premise critique
KB
Is anyone fooled by those razor blades with the "moisturizing strip"?
You got razor-sharp metal against bare skin, that thin strip of
hardened moisture lotion is going to do alot of good.
Tim Shell
Where's the actual joke, though? Where's the punch line? You need to have some
kind of analogy or metaphor for the punch.
"And thank God for those moisturizing strips they put on razor blades! They
make shaving smooth as glass... well, a broken Coors bottle, anyway."
Also, it's far too generic. Do you want somebody to take it?
It seems like it could be part of a larger, more expanded bit on shaving. Then
you can explore the social attitudes toward shaving. Why we do it. Can't wait
to do it as kids. Sign of manhood/womanhood. Stubble/razor burn.
Stupid-looking beards and mustaches. Leg and crotch shaving. Et cetera. Or
maybe you could use it in a bit about how manufacturers like to con us into
thinking we're getting something extra, when all we're getting is worthless
shit.
And please try to incorporate as much of your own experience into the narrative
as possible, to keep it unique and unstealable. Tell the audience something
about yourself. Tell them some horror story about shaving. Everybody has one.
Some terrible gouge right before a hot date or job interview. It's not just
enough to point out the potential for humor in an object or situation, you gotta
connect the dots.
But what the fuck do I know about how to write a joke? Huh? I'm no
professional. I've only watched TV for the last 40 years or so and absorbed
thousands of fucking hours of Johnny Carson and whoever else has been telling
jokes for that long. So I don't know jack shit about it. Whatever. There are
plenty of books that will tell you how to write a stupid fucking joke. Why
listen to me? I don't even like jokes.
Tim Shell
John McCoy
"KB" <kayr...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:8ccb6dce.0407...@posting.google.com...
(You might go in this direction with it) moisturizing strips on razors....
good idea... absorbs the blood
Johnnie
Eric B.
Tommy Joe
> good idea... absorbs the blood
>
> Johnnie
The real reason they moisturize the strips is if you want to
stick your head up someone's asshole it can slide in real easy, no
harsh whiskers to get in the way and a nice and smooth entry.
Tommy Joe
Tommy Joe
> > You got razor-sharp metal against bare skin, that thin strip of
> > hardened moisture lotion is going to do alot of good.
>
> (You might go in this direction with it) moisturizing strips on razors....
> good idea... absorbs the blood
>
> Johnnie
There was a macho type guy who used to hang out at the poolroom in
Hollywood in which I worked and played. He had a really thick beard,
the type that if he shaved it would show up half a day later. We were
talking about shaving techniques and the kind of shaving cream we used
and I asked this guy what he used. He said he 'dry shaved'. I
believed he said this just to seem macho, but a few weeks later I
actually tried it with a disposable razor, which is the only kind I
ever use. And the truth is, the guy wasn't lying. It seems to hurt
at first, it feels like it's going to hurt, but once you get going it
doesn't hurt at all and you can really feel what your doing. I think
shaving cream actually gets in the way. I usually just use hot water,
but sometimes I'll dry shave. Shaving cream is a major rip off,
totally unnecessary product. Same goes for shampoo. Water alone will
do the trick. In fact shampoo actually dries out your hair. It's
hard to convince people of this because they've been conditioned to
believe they need these products, but they are not needed at all.
Tommy Joe
KB
I didn't say it was a joke, I said it was a premise for a joke.
Thanks for the feedback though.
Eric B.
>
> I didn't say it was a joke, I said it was a premise for a joke.
> Thanks for the feedback though.
TBH the premise is irrelevent. It's the joke that needs to be funny.
Eric B.
Tim Shell
>
>I didn't say it was a joke, I said it was a premise for a joke.
Except for fluorescent lighting ballasts, what isn't a premise for a joke?
That little puff sound declawed cats make when they try to scratch you?
Old zoos where the animals are all crazy from boredom?
Sledding down an ice hill and hitting a patch of dirt?
The Cassini Saturn probe?
Finding weird shit on the back of re-used copy paper?
Not realizing how much you use a particular finger until it's hurt?
The irony of getting dental floss stuck in your teeth?
Employers asking you for Excel experience but not having Excel?
Little kids who don't understand money showing you their little savings?
Of course, they might not be very great jokes. But who other than an audience
can judge that? Audiences will laugh at the stupidest shit, as long as you
present it correctly.
Doug Doane
> Audiences will laugh at the stupidest shit,
> as long as you present it correctly.
That pretty much sums up my career.
Lowest Common Doanomiter
BentHanlen
MARK KNOPE
>how do blind people know when they're done wiping?
I'm guessing that they're the ones still buying unscented toilet paper...
KB
do you live in a shack in Montana?
Sensei Ern
> how do blind people know when they're done wiping?
By the taste!
Tommy Joe
> do the trick. In fact shampoo actually dries out your hair. It's
> hard to convince people of this because they've been conditioned to
> believe they need these products, but they are not needed at all.
>
> Tommy Joe
do you live in a shack in Montana?
No, Kay, I live in a one-room apartment with running water and a
toilet and I even have a kitchen in which I cook my own food. The
truth is people really do not need shampoo, or shaving cream, or even
toothpaste. I'm not a miser. I don't mind spending cash on things I
like (if I have the cash to do it), but I'm telling you whether you
believe it or not, that these things are not at all necessary. I even
read an article in a rather reputable magazine about 'dry brushing'
your teeth, that it is a better method than using paste or even water.
I have tried it. I prefer toothpaste, but I know it's not a needed
item. I don't care for the dry brush method, but every so often I'll
do. It actually slows you down. You lie down in bed and just take
the brush and slowly work your teeth just as you would using paste,
except with just the brush you can really feel it working, the teeth
are not masked by the toothpaste. As for shampoo, some people just
can't get over the hump. I always liked the way my hair felt and
looked after I hadn't washed it for a day or two. I knew a few people
who told me they don't use shampoo or soap on their hair. I decided
to give it a try. It feels weird at first because your hair feels
heavier, not dried out and ultra-squeaky, but it's clean. Water is
the real cleaning agent, not soap. Soap is used to make water less
hard. Marketing is pretty powerful stuff. Floor deodorant, nothing
but baking soda with scent added. Baby oil, nothing but mineral oil
with scent added. Over the counter sleeping pills, nothing but
antihistamines with catchy names like Sleepeeze. Anyway, I'm rambling
again, but if you enjoy using shampoo or shaving cream, by all means
continue to do so. I'm only saying they are not necessary items, not
even helpful, and in certain minor ways they are even harmful. That
is all.
Tommy Joe (President - Ted Kyzcinski Fan Club)
Tim Shell
>
>> Same goes for shampoo. Water alone will do the trick.
Not for me. If I don't wash my hair every day, it looks like something Hardee's
drains out of its fryers.
KB
dude, just admit you live in a shack in Montana and shun the outside
world. No one here will judge you...you looney.
Bill H.
You may also go into these three and four-bladed razors, convincing
everyone that you, in fact, need four blades nowadays to get a good
shave. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't people use ONE blade for
like a hundred years or something before they finally came out with
two?
Shaving commercials are weird, too.
-Bill H.
steve
Check out the bit "Little Tiny Hairs" from Bill Cosby's "Bill Cosby Is A
Very Funny Fellow, Right!" for one of the early definitive bits on razors and
shaving commercials. I still find it very funny.
"Zip! Zop! See there? My face is ripped to shreds!"
steve gelder
http://www.stevegelder.com
The FAQ for alt.comedy.standup is currently located at:
http://members.aol.com/comedyfaq/faq.html
Baldwiny
> "Zip! Zop! See there? My face is ripped to shreds!"
"Little tiny hairs ... growin' outta my face!"
Tommy Joe
Tommy Joe says...
> >> Same goes for shampoo. Water alone will do the trick.
Tim Shell Says....
> Not for me. If I don't wash my hair every day, it looks like something Hardee's drains out of its fryers.
Well, to each their own. I used shampoo for years, but about 25
years ago I stopped using it. I wash my hair every time I take a
shower, which is usually once a day. I'm telling you, whether you
choose to believe me or not, you do not need shampoo. I will admit
that the first time you wash your hair without soap (which is what
shampoo is), it won't feel quite the same as it does after you've
washed it with shampoo, but that's only because you're used to using
shampoo all these years. Your hair is clean after you wash it with
only water, and it's healthier and not so stripped of it's natural
oils. Anyway, I'm not on some kind of crusade to change the bathing
and grooming habits of America. All I can say is, try it for a week
or two and you'll see that I'm right.
Tommy Joe
CHAFEY BRASSIERE
"Heliose Joezo/Bozo", (the same
person, who wipes his ass
with his fingers, and, then,
licks them clean)....!!
Yours (Bloody!!) Truly,
Chafey....AKA....David
Copyright 2004
Tim Shell
>or two and you'll see that I'm right.
I may do that. I have been having some scalp trouble lately because of the heat
and humidity, and I'm willing to give it a shot to see if it helps clear it up.
CHAFEY BRASSIERE
with what little is UNDER your scalp,
for many years now.....!! And it
has nothing to do with the
heat or humidity!!
Tommy Joe
Of course, shaving your head is a fine option. I did this twice in my
life, all the way down with a bunch of disposable track-two razors,
totally slick. I'm serious. I was living in Hollywood at the time.
I was in my twenties. Between the ages of 16 and 30 I never went to a
barber. I cut my own hair, which was easy because I wore a sort of
shag cut and all I needed to do to cut it was use a razor blade held
onto a comb and gently guide it through my hair.
Well, there I am standing in front of the mirror doing this and I
accidentally cut a huge chunk of hair out of one side of my head. I
had to acheive balance, so I cut a huge chunk out of the other side,
but it still didn't look right. I kept at, trying to cut away both
sides until I would acheive perfect balance, but it never happened.
That's when I decided to just whack all my hair off, which I did with
a pair of scissors. Then I grabbed a bunch of disposable razors and
went to work on the rest of it. I was laughing my ass off the whole
time.
I was having a blast staring at my new head in the mirror. Then I
really went nuts. I shaved off my fucking eyebrows. I was a real
attention-seeker back then. I got plenty of attention, alright. I
suppose it's almost like the kind of attention girls get when they're
pregnant, like they're the star of the show for awhile until the kid
finally comes out and reality smacks them in the head. I looked
pretty strange with the bald head, but without eyebrows on top of it -
I looked like something from another planet. It was great - for about
three days - then the novelty began to wear off. I would go to bed at
night and try to grab a small piece of eye-brow hair and pull on it to
try to make it grow out faster. In all seriousness, shaving your head
is a great experience, if you haven't already done it, and I'm willing
to bet your probably have. I will never go bald. I have a great head
of hair. But, having already experienced the totally bald way of life
I am more than prepared for baldness in case it ever arrives. I have
no idea what your scalp problem is from. Could be meds, could be
diet, could be an allergy to shampoo. Certainly not using shampoo or
soap for two or three weeks would not hurt. Who knows, you might wind
up liking it. All I can say is, trust me, water is the cleaning
agent, not soap. Your hair will be plenty clean using only water when
you take your shower. Thanks for reading my note.
Tommy Joe
CHAFEY BRASSIERE
you are such a helpful household
"hinter". I hope Psycho Timbo,
will report back in a week or
two, to let us know about
his scalp condition. And,
you are, right, Tommy,
it was real sweet of him
to read your "note".
Thanks for doing
that for Tommy,
Timbo. Thanks
for taking his
household
hints, so
seriously.
You know what I mean, I'm saying--:
THANK YOU, for giving
him the respect
he so deeply
deserves.
Tommy
will now,
hold his
unwashed
stanky head,
a little higher
and prouder,
now, that you
read his "note"
and took his
"hints" so
seriously.
BRAVO!!
TIMBO!!
You made a creepy, stinky cab driver
VERY _*HAPPY*_....!!
And for that you should
be committed....I mean
COMMENDED....You
should be commended.
God Bless You,
Psycho Timbo.
And God Bless You,
Too, Mr. Heloise From
Hell--: Psycho Cabbie Creep--:
Tommy Joezo/Bozo Perkins....!!
Bozo de Clown
> I knew a few people who don't use shampoo or soap on their hair. I decided
> to give it a try. It feels weird at first because your hair feels
> heavier, not dried out and ultra-squeaky, but it's clean. Water is
> the real cleaning agent, not soap. Soap is used to make water less
> hard. Marketing is pretty powerful stuff. Floor deodorant, nothing
> but baking soda with scent added. Baby oil, nothing but mineral oil
> with scent added. Over the counter sleeping pills, nothing but
> antihistamines with catchy names like Sleepeeze. Anyway, I'm rambling
> again but if you enjoy using shampoo or shaving cream, by all means
> continue to do so. I'm only saying they are not necessary items, not
> even helpful, and in certain minor ways they are even harmful. That
> is all.
>
> Tommy Joe (President - Ted Kyzcinski Fan Club)
FOR THE DIM AND DUMB YOU ARE TRULY DANGEROUS TOMMY.
YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. NOT
EVEN! BUT IT SURE SOUNDS LIKE YOU DO. YOU ARE FUN
TO READ. AND DANGEROUS.
-Bozo-
CHAFEY BRASSIERE
like you "know what you are talking about"
to people, as equally, crazed and dim and dumb, AS YOU....!! People,
like, your Sock
Puppet "Bozos"....
Tommy Joe
> VERY _*HAPPY*_....!!
> And for that you should
> be committed....I mean
> COMMENDED....You
> should be commended.
> God Bless You,
> Psycho Timbo.
>
>
> And God Bless You,
> Too, Mr. Heloise From
> Hell--: Psycho Cabbie Creep--:
> Tommy Joezo/Bozo Perkins....!!
>
>
> Yours (Bloody!!) Truly,
> Chafey....AKA....David
> Copyright 2004
It's like I said after I saw Marlon Brando play the lead role in
the movie 'Viva Zapata' --- "Who the fuck needs Mexicans when we got
guys like Marlon Brando to play them?" Well, who the fuck needs
Chafey when we're got Bozo d Clown doing an even better job of it?
Tommy Joe
CHAFEY BRASSIERE
Otherwise, I'd be insane. The only
thing your Psycho Sock Puppet,
BOZO, does, all-TOO-well,
is, hack off of people.
Like gooberishly
cutting-an-paste
other people's
verbatim posts,
and, maybe, sloppily
changing one or two
words, and adding
his "blah-blahs" and
THEN he calls it an
"original 'mocking'
parody". Just like
that other Clone
Bozo, used to
lamely do. They
are probably the
same HACK
THIEF Puppet
"BOZO". The
'Duelling Bozos'
aren't "better" at
anything. And,
therefore, neither
are you, his
puppeteer,
Psycho Joezo.
None of you
even come
close to _*MY*_
PRO-LEVEL
originality
and creativity.
Not even CLOSE!!
CHAFEY BRASSIERE
POST-POSTY-POST--:
I don't get it. And thank God I don't.
Otherwise, I'd be insane. The only
thing your Psycho Sock Puppet,
BOZO, does, all-TOO-well,
is, hack off of people.
Like gooberishly
cutting-an-pasting
Bozo de Clown
Chafey bubala you might have something to say if you could just
somehow manage to eliminate goober, gooberish, psycho, hack, hacking,
Bozo, joezo, thief and puppet from your vocabulary. As it is though
NOBODY reads your your convulsive response because it's the same
boring wordy rant over and over. Can't you see that dude? Nobody but
me and TJ even bother to look at your stuff anymore. Get real.
-Bozo-
CHAFEY BRASSIERE
ones reading me, I wouldn't bother.
Believe me. I am quite sure more
read me, than you and he,
combined. I know many of
the lurkers/readers
who frequent this
newsgroup.
It is, yours, and Tommy's posts which
are the same shit and turkey basters
nonsense. I talk about a lot more
things, within my posts, than you
"two" (i.e. ONE). By far. You
"two" (i.e. ONE) are clueless
when it comes to most issues.
Bozo de Clown
> If I thought you Psycho Twins were the only
> ones reading me, I wouldn't bother.
Then don't. Because we are.
> Believe me. I am quite sure more
> read me, than you and he,
> combined. I know many of
> the lurkers/readers
> who frequent this
> newsgroup.
>
> It is, yours, and Tommy's posts which
> are the same shit and turkey basters nonsense.
Delete "turkey basters" from your lame lexicon too.
> I talk about a lot more things, within my posts,
> than you "two" (i.e. ONE). By far.
No, you don't!
> You "two" (i.e. ONE) are clueless
> when it comes to most issues.
Lose "clueless" too.
> Yours (Bloody!!) Truly,
> Chafey....AKA....David
> Copyright 2004
Now shut the fuck-up and go away ... or get a new act. I'm tired of you.
If you don't leave I'm gonna come down there and bitch-slap you, B-ATCH.
-Bozo-
Tommy Joe
> If I thought you Psycho Twins were the only
> ones reading me, I wouldn't bother.
> Believe me. I am quite sure more
> read me, than you and he,
> combined. I know many of
> the lurkers/readers
> who frequent this
> newsgroup.
> Yours (Bloody!!) Truly,
> Chafey....AKA....David
> Copyright 2004
Really? Who are the lurker/readers you know who frequent this newsgroup?
Tommy Joe
CHAFEY BRASSIERE
morons are not even close
to being the "only" ones
who read me. I've had
tons-an-tons of
responses from
countless others.
And tons of e-mails
from even more
people, who
lurk here, but,
rarely, if ever,
POST. Some
like to be
entertained
from afar;
silently, without
having to get
in the thick of
it. Those people
that don't want
to bother posting
but still enjoy
reading the posts.
Even, some,
nationally
famous people,
that I've had
on my show,
have e-mailed
me, saying they've
enjoyed my posts.
(Some who
recognized
my stylings,
here, from
how I am
on the
air). Which
is, at times,
very-VERY
similar to how
I am here.
Actually,
OFTEN,
VERBATIM
to what I
post, in terms,
of many of my
more serious
commentaries,
as well as, some
of my memorable
joking schtick.
LISTEN--:
Most of the things that you are *truly*
"sick" of, are the things,
that get to you,
the most.
The things, that so effectively solidify
in people's minds, just how scummy
and moronically UNCOOL
and CREEPY
you are.
So, I'll be sure to double-up on some
of those items that you REALLY
want me to stop repeating,
and, as well, I will double-up
on all of my, "running insult
gags", etc. But, in your
case, really, it is NOT
a "joking insult gag".
It is 100% serious
and sincere, when
I diss your sorry
ass.
And as far as your desperate threatening
comments....Sorry, that won't work either.
I don't EVER let threats of any kind
dissuade me from doing what I
choose to do. And if that makes
you frustrated and desperate--:
Too bad, So sad, Psycho Clown.
You are a TOTAL TROLL lowlife
HACK THIEF IDIOT!! And I will
never stop saying it, until you
change, and repent, and stop
your psychotically moronic
idiocies.
Period.
Ollie North
Your helmet is on too tight.
Ollie
Semper "Is that a chin strap?" Fi
CHAFEY BRASSIERE
people who wear helmets, Psycho
Ollie/Tommy. Because, obviously,
YOU have NEVER worn one....!!
Despite several SEVERE
crashes on your souped-up,
pink-an-cream-colored
Moped.
(Which
explains
a lot.)
Semper Simpleton....--: Gary
Busey is your 'intellectual'
guru!! :--....Fi-Fi