tom: An entire society devoted to mounting Pele? Whoa!
Mike: Let's not get too salty here, Tom...

which controls the majority of the Nobel Prize winners in economics
in the United States,

Crow and Tom begin laughing.
Mike: Y'know, I doubt this is true, simply because my econ
prof at Madison would have been no use to British
intelligence. He wore the same pair of pants for
the whole semester and never bathed - what would
spies want with a guy like that?
Tom: Use him to torture people with?

and which virtually controls the faculties of economics in nearly
every university in the Unitd States.

Crow: So, let me get this straight: the British intelligence
service has decided to control the US via economics
professors?
Mike: You just have to marvel at the ingenuity of that plan.
Look at how well it's working!

There are a few important exceptions to that, but overall, what the
average poor Yuppie gets,

Tom: Is Lyndon even listening to what he is saying? "Poor"
Yuppies?
Crow: Yeah, you know - the ones who make under $150,000 a
year.

or Generation X student gets in going to a college today, he gets
a second-rate babbler

Mike: Oh, so Lyndon _did_ go to UW-Madison?

of the Milton Frieman-Buchanan type--that is, Buchanan, James
Buchanan

Tom: Agent 007. Starring in _A View To A Killing In The
Market_. Coming to a theatre near you.

at the local university here, the Nobel Prize winner--and these
babblers. And they come out brainwashed, talking like

Crow: Most Young Rebublicans.

some creature out of George Orwell's _1984_. Like Phil Gramm,

Crow: Funny, I don't recall George Winston Smith talking in
some sort of horrendous Texan mush-mouth accent.

for example, the guy whose students have the smoothest brains in
Texas

Tom: Y'know, it's not widely known, but it's a proven medical
fact that all Texans have unusually tiny and smooth
brains, roughly the size and shape of baseballs.

So, that's part of the problem.
But then you have, more specifically: George Bush {is} a
British asset.

Crow: Or at least an American ass.
Mike: Crow!
Crow: But Mike - LaRouche supporters will be reading this.
They can't understand long words like "American."
Mike: Oh, okay.

That's a long story, that's detailed elsewhere.

Tom: In my unpublished monologue, "The Glory Of Me," stored on
the fourth shelf in the storage room behind the
sauna in the topless bar The Saucy Waitress, in
Dallas.

You've got a biography of Bush we published back in 1992, which
covers most of the stuff.

Crow: Oh, thank god he didn't say "area." If there's one
thing that would make me lose my appetite, it's
contemplating George Bush's area.
Tom: Hey Crow - think about this - George and Barbara actually
had sex at least *four* times!
Crow begins making gagging and heaving noises.

George Bush is a Harriman man,

Crow: George Bush isn't hairy! What's Lyndon talking about?
Mike: Harriman, Crow - Averell Harriman - former US ambassador
to the Soviets?
Crow: So what LaRouche is saying is that the Soviets
controlled Bush?
Mike: I guess so.
Crow snorts derisively.
Tom: Yeah, really, Mike, the Soviets were good at espionage -
they would have done a lot better than him.

and, just like Bob Strauss is a Harriman man in the Democratic
Party, yo have in both parties, Democrat and Republican, a lot of
these types who are British.

Mike: The Oxbridge Conspiracy.
Crow: The Cambridge Sanction.
Tom: The North London Illuminati.
Mike: The Boys from Brighton.
Crow: They Saved Churchill's Brain.
Tom: A London Bridge Too Far.

For example, Alfonse D'Amato is one of these types in the
Republican Party.

Tom: You could say that D'Amato _is_ the Republican party.
Mike: Only not quite so corrupt.

His co-Senator from New York, is a Harriman man on the Democratic
side. But on the Republican side, it really gets--there's deep
kimche.

Mike: I get the feeling I'm supposed to know what that means.

Now, in addition, take the case of Bob Dole.

Tom and Mike begin humming PSA music.
Crow: (PSA voice) Bob Dole has a problem. He wasn't careful
with his political bedfellows. Now he's got a
rash....down there.

Bob Dole is like these two guys in that famous movie called

Crow: _Dead Man Walking_?

``The Producers,'' who oversubscribed a play: He is pretty much
oversubscribed.

Crow: Y'know, it's a shame Larouche is such a loon, `cause
he's got good taste in movies.

There's a big investment in him by Dwayn Andreas,

Tom: Didn't he jam with Monk back in the 50s?
Mike: I think he also played sax for Slim Harpo on "Queen
Bee."

who's a British asset of Archer Daniels Midland.

Mike: (Jack Perkins voice) Played by the wonderful Art Carney
in a wonderful episode of that *classic* television
series _Batman_. In that episode, the Archer--
Crow: Mike, this post is bad enough - we don't need Perkins
too.

Bob Strauss, on the Democratic side, who is a Bush-league Democrat,

Crow: Aren't they all?

is on the board of directors of the British intelligence
organization called

Tom: The Organization. In it, the British spies threatened to
not spy on the Americans if they didn't give them
the money.

the Hollinger Corporation. It's the Hollinger Corporation that
coordinates the Starr operation,

Mike: _They're_ responsible for Dovestar? I love them! I just
wish they'd hurry up and release that album
domestically.

the Whitewater operation,

Tom: When your loved one can't give up kayaking no matter
what, and it's endangering your marriage - don't
give up. Try the whitewater operation. Local or
full anesthesia, and done on an outpatient basis.

and other things in the United States.

Crow: (British accent) Thingie?

The Heritage Foundation is controlled from London.

Mike: (British accent) I say, Ralph Reed old boy, do be a good
sport and oppress all the non-WASPs over there in
the colonies, eh wot, ha ha!

There are even British intelligence officials heading the Heritage
Foundation.

Crow: Correct me if I'm wrong here, guys, but I _think_ some
of Lyndon's facts might be, oh, a tad incorrect.
Tom: Yeah - everyone knows that it's actually former Gestapo
officers who head the Heritage Foundation.

So, this thing in Oxford, if ou look at the content, it's typical
of that.

Mike: You mean _everyone_ was toking up but not inhaling
during the `60s?

You've got a bunch of stooges over there, headed by a British
intelligence figure,

Crow: (Curly voice) Hey Moe - let's go bug Gerry Adams!
Tom: (Moe voice) Quiet, you meathead - we need to go control
the American conservatives. Get out that rubber
hammer and meet me at the airport.
Crow: (Curly voice) Nyuck-nyuck!

cranking out propagana on foreign policy from London. When you look
at the condition of the British economy today, one would think:

Crow: That Margaret Thatcher really hated England.

``You want to take advice from this guy spitting on a rag and
trying to get your nickels, wiping your windshield?''

Mike: But how else is Ed Meese going to find work these days?

That's what they're like.

Tom: So he's comparing the British to street-people?
Crow: What's Lyndon got against the British, anyhow?

But, the Republican Party is, presently, a disaster.

Crow: And it's about as entertaining as an Irwin Allen film,
too!

There are many good people in the Republican Party.

Tom: Leaving it in droves as Buchanan becomes more visible.

I think Bob Dole personally, as a political figure, is much better

Crow: Than a hole in the head.

than he has presented himself in the campign. He may be wrong, but
at least he's a quality human being.

Tom: (3M voice-over voice) Made completely of Dacron - the
freedom fabric!
Mike: Which is true, guys, you gotta give him some credit.
Tom: Welllll...okay.
Crow: I'm still voting for Harold Stassen.

But it's a clown show.

Mike and Tom start humming clown music.
Crow: (clown voice over voice) That's the Republican National
Convention, Kooky - I don't think you'd better
start throwing banana cream pies there!

And the Republican Party is a worse disaster than the Democratic
Party.

Tom: Only in the sense that a plane crash is worse than a
train wreck.

I think that's a fair way to put it.

Crow: (jock voice) Huh huh...that's what she said...huh huh,
whoo!
Mike: *sigh* I was hoping you wouldn't say that, Crow.

>!<>!<>!<>!<>!<>!<>!<>!<>!<>!<>!<>!<>!<>!<>!<>!<>!<>!<>!<>!<>!<>!<

Excerpt from ``EIR Talks'', featuring weely interviews with Lyndon
LaRouche,

Crow: Mike, what does EIR stand for?
Mike: Um...Enraged Idiot Rambling?
Tom: Enormous Ithead Racist?
Crow: Education in Reverse?
Mike: Enflamed Imbecile Ranting?

worldwide on shortwave radio (WWCR, on frequency of 12.160 MHz)

Mike: *sighs*
Crow: I know, Mike, I know. Let's go get drunk somewhere.
I'll buy the first round.

jess, with thanks to christine

[Jamie Plummer]

John Nevins (kal...@tiac.net) wrote:
:
: some creature out of George Orwell's _1984_. Like Phil Gramm,

:
: Crow: Funny, I don't recall George Winston Smith talking in
: some sort of horrendous Texan mush-mouth accent.

:

Gramm has a rural Georgian accent. He grew up in Georgia, not
Texas.

: The Heritage Foundation is controlled from London.

:
: Mike: (British accent) I say, Ralph Reed old boy, do be a good
: sport and oppress all the non-WASPs over there in
: the colonies, eh wot, ha ha!

You probably know this, but I should point out that Reed heads
up Robertson's Christian Coallition, not the Heritage
Foundation. There's a lot more to Heritage than the religious
right stuff.

Jamie, letting the rest go with no comment.

--
Jamie Plummer jc...@faraday.clas.virginia.edu
Save MST!!! got to http://faraday.clas.virginia.edu/~jcp9j/canceled.html
"Ask yourself if you have what it takes to be a columnist... do you have enough self-confidence so that after studying a magazine article on brain
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