The BetNoirian Group
betnoir
SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
things.
We promise Wet Bodice Contests (and Wet Breeches Contests
for the gents), all the grog ye can stomach, and lashings if
you ask real nice-like. And raping, pillaging and
plundering on alternate weekends.
All this, and the personal satisfaction that can only come
from making scurvy seadogs walk the plank!
Send inquiries to yoho...@apyrateslifeforme.com
--
BetN, Goddess of Pith and Vinegar--NEVER parry with your
head
'Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his
hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting
throats'--H.L. Mencken
'A little raised number at the end of a statement is not an
icon of inerrancy' -- British Medical Journal
betnoir
> >The BetNoirian Group is currently recruiting for
> >SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
> >Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
> >things.
>
> How about a Buckler-swashing Cabin Boy??? =)
The Pyrate Queen bats her eyelashes at He of the Purry
BackScritches...
Thane, me boyo! Hae' I got a job for ye!
BetN. A Fashion Cabin Boy...A Lawyer Cabin Boy...a Buckler
Swashing Cabin Boy...Hey! I got the whole set!
WareWolf
betnoir wrote in message <3887AA18...@earthlink.net>...
>The BetNoirian Group is currently recruiting for
>SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
>Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
>things.
>
>for the gents), all the grog ye can stomach, and lashings if
>you ask real nice-like. And raping, pillaging and
>plundering on alternate weekends.
>
>All this, and the personal satisfaction that can only come
>from making scurvy seadogs walk the plank!
>
>Send inquiries to yoho...@apyrateslifeforme.com
Now here's a day job I can get behind (so to speak)!
Shall I send you a resume? I'm a lawyer so the looting and pillaging part
I've got pretty well figured out.
Dusty, who's hung a skull and crossbones in his office before
This week's column:
http://www.booksnbytes.com/dustyrhoades/columns/2000/2000_01_17.html
de Doc
(Thane Dawson) wrote:
>>The BetNoirian Group is currently recruiting for
>>SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
>>Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
>>things.
>
> How about a Buckler-swashing Cabin Boy??? =)
the sprightly little nipper...
::grins::
ernie a wisner
Will he circumcise the skipper?
Dr. Mel
Thane Dawson
>SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
>Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
>things.
How about a Buckler-swashing Cabin Boy??? =)
Thane Dawson
s.k.a. Master Thorgrim Steinarsonn, O.P.
Provost of the Royal Guild of Fence, West
and Provost of the Black Wing Company, Artemisia
Ali
wrote:
>The BetNoirian Group is currently recruiting for
>SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
>Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
>things.
>
>We promise Wet Bodice Contests (and Wet Breeches Contests
>for the gents), all the grog ye can stomach, and lashings if
>you ask real nice-like. And raping, pillaging and
>plundering on alternate weekends.
>
>All this, and the personal satisfaction that can only come
>from making scurvy seadogs walk the plank!
>
>Send inquiries to yoho...@apyrateslifeforme.com
The Valkyrie GoodWench can sauce and buckle with the best of them. She
hurries to be first in line for the BetNoirian Group.
Ali ;-)
jhe...@my-deja.com
bet...@earthlink.net wrote:
> The BetNoirian Group is currently recruiting for
> SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
> Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
> things.
>
> We promise Wet Bodice Contests (and Wet Breeches Contests
> for the gents), all the grog ye can stomach, and lashings if
> you ask real nice-like. And raping, pillaging and
> plundering on alternate weekends.
>
> All this, and the personal satisfaction that can only come
> from making scurvy seadogs walk the plank!
>
Where do I sign up? I've got my own cutlass and double-barreled
flintlock, and I don't get seasick....
(And how do you rape, pillage, and plunder a weekend?)
--
Jim
"Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time."
Terry Pratchett
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
betnoir
> > the sprightly little nipper...
> >
> > ::grins::
>
> Will he circumcise the skipper?
That. Might. Prove. Difficult.
Lee S. Billings
>Where do I sign up? I've got my own cutlass and double-barreled
>flintlock, and I don't get seasick....
>
>(And how do you rape, pillage, and plunder a weekend?)
No, no! Plunder first, *then* pillage! Sheesh, they never learn...
Celine
Robert - BadKarma
>SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
>Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
>things.
>
>We promise Wet Bodice Contests (and Wet Breeches Contests
>for the gents), all the grog ye can stomach, and lashings if
>you ask real nice-like. And raping, pillaging and
>plundering on alternate weekends.
>
>All this, and the personal satisfaction that can only come
>from making scurvy seadogs walk the plank!
>
>
>
Well, I've never gotten an offer to KEEP any of my plunder, so.....I'd be
willing to join your crew.... And as far as my References? 5 years as an
instructor 10thSFG.... Trust me, I can pillage and plunder with the best of
them..
jhe...@my-deja.com
It's a question of personal values. I'm looking more for job
satisfaction than material gain.
(Actually, my Webster's gives pillage and plunder near-synonymous
definitions. If you have any quibble with the order, take it up with
Cap'n Bet.)
Sailor Jim Johnston
> SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
> Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
> things.
>
Sailor Jim glances up from his paperback and wonders if there might be
room for a simple sailor amoungst all the sauces and buckles and
swashing wenches and wenching cabin boys and ...
> We promise Wet Bodice Contests (and Wet Breeches Contests
> for the gents), all the grog ye can stomach, and lashings if
> you ask real nice-like. And raping, pillaging and
> plundering on alternate weekends.
Sailor Jim leaps to his feet at the mention of wet bodices, modestly
turns aside at the idea of wet breeches, and then - pale and alarmed -
sits back down with a thump. "Errrr ... just whom will be doing the
various raping, pillaging and plundering ... and on whom? (and just
how does it all work in with alternating?)"
SJ
WareWolf
jhe...@my-deja.com wrote in message <869nuc$vk5$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>...
>In article <3887AA18...@earthlink.net>,
>(And how do you rape, pillage, and plunder a weekend?)
Just follow right behind me and do whatever I do.
Dusty
j.w.
betnoir <bet...@earthlink.net> wrote in article
<3887AA18...@earthlink.net>...
> The BetNoirian Group is currently recruiting for
> SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
> Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
> things.
>
> We promise Wet Bodice Contests (and Wet Breeches Contests
> for the gents), all the grog ye can stomach, and lashings if
> you ask real nice-like. And raping, pillaging and
> plundering on alternate weekends.
>
> All this, and the personal satisfaction that can only come
> from making scurvy seadogs walk the plank!
j.w. reads this post, then some of the others that follow, and thinks that
she just might be able to find a use for a Cabin Boy or two her own self.
She sits down and scribbles out her application for the position of
SaucyWench.
j.w. (Now, as to the sauce, I prefer HP, but cheese will do in a pinch.)
jhe...@my-deja.com
"WareWolf" <dus...@mail.ac.net> wrote:
>
> jhe...@my-deja.com wrote in message <869nuc$vk5$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>...
> >In article <3887AA18...@earthlink.net>,
> >(And how do you rape, pillage, and plunder a weekend?)
>
> Just follow right behind me and do whatever I do.
>
> Dusty
To quote some military types I once knew: "Delta is ready when you
are."*
*(Not to be confused with their other motto: "When you care enough to
send the very best.")
--
Jim
"Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time."
Terry Pratchett
The Polymath (Jerry Hollombe)
> ... "Errrr ... just whom will be doing the
> various raping, pillaging and plundering ... and on whom? (and just
> how does it all work in with alternating?)"
Just remember that the order of these things is important. It's
pillage, rape, loot, _then_ burn. (-:{
--
The Polymath (aka: Jerry Hollombe, M.A., CCP, CFI)
http://www.babcom.com/polymath/
http://www.babcom.com/gla-mensa/
Query pgpkeys.mit.edu for PGP public key.
Liana Olear
: betnoir <bet...@earthlink.net> wrote in article
Do we get to pick our own sauce? I claim the title of Sweet & Sour
SaucyWench! :)
Liana
Jai Rose
>Well, I've never gotten an offer to KEEP any of my plunder, so.....I'd
be
>willing to join your crew.... And as far as my References? 5 years as
an
>instructor 10thSFG.... Trust me, I can pillage and plunder with the
best of
>them..
What a small planet! Chuck (my husband) was with the 5th!
Jai
Texas Proverb: Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.
Keith Merritt
wrote:
>The BetNoirian Group is currently recruiting for
>SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
>Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
>things.
>
>We promise Wet Bodice Contests (and Wet Breeches Contests
>for the gents), all the grog ye can stomach, and lashings if
>you ask real nice-like. And raping, pillaging and
>plundering on alternate weekends.
>
>All this, and the personal satisfaction that can only come
>from making scurvy seadogs walk the plank!
Traffic has gotten pretty heavy in the Place, what with Bucklers,
Saucers (and the sauced,) Cabin Boys, and even the odd scurvy seadog
(Hey, he *wants* to walk the plank! Who am I to deny him his masochism?)
all wending their gleeful way to the Pyrate Queen.
There's only one sour note to the merry goings-on... there's a
middle-aged Caucasian male, with grey thinning hair, wearing horn-rimmed
glasses and a "sober" suit, seated all alone at one of the larger tables
in Callahan's. No one else is seated at the table (or anywhere *near*
the table), which is *extremely* unusual for Callahan's. Periodically,
the man bellows at the top of his lungs, "WRONG!"
Even the Mick of Time is a bit non-plussed. Mike leans over to Keith
Merritt (who would, alas! be joining the Pyrate Queen if only his knees
didn't creak worse than the wooden vessel she so ably commands.) "Hey,
Keith... I think I've seen that guy somewhere before, but I just can't
remember his name. Do you know him?"
The Ol' Goaler finishes quaffing his Budweiser, swallows, and nods.
"Yeah... That's God. He just *thinks* He's John McLaughlin."
Pat Kight
>
> j.w. <b...@perth.igs.net> writes:
>
> : betnoir <bet...@earthlink.net> wrote in article
> : <3887AA18...@earthlink.net>...
> : > SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
> : > Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
> : > things.
> : >
> : > We promise Wet Bodice Contests (and Wet Breeches Contests
> : > for the gents), all the grog ye can stomach, and lashings if
> : > you ask real nice-like. And raping, pillaging and
> : > plundering on alternate weekends.
> : >
> : > All this, and the personal satisfaction that can only come
> : > from making scurvy seadogs walk the plank!
>
> : she just might be able to find a use for a Cabin Boy or two her own self.
> : She sits down and scribbles out her application for the position of
> : SaucyWench.
>
> Do we get to pick our own sauce? I claim the title of Sweet & Sour
> SaucyWench! :)
"Which, of course, would leave me with ...
"HotFudgeSaucyWench?"
Jezebel grins, hikes up her skirts, ties back her hair and - not being
terribly handy with the sharp pointies - looks around for a whip.
"One saucy spinster reporting for duty, Cap'n!"
--Jezebel
kig...@peak.org
de Doc
blkd...@aol.com (Robert - BadKarma) wrote:
>>The BetNoirian Group is currently recruiting for
>>SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
>>Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
>>things.
>>
>>We promise Wet Bodice Contests (and Wet Breeches Contests
>>for the gents), all the grog ye can stomach, and lashings if
>>you ask real nice-like. And raping, pillaging and
>>plundering on alternate weekends.
>>
>>All this, and the personal satisfaction that can only come
>>from making scurvy seadogs walk the plank!
>>
>>Send inquiries to yoho...@apyrateslifeforme.com
>>
>>
>
>Well, I've never gotten an offer to KEEP any of my plunder, so.....I'd be
>willing to join your crew.... And as far as my References? 5 years as an
>instructor 10thSFG.... Trust me, I can pillage and plunder with the best of
>them..
de Doc looks up, grinning in Black William leathers.
"Aye, lass. I'll vouch for him and his...
and they look right nice in frock coats, too, they do, arrrrgh!!!"
de Doc, wondering about adding BetNoirian drive to the Midnight Rose
betnoir
> "Which, of course, would leave me with ...
>
> "HotFudgeSaucyWench?"
>
> Jezebel grins, hikes up her skirts, ties back her hair and - not being
> terribly handy with the sharp pointies - looks around for a whip.
>
> "One saucy spinster reporting for duty, Cap'n!"
Just don't let that HotFudgeSauce get TOO hot...
BetN, whose Chief Cabin Boy and Ship's Enginerd knows whereof she speaks....
betnoir
> The otter/woman and sometimes SwingWench has never buckled a swash, and
> has no significant experience in rape, pillage or plunder.
On the job training m'dear...never you worry!
> However, she knows a fun buncha folx when she sees one, and would even
> volunteer to teach wenches and cabin boys alike a slightly different
> type of swinging on their off weekends, should they desire.
Right! That takes care of the position of Recreation Officer!
BetN..gotta remember NOT to wax the shuffleboard deck before the SwingDance
lessons...
betnoir
> j.w. reads this post, then some of the others that follow, and thinks that
> she just might be able to find a use for a Cabin Boy or two her own self.
> She sits down and scribbles out her application for the position of
> SaucyWench.
Always plenty o' Cabin Boys to go around!
BetN. Ninety nine cabin boys on the wall...ninety nine cabin boys....Take one
down....pass him around...Ninety eight cabin boys on the wall....
betnoir
> Well, I've never gotten an offer to KEEP any of my plunder, so.....I'd be
> willing to join your crew.... And as far as my References? 5 years as an
> instructor 10thSFG.... Trust me, I can pillage and plunder with the best of
> them..
Of that I have no doubt!
I do need a Security Chief....
BetN, who is quite pleased with the current crew roster....
betnoir
So far....
Chief Cabin Boy and Head Enginerd: Dear Hoosband
Cabin Boy of Purry Backscritches and Buckling: Thane
Fashion Cabin Boy: Don Paul
Ship's Doctors: Ben Addleman and Dr.Bill on alternate weeks (see me for
scheduling during rape, pillage and plunder weekends)
Chief of Security: Robert
Recreation Director: JewelOtter/SwingWench
HotFudgeSaucyWench: Jez
MarsalaWench: Maenad
HotCaramelWench and Ship's Vet: BainSidhe
SweetandSourSauceWench: Liana
Ship's Lawyer: WareWolf
Chief of Military Maneuvers: Da Marine
Simple Sailor Cabin Boy: Sailor Jim
PurrSquishious: Ship's Cat
Cabin Boy of Goal Tending: Keith Merrit
Ship's Architect: Jhetley
CheezySauceWench: jw
Other crew positions to be filled as...well...as I think of 'em!
mae...@bordeaux.enteract.com
>> Do we get to pick our own sauce? I claim the title of Sweet & Sour
>> SaucyWench! :)
Pat Kight :
> "Which, of course, would leave me with ...
> "HotFudgeSaucyWench?"
> Jezebel grins, hikes up her skirts, ties back her hair and - not being
> terribly handy with the sharp pointies - looks around for a whip.
> "One saucy spinster reporting for duty, Cap'n!"
maenad briefly considers wrassling Jezebel for that title, then grins[1]
and calls dibs on MarsalaSaucyWench.
"Avast, ye scurvy lubbers!" It being virtualspace, maenad is incredibly
handy with sharp pointies. (en garde! Lunge! Parry! Plie! Releve! ....
errr yeah.) "Maybe I can help ye best from the crow's nest, Cap'n Bet!"
maenad (When do we get our parrots, eh?)
[1] I might wrassle her *IN* it, sometime.... <VBEG>
--
__Anna________fun is good!_________BORDEAUX = spamblock__
In theory, theory and practice are the same.
In practice, they are not. -Yogi Berra
---------------------------------------------------------
jewel...@my-deja.com
bet...@earthlink.net wrote:
> The BetNoirian Group is currently recruiting for
> SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
> Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
> things.
>
> We promise Wet Bodice Contests (and Wet Breeches Contests
> for the gents), all the grog ye can stomach, and lashings if
> you ask real nice-like. And raping, pillaging and
> plundering on alternate weekends.
The otter/woman and sometimes SwingWench has never buckled a swash, and
has no significant experience in rape, pillage or plunder.
However, she knows a fun buncha folx when she sees one, and would even
volunteer to teach wenches and cabin boys alike a slightly different
type of swinging on their off weekends, should they desire.
JewelOtter
~~~Live, love, and laugh with your whole heart.~~~
Ben Addleman
> >>The BetNoirian Group is currently recruiting for
> >>SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
> >>Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
> >>things.
Hmm, there seem to be quite a few eager volunteers lining up, most of them
of the male persusion. Isn't your crew going to be a little crowded in the
cabin boys' quarters? There may not be any room for me.
It occurs to me, dear BetNoir, that only this evening my roommate insisted
I looked "like a pirate." Said it had something to do with my usual
bandanna over long hair, thee huge bracelet I was using as an earring, and
the fact that I was curling my lip and saying, "AAARRRR!" at her.
But hey, the sabre was safely stowed in another room (with the knee
breeches), and I don't own a parrot (or do laundry often enough to wear a
parrot on my shoulder), so I really don't know where she saw the
resemblence.
> >>We promise Wet Bodice Contests (and Wet Breeches Contests
> >>for the gents), all the grog ye can stomach, and lashings if
> >>you ask real nice-like. And raping, pillaging and
> >>plundering on alternate weekends.
Can I have my weekends without the raping, please? I'm all for the
pillaging and plundering. How much walking would these scurvy seadogs have
to do, exactly? Does a plank need to be walked as often as a puppy, and how
long a walk to they need?
Ben Addleman
wenches sauced, swashes buckled, things cheerfully hoisted
Rebecca Schoenberg
: : betnoir <bet...@earthlink.net> wrote in article
: : <3887AA18...@earthlink.net>...
: : > The BetNoirian Group is currently recruiting for
: : > SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
: : > Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
: : > things.
: : >
: : j.w. reads this post, then some of the others that follow, and thinks that
: : she just might be able to find a use for a Cabin Boy or two her own self.
: : She sits down and scribbles out her application for the position of
: : SaucyWench.
: Do we get to pick our own sauce? I claim the title of Sweet & Sour
: SaucyWench! :)
Banshee blinks. "I was only going to sit on the sidelines for this, not
being very Swashy or Buckly or even Bodice-y, but I think I could definitely
manage the Saucy part, if I could get to choose Hot Caramel...."
-banshee, sweet, delicate, and goes well with ice cream
Thane Dawson
>being very Swashy or Buckly or even Bodice-y, but I think I could definitely
>manage the Saucy part, if I could get to choose Hot Caramel...."
>
> -banshee, sweet, delicate, and goes well with ice cream
Can I have you with some French Vanilla, whip cream, and a cherry on top??
=)
Thane Dawson
s.k.a. Master Thorgrim Steinarsonn, O.P.
Provost of the Royal Guild of Fence, West
and Provost of the Black Wing Company, Artemisia
Rebecca Schoenberg
:>Banshee blinks. "I was only going to sit on the sidelines for this, not
:>being very Swashy or Buckly or even Bodice-y, but I think I could definitely
:>manage the Saucy part, if I could get to choose Hot Caramel...."
:>
:> -banshee, sweet, delicate, and goes well with ice cream
: Can I have you with some French Vanilla, whip cream, and a cherry on top??
: =)
"Only if it's *real* whipped cream - a girl's got to have standards, after
all...." :)
-banshee, who could very much learn to enjoy this...
pleasereadthesig@thebottomtoreply
>The BetNoirian Group is currently recruiting for
>SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
>Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
>things.
"I wanna hoist a petard. Anybody got one?"
>We promise Wet Bodice Contests (and Wet Breeches Contests
>for the gents), all the grog ye can stomach, and lashings if
>you ask real nice-like. And raping, pillaging and
>plundering on alternate weekends.
"Bet, the Wet Bodice Contest is just soooo five minutes ago. Try the
Wet Chemise Contest. If you work it properly, both males and females
can compete. At least, I think that's what it's called . . ."
>All this, and the personal satisfaction that can only come
>from making scurvy seadogs walk the plank!
"And two weeks' paid vacation a year, and health insurance, right?"
>Send inquiries to yoho...@apyrateslifeforme.com
Warin (send application to overth@away)
--
Warin the grizzly bear and Catchild the smallish black panther
If you want us to see your e-mail, send it to:
castillano*at*mindspring*dot*com
Remember -- only YOU can prevent spamfires!
pleasereadthesig@thebottomtoreply
>Liana Olear <li...@primenet.com> wrote:
>
>: Do we get to pick our own sauce? I claim the title of Sweet & Sour
>: SaucyWench! :)
>
>Banshee blinks. "I was only going to sit on the sidelines for this, not
>being very Swashy or Buckly or even Bodice-y, but I think I could definitely
>manage the Saucy part, if I could get to choose Hot Caramel...."
>
> -banshee, sweet, delicate, and goes well with ice cream
>
"And here I thought you would choose maple syrup."
Warin (wouldn't mind trying a Banshee float, one of these days <eg>)
Thane Dawson
>all...." :)
>
> -banshee, who could very much learn to enjoy this...
You mean that there's another kind?? ::winks at her::
Thane Dawson
Oh boy...I get to make backs buckle!! WooWoo!!!! =) ::ducks::
Pat Kight
<mae...@BORDEAUX.enteract.com> wrote:
>> Liana Olear wrote:
>>> Do we get to pick our own sauce? I claim the title of Sweet & Sour
>>> SaucyWench! :)
>
>> "Which, of course, would leave me with ...
>
>> "HotFudgeSaucyWench?"
>maenad briefly considers wrassling Jezebel for that title, then grins[1]
>and calls dibs on MarsalaSaucyWench.
>
>"Avast, ye scurvy lubbers!" It being virtualspace, maenad is incredibly
>handy with sharp pointies. (en garde! Lunge! Parry! Plie! Releve! ....
>errr yeah.) "Maybe I can help ye best from the crow's nest, Cap'n Bet!"
>maenad (When do we get our parrots, eh?)
>[1] I might wrassle her *IN* it, sometime.... <VBEG>
The Saucy Spinster just grins and grins and grins.
"I think I'm going to *like* being part of Cap'n BetNoir's crew!"
--Jezebel
kig...@peak.org
K Johansson
betnoir wrote:
> <snip>Other crew positions to be filled as...well...as I think of 'em!
A colourful heap crashes on the floor. A raven sporting a purple-velvet floppy
hat and multi-colour vest disentangles herself from the heap.
"I see that nobody has yet applied for ships parrot. Ahem - Polly wants a cracker
Sqwak. Or I could act as your crow in the crow's nest if no other suitable
candidate can be found."
- raven
Joseph A. Admire
: The BetNoirian Group is currently recruiting for
: SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
: Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
: things.
: We promise Wet Bodice Contests (and Wet Breeches Contests
: for the gents), all the grog ye can stomach, and lashings if
: you ask real nice-like. And raping, pillaging and
: plundering on alternate weekends.
: All this, and the personal satisfaction that can only come
: from making scurvy seadogs walk the plank!
: Send inquiries to yoho...@apyrateslifeforme.com
Joe wanders in through the more-or-less secret entrance, behind which he
has been working in the UNCLE field office, and considers the
announcement, written on genuine parchment and nailed to the bulletin
board with a genuine dagger, which has caused such a stream of genuine
(and wanna-be) pirates, wenches, and hangers-on to stampede into the
Place. He then studies the roster.
"Thinkin' of applyin', lad?" Mike inquires from where he's polishing a
stack of one-liter glass beer steins to a glittering shine.
"Might could be", Joe allows, "if the positions of Ship's Attorney and
Security Chief weren't already taken. H'mmmm...." He thinks. Snaps his
fingers, and the LoR shines on for a moment. "RL, I have almost fifteen
years' of experience in all forms of records and document management -
after all, this crew is going to need someone who can keep track of all
their prizes. Avoids mutinies, don't y'know?" The LoR snaps off. "And
we UNCLE agents have a LOT of experience in intelligence-gathering - this
crew is going to need someone to track down the really fat prizes and do
threat assessments, and all that..." He looks back at Mike. "But do
they really want an international-law-enforcement agent, or would they
make me walk the plank at the first chance as a scurvy spy?"
Callahan takes a deep, satisfying puff on his stogie and blows a smoke
cloud in Joe's direction (Joe waves the fumes off, wondering why in the
hell they can't make decent cigars in the future). "Well, me lad, if it
came to that, sure, wouldn't ye arrest the lot of 'em all and cart 'em
off to UNCLE HQ downtown? But won't it be all right if your colleague and
mine over there - " he gestures with his cigar at the Marine at the end
of the bar - "has, unless I miss my guess, joined up with this crew of
buccaneers? And won't he put in a good word for you?" He winks, slowly.
"And won't some of those wenches be after wearing opera gloves while
they're doing their wenching?"
Joe, looking thoughtful (wondering, among other things, why Mike
sometimes goes into these phases of talking like an Irish character out
of an Andrew Greeley novel) pulls out his pen and signs his name on an
unoccupied line on the signup sheet and sends an email off to the
indicated address. Then, purchasing another SPG from Mike, he returns to
his book-strewn table and experiments with "yo ho ho's" and "arrrr,
matey's"...
Joe Admire (jad...@netcom.com) (jad...@mnsinc.com)
East Carolina 1985 (Go Pirates!)/GWU JD 1989/legal researcher for hire
*Stevie Nicks is _still_ the queen of rock and roll.*
Team OS/2 / WWW: http://www.mnsinc.com/jadmire/
Webmaster, For the Love of Opera Gloves
http://www.operagloves.com/glovmain.html
Due to the high volume of mail coming into my emailbox and Netcom's
policies on charging for disk usage, please do not email copies of posts
made in followup to this post unless specifically requested in the body
of this message. Thank you!
Beth Jackson
>>>(And how do you rape,
>>> pillage, >>>and plunder
>>> a weekend?)
WareWolf:
>>Just follow right behind me
>>and do whatever I do.
Canary promptly falls off her chair, laughing, with tears rolling down
her face, at the drollery of *this* mental image...!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the Canvas Canary
(Visit my website:-)
http://www.angelfire.com/nc/canvascanary/
dennis m. dillow
> BetN. Ninety nine cabin boys on the wall...ninety nine cabin boys....Take one
> down....pass him around...Ninety eight cabin boys on the wall....
>
Just watch out for cabin boys name Tommy Loy:
(from Damon Knight's intro to his 1951 story cabin boy [in Best of...]}
"cabin boy is a translation into science fiction of this limerick:
Tommy Loy, the cabin boy
The dirty little nipper,
He filled his ass,
With broken glass,
And circumsized the skipper.
--
Denaldo aka Dennis M. Dillow ddi...@flash.net
"Onward, through the fog." Oat Willie
Bill Gawne
> The Pyrate Queen checks her Crew Roster:
[...]
> Chief of Military Maneuvers: Da Marine
This being a proper (or improper) 17th century Pirate venture,
I shall assume that my services as a Marine will in no way
limit my opportunities as a sea officer as well. Yes?
With Robert serving as the Bosun, or at least that part of
the job that has to do with ship's security, I shall take charge
of the landing parties, and will expect to stand a sailing watch
as well. How many Lieutenants do we have? And who among us
knows enough of seamanship to keep us off the reefs and shoals?
Ben the Fuzzybear would be ideal as our sailing master, but he
seems to be occupied with his own sailing just now.
--
Bill Gawne, in Callahan's as in real life. <ga...@abs.net>
Astronomer at Large - Retired Master Sergeant USMCR - Nothing I
post represents an official position of any organization.
On the web: http://www.pha.jhu.edu/~gawne
Bill Gawne
Thane asked:
> : Can I have you with some French Vanilla, whip cream, and a cherry on top??
> : =)
Banshee:
> "Only if it's *real* whipped cream - a girl's got to have standards, after
> all...." :)
>
> -banshee, who could very much learn to enjoy this...
On the foredeck, the Chief of Security can be seen supervising the
winching of a large Gurnsey aboard, belayed to a line from the
fore course yardarm. A burly bosun's mate stands by, grimly
smacking the cat'o'ninetails against his thigh.
"Mister Robert!" the Marine's voice bellows out from the quarterdeck.
"Seize that cow to a bulkhead! One hundred lashes across the udders,
well laid on!"
(The lady wants real whipped cream. The lady GETS real whipped cream.)
Bill Gawne
> Joe wanders in through the more-or-less secret entrance, behind which he
> has been working in the UNCLE field office, and considers the
> announcement,
[...]
> "RL, I have almost fifteen
> years' of experience in all forms of records and document management -
> after all, this crew is going to need someone who can keep track of all
> their prizes.
[...]
> the Marine at the end
> of the bar - "has, unless I miss my guess, joined up with this crew of
> buccaneers?
The Marine thus addressed looks over at Joe. "Sounds like you'd be
perfect for the job of Ship's Purser. Come aboard, and I'll see about
arranging an interview for you with Herself."
Thane Dawson
>winching of a large Gurnsey aboard, belayed to a line from the
>fore course yardarm. A burly bosun's mate stands by, grimly
>smacking the cat'o'ninetails against his thigh.
>
>"Mister Robert!" the Marine's voice bellows out from the quarterdeck.
>"Seize that cow to a bulkhead! One hundred lashes across the udders,
>well laid on!"
>
>(The lady wants real whipped cream. The lady GETS real whipped cream.)
>
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!
L. L. Kristick
Well, I haven't seen a librarian sign on the BetNoirian group of pirates
and would like to apply for the position. I know space on ships can be
small, so I can make sure there's a Pratchettic link in the library so
that I can get any book that the pirates ask for from other libraries in
the link.
The Woman with the Westie (don't need a parrot, the dog can sit on my
shoulder as needed)
kris...@ucs.orst.edu
Jai Rose
>"I wanna hoist a petard. Anybody got one?"
Jai, who has seen petards in movies and Renaissance Faires, looks
concerned. She hopes Warin doesn't get hoist by his own petard.
Jai
"Never open the door to a lesser evil, for other and greater ones
invaliably slink in after it." --- Baltasar Gracian
betnoir
> This being a proper (or improper) 17th century Pirate venture,
> I shall assume that my services as a Marine will in no way
> limit my opportunities as a sea officer as well. Yes?
Oh, absolutely! Wouldnae want any conflict of interest.
> With Robert serving as the Bosun, or at least that part of
> the job that has to do with ship's security, I shall take charge
> of the landing parties, and will expect to stand a sailing watch
> as well. How many Lieutenants do we have? And who among us
> knows enough of seamanship to keep us off the reefs and shoals?
>
> Ben the Fuzzybear would be ideal as our sailing master, but he
> seems to be occupied with his own sailing just now.
The Pyrate Queen, in true Pyratical Fashion, Shanghi's FuzzyBearBen
regardless!
Sailing Master -- FuzzyBearBen
betnoir
> "Might could be", Joe allows, "if the positions of Ship's Attorney and
> Security Chief weren't already taken. H'mmmm...." He thinks. Snaps his
> fingers, and the LoR shines on for a moment. "RL, I have almost fifteen
> years' of experience in all forms of records and document management -
> after all, this crew is going to need someone who can keep track of all
> their prizes. Avoids mutinies, don't y'know?" The LoR snaps off. "And
> we UNCLE agents have a LOT of experience in intelligence-gathering - this
> crew is going to need someone to track down the really fat prizes and do
> threat assessments, and all that..."
Righto!
Ships Accountant and Advance Recon Officer -- Jadmire
betnoir
> >Cabin Boy of Purry Backscritches and Buckling: Thane
>
> Oh boy...I get to make backs buckle!! WooWoo!!!! =) ::ducks::
Ye already make KNEES buckle, so it shouldnae be too much of a
stretch for ye...
betnoir
> The Saucy Spinster just grins and grins and grins.
>
> "I think I'm going to *like* being part of Cap'n BetNoir's crew!"
Hey, hey!
Wrasslin' t' be done on yer off hours, and you made the mess, you clean it
up!
The only exception is any wrasslin' involving Yer Benevolent Cap'n
Bruce E. Golightly
my own petard, now can I?
Anam
--On Saturday, January 22, 2000, 5:49 AM +0000
Rivka
betnoir wrote in message <38894265...@earthlink.net>...
>The Pyrate Queen checks her Crew Roster:
>
[...]
>
"Bet?" she says at last. "Given this crowd, don't you think you'd
better have a pshrink along?"
--
Rivka is ri...@iowacity.net and a fifth-year graduate student in
clinical psych.
"There is nothing to bring people together like a common grievance
accompanied by refreshments. " - Miss Manners
Rebecca Schoenberg
:>: Do we get to pick our own sauce? I claim the title of Sweet & Sour
:>: SaucyWench! :)
:>
:>Banshee blinks. "I was only going to sit on the sidelines for this, not
:>being very Swashy or Buckly or even Bodice-y, but I think I could definitely
:>manage the Saucy part, if I could get to choose Hot Caramel...."
:>
:> -banshee, sweet, delicate, and goes well with ice cream
: "And here I thought you would choose maple syrup."
"Nah. I may be sweet, but I'm not sappy." :)
-banshee, g,d,&r
Barbara C Bell
>SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
>Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
>things.
>
>We promise Wet Bodice Contests (and Wet Breeches Contests
>for the gents), all the grog ye can stomach, and lashings if
>you ask real nice-like. And raping, pillaging and
>plundering on alternate weekends.
>
>All this, and the personal satisfaction that can only come
>from making scurvy seadogs walk the plank!
>
>Send inquiries to yoho...@apyrateslifeforme.com
>
>
BarbaraFox looks at the notice and dives under a table to avoid
being trampled in the mad rush of applicating going on.
While there she composes herself (lalalala) and checks over
her resume (x-thread). Finally she decides to go with net-working
and a touch of bribery ( a long and honorable tradition). She puts together a
basket of goodies (chocolate and otherwise) and hands it,
along with a bottle of good whiskey to the nearest Cabin Boy.
Atop the basket is a note, short and to the point (rather like
the RavenHairedTemptress).
"In the smooth running of a ship, proper supplies are vitally
important. Food, weaponry, as well as more esoteric needs,
you want it, Cap'n... I can get it."
The RavenHairedWench then sets about packing for a long
and bracing sea voyage.
(Corsets, frock coat, leather breeches, high boots, dagger...)
"...for there is hope in two women, help in three women, strength in
four, joy in five, power in six and against seven, no gate may stand."
Sheri S. Tepper "Gibbon's Decline and Fall"
JenOMalley
>The BetNoirian Group is currently recruiting for
>SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
>Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
>things.
>
>We promise Wet Bodice Contests (and Wet Breeches Contests
>for the gents), all the grog ye can stomach, and lashings if
>you ask real nice-like. And raping, pillaging and
>plundering on alternate weekends.
>
>All this, and the personal satisfaction that can only come
>from making scurvy seadogs walk the plank!
>
>Send inquiries to yoho...@apyrateslifeforme.com
>
mispelled...and as for the walking of the plank, this curvy seadog need only be
walked to the nearest coffeehouse, exquisite jewelry purveyor, or fine dining
establishment. Other high-quality shopping establishment will be
considered....I have 6 years of seadogging experience, specializing in being
curvy, flirting and spending other seadogs hard-earned gold, as well as in
mooching grog....:)
JenOMalley
>are."*
>
>*(Not to be confused with their other motto: "When you care enough to
>send the very best.")
Somehow, I also think that this crew should abide by the motto of "When it
absolutely, positively has to be destroyed overnight."
The Dread Pirate Jennie
(Forget to sign the last one...oooops.)
The Trinker
Bill Gawne wrote:
>
> [p&e to Banshee]
>
> Thane asked:
> > : Can I have you with some French Vanilla, whip cream, and a cherry on top??
> > : =)
>
> Banshee:
> > "Only if it's *real* whipped cream - a girl's got to have standards, after
> > all...." :)
> >
> > -banshee, who could very much learn to enjoy this...
>
> On the foredeck, the Chief of Security can be seen supervising the
> winching of a large Gurnsey aboard, belayed to a line from the
> fore course yardarm. A burly bosun's mate stands by, grimly
> smacking the cat'o'ninetails against his thigh.
>
> "Mister Robert!" the Marine's voice bellows out from the quarterdeck.
> "Seize that cow to a bulkhead! One hundred lashes across the udders,
> well laid on!"
>
> (The lady wants real whipped cream. The lady GETS real whipped cream.)
From a bundle of compact fury charging up the gangplank comes
the bellow, "BELAY THAT ORDER! Ye'll not be abusing the cows
while the Trinker is aboard!"
Turning with a clank, she faces the Pyrate Queen, "Begging yer
pardon, Cap'n, but it wasn't to be borne. Might you have need
of a cook aboard? Surely there's need of someone to make up
all the sauces for the Saucy Wenches? Not to mention that if
you can rustle me up an assistant or two, you can get a Ship's
Appraiser as well. Someone's gotta valuate the loot!"
The Trinker
--
spam filtered. To send e-mail remove the spamtrap.
Robert - BadKarma
>Cabin Boy of Purry Backscritches and Buckling: Thane
>Ship's Doctors: Ben Addleman and Dr.Bill on alternate weeks (see me for
>scheduling during rape, pillage and plunder weekends)
>Chief of Security: Robert
>Recreation Director: JewelOtter/SwingWench
>HotFudgeSaucyWench: Jez
>MarsalaWench: Maenad
>HotCaramelWench and Ship's Vet: BainSidhe
>SweetandSourSauceWench: Liana
>Ship's Lawyer: WareWolf
>Chief of Military Maneuvers: Da Marine
>PurrSquishious: Ship's Cat
>Cabin Boy of Goal Tending: Keith Merrit
>Ship's Architect: Jhetley
>CheezySauceWench: jw
>
>Other crew positions to be filled as...well...as I think of 'em!
>
>
For Quartermaster, I was thinking od Seamus....some of you met him at
Chattacon.
sylvia
>SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
>Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
>things.
>
>We promise Wet Bodice Contests (and Wet Breeches Contests
>for the gents), all the grog ye can stomach, and lashings if
>you ask real nice-like. And raping, pillaging and
>plundering on alternate weekends.
After hastily checking hew wardrobe for appropriate attire,
the PhoenixWench sees fit to apply for a position in the new
order being formed.
"I have actual experience as crew on two different Tall Ships,
the Little Jennie (part of 3 Op Sails) and more recently the
Phoenix (no relation), I am comfortable both with and in the
rigging, have good eyesight for spotting likely victims, and in
my spare time between swashing and swishing, can do repairs
(on attire, or whatever, or whoever), being fairly handy with
needle & thread, and not notably queasy" <BEG>
--
PhoenixWench
sig-o-the-day:
If you have melted chocolate on your hands you are eating too slowly
Please p&e as my server eats posts
like cereal ;-)
Dr.Rob
betnoir wrote:
> The Pyrate Queen checks her Crew Roster:
>
> So far....
Having recently been cleaved from "me nave' to me chops" I think I might be able
to fill in on the "boarding parties" roster -- I have the scar to show for it.
(and wouldn't it be much more interesting to blame it on a swashbuckling incident)
... or p'rhaps I could be the scribe???
--
(signed) Dr.Rob
<<<<<>>>>>>
Dr.Rob is <rham...@wfubmc.edu>
http://www.wfubmc.edu/physpharm/faculty/reh/hampson.htm
This message was posted from home, please ignore the "csi.com" address.
Dr.Rob
Bernadette Krebs-Crumb wrote:
> Hmmmmm... Is there anyone to scribe the records of our great
> adventures and tally up our treasure?
Yup, scribe here. And I'm good with figures (and numbers, too! <BEG>)
Split the duties wit' ya?
> What about a Paymaster
> (Paymistress?)
>
> While I'm not a Disbursing Clerk, I've been a Yeoman long enough to
> have picked up some basics of that job as well as that of the
> Personnelman... :)
Ah -- We can be the office management crew!
Dr.Rob
"L. L. Kristick" wrote:
> Well, I haven't seen a librarian sign on the BetNoirian group of pirates
> and would like to apply for the position. I know space on ships can be
> small, so I can make sure there's a Pratchettic link in the library so
> that I can get any book that the pirates ask for from other libraries in
> the link.
I suppose you could tap into the "invisible writings" <G>
That should save space.
Bill Gawne
The Dread Pirate Jenny:
> I would like to apply as a *curvy* seadog, as it has obviously been
> mispelled...and as for the walking of the plank, this curvy seadog need only be
> walked to the nearest coffeehouse, exquisite jewelry purveyor, or fine dining
> establishment. Other high-quality shopping establishment will be
> considered....I have 6 years of seadogging experience, specializing in being
> curvy, flirting and spending other seadogs hard-earned gold, as well as in
> mooching grog....:)
"Cap'n," Bill pipes up from his station on watch, "I'll endorse the
Pirate Jenny's claim of curviness, based on brief but thorough
inspection mere days past. I'm sure our Security Chief can provide
a more complete Background Report on her, if you feel the need."
Bill Gawne
> > > : Can I have you with some French Vanilla, whip cream, and a cherry on top??
> > > : =)
> >
> > Banshee:
> > > "Only if it's *real* whipped cream - a girl's got to have standards, after
> > > all...." :)
> > >
> > > -banshee, who could very much learn to enjoy this...
> >
> > On the foredeck, the Chief of Security can be seen supervising the
> > winching of a large Gurnsey aboard, belayed to a line from the
> > fore course yardarm. A burly bosun's mate stands by, grimly
> > smacking the cat'o'ninetails against his thigh.
> >
> > "Mister Robert!" the Marine's voice bellows out from the quarterdeck.
> > "Seize that cow to a bulkhead! One hundred lashes across the udders,
> > well laid on!"
> >
> > (The lady wants real whipped cream. The lady GETS real whipped cream.)
>
> From a bundle of compact fury charging up the gangplank comes
> the bellow, "BELAY THAT ORDER! Ye'll not be abusing the cows
> while the Trinker is aboard!"
The Lieutenant on the quarterdeck scowls, and then shrugs.
"As you wish Trinker. Bosun! Pitch the Trinker overboard until
Miss Banshee has her whipped cream!"
--
This episode of BetNoir, Pirate Queen! has been brought to you by the
Callahan's Society for Sea Stories, and a grant from Carnival Tours.
Rivka
jhe...@my-deja.com wrote in message <86dqek$q7n$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>...
>In article <86d64...@enews4.newsguy.com>,
> "Rivka" <ri...@iowacity.net> wrote:
>>
>> Rivka gives the Crew Roster a long, surveying look.
>>
>> "Bet?" she says at last. "Given this crowd, don't you think
>> you'd better have a pshrink along?"
>
>
>We don't _want_ to be cured.
Rivka looks startled. "Cured? Hell, who said anything about being
cured? Why would I *want* to cure you? It's just that, you know,
sometimes a word in the right place, from an expert in human behavior,
can really increase the efficiency and effectiveness of all that
plundering and pillaging."
She shrugs. "Just a thought."
William Wright
and shoals?
********
"I shoal reef sails surely, Sir."
(in fact, I can do it three times fast.)
(In truth, I once sailed on a 3-masted schooner & climbed the rigging.
The first mate jibed at me <more sailor talk> when I came down because I
had tar on my hands from the ropes, which were over-tarred to impress
the tourists with the scent of pitch. The first mate always said that I
squeezed the rigging too hard.
...well.... it was 75-100 feet up there, and the mast _does_ move more
at the top than at the bottom.
Captain, not only am I an experienced deck hand, but I memorized the
entirety of the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner when I was in grade school.
I've never fenced or used a sword, but I did a masterful job of
dissecting frogs in biology class.
Surely I qualify as deck hand?
betnoir
> (The lady wants real whipped cream. The lady GETS real whipped cream.)
The Pyrate Queen is glad BainSidhe didn't want double-clotted cream....
BetN, Benevolent Cap'n....Ye make the mess, ye clean it up!
betnoir
> Well, I haven't seen a librarian sign on the BetNoirian group of pirates
> and would like to apply for the position. I know space on ships can be
> small, so I can make sure there's a Pratchettic link in the library so
> that I can get any book that the pirates ask for from other libraries in
> the link.
Ship's Librarian it is!
betnoir
> While I'm not a Disbursing Clerk, I've been a Yeoman long enough to
> have picked up some basics of that job as well as that of the
> Personnelman... :)
Ye want t' be in charge of Human Resources?
Yer a braver woman than I, Gunga Din!
BetN, who wouldnae want THAT job....
betnoir
> BarbaraFox looks at the notice and dives under a table to avoid
> being trampled in the mad rush of applicating going on.
> While there she composes herself (lalalala) and checks over
> her resume (x-thread). Finally she decides to go with net-working
> and a touch of bribery ( a long and honorable tradition). She puts together a
> basket of goodies (chocolate and otherwise) and hands it,
> along with a bottle of good whiskey to the nearest Cabin Boy.
> Atop the basket is a note, short and to the point (rather like
> the RavenHairedTemptress).
> "In the smooth running of a ship, proper supplies are vitally
> important. Food, weaponry, as well as more esoteric needs,
> you want it, Cap'n... I can get it."
> The RavenHairedWench then sets about packing for a long
> and bracing sea voyage.
Supplies Officer -- I do need a supplies officer....
betnoir
> "Bet?" she says at last. "Given this crowd, don't you think you'd
> better have a pshrink along?"
Ok, Ship's Counselor.
Just, DON'T be like Deanna Troi.
BetN, who thought Deanna was just flat annoying....
betnoir
> Turning with a clank, she faces the Pyrate Queen, "Begging yer
> pardon, Cap'n, but it wasn't to be borne. Might you have need
> of a cook aboard? Surely there's need of someone to make up
> all the sauces for the Saucy Wenches? Not to mention that if
> you can rustle me up an assistant or two, you can get a Ship's
> Appraiser as well. Someone's gotta valuate the loot!"
Aye, Ship's Cook and Appraiser it is!
BetN, gettin' real good at this delegatin' stuff....more time for da Cabin Boys!
The Trinker
betnoir wrote:
>
> Rivka wrote:
>
> > "Bet?" she says at last. "Given this crowd, don't you think you'd
> > better have a pshrink along?"
>
> Ok, Ship's Counselor.
>
> Just, DON'T be like Deanna Troi.
>
> BetN, who thought Deanna was just flat annoying....
Spoilsport! I was looking forward to Rivka in those skintight
uniforms with the deep cleavage.
Robert - BadKarma
> -banshee, sweet, delicate, and goes well with ice cream
>
"...and many other things," BadKarma's imagination reports to him....
dennis m. dillow
> > Joe wanders in through the more-or-less secret entrance, behind which he
> > has been working in the UNCLE field office, and considers the
> > announcement,
>
> [...]
>
> > "RL, I have almost fifteen
> > years' of experience in all forms of records and document management -
> > after all, this crew is going to need someone who can keep track of all
> > their prizes.
> [...]
> > the Marine at the end
> > of the bar - "has, unless I miss my guess, joined up with this crew of
> > buccaneers?
>
> The Marine thus addressed looks over at Joe. "Sounds like you'd be
> perfect for the job of Ship's Purser. Come aboard, and I'll see about
> arranging an interview for you with Herself."
Denaldo looks up from a glass of Mike's fine barley wine and asks." If he
helps to steal the loot, does that make him a snatch purser?"
--
Denaldo aka Dennis M. Dillow ddi...@flash.net
"Onward, through the fog." Oat Willie
Matthew T. Russotto
<pleasereadthesig@thebottomtoreply> wrote:
}The Pyrate Queen (among other titles) wrote:
}
}>The BetNoirian Group is currently recruiting for
}>SaucyWenches (we provide the sauce!), Bucklers of Swash (Oh,
}>Don PAUUULLL...), and Cabin Boys to...well...uhhmmm....hoist
}>things.
}
I'm too young to say this, but: "Pull my finger!".
At least, according to one source I once read*, "petard" (meaning
explosive or explosion) was also slang for fart -- and I wouldn't put
such low humor past Billy the Bard.
*I think it might have been _More Misinformation_. Whether this book
contained misinformation or endeavored to correct it is a matter of
opinion.
--
Matthew T. Russotto russ...@pond.com
"Extremism in defense of liberty is no vice, and moderation in pursuit
of justice is no virtue."
Bernadette Krebs-Crumb
>In article <s8hjr4...@news.supernews.com>,
> "WareWolf" <dus...@mail.ac.net> wrote:
>>
>> jhe...@my-deja.com wrote in message <869nuc$vk5$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>...
>> >In article <3887AA18...@earthlink.net>,
>> >(And how do you rape, pillage, and plunder a weekend?)
>>
>> Just follow right behind me and do whatever I do.
>>
>> Dusty
>
>To quote some military types I once knew: "Delta is ready when you
>are."*
>
>*(Not to be confused with their other motto: "When you care enough to
>send the very best.")
Shouldn't that be "END the very best?" *grin*
Bernadette
The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.
-- Christopher Morley
Bernadette Krebs-Crumb
wrote:
>Bill Gawne wrote:
>
>> This being a proper (or improper) 17th century Pirate venture,
>> I shall assume that my services as a Marine will in no way
>> limit my opportunities as a sea officer as well. Yes?
>
>Oh, absolutely! Wouldnae want any conflict of interest.
>
>> With Robert serving as the Bosun, or at least that part of
>> the job that has to do with ship's security, I shall take charge
>> of the landing parties, and will expect to stand a sailing watch
>> as well. How many Lieutenants do we have? And who among us
>> knows enough of seamanship to keep us off the reefs and shoals?
>>
>> Ben the Fuzzybear would be ideal as our sailing master, but he
>> seems to be occupied with his own sailing just now.
>
>The Pyrate Queen, in true Pyratical Fashion, Shanghi's FuzzyBearBen
>regardless!
>
>Sailing Master -- FuzzyBearBen
Hmmmmm... Is there anyone to scribe the records of our great
adventures and tally up our treasure? What about a Paymaster
(Paymistress?)
While I'm not a Disbursing Clerk, I've been a Yeoman long enough to
have picked up some basics of that job as well as that of the
Personnelman... :)
jhe...@my-deja.com
> >The Pyrate Queen checks her Crew Roster:
> >
> >Other crew positions to be filled as...well...as I think of 'em!
> >
>
> better have a pshrink along?"
But...
We don't _want_ to be cured.
--
Jim
"Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time."
Terry Pratchett
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
SkyeFire
writes:
>
>Jezebel grins, hikes up her skirts, ties back her hair and - not being
>terribly handy with the sharp pointies - looks around for a whip.
>
Ping!
"Coming this fall, from ACTV: Indiana Jezebel, Shakespearean Tomb Raider."
Thane Dawson
>> I would like to apply as a *curvy* seadog,
I, too, can vouch for those curves!!!!!! Yummy!!
Thane Dawson
s.k.a. Master Thorgrim Steinarsonn, O.P.
Provost of the Royal Guild of Fence, West
and Provost of the Black Wing Company, Artemisia
JenOMalley
>Pirate Jenny's claim of curviness, based on brief but thorough
>inspection mere days past. I'm sure our Security Chief can provide
>a more complete Background Report on her, if you feel the need."
:::Offering a curve for Bill's stamp of approval::: Why, thank you, sir. Are
you drinking that right now? ::::peering into glass of grog::::
JenOMalley
>>> I would like to apply as a *curvy* seadog,
>
> I, too, can vouch for those curves!!!!!! Yummy!!
>
:::Offering to let Thane put his stamp of approval next to Bill's:::: You
know...these curves would be very enhanced by a lovely little diamond
something....
the Dread Pirate Jennie
Fax Paladin
> The Pyrate Queen checks her Crew Roster:
>
> So far....
>
> Chief Cabin Boy and Head Enginerd: Dear Hoosband
> Cabin Boy of Purry Backscritches and Buckling: Thane
> Fashion Cabin Boy: Don Paul
> Ship's Doctors: Ben Addleman and Dr.Bill on alternate weeks (see me for
> scheduling during rape, pillage and plunder weekends)
> Chief of Security: Robert
> Recreation Director: JewelOtter/SwingWench
> HotFudgeSaucyWench: Jez
> MarsalaWench: Maenad
> HotCaramelWench and Ship's Vet: BainSidhe
> SweetandSourSauceWench: Liana
> Ship's Lawyer: WareWolf
> Chief of Military Maneuvers: Da Marine
> Simple Sailor Cabin Boy: Sailor Jim
> PurrSquishious: Ship's Cat
> Cabin Boy of Goal Tending: Keith Merrit
> Ship's Architect: Jhetley
> CheezySauceWench: jw
>
> Other crew positions to be filled as...well...as I think of 'em!
Well, let's see... I believe someone's already applied for Scribe... how about
Cabin Copy Boy and editor of _Pillager's Digest_?
Fax
--
a"} HAVE PUN, WILL TRAVEL |jwa@play --
/_\ Fax Paladin, Waco | http://members.aol.com/joewabbott
--------------------------
"It'll all work out." "HOW?!"
"I don't know -- it's a mystery."
Stoppard & Norman, "Shakespeare in Love"
Barbara C Bell
>Are
>you drinking that right now? ::::peering into glass of grog::::
>
BarbaraFox looks up and notes the
Dread Pirate Jenny is working her wiles....
... On fellow crew members?!?
"Hsst! Jen... thats just for practice. Quick,
oh my Captain... find us a target!"
"...for there is hope in two women, help in three women, strength in
four, joy in five, power in six and against seven, no gate may stand."
Sheri S. Tepper "Gibbon's Decline and Fall"
pleasereadthesig@thebottomtoreply
>>Warin Wrote:
>>"I wanna hoist a petard. Anybody got one?"
>
>Jai, who has seen petards in movies and Renaissance Faires, looks
>concerned. She hopes Warin doesn't get hoist by his own petard.
"Just out of curiosity, what is an ard, anyway, and who decided that
they would make good pets?"
Warin (oh, look -- this petard has been held so high for so long that
it's been damaged by exposure to the sun. It's hoisty-toasty!)
--
Warin the grizzly bear and Catchild the smallish black panther
If you want us to see your e-mail, send it to:
castillano*at*mindspring*dot*com
Remember -- only YOU can prevent spamfires!
pleasereadthesig@thebottomtoreply
>:> -banshee, sweet, delicate, and goes well with ice cream
Warin:
>: "And here I thought you would choose maple syrup."
Banshee:
>"Nah. I may be sweet, but I'm not sappy." :)
>
> -banshee, g,d,&r
"(T)Aaaaaarrrrr, matey."
Warin (what am I making a pitch for, again?)
Rivka
Bill Gawne wrote in message <388A832E...@abs.net>...
>Trinker wrote:
>>Bill Gawne wrote:
>> > "Mister Robert!" the Marine's voice bellows out from the
>> > quarterdeck. "Seize that cow to a bulkhead! One hundred
>> > lashes across the udders, well laid on!"
>> >
>> > (The lady wants real whipped cream. The lady GETS real
>> > whipped cream.)
>>
>> From a bundle of compact fury charging up the gangplank comes
>> the bellow, "BELAY THAT ORDER! Ye'll not be abusing the
>> cows while the Trinker is aboard!"
>
>The Lieutenant on the quarterdeck scowls, and then shrugs.
>
>"As you wish Trinker. Bosun! Pitch the Trinker overboard until
>Miss Banshee has her whipped cream!"
Rivka stands by, fascinated, watching the situation unfold as someone
on land might watch an imminent train wreck. A helpful shipmate tugs
at her sleeve. "Hey, Rivka - as Ship's Counselor, don't you think this
is just the sort of situation that calls for your immediate
attention?"
"Excellent point." Reluctantly, Rivka tears her eyes away from the
developing scene. Cinching her bodice more tightly over her pristine
white lab coat and pausing to adjust her Standard Issue Pointy Boots,
she starts walking up and down the rail calling,
"Tickets... programs... place your bets here! Odds at 3:2 in favor of
the Marine!"
The Trinker
the luck!)
Rivka wrote:
>
> (p&e)
>
> Bill Gawne wrote in message <388A832E...@abs.net>...
> >Trinker wrote:
> >>Bill Gawne wrote:
>
> >> > "Mister Robert!" the Marine's voice bellows out from the
> >> > quarterdeck. "Seize that cow to a bulkhead! One hundred
> >> > lashes across the udders, well laid on!"
> >> >
> >> > (The lady wants real whipped cream. The lady GETS real
> >> > whipped cream.)
> >>
> >> From a bundle of compact fury charging up the gangplank comes
> >> the bellow, "BELAY THAT ORDER! Ye'll not be abusing the
> >> cows while the Trinker is aboard!"
> >
> >The Lieutenant on the quarterdeck scowls, and then shrugs.
> >
> >"As you wish Trinker. Bosun! Pitch the Trinker overboard until
> >Miss Banshee has her whipped cream!"
Upon hearing this rather hostile order, the Trinker smiles ever
so sweetly at the Bosun. "Pity you're thinking of following
that order. I was planning on a nice batch of cinnamon sticky
buns, but I won't have time to make them if I have to clean
up from being pitched overboard. Besides. Whipping the *cow*
is going to result in whipped *cow*, not whipped cream..."
> Rivka stands by, fascinated, watching the situation unfold as someone
> on land might watch an imminent train wreck. A helpful shipmate tugs
> at her sleeve. "Hey, Rivka - as Ship's Counselor, don't you think this
> is just the sort of situation that calls for your immediate
> attention?"
>
> "Excellent point." Reluctantly, Rivka tears her eyes away from the
> developing scene. Cinching her bodice more tightly over her pristine
> white lab coat and pausing to adjust her Standard Issue Pointy Boots,
> she starts walking up and down the rail calling,
*over* the lab coat? Interesting choice.
> "Tickets... programs... place your bets here! Odds at 3:2 in favor of
> the Marine!"
Overheard somewhere aboard:
(Isn't it amazing, how quickly she gets those things printed?
Hey, waitaminnit! These say "Trinker vs. Rivka, ultimate
hot butter wrestling match" !)
Beth Jackson
>><snip>
>>
>> The Ol' Goaler finishes
>>quaffing his Budweiser, >>swallows,
>>and nods
>>[as he replies to Mike Callahan].
>>"Yeah... >>That's God.
>> He just *thinks*
>> He's John McLaughlin."
<giggle-fit>
{{:'-) <...whew...>
Sorry Keith; ::smirkle::
.. 'S just that *that* reminded me
of a *similar* story: ...
;)
A: "Did you know that Hollywood's
gonna be making a biographical
movie about Charlton Heston?"
B: "No! --Really??"
A: "Yup; an' the title role's
gonna be played by God."
[g, d, & **r**... ;-) ]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the Canvas Canary
(Visit my website:-)
http://www.angelfire.com/nc/canvascanary/
The Berean
>>>the sprightly little nipper...
>>>::grins::
>>Will he circumcise the skipper?
BetN
>That. Might. Prove. Difficult.
Yeah, he could *try*, but the skipper might circumcise his neck, first.
The Berean-who has enough trouble buckling his belt, let alone his
swashes.
--
Unless otherwise stated, all opinions expressed are my own, and are not
necessarily representative of others.
I post and email by default, and would appreciate if responders would do
the same.
The Berean
sipping his coffee. "You going to sign up, Berean?"
The Goodknight shrugs. "I thought about it, but then again, I kinda
figured that pillaging and plundering would ruin my image."
"Your *image*??" repeats the batender, nearly swallowing his cigar.
"Well, I've been telling people here that yes, there are Christians that
don't force themselves on others, invade other people's lands and
forcefully convert them, that sort of thing. I'm concerned that if I
join the crew, they may think me a hypocrite."
Mike considers. "Hmm...I can see your point. What about joining as
ship's chaplain? That way, when the Navy tries to arrest them, they'll
think that they're a regular ship-after all what pirate ship would have
a chaplain onboard? And, if you really feel the need, you can stand on
deck just before each mission and tell them that they're being really,
really, bad. You wouldn't imperil your soul at all."
The Berean considers, "You know, Mike, that might actually work!" A
saucywench walks by, complete with buckled swash. The Berean's head
follows her from one end of the room to another. "But can't I have a
*little* peril?"
The Berean (a spanking! a spanking!)
Leslie
Long about Sat, 22 Jan 2000 23:07:36 -0600, Rivka spake thusly:
=>We don't _want_ to be cured.
=
=Rivka looks startled. "Cured? Hell, who said anything about being
=cured? Why would I *want* to cure you? It's just that, you know,
=sometimes a word in the right place, from an expert in human behavior,
=can really increase the efficiency and effectiveness of all that
=plundering and pillaging."
"Ah!" Leslie exclaims. "Lieutenant in charge of morale! Since you know
how to manipu....you know how to say just the right thing...."
Leslie. Womanfully resisting the line about 'morale' and 'floggings...'
--
* Spider Robinson info & alt.callahans FAQs: <http://www.vex.net/~leslie> *
** "If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane." -- J. Buffett **
*** New to Usenet and the net? Check out: ***
*** http://www.netannounce.org/news.announce.newusers/ ***
**** If you love any of your rights, defend all of them. ****
jhe...@my-deja.com
"Rivka" <ri...@iowacity.net> wrote:
>
> jhe...@my-deja.com wrote in message <86dqek$q7n$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>...
> >In article <86d64...@enews4.newsguy.com>,
> > "Rivka" <ri...@iowacity.net> wrote:
> >>
> >> Rivka gives the Crew Roster a long, surveying look.
> >>
> >> "Bet?" she says at last. "Given this crowd, don't you think
> >> you'd better have a pshrink along?"
> >
> >But...
> >
>
>
Phew!
I was afraid you were going to try to mitigate some of the sociopathic
tendencies of the pillaging and plundering crowd.
(Or perhaps, even worse thought, subject Cap'n Bet's crew to some of
those grad-student experiments I remember from Psych 101....)
jhe...@my-deja.com
Bill Gawne <ga...@abs.net> wrote:
> The Lieutenant on the quarterdeck scowls, and then shrugs.
>
> "As you wish Trinker. Bosun! Pitch the Trinker overboard until
> Miss Banshee has her whipped cream!"
>
Oh, goodie! The wet bodice contests are starting already.
WinBear
WinBear
<engage Dondi Eyes Mode>
JenOMalley
>Dread Pirate Jenny is working her wiles....
>
> ... On fellow crew members?!?
>
> "Hsst! Jen... thats just for practice. Quick,
>oh my Captain... find us a target!"
>
The Dread Pirate Jennie looks at the SupplyMistress and wonders why she hasn't
supplied us with a taget yet?
"So, no mooching off the crew? Damn. I liked that part...."
The Trinker
The Berean wrote:
>
> Mike glances over at the Berean, who's in his normal spot at the bar,
> sipping his coffee. "You going to sign up, Berean?"
>
> The Goodknight shrugs. "I thought about it, but then again, I kinda
> figured that pillaging and plundering would ruin my image."
>
> "Your *image*??" repeats the batender, nearly swallowing his cigar.
>
> "Well, I've been telling people here that yes, there are Christians that
> don't force themselves on others, invade other people's lands and
> forcefully convert them, that sort of thing. I'm concerned that if I
> join the crew, they may think me a hypocrite."
>
> Mike considers. "Hmm...I can see your point. What about joining as
> ship's chaplain? That way, when the Navy tries to arrest them, they'll
> think that they're a regular ship-after all what pirate ship would have
> a chaplain onboard? And, if you really feel the need, you can stand on
> deck just before each mission and tell them that they're being really,
> really, bad. You wouldn't imperil your soul at all."
>
> The Berean considers, "You know, Mike, that might actually work!" A
> saucywench walks by, complete with buckled swash. The Berean's head
> follows her from one end of the room to another. "But can't I have a
> *little* peril?"
>
> The Berean (a spanking! a spanking!)
Now *THIS* should be interesting. <g>
Gonna be ecumenical, Berean?
The Trinker
mentally reviewing the known list of faiths and practices amongst
the crew.