possession
Mort
breakdown?). i don't know how warped that was by the rest of my
thinking. i was very alone in the highlands for the first time on the
trip with nobody, and an old victimized mindset possessed me in
regards to the world generally exterior to me but also what it has
turned me in part into. my attention must have been made to face
myself being there and i was looking for my truer feelings and motives
for living, thus parts of myself were surfacing. other than the
victim is the avenger who has some glint of compassion and actually a
deep love for the ones estranged of "reality". that side to me sees
the victim in my past, or in others who are not me but i can sympathiz
it. the other, third aspect that emerged in procession was the
romantic in me who still seeks company within this context of the
world and self view i have.
the most important person in the world
since i've been back i've been stoned, and weighed under by the
thought of all these girls i might of broken and others who i need to
keep in contact with. the worse thing is that my sister has had a
breakdown and is quite different, and it was all caused by a scumball
who has forgotten the value of real love, like me. she is really dark
and i hear her talking about revenge and wishing them harm often. i
told her she is becoming a little wednesday adams, i knew she'd like
that... but in the end.. who does all this darkness really get?
that's the instant karma of witchcraft, negative wishes makes you
uglier and sicker. she is into her black magic spells now... shall
all pass into a phase i think, but there was a very difficult thing
she went through that she told me about and i can actually relate.
hopefully she's less broken...
the most important person in the world
what appeared to be my pattern of conflict was normally based on good
manners in older people, and authority figures. a few of them
actually conformed to my will and awoke to themselves being less ideal
than they need to be. there's always an ironic thing about it, the
rudeness of teaching an elderly or authority manners. it doesn't
bother me anymore, in fact the older and more authority one has the
more i expect out of them and they need to be reminded of how good
people inter-act... when finally i came home i told my mother and my
sister that i'm becoming a christian and i'm getting married... only
half joking. staying at fathers guesthouse i got some positive
impressions of christianity's effect upon the malaysian people in
cameron highland and the wests coincidence of events: losing
christianity and falling. the problems i have with christianity are
major, but it's not like i'm on the devil's cheersquad. or maybe i'm
a double-agent. multiplicity can make a refreshing break.