Belated Family Portrait

[STANLEY STARS 99]

Well, most of my family has passed on due to natural and accidental
circumstances and now being in a retirement home myself, I felt the need
to take care of something that had been bothering me for the past two
weeks. You see, I never had a chance to get a family portrait put
together for me and it was driving me crazy. Because most of my family
had expired, I couldn't figure out a way to pull this off. That is,
until I talked with my only surviving relative, Billy. You see, Billy
told me that we could both do something after dark to get me my wish of
having a family portrait. At first, it seemed a bad idea and maybe gross
but I sustained a open mind to it and eventually agreed with Billy and
we both waited until midnight to pull this off.
We pulled up slowly in Billy's minivan to Crestpoint Cemetary where all
our relatives were buried. Billy got the tools, and I got the blankets
ready.
Billy dug and dug and sweated enough water to actually dampen the dirt
he was digging. He finally finished and as I propped myself up enough to
help him from each hole, we rested together for about a half hour before
starting on the next. Finally all eight holes were dug to the top of
each coffin. Billy did a great job not scratching them.
We rested for about another half hour but noticed the sun was just
starting to turn the sky's dimmer switch up and we hurried to get all
the bodies in their color-coded blankets and into the minivan. This was
made easier with Billy's three strap harness he usually used to haul
bags of potatoes for his farm. They worked great up to about 250lbs but
my niece, Wanda was a challange at 300lbs but enough of her body weight
had melted away recently and made it a bit easier.
We finally got to Billy's farm at about 6am and just in time. We could
keep the bodies until the next midnight hour when we would return with
them and repair the lawn before the Cemetary crew came by on Monday
morning. We didn't have to worry about the holes until then because
nobody ever came to Crestpoint Cemetary, which we thought was really sad
most of the time, but it made us very relaxed knowing that now. So we
finally got all the bodies into Billy's barn and next to a set made up
to look like your local Sears Portrait Studio. Billy painted it himself
and it really looked like a beautiful background of trees and flowers
and a few smudges here and there. We took the larger ones out first
which were in the larger Blue blankets and then the 3 women who were in
the yellow blankets and then the dismembered 3 which came tucked
together in the red blankets. These we would touch up a bit in the final
photograph to make them look, shall we say, a little more realistic.
So anyway, we got the picture taken and had it blown up to a nice 3 foot
by 5 foot family portrait which now hangs in my retirement home's
kitchen which had the only 6 foot wall capable of holding my family
portrait. The only scary part about this is the police asking about the
freshly dug holes at Crestpoint Cemetary and the way my wife looks in
the portrait. Billy didn't touch her up enough in the final print and
you can tell that there is still a hammer mark in her head.

ha ha ha ha hah a ha
h ah ah ah ah ah ahah a

Stanley_Stars is not really a serial killer but he did stay at a Holiday
Inn last night.

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