Misc/Acra: Guttertrash #25: A Suicide in Destiny City
Arthur Spitzer
Disappointing. Isn't it?]
[In Abhay's words: This is a series of single-issue stories; each issue
is a self-contained attempt to do a superhero story with hopefully a
different style than that found in monthly mainstream comics.]
[Oh, yeah.. This is Acraphobe; meaning that there is horrible stuff in
this story like bad language, sex, violence, and other corrupting stuff
that will warp young impressionable minds. So if you have a young
impressionable mind, please for the love of God, do not read this
story! That is all. Enjoy!]
The JONG Company Presents:
H H
S S
A A
R R
R E T T U G
G U T T E R
R R
A A
S S
H H
N U M B E R
2 5
b y
G u e s t W r i t e r
== Arthur R. Spitzer ==
Somewhere.
Somewhere, the rainbows never end.
Somewhere, people sip miracle margaritas as they wait to board space
shuttles which will take them to monstrous space cruisers that will send
them on tours to see the colonies on the Moon and Mars. And afterwards
they will travel throughout the solar system and be baptized by the
glory of all the god named planets. As they wait, a person who looks
exactly like Buddy Holly entertains them with the Deep Purple song,
'Space Truckin'.'
Somewhere, people in gigantic mechanical suits that can transform into
monster trucks explore the deepest parts of the Mariana Trench. They
will discover an entire lost city populated by sentient plastic aquarium
figurines.
Somewhere in the city of Nyala, Darfur; bored children send telepathic
messages to each other as the virtual reality creation, Dr. Cool J Dog,
teaches them about the horrors that occurred in the early twenty first
century when the Janjaweed and civil war inflicted their land.
Somewhere in Makkah, Arabia; two college-age girls (one of arab descent
and the other one jewish) make out as they sit inside The Ka'bah built
by the Prophet Ibraaheem. And no one cares.
Somewhere, a small little girl has a tea party with her sentient stuffed
animals. She is Queen of the Kingdom of Red Dandelions. And she
discusses matters of state with her council of stuffed animals. She
will do this till her Mom comes back home from ultra-shopping.
Somewhere, a small group of middle-aged men wearing 'Cheesecake Eater
Lad for Pope' T-shirts walk out of a Virtual-Plex which has a
pre-screening of LNH: The Motion Reality and are pleasantly surprised
that it didn't suck.
And somewhere in Destiny City's tallest building, The Wolfe Tower; a
group of policemen gather around a crime scene.
| | |
= ** - - ** = = ** - - ** = = ** - - ** =
| | |
A Suicide in Destiny City
| | |
= ** - - ** = = ** - - ** = = ** - - ** =
| | |
Part I: The Book of Happy Endings
The light on the door started to wriggle and squirm. A darkness that
had emerged from the shadows was eating away at it. The temperature
lowered where the darkness spread. It kept growing and growing until
the door became a pool of black. Then right in the middle, something
began to reach through. At first it looked like the tips of fingers.
Then it looked like a hand. But finally, it looked like a man.
"Holy shit," gasped a policeman who was munching on a donut while he
witnessed this transpire. "You're him. Aren't you?"
"Yeah. That would be me. Mr. Him. But you can call me, Hey you, if
you want," replied the man as he stepped out from the blackness. He was
a middle-aged Japanese man who was extremely physically fit. Covering
his eyes were a very dark shade of sunglasses. He was garbed in a
mostly black with traces of white costume. In the center of his chest
was a yin yang symbol slightly spread apart so that it looked a bit like
an 'S'. One hand of his was bare while the other was covered by a black
glove. The glove seemed to gobble up any light that dared get close to
it. He placed his gloved hand on the blackness that painted the door.
As he touched it, the glove completely absorbed whatever darkness that
remained. This man's name was Charlie Hiroshima although he was better
known to the world and Destiny City as the Shadowraiser. A long time
ago, he had been a superhero. "So -- any donuts left?"
"Hmm? Oh yeah. Over there. There's also coffee by the table. Man,
it's starting to feel like a Destiny Patrol reunion here."
"Reunion?" The Shadowraiser raised his eyebrows a bit, but then
glancing around the room he realized why the cop had said that. He
discovered in one of the corners a costumed woman talking to some cops.
Chromatic locks of hair flowed from her head and splashed against her
shoulders. Each color seemed to have its own personality. The hue of
her costume was a heavenly blue which surrounded a silverish center.
The center was so reflective that you could see your own face as you
looked at it. The woman was Alice Queens. Her other name was The
Mirror. She had the power to reflect whatever evil or good a person did
right back at them. And as Charlie Hiroshima looked at her, he thought
to himself, Damn, she looks young. God, she looks like she's
twenty-five.
Alice Queen's eyes slipped away from the two policemen she was talking
to and spotted Charlie. Her face lighted right up. "Charlie?" she said
as she made her way to him. "Charlie! Geeze, it's been forever! Come
here!" She wrapped her arms around him. She was wearing that same
perfume she always wore. The perfume that always drove Charlie crazy.
"Yeah. It's been a few years, hasn't it?" Charlie broke from the
embrace. "Last I heard you were in LA, Alice."
"Well, it's only a teleportation booth away from Destiny City. And I
felt I had to come here. This thing -- it's the biggest thing to happen
in over ten years."
"Yeah, this thing. So what is it? Suicide? Something worse?"
"All signs seem to be pointing to just a suicide, but I've -- Oh wait.
Here's the Commissioner. He can probably explain things a little
better."
Charlie turned his attention to the man whom Alice had pointed to. "Hi,
Mr. Hiroshima. The names Chip Hammer. You probably knew my dad, Max."
"Oh right. The former commissioner. So, you're Max's boy?"
"That would be me. I'm glad both of you could come here. Although it
seems kind of a little league problem for you guys. It's not like some
supervillain is threatening to blow up the world. It's just a suicide."
"Commissioner," Alice Queen replied, "With all due respect, there hasn't
been a suicide, or murder -- or any other crime committed in the last
ten years. This is big. And I'm not convinced that it's just a
suicide."
"If I could just interrupt here," Charlie said, "How did this woman --
Umm, what's her name again?"
"Mary McCloud," answered Commissioner Chip Hammer as he flipped through
his note-space.
"How did Mary McCloud kill herself? Last time I checked, every single
human on Earth was invulnerable to harm. Right?"
The Commissioner nodded his head. "She hacked into her teleportation
device and spread everyone of her molecules all over Destiny City. We
have holographic surveillance jellies that show this happening. It
doesn't get more clear cut than that. Plus we have a suicide jelly that
has her saying goodbye to her husband and kids. If it quacks like a
suicide then -- well, you know."
"It just doesn't make sense," Alice said shaking her head. "She had a
husband and two kids. She was one of the top virtual reality
programmers in the world. She had access to the best mental
healthcare. On paper everything about her life seemed perfect. And the
interviews with friends and family said she was always happy -- at least
no signs of anything that was troubling her. We live in a world where
no one should feel like committing suicide. Least of all her."
"Well," Commissioner Chip Hammer interrupted, "Just because someone's
happy on the outside -- well, it doesn't mean anything. You know?"
"Alice?" Charlie said breaking into the conversation, "You think there's
a supervillain involved? Someone manipulating this woman's emotions?"
"Well, we've certainly faced some in our time. You know that one who
could transfer his own despair into his victims' bodies -- He caused
that mass suicide in Detroit -- What was his name?"
The Shadowraiser gave a nod. "The Despair King. I fought him a few
times. But I doubt he did this. He committed suicide years ago."
"Well, there were countless others. People who could have done this."
"And everyone of them is locked away in dreamland," Charlie pointed out.
"Yeah." All three were silent for a bit. Finally, Alice continued, "I
just can't believe anyone would commit suicide in this world. In this
perfect world."
Charlie looked at the Commissioner. "Have your people checked this
ladies system logs?"
The Commissioner shook his head. "We've tried getting in there, but --
the password is a very complex one. We're waiting for a super
encryption stripper to arrive here so we can crack into it."
"Would you mind if I gave it a shot?" Charlie responded. "I can create
a powerful code breaking device using my shadow glove."
"Sure. Go for it. Hey, Steve!" the Commissioner shouted out to one of
his men. "Show these folks the way to the system storage room."
| | |
= ** - - ** = = ** - - ** = = ** - - ** =
| | |
Charlie plucked a blue glob from the jiggling monolith that stood in the
center of the storage room. The glob pulsated in his hand. "You know,
Alice? The last time I saw you, you actually looked your age."
Alice's lips slipped into a smile. "It's called reverse aging. Didn't
you get the memo?"
"I get tons of memos. I quit reading them years ago."
"Well, as a member of the Forever Council; you're certainly qualified to
receive the treatment. In a few years, everyone will be able to look
the age they want. You should get it, Charlie. It makes you feel
wonderful."
"Maybe. I don't know. I kind of like aging. It feels like something
people are supposed to do. It feels real, you know?"
"Dying was something people used to do. But we changed that. Maybe
it's different for men. I guess when men age they get a more
distinguished kind of look. They look wiser. More important. When
women age; they just get more wrinkled, grayer, and every part of their
body starts to sag. I love being twenty again. I love being beautiful
again."
"You were always beautiful, Alice."
A slightly embarrassed look hit Alice's face. "Flatterer. But. You
can never be too beautiful, Charlie. Not when you're a women." She
gave a slight wink.
"Yeah. Well," Charlie said as he looked at the glob in his hand. "We
should probably get started with this."
"Right," Alice said as she also took a glob.
"VR-Chew Gum?" Charlie offered a reddish stick to Alice.
"What type?"
"Cinnamon."
"Mmm. My favorite," Alice said as she took piece from his hand.
Yes, Charlie thought to himself, I know. As Alice softened the piece of
gum in her mouth, the smell of cinnamon started to invade the air. And
with that came the memories. That time they were trapped in a space
escape pod after battling the Asteroid Sphinx. They had barely gotten
out. Charlie had received quite a few broken bones and too many bruises
to even count. Alice didn't have any injuries. But she never did.
Nothing could ever hurt The Mirror. Their pod was drifting into deep
space. There was no hope that they'd ever be found by anyone. There
was no food, or water on board. There was no light. There was just the
two of them and a pack of Red Scorpion cinnamon flavored gum. After a
couple of days though, their fellow Destiny Patrollers did manage to
find them. Sometimes, Charlie wished that they had just gone one more
day before being discovered. Charlie popped the piece in his mouth. He
sat on the floor in meditative position and closed his eyes. Nanobots
in the gum started to activate. They sped from Charlie's tongue towards
his brain. The blue glob in his hands started to crackle. After
awhile, he was connected.
Stars and galaxies washed over him. He spotted a comet tracing the
sky. He was in virtual space. He saw Alice floating towards him. She
made a gesture towards something behind him.
"The watchdog looks familiar. Doesn't he?" Alice said.
It was gigantic half-human and half-lion robotic creature. In two of
its hands, it carried a massive greenish looking eye that appeared to be
gazing right at him. "The Asteroid Sphinx? Weird. I was just thinking
about him."
The Asteroid Sphinx opened its eyes. There was a contemptuous look in
its face. Eventually, it spoke. [?]Those who wish to enter the realm
of Mary McCloud must answer these seven whys. They must find the mirror
in the lie. The life in the die. The spider in the fly. The God in
the guy. The pit in the sky. The sea in the dry. The cook in the
pie. And the storm in the eye.[?]
"Hmm. A pit in the sky?" Alice said pondering the riddles. "A cockpit,
maybe? And the storm in the eye? Teardrops? What do you think,
Charlie?"
"I think I have no time for this," he said as his shadowglove started to
blast the Asteroid Sphinx with blackness. The Asteroid Sphinx began to
crack apart. And a few seconds later, a doorway appeared.
"Ladies first," the Shadowraiser said as he held the doorway open for
Alice. Alice slipped in and then Charlie followed.
| | |
= ** - - ** = = ** - - ** = = ** - - ** =
| | |
The room they entered looked like a library. Shelves with books spread
throughout the entire area. A little old lady who looked exactly like
the ultimate stereotypical librarian was reading something called
'Lapping Librarians'. The cover had a couple of very hot young female
librarians completely naked and reading books.
"Hmm. I guess when the cat's away the librarians do play." Alice Queen
smirked a bit after saying that. "So, should we ask her for searching
help?"
"Oh, she's probably just reading the articles. Regardless, we might not
need too," Charlie said as he grabbed a book from the table that they
were close to. "I believe this is the one we're looking for." He held
the book up so that Alice could see the title. It was called the 'Book
of Happy Endings'. He flipped through the book. "There must be over a
million Virtual Realities in here."
"Well, I doubt she's been to each one. Let's check out the ones she
visited last."
"Right." Charlie flipped to the beginning index and clicked on the most
recently visited list. "And the last one she visited is -- Fluppsie
Wuppsie World! Hmm. That sounds fairly nightmarish to me. Are you
sure you want to go there?"
The Mirror snorted a small laugh. "We're superheroes, Charlie. We're
always living on the razor's edge."
"Well then, into the jaws of hell we go." Charlie clicked the Fluppsie
Wuppsie World entry in the Book of Happy Endings.
The library checked itself out.
| | |
= ** - - ** = = ** - - ** = = ** - - ** =
| | |
And was replaced by a happy green meadow. Candycanes and lollypops
blossomed from the ground. A jovial Sun whistled a tune that sounded
suspiciously like 'Zippity Doo Dah'. Bunnies, puppies, kittens, and
teddy bears bounced around playing with each other. The air smelled
like freshly baked apple pie. Off in the distance, a big rainbow could
be seen.
"Damn. It's even worse than I'd imagined. It's like Bambi meets the
Diabetes Bears." A couple of puppies sniffed the Shadowraiser's boots.
"Oh, come on! They're so adorable!" Alice petted a fawn who had come
near her. The fawn sniffed her hands as if searching for something.
"Sorry. I don't have any food." After hearing that bit of information,
the fawn turned its head leaving in disgust. "Still. There is
something creepy about this place. It's almost too cute, you know what
I mean? It's like there's something we're just not seeing."
"That could be it right over there." The Shadowraiser pointed towards
the cool blue pond. Multi-colored frogs bounced on lily pads.
Something was floating in the water.
"God. It's a kid. A little girl," Alice said as she took a closer
look.
The Shadowraiser used his shadowglove to fish the girl from the pond.
The girl looked about six years old and wore a blue and white dress.
"Who is she?" Alice said as she gently pulled the wet hair that obscured
her face.
"I don't know. I have a feeling though that she's a VR-Avatar. She
might be a young Mary McCloud. I think we've seen all we need to see
here."
Alice picked a flower that was caught in the little girl's hair.
"Book of Happy Endings -- appear." With that command the book
manifested right in Charlie's hand. "The second to last place she
visited appears to be a VR-World called 'Punishment'. Shall we go?"
Alice Queen nodded as she stood up.
And Fluppsie Wuppsie World popped like a bubble.
| | |
= ** - - ** = = ** - - ** = = ** - - ** =
| | |
It was some kind of gigantic man strapped to a table. The man's head
was the size of a house and the rest of his body was proportional to
it. He was bound by chains to the table, and an ungodly number of wires
were attached to him. His chest was cut open, and a number of his
entrails hung out. Giant mechanical scorpions and spiders crawled all
over his naked body. Occasionally the creatures would bite and sting
him. Sometimes they would burrow under the giant's skin. The giant
made the most horrible screams as this happened to him. The giant would
have probably cried too if he had eyes to cry with. But someone had
already pulled them out of the giants face.
"Jesus Christ." The Mirror winced as she caught a glimpse of the
gruesome atrocity. "We've got to end this!"
"Alice? Remember, this guy's just a virtual creation. And considering
its size, it might be best if we just keep it tied up for the moment.
Let's just ask it a few questions. Okay?"
Alice bit her lip. "Fine. Ask him a few questions. But we are going
to free him."
The Shadowraiser floated up towards the giants face.
"Who is that? I can hear voices! Please, whoever you are -- Free me!
I beg you! I can grant you anything you desire! Please!! For mercies
sake!!!" wailed the giant.
"Who are you?" the Shadowraiser replied.
"I am _The Alpha_. I am _The Omega_. I am _The Beginning and The
Ending_. I am _The Which Was, The Which Is, and The Which Will Come_.
I am _The Almighty God_!"
"God? Wow, that's really -- Hmm. You know, I always got the impression
that you were a bit more -- what's the word? Oh, yeah! Omnipotent."
"Charlie!" Alice gave a very sharp glare.
"Sorry." Charlie gave an apologetic glance towards Alice Queen. "So,
how did you wind up in this state, your Almightiness?"
"I was captured by the Judge of All Gods. It was She who did this to
me! It was She who tried me for my crimes! It was she who sentenced
me! And it was she who administered my punishments!"
"Crimes, huh? So, what were they?"
"The Crime of creating Reality! The Crime of creating the Universe!
The Crime of creating Life! The Crime of creating Humanity! The Crime
of creating Good and Evil. And finally the crime of being God! And,
alas, I was guilty of each one of them."
"Where is the Judge of All Gods?" Charlie asked.
"Over in the Control Booth!" God made a gesture using one of his
bloodied hands. The window that covered the booth was made from one-way
glass. The Mirror smashed through the reflective glass and made her way
in. The Shadowraiser followed.
Inside the control booth was a gigantic control panel with millions of
switches and buttons. Each button and switch was its own unique brand
of torture. On the floor was a hooded woman and a spilled bottle of
pills. The Shadowraiser unmasked the woman. Her face was Mary
McCloud's. Charlie examined the bottle of pills. Peaceful Death Pills.
The Mirror looked over the control panel. Finally, she found a button
called 'Forgiveness'. She hit the button. The chains that bound God
disappeared. Free from the chains, he got up and burned the spiders and
scorpions which roamed his body. All the scars and cuts on his body
healed instantly, and his eyes regenerated back in their sockets.
God looked down upon them and smiled. "I thank you for what you have
done! _Now_, I must go back to my _Kingdom in Heaven_. I hope you both
can find what you're looking for. Farewell, my children." And then God
vanished from the Torture Room.
"Damn. I had a few deep philosophical questions I wanted to ask him.
Like, how licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
Guess I'll never know."
Alice Queen just looked at the dead form of the Mary McCloud Avatar.
"Why would she do this? And why this sick fantasy?"
"I dunno. Guess she wasn't too fond of God. Something she made so she
would be able to cope with life, I guess. I really don't know. We
should probably check out some more. Alice?"
"Yeah. Let's do that," Alice said as she placed the pill bottle back on
the floor.
And an old chapter of The Book of Happy Endings turned to make way for a
new one.
| | |
= ** - - ** = = ** - - ** = = ** - - ** =
| | |
And Alice and Charlie witnessed many more strange and twisted virtual
realities as they journeyed through the book.
There was a reality which took place during the French Revolution. Mary
McCloud playing Marie Antoinette.
There was a reality set in a World Russian Roulette Tournament.
A reality populated by sentient suicide notes.
A reality where a cooking show used the bodies of suicide victims to
make its dishes.
A reality where suicide was a type of performance art.
A reality where Bob Saget hosted a show called, "America's Funniest
Suicides."
"You beginning to see a trend?" Charlie asked.
"'Fraid so." Alice flipped through the Book of Happy Endings. "Let's
try this one. It's called 'Catharsis'." And Alice clicked the entry.
And Hell became real.
| | |
= ** - - ** = = ** - - ** = = ** - - ** =
| | |
The Shadowraiser didn't hesitate as he saw the tourist bus falling from
the sky. Quickly using his shadowglove, he made a gigantic black
cushion to absorb the bus's impact. There was something familiar about
this, The Shadowraiser thought to himself. He sniffed the air. And
then he looked at Alice. Alice's hands were trembling. She was
petrified with fear. "Amsterdam," she said. "This is Amsterdam."
And that was all she needed to say. Amsterdam. Charlie surveyed the
area. He could see people running and screaming. They were in Dam
Square. He could see the Royal Palace burning down. The air smelled
like rotting corpses. It was The Abomination Hounds that made the
smell. They were creatures twice the height of wolves. They had two
heads and the skin over their bodies was completely missing. A green
type of foam dripped from their mouths. They were also completely
silent. The only way you could tell one was behind you was the sick
smell. The Shadowraiser quickly blasted a hound with a shadow cannon he
conjured up.
Also, The Abomination Hounds carried a disease inside them, and anytime
they bit someone the disease would cause the effected person to change
into an Abomination Hound. And unfortunately, a lot of people did
become them -- had become them. Still, The Abomination Hounds weren't
the worse things here. Charlie looked up in the sky. There was a
fifteen year old boy up in the sky. The boy had a cruel grin on his
face. But even the boy wasn't the most horrible thing. It was the
boy's hand which was the most horrible thing. The Second Hand.
The Abomination Hounds had come from some portal that the Second Hand
had created. There was a forcefield around the entire city making it
impossible for anyone to escape or to get in.
Everything Charlie was seeing had happened fifteen years ago. A million
people had died in Amsterdam, but that wasn't what made Amsterdam
special. The Second Hand had destroyed four other cities that day.
What made Amsterdam special was that Wendy Rush died here. Wendy Rush
was The Breeze. A member of the Destiny Patrol. She had super-speed
powers, and the faster she ran the more intangible she became. She was
also excellent with the bow and arrow. She was a talented artist. She
was a member of the Hopi Indian Tribe. Her favorite song was The
Scorpions' 'Wind of Change'. Her favorite film was 'Midnight Cowboy'.
She loved horses. She collected postcards. She saved two hundred and
thirty-two people that day.
Then she was bitten.
She changed into an Abomination Hound. The Hound inherited her
super-speed powers and ability to become intangible. In the end, The
Destiny Patrol managed to find a way to stop her -- to stop it.
She was twenty-five when she died.
"This isn't real, Alice," Charlie said as he flew over to her. "This
isn't real."
"I know. I know that." Alice made a choking sound as the smell became
to much for her. "Let's get out of here."
Charlie nodded. "Take us back to the Library."
And Hell burned away.
| | |
= ** - - ** = = ** - - ** = = ** - - ** =
| | |
"Why did she create that? Why -- why that?" Alice said as they returned
to the library.
"I don't know. It was a significant part of human history. The Time of
the Second Hand. The world completely changed. It changed everyone.
If it had never happened, the world -- it would be a different place.
If it hadn't happened, would we have done what we did? Would we have
remade this world into a -- better place? Who knows. Maybe it had some
special significance to her. Was she one of the survivors that day?
Maybe she was feeling survivor's guilt. Maybe -- I don't know."
"Yeah. Guess we need to dig into her past." Alice sighed. "It's been
so long. God. I can't remember the last time I thought of -- Jesus,
it's horrible what I just said. A certain amount of time passes and you
just stop thinking..."
"Look. It's okay. It's alright, Alice. It was fifteen years ago.
It's normal after awhile to stop thinking of tragedies. We'd go insane
if we constantly dwelled on them."
"I suppose you're right. Still. You can't help, but wonder -- What we
did..."
"There's no point in wondering. We had to do what we did. We had no
choice. She was dead already. She was dead. We had to do it."
For a few seconds, the room was silent.
"Do you -- Do you think she would have approved of this? Everything we
did? You know? The world -- The world, we made?"
"Of course she would," Charlie gave one of his all knowing glares.
"Heaven or Hell? It's not a tough choice."
"Yeah, you're right. You're right. I wish -- I wish she could have
lived to see this."
"I wish she was here, too. So -- you okay?"
"Yeah. I'm fine. Seeing Amsterdam -- I didn't expect that."
"Yeah, well," Charlie yawned to himself. "It's been a long morning.
You hungry?"
"Starved."
"I know this place -- Think you'll like it. It's called: The Wild-Wild
Westaurant."
"Westaurant?" A slight smile broke from her face. "I suppose I need to
change though." Alice made a gesture towards her superhero suit.
"Don't worry about it. They've got changing booths there. Want to take
a shadow portal?"
"Oh, sure. What the heck."
The Shadowraiser focused his shadowglove on a shadow near the walls.
The darkness spread till it looked big enough to walk right through.
"Okay. It's ready."
"Umm, Charlie? I think you're forgetting something."
"Uh, what?"
"This library isn't real."
"Oh. Right. I knew that," Charlie said with a sheepish expression on
his face. "I did. Really."
| | |
= ** - - ** = = ** - - ** = = ** - - ** =
| | |
Part II: The Cowboy Graveyard
"Well, Pilgrims, have you made up your minds? Or am I going to have to
come back here a second damn time?" The voice came from a dead ringer
for John Wayne who was holding a notebook and a pencil.
"I think," Charlie Hiroshima said as he looked at his menu, "I'll have
the Manicotti that Shot Liberty Valance. Make the steak medium rare."
"Soup, or salad?"
"What type of soup?"
"Well, let's see here -- we've got your Magnificent Seven Bean Soup; and
we've got some Good, the Bad, and the Onion Soup."
"I'll take the bean soup."
"And how bout you, li'l lady? See something you like?"
"Sure do. I'll have the Wild Bunch Omelet, hold the ants; and a Blazing
Salad with Ponderosa Ranch Dressing.
"Well," the John Wayne look-a-like said wiping some sweat off his brow,
"I reckon you folks know what you're getting into. So I'll be off."
With that said, John Wayne swaggered away.
Alice Queen glanced around the saloon like restaurant. Various
characters from westerns were waiting tables. "Oh! We could have
gotten Paul Newman."
"The hell with Paul Newman. We could have gotten Yosemite Sam."
"Yosemite -- oh, I see him! He looks just like the cartoon. You know,
I can't believe you of all people would be caught dead in a place like
this. You've certainly changed, Charlie. I remember back in the early
days you were so pretentious and uptight. You'd quote Hegel and Yeats
while battling supervillains."
"Hey! I'm still pretentious and uptight. Guess I just have a soft spot
in my heart for those old westerns. Sometimes in life, you just have to
wear a cowboy hat and swig some beer," Charlie said as he swigged his
bottle of Desperadoville Ale while wearing a cowboy hat. "So -- how are
the kids and husband?"
"Oh, they're fine. Rick's still playing professional basketball. The
Clippers have a real shot of making the play-offs this year. We don't
get to see much of each other, but -- Rick's enjoying himself. I go to
the home games, but -- well, you know. And the kids -- the kids are
really growing up. Marcia's a teenager. And she's at that age where
everything's about boys. I think she's also embarrassed by me. She
never brings any of her friends over or -- I don't know."
"Well, you know teenagers," Charlie said taking another swig from his
bottle.
"Yeah, I'm quite aware. But she used to be so proud of me when she was
a little girl. She'd always want me to come and talk to her class and
-- It's just a phase. And Greg wants to play Grue Zone all the time."
"Grue Zone?"
"Oh, it's some VR-World where people become warriors and wizards -- and
they fight dragons, trolls, slobbering grues, and whatever. That's all
he wants to do. His grades are suffering at school. He doesn't
understand the importance of school. He asks me, 'Why do I have to go
to school, Mom? No one works anymore. No one has to know anything
anymore. We've got robots and nanobots to do everything we need to
do.' And you know, I don't have the answer."
"The answer is, Alice, because it's not going to last. Sooner or later,
everything is going to go to hell. And it's going to be the people who
understand science, mathematics, and history who are going to survive
when it does."
"You're still a sunny-side optimist, I see."
"I'm a realist, Alice. Anything is possible. And we can see some small
cracks beginning to form. This Mary McCloud thing. She wanted to
commit suicide. And she wasn't satisfied with an illusion. She wanted
the real thing. How long do you think it's going to take for some
serial killer, or rapist -- or child molester -- or megalomaniac to want
the real thing instead of some VR-fantasy? The supervillains are going
to come back. The question is will we be ready for -- umm -- Look,
sorry. This really isn't the place for this."
"No need to apologize, Charlie. You're probably right. I wonder too --
How long this can last..."
John Wayne returned with their soups and salads.
"So how's your life, Charlie. Found anyone special yet?"
"No, unless you count my virtual harem."
"Oh, come on, Charlie. It's about time you settled down and had a few
kids."
"You make it sound so damn simple." Charlie squeezed his bottle
tightly.
"You're like the number one eligible bachelor on Earth. There are
probably a million cute single girls who would love to be Mrs.
Hiroshima. Being a former member of the Destiny Patrol is like being a
prince."
"Yeah, I get tons of mail, pornographic VR-simulations, and what not. I
could probably start my own sex cult. I just -- I dunno." Charlie
looked at his soup and gave a sigh. "Look. Let's talk about something
else."
"Sorry. I just hate seeing a friend of mine -- You're right. It's your
life. Let's talk about something else. So what _have_ you been up to?"
"Oh, you know -- wasting away. Been learning VR-programming, and I've
been working a bit on my memoirs. About the early years in the Destiny
Patrol."
"The early years? Sounds interesting. Anything I should be worried
about when it gets published?"
"Oh, I'm pretty easy on you. Although -- I do mention how during the
first year of the Destiny Patrol you were a Raving Jesus Freak."
"You didn't!" Alice Queen shook her head while laughing. "Raving Jesus
Freak? A Raving Jesus Freak? I swear, Charlie. I was Not a 'Raving
Jesus Freak'!"
"Hey! All I know is that you would open meetings with the Lord's
Prayer. And when anyone sneezed..."
"Normal people say, 'God Bless You,' when people sneeze. Yes, Charlie.
Normal people. Normal people!"
"And there was the time you thought you were the Virgin Mary..."
"That -- That doesn't count, Charlie!" Alice Queen said getting up from
her chair and shaking her finger. "That doesn't count. I was being
mind-controlled by a supervillain! Mind-control doesn't count!"
"Okay -- okay." Charlie grinned to himself. "Settle down, Alice.
You're right -- mind-control doesn't count." The two of them laughed
for a few seconds. "So, you still go to church?"
"Yeah. I'm not quite the 'Raving Jesus Freak' I once was, but I still
go every Sunday. Jesus is still important to me."
"That's good. I'm glad you still go. I sometimes envy people who can
believe in something."
"There's nothing stopping you, Charlie. Belief is easy. And you can
start anytime."
"No -- I can't. I'm too damn cynical, Alice. Nihilism and scotch are
the only belief systems I can handle." John Wayne returned, taking away
their soups and salads, replacing them with the lunches they ordered.
"So, do you ever think about Heaven, Alice?"
"Hmm? Heaven? What about Heaven?"
"I mean the fact that you're going to live forever. And that you're
never going to see Heaven because of that."
Alice took a bite from her omelet. "It occasionally has crossed my
mind. There was a moment during the Time of the Second Hand that I
thought Judgement Day had finally arrived. Who knows? Maybe I was
right. Maybe the world did end fifteen years ago, and this is Paradise
on Earth."
"There's a problem with that theory," Charlie said leaning back in his
chair, "If it were true, I'd be skinny-dipping right now in a lake made
out of fire."
Alice shook her head. "You're wrong. You're a good person. You've
done more good things for people than most people in the world have.
God's not some evil tyrant who sends people to Hell just because they
don't believe in him, or worship him. God's love, mercy, and sense of
justice is greater that your pride, Charlie. If you ever die, you're
going to Heaven whether you like it, or not."
"There are a lot of Christians that would disagree with you."
"And I would disagree with them. I once met this writer type; he was
doing a book on the Destiny Patrol and was interviewing me. I remember
this one conversation we had -- it was about God. His view of what God
was. He told me that he thought that God was this giant cosmic mirror.
And when we died, we would gaze into it; and all the rotten stuff and
good stuff we did would reflect right back at us. I don't quite agree
with that, but -- it's an interesting notion."
"Karma." Charlie took another swig from his bottle, only to be
disappointed that it was empty. "I don't believe in that either."
"Guess I'm going to have to give you a big set of beliefs this year for
Christmas then, eh?" Alice gave a little wink.
"Yeah, do that. And I've got this big basket of cynicism that I can
give you. You like your cynicism with a big pink, or red bow?"
"Go with the pink."
"Right. So, what about suicide victims? They go to Heaven too?"
The cheer in Alice's face slipped away. "I -- I don't know. I guess it
would depend on why they committed suicide. And on how good a person
they were. Can't really say."
"So is this Heaven?"
"It -- It's too flawed. Maybe ten years from now, it could be. There's
a lot more work to be done."
After that there were a few minutes of silence as the two of them ate
their lunches. As they worked on their plates, a couple of strangers
approached their table. They were a middle-aged couple.
"Oh. My. God! You -- You -- You're..." said the woman pointing her
finger straight at Alice Queen.
"Yes. I am." Alice nodded while smiling.
"I told you, Carl. I told you! Oh, my god! You're like an inspiration
to me. I've followed your whole career! Do you remember that time when
you defeated the Truthsayer by wearing the Midas Touch's costume?!"
"Umm, yeah," Alice slightly blushed. "I remember that."
"How did you ever come up with that?"
"Umm. I guess I just thought it up?" Alice replied hoping that was the
answer the woman was looking for.
"She thought it up! Did you hear that, Carl? She thought it up! My
god, she's amazing! I just want you to know, Mrs. Mirror, that you're a
living legend and don't ever let anyone ever tell you differently!"
"Ah -- well thanks. That means a lot to me. Really."
"And you!" said the woman's husband, "You're..."
Charlie nodded his head while he chewed on his steak and gave a grunt of
acknowledgement.
"I just want to tell you one thing," the man said looking Charlie
straight in the eye. "I admire the hell out of your salad dressing!"
Charlie didn't reply. He just put his fork down on his plate and stared
at the man with one of his patented 'What the Fuck are you talking
about?' facial expressions.
"I don't really care for salads. I'd rather not eat them. But when I'm
put in the position of having to eat a salad, I use your brand of salad
dressing. I especially like your Thousand's Island. It's like pouring
a little heaven on your salad."
Charlie glanced at Alice who was trying to repress her urge to roll on
the floor in a fit of giggles and then looked back at the man. "I have
no brand of salad dressing. You're confusing me with someone else.
Perhaps you're thinking of the Midas Touch. I think he might have had a
brand of salad dressings."
"Oh! That's right! You're right! I always get you two mixed-up for
some reason. Say! If you ever run into him, tell him what I said.
Okay? That his salad dressing is the greatest salad dressing that ever
existed!"
"Sure. If I ever run into him, I'll try to remember that." And after
some hand shaking, autograph signing, and an arm wrestling contest; the
strange couple managed to finally leave the former Destiny Patrol
members' table.
Charlie gave a sigh of relief. "Some day they'll invent a cure for
that."
"Oh come on! Admit it. Part of you still gets a kick out of it."
"No. I really don't. Maybe the first month or so when I was a hero, it
was some what tolerable; but now..."
"So -- Have you spoken to Frisco lately?"
"No. You know that."
Alice gave a disappointed look to Charlie. "He's opening a new
amusement park on Mars."
"That's wonderful. Just what Mars needs. More rollercoasters."
"Are you two ever going to speak to each other again?"
"No. Probably not," Charlie said in a nonchalant manner.
"God." There was a frustrated look on Alice's face. "What on earth
happened between you two? You were best friends! You were practically
blood brothers! What the hell happened!?"
"Why don't you ask Frisco?"
"I have. He's like you. He won't talk about it. God. This is so
childish! What could possibly be so horrible that you two are prepared
to never speak to each other again for the rest of your lives? Just
tell me!"
"I don't want to talk about this, Alice. I don't want to hear the name
Frisco Vegas. I don't want to hear the name Midas Touch. I want to
forget these names. Just leave it, Alice. There's nothing you can do."
"Fine. I won't talk about it." There was a sad look on Alice's face as
she said those words. "How about RESULT-O? Have you talked to him
lately?"
"Yeah." Charlie's face lifted up a little. "I gave a few speeches for
him when he was running for office. Heh -- Senator RESULT-O. I never
thought I'd see the day a wise cracking robot was in the Halls of
Congress."
"Heh. Yeah -- it's funny. But -- I guess it's not too surprising. He
always was the most popular member of the Destiny Patrol -- although he
was running against Eminem. I'm a bit surprised you campaigned for
him. You weren't concerned about what he might do as a congressman?"
"Oh, I don't think it really matters anymore. The idea of government
has become obsolete. We're living in a world where no one can hurt
anyone and pretty much everything you could possibly want is free.
Rules start to become meaningless in such a state. And besides -- it
was between him and Eminem. Better the idiot you know."
They finished up their lunches. After that they signed autographs for
the people in the restaurant who wanted them, which was everyone. And
finally, they made their way out of the restaurant.
"I wish you and Frisco would just talk. It would be nice to see
everybody back together again. It would be nice to see all the members
of The Destiny Patrol in the same room again."
"It's not going to happen, Alice. Wendy's dead. The Destiny Patrol is
dead. It's history. There's no need for it anymore. The world doesn't
need it anymore. The world has moved on."
| | |
= ** - - ** = = ** - - ** = = ** - - ** =
| | |
Part III: The Storm in the Eye
On top of The Wolfe Tower, The Shadowraiser and The Mirror gazed down at
the city. The Wolfe Tower was twice the size of the Sears Tower and on
top of it you could pretty much see everything and everywhere.
Charlie looked at Alice. "Ever had the urge to throw a water-balloon
off this building?"
Alice raised an eyebrow. "No. I can't say that I have."
"Years ago, it would have probably hurt someone; but now days --? It
would just really piss them off. Aren't Utopias great?"
Alice didn't respond. She looked like she was lost in some kind of
thought. Holographic Advertisements flickered in the night sky.
"The Wolfe Tower," Charlie said as he leaned over the edge. "A monument
to everything the Destiny Patrol fought against. And to everything the
Destiny Patrol was. Good old Julius Wolfe. Whatever happened to him?"
"He's still in prison. Still in a VR-World containment capsule."
"You've seen him?"
"Yes. A few times. He's in some VR-World where he's emperor of the
world. He's married to me, or should I say married to a VR-duplicate of
me. He seems happy."
"You didn't actually go into his VR-World, did you?"
Alice Queen hesitated a bit before answering. "Yeah, I did. I know
that's really a bad idea, but I couldn't help it. I went into the world
as a male reporter so it wouldn't trigger any type of suspicion. I did
a few interviews."
"So, how is he?"
"He's probably worse than he was when he was running the Destiny
Patrol. Some of the acts he's committed in his VR-World are pretty
hideous. He degenerates more and more every time I see him. But he's
happy." There was a sadness in Alice Queen's eyes. "And that's what's
important."
"Sorry. Not that I'm surprised. Even when I first joined the Destiny
Patrol, he struck me as a corrupt bastard. He..."
"Yeah, well -- Sometimes you just hope people will eventually change."
Alice sighed to herself. "Let's talk about something else."
"So, Mary McCloud -- What's the verdict on her? Suicide?"
"As much -- as much as I'd like to believe it's something else, it
probably is. I don't understand. I just don't understand what could
cause a person to do that."
"Have you ever heard of the Blind Syndrome?"
Alice shook her head.
"Imagine waking up one day and finding out there is only one color.
Black. White. Red. It doesn't matter. You remember there used to be
all these other colors, but now there's only one. After awhile even the
color you can see becomes meaningless because what use is one color if
there are no other colors to define it?"
"So we created a world where no one dies. Death becomes meaningless.
Without Death to define Life, Life becomes meaningless. We try to make
a world where there is no misery, but we create a world where happiness
is taken for granted and becomes meaningless. The more of something
there is the less important it becomes. For the person who has
everything, everything becomes meaningless."
Alice shook her head. "I don't buy that. If that's true then why
aren't there tons of people committing suicide?"
"It's just a theory. Most people have a strong urge to survive. For
most people killing themselves is unthinkable. They might be miserable,
but not to the point where it becomes a viable option. But we are going
to see more suicides. I suspect in the upcoming weeks, we're going to
see quite a few copy-cat attempts. On the OmniNET, Mary McCloud is
already starting to become a cult figure. A new folk-hero for the
modern age."
"Jesus. That's insane. We've got to stop them from happening," Alice
said with a determined look on her face.
"How? And why? Why should we bother?"
"_Why_? Come on, Charlie! Suicide is a horrible act! It's a
destructive act which hurts everyone who knows the victim! Mary
McCloud's family is never going to get over this! They're always going
to wonder if they could have done something to have prevented it! God!
It's going to destroy them! It's -- it's -- Christ!!"
"And so people should spend the rest of their lives in misery because
their loved ones will feel bad?"
"Misery? What Misery!? Where's the misery here!? What did Mary
McCloud have to be miserable about!? There was no reason for her to --
God! She could have gotten help! She should have gotten help!"
"Sometimes help is not enough. Sometimes the happy pills aren't
enough. Sometimes -- there's always something. Something that can't be
fixed."
"What's this about, Charlie? What are you trying to say?"
"You want to know? You really want to know? I know why people want to
blow their brains out. I know why people want to sleep forever.
Because you can't have everything. And that thing you can't have -- it
eats you up. And it's always there in your mind. And -- and..."
"Charlie?"
"I can't have you, Alice. I can never have you."
There was a long moment of silence.
"Charlie -- I..."
"Don't. I shouldn't have -- Look. Forget I said that."
"Forget? Charlie, I can't just..."
"I'm sorry. It was a stupid -- Look. You have a wonderful family. A
wonderful marriage. I don't want to ruin it -- them. I don't -- I wish
my feelings for you would disappear. I want them gone. But I can't.
I've tried, but I can't." Charlie hesitated a bit before continuing.
"You know? There was this -- This year that I spent several months in a
VR-World. In this world, I was married to you. I had it set up so that
I would completely forget reality, but -- there was always something. I
remember feeling that there was something false about it. It wasn't
you, and I knew it. I've occasionally thought about trying it again,
but -- Is what I'm saying bothering you? Alice?"
Alice Queen turned her head away. "I don't know. I -- I want to --
Yes, I guess it does bother me. It's weird hearing..." Alice looked
back at Charlie. "I'm sorry. I'm not judging you, or -- I've done
things in the VR-Worlds I'm not proud of too -- I..."
"I'm not ashamed of what I did, Alice."
"I didn't say you should be -- I didn't mean it like..." Alice placed
one of her hands on Charlie's shoulder. "I'm glad you told me this,
Charlie. And I love you -- as a friend. Seeing you today -- talking to
you -- having lunch -- it was wonderful. I can't express how much
seeing you today meant to me. You're important to me, Charlie. God,
you're important! If you killed yourself, I -- I don't even want to
think about it. I can't think about it. Part of me died when Wendy --
when Wendy -- I love you, Charlie. I love the hell out of you,
Charlie! But I can't -- I can't love you in a romantic way. I can't --
It would kill Rick. I couldn't -- I wouldn't do that."
"I know. And I wouldn't want to hurt you, Alice. It's not just you,
Alice. I've got tons of other reasons why I can't take living anymore.
I've always been depressed. Suicidal. I think that's the reason I
became a superhero. I had a death wish. But despite all the crazy and
stupid things I did; somehow, I always survived it. I don't want you to
feel guilty or hurt, Alice. I just -- I just want to die because I want
to die. There's nothing I can do about these feelings."
"Yes, you can! You can fight, goddammit!" Alice said with an angry tone
in her voice. "You don't have an excuse, Charlie! You have access to
the best doctors and the best medicine! And anything I can do to help,
I will! Get help, Charlie. If you really care about my feelings, get
help. Please."
"I have. I've done the shrink and pill game. I've tried all types of
things. I don't want to fight anymore. Maybe I'm weak, or a coward --
but I can't do it anymore. You don't understand, Alice. You could
never understand."
"No. Don't tell me what I can, or can't understand!" Alice said
pointing her finger at Charlie. "You think my life's a bed full of
roses!? I have my highs -- my lows. I know what depression feels
like! And I know what it feels like to stop believing in hope! Don't
tell me I don't understand this!"
There was silence for a moment. Thoughts trapped in the mind unable to
become words.
And then Alice spoke up. "What would you do if I was suicidal,
Charlie? If I wanted to end it?"
Charlie didn't speak. There was something in his mind -- a door. A
door that should have stayed shut, but it was creaking open.
"Well?" Alice said crossing her arms. "Well, Charlie? What would you
do?"
"Honestly? I'd probably try to stop you."
"So -- let me get this straight -- It's okay for you to commit suicide;
but not for me, is that it?"
"No. It wouldn't be right for me to stop you, but I probably would. If
you committed suicide, I'd feel horrible. Devastated. It would kill
me. And I'd probably feel guilt about not being able to help you.
But. I'd like to think that I'd understand. That's what I want,
Alice. For you to understand. I don't want you to feel guilt, or
hurt. I just want you to understand."
"I won't, Charlie. I won't understand. I'll never be able to
understand. There's nothing you could do to ease my hurt if you ever
did do it."
"Maybe we should call it a night."
"No, I'm not leaving you here. Not when you're in this state."
"Jesus, Alice. I'm not going to commit suicide right this minute. I've
got -- There are things I need to do first. I'm going to finish my
memoirs which is probably going to take me a year. And then -- I guess
then I'll make any major life decisions. It's okay, Alice. You can
leave me."
"No. I don't think I can. You need someone to be with you right now."
"Alice, when I say something I mean it. You know that. I promise --
I'm not going to kill myself tonight. Cross my heart, hope to die,
stick a needle in my eye -- and all that jazz. I promise. I want to be
alone. Really. Please leave. Please, Alice. Leave."
Alice Queen looked Charlie straight in the eye. "I want your word. You
won't kill or hurt yourself tonight. I want your word, Charlie."
"You've got my word. I promise. Go."
Alice put her arms around Charlie and gave him a very tight hug as if
she was holding onto a palm tree during a hurricane. And part of
Charlie wished that she would never let go. But after awhile, she let
go. Her eyes were slightly red; and her nose was slightly sniffling.
Charlie conjured up a piece of shadow kleenex and gave it to her. She
wiped her eyes and then blew her nose into it. She gave a slight smile
and a thank you.
"We're going to have breakfast tomorrow," Alice said. It wasn't a
question or suggestion. More like an order.
"Yeah. We'll have breakfast." Charlie gave Alice a smile.
"You still live in the same place?" Alice asked.
"Yeah. The Sundown Building."
"Well, I'll meet you there at seven. Okay?"
"Sure. Seven it is."
Alice stepped close to the edge of the building and then she looked back
at Charlie. "Well, see you in the morning." Then she hesitated for a
moment, but finally made the leap.
"See you," Charlie said. He watched Alice as she flew away. Some part
of him wanted to shout, 'Stay. Please.' But he resisted. He just
watched her as she slowly disappeared into the night. And then he sat
down. It was just him and the various advertisements that lit up the
night air.
<<LUNG CANCER IS DEAD!>> proclaimed one of the ad-holographs.
He could hear the sound of the Rolling Stones' 'Honkey Tonk Women'
coming from the ad. At first it was soft, but the sound grew louder and
louder each coming second.
<<NOW IS THE TIME. NOW IS THE MOMENT. NOW IS THE ERA. THE RODEO GAL
CIGARETTE ERA!!>>
Charlie could see something coming from the distance in the ad. It was
a woman riding a bull. The woman didn't appear to be wearing anything
besides a cowboy hat, some boots, and spurs. Eventually, he received a
full view of her. Her hair was fire red, and everything else about her
was perfect. She rummaged through her saddle and found a packet of
cigarettes. She took a cigarette out. Then she looked right at Charlie
and gave him a very suggestive smile. And then she placed the cigarette
between her lips and with one finger touched the tip of the cigarette.
A flame appeared. She took the cigarette out of her mouth and then blew
a cloud of smoke. Charlie could smell it. It smelled like a cinnamon
breeze. The Rodeo Gal started stroking her breasts and other parts of
her body with one hand while the other hand flicked holographic ashes.
<<RODEO GAL CIGARETTES! THEY'RE LIKE HAVE A RODEO ORGY INSIDE YOUR
MOUTH!>>
God, why was he watching this shit? God, this was horrible. Charlie
shut his eyes. Everything was falling. Everything was cracking.
Dissolving. Sometimes -- everything was too real. The light cracked
the shadows. What was he doing here? Why is the mirror in the lie?
<<RODEO GAL CIGARETTES! NOW IN REGULAR, MINT, CINNAMON, BEEF JERKY, OR
CHAOS FLAVOR! RIDE THE UTOPIA BULL! RIDE THE RODEO GAL!>>
The cracks were starting to become huge. Reality was starting to come
through. There was no point in staying. He needed to go back home.
He needed to end this. "Program: Alice-25 [End]. [End Program]."
And the Rodeo Gal disappeared. As did the Wolfe Tower. As did the
night.
| | |
= ** - - ** = = ** - - ** = = ** - - ** =
| | |
Charlie opened his eyes. He put the glob of System-GEL down on the
floor and took the wad of VR-gum out of his mouth. He was in an empty
room and scattered on the floor were a bunch of old newspapers and a
bottle of scotch. There was a mirror on the wall. He went over to it.
He was just wearing a pair of boxers. His hair was long and messed up.
Instead of a clean-shaven face, he had an unkempt beard. He touched the
mirror. Why is the mirror in the lie?
Why was he doing this? Was he trying to find the truth? Or was he just
creating a fairy tale? God. Alice. Sometimes, he tried to make sense
of everything. Sometimes, he thought, If you look at something long
enough you can understand it. You can make sense of the world and
everything. He grabbed the bottle of scotch on the floor.
He should just get drunk. Just stinking drunk. No. He shouldn't do
that. No. He should. It wouldn't matter. He could take a Hang-never
pill. And wake up fine. No. He wanted a hangover. He wanted to
hurt. He wanted to be miserable. God. He clutched the bottle
tightly. He hated this fucking world. Alice. This fucking utopia.
What a joke. Just get drunk. Just get drunk.
He looked at the bottle. And then in a fit of rage, he threw it at the
mirror. There was a loud crash. The bottle of scotch shattered and the
mirror cracked. There were pieces of glass all over the floor. Why did
he do that? God, why did he do that? Alice. He went over and examined
the damage. He picked up a piece of the mirror. For a long while he
just stared at it. And stared at his reflection. He squeezed the piece
of glass in his hand. It crumbled to pieces. He looked at his hand.
There were no cuts, or bleeding. He missed that. Now you could only
feel physical pain in the VR-Worlds. Cuts only shed virtual blood.
It didn't matter. This didn't matter. He looked at the glass on the
floor. The nano-maids would clean in up. And he could have his
mini-god make a new mirror and bottle of scotch. That was the great
thing about utopias. Nothing mattered. Alice. Nothing fucking
mattered. Maybe he could have his mini-god make some heroin or crack.
It didn't matter. Everything was safe now days. Pleasure was just a
button away.
He looked at the System-GEL on the floor. No. He had a better idea.
He picked the blob off the floor. Escape. Escape from it all. Yes.
Alice. He unwrapped another stick of VR-Chew Gum. He put the stick in
his mouth. He sat down and placed his hands over the System-GEL. Into
paradise, he'd go. To hell, he'd go. He closed his eyes.
"Run Program: Alice-28. Link Previous Program End. Forget Reality."
| | |
= ** - - ** = = ** - - ** = = ** - - ** =
| | |
Charlie found himself back on top of the Wolfe Tower. But he could
still remember. "Forget Reality!" he shouted. "Forget Reality."
| | |
= ** - - ** = = ** - - ** = = ** - - ** =
| | |
And then he paused. He had been thinking of something. What was it?
Something important. He couldn't quite remember. There was something
running down his cheek. It felt like water. Must be a raindrop. Must
be starting to rain. Why was he here? Alice. She had left him. I
should go home, Charlie thought to himself. No sense in getting soaked.
And then he heard a voice. "Wait!" the voice said. It was Alice's
voice. She had returned.
"Jesus, Alice. I told you -- I'm not going to commit suicide!"
"It's not that. I -- a lot of stuff was brought up tonight and -- If
you don't want to talk I'll leave."
"It's okay. We can talk. What's wrong?"
Alice looked away from Charlie and then looked back, hesitant to say
anything. But finally she did. "God. It's my marriage. When I said
it was fine, I was..." She put her hand on her mouth. "It's not fine.
It hasn't been fine for -- I don't know. I shouldn't be talking about
this. I -- I have feelings for you, Charlie. I always have."
Rain drops started to sprinkle on top of their heads.
"It's okay, Alice."
"No, it's -- I love you, and I love Rick. But Rick -- Rick doesn't
touch me anymore. I can't remember the last time we had -- Why didn't
you tell me? Why didn't you say something, Charlie? Before the
marriage...?"
"I didn't know how you felt. I was afraid. There was that thing you
were having with Julius. I don't know."
"God, this is hell," Alice said as the raindrops started to increase.
"I should have realized..."
Charlie lightly touched Alice's hand and then gently raised it up.
Their fingers locked together. Lightning streaked across the sky.
"This is wrong. We can't do this. We can't..." Alice let go of
Charlie's hand.
"Why? Why is this wrong? Rick will never find out. No one will know
about this." Their bodies inched closer and closer to one another.
Everything getting closer.
"I can't lie. I can't do it." Their faces closed in. Thunder rumbled
in the background.
"Lies aren't evil, Alice. Happiness isn't evil. You deserve happiness,
Alice. We both deserve it. We did our time in hell. We did our..."
Their lips...
Then their lips touched. At first it was a slow kind of touch, but then
it -- it started to speed up. Faster. Starved for touch for so long,
they devoured one another. Their eyes closed to the world. Their hands
clutched and grasped at the others body. Fingers dug into the fabric
trying to get closer and closer. Hands philosophized about the nature
of ripped clothing. And the rain kept pouring. The Shadowraiser's
shadowglove started to raise the shadows that existed on the rooftop.
The shadows glided to the interlocked bodies. The shadows started
dancing like flames around the two bodies. The shadows consumed the
bodies. A cocoon of darkness wrapped around them. The world became
skin and sweat. The rain kept pouring. The rain kept pouring. Nothing
could stop it. Everything dissolved.
Heaven drowned the light.
Heaven drowned the shadows.
Heaven drowned Destiny City.
| | |
= ** - - ** = = ** - - ** = = ** - - ** =
| | |
Somewhere.
Somewhere, there's a beautiful garden. A man named Adam, and a woman
named Eve lie in its grass. They're both naked. Their arms are around
each other. They're both looking up at the clouds. They're giving the
clouds names. Making up funny stories for the things they see in the
clouds. They don't know what the words good and evil mean. In the
distance, their two children: Cain and Abel play with each other. The
two of them will transform into dinosaurs and compete in a contest to
see who can kill the most animals in the garden.
Somewhere, a man ascends up a golden staircase towards the clouds. He
has survived the trials of the Mermaids, The Catwomen, The Sirens, The
Succubi, The Nymphs, and The Amazons. Now there is one last trial. One
last test. He must pass the Orgy of the Angels. If he is successful,
he will then become a Sex-Wizard Level 25. He takes some breath-spray
out of his pocket and gives his mouth a spritz.
Somewhere, a group of men in camouflage outfits kick back and drink a
few brewskies. Besides them is a pile of dead bodies. The faces on the
bodies look familiar. One looks like Adolph Hitler. Another one looks
like Joseph Stalin. Still another looks like Osama Bin Ladin. It's
been a good day hunting.
Somewhere, an artist proudly shows off her paintings to a crowd of
onlookers at a gallery. Once upon a time, her beautiful visions were
trapped in her head unable to escape. She only knew how to paint
ugliness. But thanks to the Michelangelo implants she received, she is
able to pour her dreams onto the canvas for the world to see.
Somewhere, there's a place where everything makes sense. There's always
an answer. A place where a little hard work and determination can fix
any problem. Everything clicks into place. A place where people can
understand. Understand everything. Everyone. Every action.
Somewhere, there's a place where Alice Queen's suicide makes sense.
Somewhere.
Somewhere, the rainbows never end.
| | |
= ** - - ** = = ** - - ** = = ** - - ** =
| | |
Copyright 2005 Arthur Spitzer
(I strongly suggest you read the story first before you read the Author
Notes because the story is a lot better written, and there is some stuff
in the notes that might ruin the story for you...)
Notes from the Gutterground:
###########################
This issue is bitter sweet. This was supposed to be the triumphant
return of Guttertrash, but do to things that I really can't speak about
it's more like the issue that killed Guttertrash. (Ah, if you only knew
the soap operas that happen behind the scenes while making RACC
stories.) In case you're wondering, I did get Abhay's permission and
blessing to post this issue. (Which was probably a big mistake, but I
won't go into that...)
I'd like to post a link to past issues of Guttertrash, but they've all
been purged from the archives as have everything else Abhay ever wrote.
Guttertrash was series of self-contained stories that twisted around
with the superhero genre. It ran from December 10, 1996 up to June 11,
2000. Besides Abhay, the other writers of Guttertrash included Matt
"Badger" Rossi, Marc "The Jazz" Singer, "Joltin'" Jeff McCoskey, Peter
"Tick" Milan, and Jamie "I don't know his nickname" Rosen. It was great
stuff, and it's a shame that it's no longer in the archive. If you had
a chance to read it, you were lucky... And if you didn't? Well, tough
luck I guess.
One of my favorite things about Guttertrash and for that matter any
Abhay Khosla story were the Author's Notes at the end. Sometimes the
Author Notes were even better than the actual stories. And so because
of that I'll be rambling on a bit with my own (less entertaining) Author
Notes. So get out now, while you still have a chance.
So why did I do this? Well, I've always wanted to write an issue of
Guttertrash. And I had this story in my head.
The characters in this story were actually characters I created when I
was a little kid (I changed the names of them however). Around the time
that I was in third to sixth grade I created an entire universe filled
with superheroes. I had this team called the Dominators (Yeah, I know.
Great name for a group of superheroes) who were sort of this Avengers
type group.
They were led by Julius Wolfe, who was also a superhero called The
Dominator. He was this billionaire Iron Man - Tony Stark rip-off.
The Mirror was originally called Mirror Girl. She had the power to
reflect any physical attack against her. If you hit her, you were
hitting yourself. If you killed her, you were killing yourself.
The Shadowraiser was originally this supervillain called Sun-Down. He
was the arch-enemy of Captain Japan who was kind of this Ultimate Ninja
type character. I think he was also Captain Japan's evil twin. He was
part of this secret society of ninjas who could use shadows as weapons.
Sort of a Reverse Green Lantern Corps. I like the name Sun-Down, but
it's not exactly a heroic sounding name.
The Midas Touch was originally called Golden Man. He was this King
Midas rip-off. Everything he touched turned to gold (although he could
control it). I think when he was normal he was blind, but when he was
powered up he could see.
The Breeze was originally called Speed Ghost Girl. She was the sidekick
of a character called Speed Ghost. You can probably guess what Speed
Ghost's powers were.
RESULT-O was originally called ROBOT-O. He was this wise cracking robot
who was a swiss army knife of weaponry.
The Second Hand was originally called the Executioner (which I thought
was a pretty clever name till I found out that a Marvel character also
had that name). The Executioner was a scientist who had this mystical
hand which could kill people by just touching them. The hand could also
warp reality, reach into other dimensions, and create portals to travel
into time. His purpose was basically just to kill every single hero and
take over the world. He was the Dominators biggest foe. I remember
writing a story in which he killed all the heroes. I can't remember how
the Dominators got out of that one.
The reason he's called the Second Hand is because, well heck, all the
good 'Destroy the World as We know it' names have already been taken.
In the Destiny Patrol Universe Mythology, there is a First Hand which
created the Universe. The Second Hand is the one that will destroy the
Universe. Somewhere along the line I made him a teenager.
The Asteroid Sphinx was the Asteroid Sphinx. No name change. He was a
big cosmic robot cat who conquered worlds. He gave his potential
conquerees a chance to save themselves if they could answer the riddles
he gave them.
I changed the name of the Dominators to the Destiny Patrol because it
sounded cool. I created Destiny City to give a logical reason why they
would call themselves the Destiny Patrol.
This story I guess is me giving the "Watchmen" treatment to my
characters. I have over the years had a ton of potential storylines for
a Destiny Patrol series. I doubt I'll ever do more Destiny Patrol
stories for RACC. If a series ever happens, it will be a Real Comic
Book series in the Real World. Not that that's ever going to happen
unless I win the Lottery or something.
As for this story...
Well, you know, there's a certain type of story that writer's should
never write. Here's an example of one.
* * * * * * * *
The Really Happy Kid Meets the Really Happy Genie
by Arthur Spitzer
Once upon a time, there was a really happy kid. He had been happy ever
since he was just a tiny zygote. And each second he existed, his
happiness increased just a little bit more. By the time he was eight,
he was eight times happier than he'd been when he was born. He was
really happy. And everything he wanted, he always got.
Once upon a time, there was a really happy Genie. He had been happy
ever since long ago when a Sorceror had conjured him up. And each
second that happiness increased. By the time he was 3000 years old, he
was 3000 times happier. Being trapped in a lamp made him happy. And
when people would rub the lamp to release him to the outside world that
also made him happy. He enjoyed granting peoples wishes. He enjoyed
giving people anything they could possibly want.
One day the Really Happy Kid was walking down the street. He spotted an
ancient looking lamp. He went over and picked it up. He decided to rub
the lamp because rubbing lamps made him really happy. The Really Happy
Kid was shocked when a cloud of blue smoke came from the lamp. And even
more shocked when the cloud changed into a genie. A Really Happy Genie!
"Ah, thank you for releasing me from my lamp," said the Really Happy
Genie. "And to reward you for releasing me, I will grant you three
wishes! You may wish for anything your heart desires!"
"Wow! Three wishes!" shouted the Really Happy Kid. "Jeepers! This has
got to be the best day ever!"
"Yes, I know what you mean," said the Really Happy Genie. "It does have
that Best Day Ever type feeling, doesn't it? So what's your first
wish?"
"Gosh! Let me see! Oh, wait! I've got it!! Here's my first wish: I
wish that every single thing and person in the universe was happy! That
every single thing and person had been happy since the beginning of
time! That the happiness of every single thing and person had increased
a little bit more every time each second passed! That every single
person and thing always got whatever they wanted, and they would never
get hurt or die (unless getting hurt and dying would make them happy)!
And I mean everything happy! I'm talking the birds, the grass, the
rocks, cereal bowls, God, Satan, tv sets, robots, space aliens, people
in the afterlife, planets, suns, imaginary friends, atoms, quarks, and
even abstract concepts like Time and Space! Even the concept of
unhappiness! I want everything to be happy! Everything smaller than a
quark and bigger than the Universe! That's what I want!"
"I'm sorry, Really Happy Kid," the Really Happy Genie said. "But I
can't grant that wish!"
The Really Happy Kid was dumbfounded. "Gosh!! Why not?!"
"Because," and then a really big grin broke out from the Really Happy
Genie's face, "Because, it's already true! Every single thing and
person in the Universe is already happy!"
"Gosh! You're right!" the Really Happy Kid said giving his forehead a
slap. "I forgot all about that! Well, okay then! In that case, how
about you just give me the Three Most Perfect Wishes!"
And the Really Happy Genie nodded his head and granted the three most
perfect wishes which made the two of them really happy. Even happier
than they had been at the beginning of the story.
And every single person, thing, quark, and quark's uncle lived happily
ever after. Really, happily ever after!
(This is my 24 minute story, by the way...)
* * * * * * * *
So what's wrong with this story?
There's no misery, no sadism, no masochism, no depression, no
humiliation, no torture, no drug abuse, no hatred, no talking gorillas,
no angst, or sex.
Everyone in this story is too damn happy. No one wants to read a story
where all the quarks in the universe are happy. People want those
quarks to suffer.
The only way you could save this story would be to reveal that it's just
a hallucination from some transvestite homeless person dying of leprosy
in the back of an alley. Otherwise, this story just really sucks.
The ugly truth about superheroes and superhero comics is that the
superheroes can never win. Only in imaginary, or 'What If?' type
stories can superheroes ever achieve any type of peace.
The mutants will always be hated. The Joker will always escape so he
can kill again. Spider-Man will always have someone framing him for
murder.
You can give characters a happy ending, but once you do that -- that's
it. Because if you ever continue their adventures, you're going to have
to make them suffer again.
I've always been fascinated by the concept of happiness and the idea of
utopia. Various stuff I've written, like Saviors of the Net, and the
Daily Super Short-Short Story have dealt with those themes.
This story owes a lot to Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman's work on
Miracleman. As well as various Philip K Dick stories dealing with the
concept of reality and so on.
Could you ever make a world where everyone was happy? Probably not.
Misery and Happiness seem to be bound together. Why is it that someone
in some third-world country that is doing everything just to survive
doesn't kill themselves, and someone like Kurt Cobain who would seem to
have everything a person could possibly want does? (Well, maybe living
with Courtney Love is really bitch. Or maybe she did kill him!) But
there's always some celebrity out there living a very self-destructive
lifestyle which will probably in the end kill them. (Hunter S Thompson
committed suicide right while I was in the middle of writing this
story. Although I think he had medical reasons for doing it. Still, he
certainly lived a not-very healthy lifestyle...)
I didn't intend for the ending of this story to be shocking (but it
probably is). But when I thought it up, I just had to do it. Does it
destroy the story, or make it better? I'm not sure. I think it makes
it better, or else I wouldn't have done it that way. I guess the ending
is about perception. We can never really know what people are like.
How they feel. Some person who always seems happy on the outside could
be horribly depressed when you don't see them. Do we see the real Alice
Queen in this story, or just an idealized version of her that's in
Charlie's mind. Did any of the stuff happen? I don't know. It's
ambiguous I guess. Some movies like the Sixth Sense are better because
of the ending and some like Unbreakable are destroyed because of it. I
hope it worked for you...
I've got another idea for a Guttertrash story... Something called the
"The Runaway Chaotic, Sporadic, Traumatic, Make-it Up As You Go Along
Story Game". It will probably take me a few months to write it though.
Unless I get a bad case of writer's block...
Damn. So do I have anything else to say? I guess not. Guess I should
just end this incredibly long endless ramble. Well, I guess that's it.
Arthur "Somewhere under the rainbow" Spitzer