MST3K: Excalibur #113 1/?
Suzene Campos
Disclaimer: Amanda, Kitty, Nightcrawler, and all of Excalibur's
components unfortunately belong to Marvel. If they belonged to the KFFL,
we wouldn't allow them to be mistreated and humiliated this way. Crow,
Mike, Tom, Gypsy, and MST3K gang belong to Best Brains. This story is
mine. Mail comments to MKE...@prodigy.com.
Thanks to Kielle and Tapestry for writing such wonderful MST3K's
and giving me a sort of example to follow and, of course, to the KFFL.
Without their permission to shamelessly pirate their comments, this would
be a lot less funny than it really is.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: Excalibur #113
by Suzene Campos
(Typical shot of the Satellite of Love's helm room. Average
looking guy with sandy brown hair walks into the shot)
Mike: Hi, everyone. I'm Mike Nelson, and these are my friends Tom
Servo and Crow T. Robot.
(a talking gumball machine on mini-rocket boosters and a
bronze-ish, vaguely bird-looking thing pop up from behind the
communications console)
Tom: Hi.
Crow: Yo.
Tom: Now, Mike, what is this I hear about a guest-star on the
Satellite of Love, hmmmmm? You realize of course that we're
floating out in the middle of space, hopelessly lost, all the
while being pursued by Pearl Forrester, a woman who will, in all
likelihood, never die, because there isn't a deity in any
religion known to higher primates that would give her immortal
soul safe passage into the afterlife.
Crow: I hear she actually stiffed Charon on fare.
Tom: Yeah, that too. Throw in the fact that our only reason for
existence is to flame movies that should have been smothered at
birth, and you start counting down the minutes until we crash
into a passing asteroid and end it all. Anyway, my
point is, who could possibly live a life so pointless and
miserable that this situation would be a preferable alternative?
Crow: And Macaulay Calkin doesn't count.
Mike (buffing nails on his jumpsuit): Well, it wasn't easy. It
took a lot of searching on my part, but I managed to find
someone.
Gypsy (off camera): What was that? WHO managed to find someone?
Mike: OK, so Gypsy managed to find someone.
Crow: Well? Who?
Mike: I dunno, actually. I hear she works in comics. Amanda
Sefton... Szardos... something like that.
(stunned silence)
Tom: Amanda Sefton? Blonde? Sorceress? Stewardess? Uberbabe?!
Mike: Yeah, that's it. Sounds nice, doesn't she?
Crow: Mike, Mike, Mike. How long has it been since there was an
actual woman on the good ol' SOL?
Mike: Well, not too long. Ms. Forrester...
Crow: I repeat: how long has it been since there was an ACTUAL
WOMAN on the good ol' SOL?
Tom: Crow's got a point. Those raging hormones have been deprived
for a while now, Mikey.
Mike: Oh, really funny guys. I hate to disappoint you, but man is
a rational animal and I have complete control over my body...
(Gypsy, a purple dust-buster equipped with a headlight and lips
made of white innertubes perched on a length of black tubing,
wheels in a full frontal view of Amanda in spandex)
Crow: HOT JUMPIN' HEEBLIE JEEBIES!
Tom: Hey, not bad.
Mike: No... blood... in... brain..
Tom: Jeez, Mike!
Crow: Aw, don't sweat it. A dose of cold water'll fix him right
up. (Crow walks out of the scene)
Mike: Uhhhhhhh...
Tom: Crow, I think he's pretty far gone for that old chestnut to
work.
(Crow walks back into camera range with a bucket)
Crow: Not to worry, my good Servo. I've had this pumped in
straight from Antarctica!
(without further ado, Crow pours the entire contents of the
bucket down the front of Mike's outfit)
Mike: IIIIIIIIIIIEEEE! AARRRRGH! *pant* *pant* What was that
for?!
Tom: Trust us Mike, the alternative would not have been pretty.
(shoves the picture of Amanda off-screen)
Mike: Er... OK.
Gypsy: Incoming!
(Kitty Pryde, possessed of extremely large boobs and itty little head,
phases into the SOL, towing Amanda and a shackled Nightcrawler behind
her)
Kitty: We're, like, here, moon-bunny.
Amanda: For the love of God, Kitty! Snap out of it!
Mike: She's not... (notices that Kurt's mouth is being held shut
by the two rolls of duct-tape wrapped around his lower face)
What's going on?
Amanda: Bad writing and worse dialogue. I got them out just in
time. Kitty's mind is stuck in a bad '80's surfer-flick and I
just got Kurt here out of a horrible interrogation scene. I...
(breaks down and sobs on Mike's shoulder) I can't take this... I
just can't...
Mike: There, there.
(Amanda continues to vent as Crow and Gypsy try to get through
Kurt's leg-chains with a nail file)
Amanda: I want panel-time again. I want a good writer. (wails) I
WANT MY BOYFRIEND BACK!
Crow: And you can have him as soon as I find the blowtorch. Say,
that fur's not flammable, is it?
Gypsy: Get the hammer and pickax, just to be safe.
Crow: Right-o!
(Crow ducks out of camera view again)
Tom: Gosh, this is so sad and tragic and.. HEY! Don't touch that!
(Kitty phases her hand through the computer controlling the
artificial gravity)
Kitty: But, like, I just love neat-o computers! Tee-hee!
Gypsy: Oh dear...
(AG increases, pinning everyone to the floor and out of Cambot's
range of vision)
Amanda: SEE?! This is what comes of changing writers.
Tom: Bah, I say. This is what comes of cross-overs.
Amanda: Well, we wouldn't be doing the cross-over if we didn't
need someplace to hide from the writer! Oops...
Mike: I feel so... so used.
Kitty: Ohhh... Amanda? Kurt? What happened? Why do I have a lump
on my head? GAH! Who stuffed the tissues down my shirt?
Amanda: Actually, it was your brain. (sigh) I'll explain when I can move
a little more.
Tom: Could someone please fix this before my head implodes?
Kitty: Just let me phase.
(Kitty, back to normal proportions, stands up, goes over to the terminal
that she just wrecked, and has the entire thing fixed in five seconds
flat. The inhabitants of the SOL get to their feet, sighing in relief.)
Mike: Wow, that was painful.
(Amanda wanders off-side)
Amanda: That reminds me. Brace yourself, Fuzzy. This is going to
sting.
*RIIIIIIIIIP!*
(High-pitched male scream)
Tom: And what have we learned from this painful scene, Mike?
Mike: Ummm... if you have facial fur, remove duct-tape with
utmost care?
Tom: What else?
Mike: It takes approximately two rolls of duct-tape to remove a
goatee.
Tom: Good boy.
(Tom hands Mike a bone-shaped cookie. Mike munches away happily)
Kitty (off-sides): You could have let me phase him out of that,
Amanda.
Amanda: Ooops...
Kurt (sarcastically): Thank you ever so much, liebchen. Katzchen,
I'll take you up on that offer.
(Clanking of chains is heard. Amanda, Kitty, and Kurt wander back
into Cambot's view)
Kurt: Where is that verruckt roboter, that Crow? 'Flammable fur.'
Bah!
Amanda: Kurt, you're doing it again.
Kurt: Vas?
Amanda: Was, not vas. And you're talking like Colossus.
Kurt: Sorry. But where is he?
Tom (pointing): He went thataway.
Kurt: Danke.
(Kurt teleports away with his customary BAMF.)
Amanda: *sigh* Maybe I did get them away too late.
Kitty: Ok, so we're safe for now. What do we do here?
Mike: Well, mostly we watch horrible movies and try to keep our
sanity.
Kitty: Doesn't sound so bad. Pop 'Waterworld' in the VCR and
let's roast.
(Mike and Tom look at each other and shake their heads sadly)
Tom: We'll never see something that good up here.
Amanda & Kitty: *GASP!*
Kitty: Sefton, you are SO dead! Kurt will never find your body!
Amanda: I didn't know!
(Kurt teleports back, dropping a bisected Crow to the floor)
Kurt (sheathing his sword): I feel cleansed. Now, what are we
doing here?
Mike: As a special treat, we're going to roast the comic book
issue you three are currently skipping out on.
Amanda, Kitty, & Kurt: *GASP!*
Crow 1/2 #1 & #2: Is someone hyperventilating up there?
Amanda: You mean...
Kitty: ...we get to roast Raab...
Kurt: ...without fear of being retconned into oblivion?
Mike: Um... pretty much.
(Both females give Mike a thorough cheek-kissing while Kurt
shakes his hand enthusiastically)
Amanda and Kitty: THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!
Mike: Aw, shucks.
(In the background, Tom and both halves of Crow make vomiting
noises)
Kitty: C'mon, let's go!
(All three members of Excalibur run towards the theater)
Tom: Poor, simple souls. They know not what they do.
Crow 1/2 #1: You know, there really is no reason that all of us
should suffer.
Crow 1/2 #2: And there are only five seats in the theater...
Mike: Oh, there are not!
Crow 1/2 #2: Mike, look outside and tell me...
Crow 1/2 #1: And me!
Crow 1/2 #2: ...what you see.
Mike: Let's see... I see a lot of stars, a comet, there's a
pretty green planet over there, a few seats for our theater...
CROW! And... Crow.
Crow 1/2 #1 & #2: What?
Mike: Now what are we going to do?
Tom: Well, that seems pretty clear. Mike and I are going to
suffer through yet another session of brain-cell homicide. Crow,
both of you are going to go space-walking and retrieve those
seats.
Crow 1/2 #1: But those were jettisoned a few miles back.
Tom: Well then, you've got your work cut out for you.
Mike: See ya, Crow. And... Crow.
(Mike and Tom head towards the theater, humming a death-dirge)
Crow 1/2 #1: But-but... Awwwwww!
Crow 1/2 #2: Aw, don't sweat it. We can have this cleaned up in
no time.
******
(door/countdown sequence)
(Mike, carrying Tom, walks into the theater and takes the seat to
the extreme right)
Kurt: What kept you?
Amanda & Kitty: SHHHHHHHH!
Kitty: The comic's starting.
Tom: And you're under the impression that this is a good thing?
*******
(Cover to Excalibur #113 comes up on screen.)
Cover banner: The World's Greatest Comics!
******
Kitty: False advertising! I say we sue.
Tom: And in Marvel's current fiscal condition, that will net you
how much? $.50?
Kurt: Ja, if we're lucky, we'll be able to buy you that postage
stamp you've had your eye on.
******
Cover banner cont.: EXCALIBUR!
******
Amanda: Say it ain't so!
******
Cover banner cont.: Raab
Woods
Koblish
******
All (throwing popcorn at the screen): BOOOO! HISSSS!
Mike(making a cross with his fingers): Back! Back I say! Fetch
the stake!
Kurt (sub-zero tones): Excuse me?
Amanda: He doesn't read comics, hon. Give him a break.
Tom: How come we never get popcorn, Mike?
******
Cover banner cont.: featuring: High the Evolutionary
******
Tom: A typo on the front cover! Marvel is really letting
themselves go.
Mike: Maybe the evolutionary is named High.
Kitty: Actually, it's supposed to be the High Evolutionary.
Tom: Damn. And here I thought we were getting an original
character.
Amanda: You really have been out in space a while, haven't you?
******
(Cover pic of Colossus and Meggan apparently running towards the
reader. A ram-like humanoid and a lizard-like humanoid stand in
the back ground. Meggan has one arm flung out behind her, and the
other over her chest.)
******
Amanda (as Meggan): Piotr, I said no!
Kitty (as Colossus): Just ten minutes is all I ask! Five! By the
White Wolf, Meggan, I have not been laid since Siege Perilous!
Tom & Mike (as the uglies behind): That's sexual harassment, and
she doesn't have to take it!
Kurt: It would explain Piotr's urgency to get Herr Wisdom out of
the way in #92, however.
******
Cover banner cont.: Colossus and Meggan-- CORNERED IN WUNDAGORE!
******
Kitty (dully): Oooo.
Amanda (yawning): Spooky.
Kurt (monotone): Truly frightening.
Tom: I don't know about you guys, but I nearly peed myself. That
has to be the scariest thing I've heard all year.
Mike: Well, onto page one!
Kurt: Afraid not, mein fruend. Marvel is doing gateway covers
now.
Mike: *sigh*
******
Gateway cover: Meet Excalibur.
******
Tom: But I don't have a thing to wear!
******
Gateway cover cont.: United to preserve the dream of Professor
Charles Xavier, they have sought to extend the message of the
X-Men beyond the shores of America.
******
Amanda: 'Cuz, you see, they don't have television in the rest of
the world, so we have to go door to door telling Europeans about
how neat it is to watch Jean Grey die and resurrect.
Kitty: And die.
Tom: And resurrect.
******
Gateway cover cont.: Operating out of their headquarters on Muir
Island in Scotland, they've sworn to defend mutantkind from a
world that both fears and hates them,
*****
Kurt: 1,000,052.
Mike: Huh?
Kitty: We have a running count of how many times we've seen that
wonderful line used in the X-titles.
Tom: You know, if I recall the Marvel time-line correctly, I think
Excalibur has OCCASIONALLY defended non-mutantkind from aliens and
criminals and super-villains and black magicians and even natural
disasters.
Amanda: Well, according to the powers-that-be, that doesn't really count
as a worthwhile goal. Besides, if we'd just let all those pesky nonmutant
humans get killed off, there wouldn't be anyone left to fear and hate
mutantkind and Marvel would have to shut down for lack of angst.
Kitty: And the entire Summers clan would die out over-night.
******
Gateway cover cont.: for they are...
*******
All: BRAIN-DAMAGED!
******
Gateway cover cont.: EXCALIBUR! (x in a circle logo)
******
Kitty: Really? We never would have figured that out!
Mike: Hey, what is that?
Kurt: What is what?
Mike: That little logo.
Amanda: Butt tattoo. Everyone on the X-teams has one. It's sort of
like a brand to keep the X-people from running away and mingling
with all the common mutants out there. Why do you think I never
officially joined? I'm a woman of fair skin and delicate hiney.
Tom: I thought it was something they had to wear over their hearts to
provide targeting information.
Kitty: Then why does Cyclops wear his directly above his crotch?
******
Gateway cover cont.: NIGHTCRAWLER
Nightcrawler: Born with the ability to teleport
short distances, stick to walls and ceilings, and turn virtually
invisible in deep shadows...
******
Mike (grumbling): The third Spider-clone.
Kitty: No fair! How come you get THREE mutant powers?
Tom: Four if you count the fur.
Kurt (grinning, leaning back in his seat): Cockrum rules.
******
Gateway cover cont.: ...the German-born Kurt Wagner is...
******
Amanda: One hell of a lay, especially with that tail.
Kurt (blushing): Amanda!
Amanda: Well, you weren't gonna say it.
Tom: And here I was starting to miss Crow.
******
Gateway cover cont.: the blue-skinned leader of Excalibur.
******
Mike: Has anyone actually shaved him down to see if he's really blue-
skinned.
Amanda: TRUST me. He's blue all over.
Kitty: I think we've just set a record for sexual innuendoes in a fan-fic.
******
SHADOWCAT
American-born Kitty Pryde has the mutant ability to...
******
Kitty: ...realize when her intelligence is being insulted and
tender her resignation, and would have, except for that damn
copyright thing.
******
Gateway cover cont.: ...turn intangible and walk on air with but
a thought. Trained in the way of the Samurai and the ninja,
Shadowcat's physical prowess is...
******
Kitty: ...greatly appreciated "I'm the best at what I do" Logan AND by
Pete Wisdom, NOT... I repeat NOT... by his Raab-generated clone.
******
Gateway cover cont.: ...balanced by her brilliant mind and her
formal X-Men training.
******
Kitty: Ah, yes. My fond memories of life as an X-Man.
Lesson #1: Wanton destruction of property. Never pay or apologize like
normal humans.
Lesson #2: Angst, angst and more angst. Why? "Because we're hated and
feared by everyone."
Lesson #3: Whose relative are you? If all else fails, you belong to the
Summers family tree. Or is it a forest?)
Lesson #4: Learn the fine art of dying... over and over and over again.
Lesson #5: Use minimal spandex and no other material in your costume
design and how to function without any bloodflow due because of such.
******
COLOSSUS
The Russian mutant born Piotr Rasputin...
******
Tom: ... but recently dubbed Tinfoil-lad...
******
Gateway cover: ...is the powerhouse of Excalibur.
******
Kurt: Just don't let Meggan and Brian hear about that...
******
Gateway cover: His artistic heart is masked by his cold, hard exterior,
as Colossus has the ability to transform his flesh and blood...
******
Mike: His blood actually transforms to steel?
Tom: It would explain why there's no oxygen getting to his tiny little
brain.
******
Gateway cover: ...into a form of impervious organic steel!
******
(Kitty leaps up and points at the screen)
Kitty: LIAR!
All others: Huh?
Kitty: He's not invulnerable in steel-form. I'll show you.
(She phases out and comes back a minute later with Colossus)
Colossus: Shto?
Kitty: Shut up. (hands him a beaker) Here, pour this over your
head.
(The trusting fool does so)
Colosssus: AAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!
Kitty: See? His organic steel form is susceptible to highly
corrosive acid.
(All watch as Colossus melts into a puddle on the floor)
Mike: Oh, great. Now the floor's all sticky.
Kitty: I'll clean up later.
******
Gateway cover cont.: WOLFSBANE
Rahne Sinclair is the youngest member of Excalibur,
******
Mike: But.. but... wasn't she fourteen when Moira adopted her? And wasn't
Kitty thirteen when she joined the X-men about a month before?!
Kitty: Mike doesn't understand retconning does he?
Tom: The poor lad thinks that established facts stay as such and that the
timeline isn't prone to tampering. I find his naiveté rather... well...
pathetic.
******
Gateway cover cont.: ...but her mutant ability to transform from a shy
young woman to a human/wolf hybrid and to a complete wolf makes her a
force to be reckoned with!
******
Tom: And a great stunt-double for Lassie.
******
Gateway cover cont.: MEGGAN
Linked to the elemental forces of Great Britain as a
faerie, the enigmatic, but naive Meggan has...
******
Mike: Unlike the enigmatic, but naive, Meggan...
Kurt: ... who has yet to discover that double-D sized chest is just not
very aerodynamic.
Amanda: And just how do you know her bra-size?
Kurt: Er... I saw it in the laundry?
Amanda: Those who go around hiding salami in their costumes should not
throw stones, Elfy.
******
Gateway cover cont.: ...the ability to change her physical form
at will, as well as the power to shape the very forces of nature
to fit her needs.
******
Amanda (sulking): Unless the team leaves Europe, at which point
she simply becomes eye candy.
Kitty: Now, now. Let's not be bitter.
******
Gateway cover cont.: PETE WISDOM
******
All: The Pod-Person!
******
Gateway cover cont.: A former intelligence operative...
******
Tom: And formerly interesting character.
Kitty: And formerly intelligent enough to stay out of the X-angsting...
******
Gateway cover cont.: ...with the ability to generate
"hot-knives."
******
(silence)
Amanda: Is that all?
Kurt: After all of the rambling they did with the other powers,
it is a surprise that they would not take greater pains to
explain this one.
Mike: What is a "hot-knife" exactly?
Tom: Any knife that you stick into an electrical outlet.
Mike: Is that really a mutant power?
Kitty (to no one in particular): Raab does not like Pete, even the
clone/pod-person that he's writing in his stead. Rotten, friggin', sawed-
off, upstart, pisshead wanker.
Amanda: Now who's being bitter?
******
Gateway cover cont.: Boyfriend to Kitty Pryde, he remains a
reluctant member of Excalibur.
******
Kitty: Because he can't get out of the copyright binding either!
******
Gateway cover cont.: Previously in...
******
Tom: Earplugs everyone!
******
Gateway cover cont.: EXCALIBUR!
******
All: Owwwwwww!
******
Gateway cover cont.: A bomb detonated in the cockpit of the plane
that Colossus and Meggan were using to fly back to Muir Island.
******
Amanda: That's the story anyway. Actually, the combination of
five burritos and a thermos of Moira's coffee proved to be a
little more than volatile than Colossus' system could handle.
Kitty: Wooooo! Light a match!
******
Gateway cover cont.: The craft crashed in the snow-covered
terrain of the Swiss Alps. Surviving the crash-landing
******
Kurt: Insert comma.
******
Colossus carried the injured and quite delirious...
******
Tom: As opposed to the clueless and quite delusioned...
******
Gateway cover cont.: Meggan through miles of frozen trails which
eventually led to the mysterious tower of Wundagore. Meanwhile
******
Kurt: Insert comma.
*****
Gateway cover cont.: Nightcrawler and Pete Wisdom discovered the
wonders of Kassel, Germany's night life
******
Kurt: Insert comma.
******
Gateway cover cont.: ...as they searched for Peckman, a woman
from Wisdom's past before his Black Air days.
******
Kitty: ...on the playground.
Kurt: Wasn't it "Peckham" last time we heard of this mystery
woman?
Amanda: And wasn't Peckham a *place*?
All Excalians: *sigh* Why us?
******
Gateway cover cont.: Unfortunately
******
Kurt: Insert comma.
Mike: They really do need a beta-reader for this.
******
Gateway cover cont.: ...she ambushed them unexpectedly.
******
Kurt: Yes, I'm afraid we had gotten far too used to those
expected ambushes.
Mike: OK, *now* we go to page one.
Tom: Yes, Mike, now we go to the first page.
(Excalians hum "Taps")
******
Voice-over box: Dawn on Muir Island-
******
Tom (a la Orson Wells): Every summer, the blue-footed boobies
come here to spawn.
******
Voice-over box cont.: -the world's foremost center for genetic
research...
******
Kitty: Until the jealous rage from being second best drives Beast and Mr.
Sinister into rabid frenzies and they combine forces to napalm it to the
ground.
******
Voice-over box cont.: ... and home to that international team of
heroes, Excalibur.
******
Mike: Didn't they say that already in the fold-out cover?
Amanda: But why say it once when you can say it twice?
******
(Moira and Rahne hugging on a dock)
Rahne: I'll go if'n ye say so, Mummy.
Moira: Och...
******
Kurt: Ach?
Kitty: Oooch?
Tom: Nanoo, nanoo?
******
Moira: ...dinnae be such a sapsy bairn. Go see yuir friends. Have
a good time at yuir "New Mutants Convention."
******
Kitty: Don't be such a sticky baby?
Amanda: <gasp! choke! Wheeze!>
Kurt: Relax, liebchen. Deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out.
Mike: What's with her?
Kurt: Raab had a chance to plug his little... project and didn't
take it. The shock sent her into respiratory arrest.
Tom: She choked.
Mike: Oh.
******
Rahne: But if your condition gets worse...?
******
Amanda: Of course, there's been no visible deterioration within
the past thirty-odd issues, but let's all start worrying about it
now.
******
Moira: Don't ye go frettin' about me.
******
Tom: After all, we aren't!
******
Moira: Sure'n I'll miss ye lots...
******
Kitty (as Moira): SURE I will, Rahney. Honest.
Amanda: Hey, why's the comic stopping?
Kurt: More credits.
******
Credits: Stan Lee presents...
******
Mike: I've heard of him! What does he do on this comic? Art?
Kurt: No.
Mike: Writing?
Kitty: Well, no.
Tom: His name just kind of goes on most of Marvel's books as a
sadly misplaced symbol of respect.
Amanda: One wonders if he knows what horrors are being perpetrated in his
name.
Kurt: Ignorance is no excuse.
******
Credits: FAITH
******
All: "'Cuz I gotta have faith... I gotta have faith. I gotta have
faith-a, faith-a, faith. I gotta have faith-a, faith-a, faith.
Bay-bay!"
******
Credits cont.: Ben Raab
Story
******
Amanda: Where?
Mike: Look harder, I'm sure it's there someplace.
******
Credits cont.: Pete Woods
Pencils
Scott Koblish
Inks
Richard Starkings & Comicraft/KS
Letters
******
Kitty: So he's the one who we have to blame for those spineless
replies in the letters column?
Kurt: Nein, I think that's coming up next.
******
Credits cont.: Matt Idelson & Kelly Corvese
Editors
******
Kurt: Maybe they're just trying not to upset anyone in the
letters column...
Kitty: I'm upset. Is it too much to ask for a straight answer?
Kurt: Ah, but that would be telling!
(sound of a portion of a bad crew-cut being ripped out by the
roots)
(muffled male yelp)
Amanda: Guess she's immune to your charms, lover.
******
Credits cont.: Bob Harras
Chief
******
Kurt: Chief Ignorer of All Previous Continuity
Amanda: Chief of the Hackneyed Plot-Line
Kitty: Chief Wrecker of Good Relationships
Tom: Chief of the Pointless Cross Over
Mike: Chief... um... Poophead?
Kitty: It's the effort that counts, Mike. Back to the comic.
All: New panel!
******
(next page, first panel, Rahne and Moira facing each other. Ya get a good
look at the
back of Moira's head)
Rahne: Now who's bein' "sapsy"...?
******
Mike: Duh... Moira?
******
Rahne cont.: It'll only be for a weekend, Lady Moira. I'll be
nashin' home real soon...
******
Tom: "Nashin'"? What is this "nashin'"?
******
Moira: Just watch yuirself, Rahne.
******
Kurt: Yes, Mrs. Doubtfire.
******
Moira cont.: There's nae tellin' what kind o' trouble that
spaleen--BASTION--is stirrin' up f'r mutant's stateside.
******
Tom: Dont'cha just love the way Moira talks? I mean listen to the
way she enunciates the word spleen. "Spa-leeeeeen." God, that
gives me chills!
Kitty: Shouldn't that be 'spalpeen?' And isn't that an Irish insult?
Tom: Look, I don't know what kind of weird alternate universe you
guys come from, but around here, writers just don't go around
messing up foreign accents! Trust me, she just called Bastion a
spleen.
******
(in a small panel, a pair of teeth under a gray mustache yell)
Misc. mouth: ALL ABOARD!
******
Kurt: And I quote "He should shoot his orthodontist."
******
(next panel, Rahne walking away from Moira)
Rahne: I'm a big girl now. I can take care o' muhself.
******
Amanda (as Rahne): Besides, I have muh teddy bear in muh duffel.
Tom: You know, that accent looks really cute written, but it's
about as attractive as feminine chest hair when spoken.
******
Moira: I-- I know, lass. Ye make me proud. Luv ye.
Rahne: An' I luv ye too, Mum. Lots.
******
Kitty: Smooches!
Datastorm
Suzene, great stuff!
DS