More Heavy Stooge RELIGIOUS Content
Ali Assa Seen
etc. Y'all remember the Stooge Bible (of Nat'l Lampoon origin, IIRC)
and such - so, below is an excerpt from a deep theological tirade by
Dave Sim (who used the Stooges (under the names Mosher, Losher and
Kosher) to represent the Jewish faith in his epic "Cerebus").
- Dr Strangemonde
Sim writes: I know most of you aren't remotely interested in the
Torah, but—since this ties in with one of my theories that I'll
probably never be this close to, again, I might as well do an Oh, That
Reminds Me:
I don't know what the best current Orthodox Jewish thinking is on why
Moshe had to die instead of going into the Promised Land and what,
exactly, was his big deal crime in in Meribah in Numbers 20, I'm sure
I could look it up in the Talmud if I was interested, but really I'm
not. See, my theory is along these lines. Starting at verse 2:
And there was no water for the Congregation: and they gathered
themselues together against Moshe and against Aaron.
And the people chode with Moshe and spake, saying, Would God that we
had died when our brethren died before the YHWH.
And why haue yee brought up the Congregation of the YHWH into this
wildernesse, that we and our cattell should die there?
And wherefore haue ye made vs to come vp out of Egypt, to bring vs in
vnto this euil place? It no place of seed, or of figges, or vines, or
of pomegranates, neither is there any water to drinke.
And Moshe and Aaron went from the presence of the assembly, vnto the
doore of the Tabernacle of the congregation, and they fell vpon their
faces: and the glory of the YHWH appeared vnto them.
And the YHWH spake vnto Moshe, saying, Take the rodde, and gather thou
the assembly together, thou and Aaron, thy brother, and speake yee
vnto the rocke before their eyes, and it shall giue foorth his water,
and thou shalt bring foorth to them, water out of the rocke: so thou
shalt giue the Congregation, and their beasts drinke.
And Moshe tooke the rod from before the YHWH, as he commanded him.
And Moshe and Aaron gathered the Congregation together before the
rocke,
Okay? You got the set-up? Remember. It's my theory that YHWH is the
living thing inside the earth and inside every rock. "…speake yee vnto
the rocke before their eyes, and IT shall giue foorth HIS water…"
…and hee said vnto them, Heare now, ye rebels; must we fetch you water
out of this rocke?
And Moshe lift up his hand, and with his rod he smote the rocke twice:
and the water came out abundantly, and the Congregation dranke, and
their beasts.
See, I think God must've just cracked up at this point. Just killing
Himself laughing. YHWH is sitting there waiting for Moshe to ask YHWH
nicely in front of everyone to give him water. And what does Moshe do?
He gives YHWH two good smacks in the face and says to the crowd,
"Heare now, ye rebels; must we fetch you water out of this rocke?"
And of course YHWH who has NO sense of humour, immediately reacts with
And the YHWH spake vnto Moshe and Aaron, Because ye beleeue me not, to
sanctifie me in the eyes of the children of Israel, therefore ye shall
not bring this Congregation into the land which I haue giuen them.
This is the water of Meribah [that is, Hebrew for "strife"] because
the children of Israel stroue with the YHWH…
I may be reading it wrong, but that to me is one of the great
punch-lines in the Bible. I wouldn't be surprised if three to four
thousand years later, God still has to stifle Himself when He pictures
Moshe smacking YHWH in the face. I also think that that's what the gig
is with Balaam and his talking donkey two chapters later.
And the YHWH opened the mouth of the asse, and shee saide vnto Balaam,
What haue I done vnto thee that thou has smitten mee these three
times?
God really trying to patch things up as best He can, but undoubtedly
knowing that Moshe is still Moshe Toast at this point because of
YHWH's hurt feelings.
Anyway, I have trouble keeping a straight face whenever the Sunday
comes along that I'm reading Numbers 20 aloud. SCHMECK SCHMECK "Heare
now, ye rebels; must we fetch you water out of this rock?"
Moe Howard couldn't have done it any better.
Mark Scaliotti
it is a joke. I take my religion and the Bible seriously. Sorry that you
don't, you reprobate.
"Ali Assa Seen" <dan...@realtime.net> wrote in message
news:7f65c52a.0410...@posting.google.com...
> I'm always amused over the many religion oriented Stooge parodies,
> etc. Y'all remember the Stooge Bible (of Nat'l Lampoon origin, IIRC)
> and such - so, below is an excerpt from a deep theological tirade by
> Dave Sim (who used the Stooges (under the names Mosher, Losher and
> Kosher) to represent the Jewish faith in his epic "Cerebus").
>
> - Dr Strangemonde
>
>
> Sim writes: I know most of you aren't remotely interested in the
> Torah, but-since this ties in with one of my theories that I'll
> living thing inside the earth and inside every rock. ".speake yee vnto
> the rocke before their eyes, and IT shall giue foorth HIS water."
>
> .and hee said vnto them, Heare now, ye rebels; must we fetch you water
> out of this rocke?
>
> And Moshe lift up his hand, and with his rod he smote the rocke twice:
> and the water came out abundantly, and the Congregation dranke, and
> their beasts.
>
> See, I think God must've just cracked up at this point. Just killing
> Himself laughing. YHWH is sitting there waiting for Moshe to ask YHWH
> nicely in front of everyone to give him water. And what does Moshe do?
> He gives YHWH two good smacks in the face and says to the crowd,
> "Heare now, ye rebels; must we fetch you water out of this rocke?"
>
> And of course YHWH who has NO sense of humour, immediately reacts with
>
> And the YHWH spake vnto Moshe and Aaron, Because ye beleeue me not, to
> sanctifie me in the eyes of the children of Israel, therefore ye shall
> not bring this Congregation into the land which I haue giuen them.
>
> This is the water of Meribah [that is, Hebrew for "strife"] because
> the children of Israel stroue with the YHWH.
James Neibaur
m.sca...@comcast.net wrote on 10/24/04 3:56 PM:
> I take my religion and the Bible seriously.
Then it probably isn't a good idea to click on a post that indicates
religious content. It is likely you may find the humor objectionable.
JN
Mark Scaliotti
like this referring to the Koran or his religion. I doubt it very seriously.
Mark
"James Neibaur" <jnei...@wi.rr.com> wrote in message
news:BDA19858.4369F%jnei...@wi.rr.com...
James Neibaur
m.sca...@comcast.net wrote on 10/25/04 4:54 AM:
> I don't believe that a Muslim would find it so humourous if there was a post
> like this referring to the Koran or his religion. I doubt it very seriously.
I agree.
And anyone who feels they may be offended by a certain post, especially for
religious reasons, should not read that post. I avoid many, many posts in
newsgroups that I feel may be offensive to me.
JN
Bob
> You know, that content is blasphemous and I don't like it. I don't care if
> it is a joke. I take my religion and the Bible seriously. Sorry that you
> don't, you reprobate.
So everybody in the world should cater to your superstitious tastes eh?
James Neibaur
r...@att.net wrote on 10/25/04 6:41 AM:
>> I avoid many, many posts in
>> newsgroups that I feel may be offensive to me.
>
> Oh, so *that* is your secret, Jim!
> ROTFL
Yeah, and don't tell anyone --- oops!
JN
Mark Scaliotti
Every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is
Lord.
Mark
"Bob" <fNwOdS...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:2u4a8kF...@uni-berlin.de...
Bob
news:sJdfd.527753$8_6.518222@attbi_s04...
> No I didn't say that. Although it will happen one day.
>
> Every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is
> Lord.
You need help and not from a fag priest either!
Panther Wyvern
intoned:
> No I didn't say that. Although it will happen one day.
>
> Every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is
> Lord.
>
> Mark
Torquemada?
Mark Scaliotti
"Bob" <fNwOdS...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:2u591iF...@uni-berlin.de...
Mark Scaliotti
stinkin heathen
"Ali Assa Seen" <dan...@realtime.net> wrote in message
news:7f65c52a.0410...@posting.google.com...
> I'm always amused over the many religion oriented Stooge parodies,
> etc. Y'all remember the Stooge Bible (of Nat'l Lampoon origin, IIRC)
> and such - so, below is an excerpt from a deep theological tirade by
> Dave Sim (who used the Stooges (under the names Mosher, Losher and
> Kosher) to represent the Jewish faith in his epic "Cerebus").
>
> - Dr Strangemonde
>
>
> Sim writes: I know most of you aren't remotely interested in the
> Torah, but-since this ties in with one of my theories that I'll
> living thing inside the earth and inside every rock. ".speake yee vnto
> the rocke before their eyes, and IT shall giue foorth HIS water."
>
> .and hee said vnto them, Heare now, ye rebels; must we fetch you water
> out of this rocke?
>
> And Moshe lift up his hand, and with his rod he smote the rocke twice:
> and the water came out abundantly, and the Congregation dranke, and
> their beasts.
>
> See, I think God must've just cracked up at this point. Just killing
> Himself laughing. YHWH is sitting there waiting for Moshe to ask YHWH
> nicely in front of everyone to give him water. And what does Moshe do?
> He gives YHWH two good smacks in the face and says to the crowd,
> "Heare now, ye rebels; must we fetch you water out of this rocke?"
>
> And of course YHWH who has NO sense of humour, immediately reacts with
>
> And the YHWH spake vnto Moshe and Aaron, Because ye beleeue me not, to
> sanctifie me in the eyes of the children of Israel, therefore ye shall
> not bring this Congregation into the land which I haue giuen them.
>
> This is the water of Meribah [that is, Hebrew for "strife"] because
> the children of Israel stroue with the YHWH.
Ike Man
<m.sca...@comcast.net> wrote:
>No you need help and Jesus is the answer
>
These discussions remind me of a cute radio commercial I've been
hearing lately, which contains the following dialog exchanged between
a father and his little daughter:
GIRL: "Daddy, why is the sky blue?"
FATHER: "To match your pretty eyes."
GIRL: "Nope, not even close. See, all colors have wavelengths that are
diffused by oxygen and nitrogen. Since blue has the shortest
wavelength, it's diffused up to ten times more."
I guess for some people, the father's explanation is a lot easier to
swallow.
James Neibaur
nob...@nowhere.com wrote on 10/25/04 11:43 PM:
>> No you need help and Jesus is the answer
>>
>
> These discussions remind me of a cute radio commercial I've been
> hearing lately, which contains the following dialog exchanged between
> a father and his little daughter:
>
> GIRL: "Daddy, why is the sky blue?"
> FATHER: "To match your pretty eyes."
> GIRL: "Nope, not even close. See, all colors have wavelengths that are
> diffused by oxygen and nitrogen. Since blue has the shortest
> wavelength, it's diffused up to ten times more."
It reminds me of the Family Guy episode where, in a flashback, young Peter
asks "Why did all the dinosaurs die?"
I will not repeat the answer he got, but this post reminds me of the type of
answers certain types of people will offer.
JN
Bob
> No you need help and Jesus is the answer
Hey Mr. Holy Roller,
Here's a page that may interest you:
http://www.amishrakefight.org/gfy/
Mark Scaliotti
Here's a quote:
Repent or perish
"Bob" <fNwOdS...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:2u73igF...@uni-berlin.de...
Bob
> Hey Mr. Heathen,
>
> Here's a quote:
>
> Repent or perish
If going to heaven means I have to associate with self-righteous assholes
like you, I'd rather pass ther time with Satan.
Mark Scaliotti
Looks like you'll really burn at the stake.
"Bob" <fNwOdS...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:2u7c94F...@uni-berlin.de...
Dave Bushong
Mark,
With all due respect to you and your beliefs, I have to agree with Jim,
as I usually do. You might compare it to sticking your head into a
porta-potty and then complaining how much you hate the smell. Opinions
on usenet are like asses: everyone has one and they all stink.
On the other hand, and again, with respect to you and everyone else
here, I don't see why anyone would be offended by that posting. I
could, however, see how it might encourage some people to remember the
biblical references better, since funny stuff is usually easier to
remember. I don't think the spirit of the article was dark; in fact, it
seems to have been written by someone who is intimately familiar with
the scriptures.
Now, let me ask you: you imply that you are a nominal christian. Are
you familiar with the Talmud, or with the Koran? If this piece bothers
your biblical beliefs, you may (or may not) know that it was not taken
from the Bible. Was it a knee-jerk reaction to the posting, or did you
take the time to research first? My guess is that you have never read
the book of Numbers, from which the parallel account is written.
Numbers is in the Bible, near the beginning.
So you were upset about.... being ignorant? I can understand that.
All right, enough of that. I guess that the Boys weren't what I'd call
"religious" and, in fact, changed their last names (Horwitz -> Howard,
Fineberg -> Fine) because of religious persecution in the early 20th
century towards Jews, especially in entertainment.
I only mentioned that so I could say this posting had to do with the
Three Stooges. Man, I love those guys. I watched some "lost videos" on
a DVD I got at Sam's (for $8) and it was some stuff I've never seen
before!!! Woo-hoo!!!!
All the best,
Dave
sna...@yahoo.com
(Can we shut down this flame war and get back to the topic at hand? :)
- Snard )
Bob
Bob
> You certainly will, reprobate. I hope you like it hot.
Hot as your mom's twat?
Bob
the kitchen table.
"Where'd that money come from honey?" asked he.
"Well, since things have been so bad lately, I've turned to prostitution."
she replied.
Aghast, dad composes himself and asks "How much did you make?"
"$200.05" she answered.
"Who gave you the 5 cents?" he wondered.
"Everybody!" was her reply.
James Neibaur
dbus...@adelphia.net wrote on 10/26/04 3:32 PM:
> My guess is that you have never read
> the book of Numbers, from which the parallel account is written.
> Numbers is in the Bible, near the beginning.
The fourth book of the old testament, just after Leviticus, and before
Deuteronomy (heh-heh, not bad for a heathen who doesn't own a bible, eh?)
> I watched some "lost videos" on
> a DVD I got at Sam's (for $8) and it was some stuff I've never seen
> before!!! Woo-hoo!!!!
Isn't it great to stumble upon something new with a favorite performer after
it seems you've seen everything?
JN
Frank J. Lhota
> You know, that content is blasphemous and I don't like it. I don't care if
> it is a joke. I take my religion and the Bible seriously. Sorry that you
> don't, you reprobate.
Have you read "Isaac Asimov’s Treasury of Humor" (1971)? This book is more
than a collection of his favorite jokes: it is Asimov's treatise on how to
write and tell jokes. This includes a section on religious humor which has
some things to say that is apropo to this discussion. In this as well as
other categories, he discourages hurtful humor, and gives plenty of examples
of how religious humor that are both funny and tasteful.
Asimov made an interesting observation on religious humor: that religious
jokes frequently humanize God, making Him both more accessable and likeable.
I think he has a point. Look at it this way: isn't it easier to accept the
guidance of a God that can make you laugh? And who do you think created
laughter in the first place?
In short, not all religious humor is blasphemy. In Stooge fandom (and
elsewhere), one needs to learn to be to tolerant of a variety of religious
beliefs. At Stooge Fan events, I have met Jews, Catholics, Baptists,
Unitarian Universalists, Atheists, Agnostics, and even a Buddhist. These
religious differences have never interfered with our celebration of the
Stooges special humor. Why can't we do the same in this newsgroup?
Mark Scaliotti
You can agree with Jim. I agree with Jesus
Mark
"Dave Bushong" <dbus...@adelphia.net> wrote in message
news:lMednTupxbb...@adelphia.com...
Mark Scaliotti
My parents are dead. Shut up! NOW!
Mark
"Bob" <fNwOdS...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:2u81a2F...@uni-berlin.de...
Bob
> My parents are dead. Shut up! NOW!
Mutual suicide pact due to the sanctimonious jerkoff they had for a son no
doubt.
Or did your dad murder your mom for being a bit too friendly with the
milkman?
Bwaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Dave Bushong
If he was as non-responsive as you seem to be, he would have been asked
to call the coin toss, and said "nggggh" (because he's tongue tied).
Soitenly!
That'll really make it easy.
--
Please put
DBB04
somewhere in the subject line (this year) if
you reply via email, otherwise I will not get
your message. Newsgroups postings don't need it.
Thanks!
Mark Scaliotti
"Bob" <fNwOdS...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:2u9h8cF...@uni-berlin.de...
Mark Scaliotti
"Bob" <fNwOdS...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:2u9h8cF...@uni-berlin.de...
Bob
> Hey Bob...I would like to meet you some day so I can kick you in the nuts
You wouldn't have the balls, you sanctimonious, bible-thumping, hypocritical
jerkoff.
So it IS true, your dad shot your mom when he caught her doing the nasty
with the milk man!
She really was a slut wasn't she!
Dave Bushong
> Hey Bob...I would like to meet you some day so I can kick you in the nuts
>
Please be sure to announce the event - I would like to sell tickets.
Bob
> Please be sure to announce the event - I would like to sell tickets.
In the red corner it's Sanctimonious Scaliotti and his bible thumpers and in
the blue corner is Bob the Blasphemer.
Refereeing tonite's bout is Dave "The Inciter" Bushong.
Dave Bushong
I'd sure like to see the look on Big Mike's face when he hears about this.
Hey guys, we have all seen Shemp in boxing situations, but did you know
that Larry was a boxer in real life before he joined the Howard
brothers? "I stood like this - but not for very long!"
Bob
> >
> Ahhh, look at the Chopper. He sure is makin' a pig of himself.
>
> I'd sure like to see the look on Big Mike's face when he hears about this.
I'll be all set if somebody can find a mouse that uses wild hyacinth perfume
and can play "Pop Goes The Weasel".
You're going down Scaliotti!
James Neibaur
wrote on 10/30/04 3:04 PM:
> I'll be all set if somebody can find a mouse that uses wild hyacinth perfume
> and can play "Pop Goes The Weasel".
wearing a tassle
JN
Ali Assa Seen
> Rob Petrie wrote:
> > [...]
> > I think those 4 cover all of Curly's phobias!
>
> I'm not sure if "phobia" is the right word
> ( http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=phobia ).
>
> I would say "Violent" is the word for Curly. Any other takers?
He was indeed Prince Violent!
- Dr S