Bad Day
BigDaddy
need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on
someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!
Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone
call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak
to Robin Carter?"
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that
anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number
and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly.
After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying
there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person
once more answered, I yelled "You're a jackass!" and hung up.
Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in
my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or
had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and the I'd
yell,"You're a jackass!" It would always cheer me up. Later in the
year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real
disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass.
Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his
voice, "Hello."
I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone
company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our
caller ID program?"
He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a
jackass!"
The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you
how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do
something about it. Just dial 823-4863.
[Keep reading, it gets better.]
The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the
parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave.
Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back
out of the slot. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of
room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving.
All of a sudden this black Camaro come flying up the parking isle
in the wrong direction and pulls into her space.
I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that,
Buddy. I was here first!"
The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked
toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me.
I thought to myself, this guy's a jackass, there sure a lot of
jackasses in this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the
back window of his car.
I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.
A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just
gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're
jackass!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number
on speed dial.)
I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying
on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too.
After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello."
I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the
car's parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes,"
"Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.
After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.
For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had
a problem I had two jackasses to call. Then after several months of
calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as
enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought
and came up with a solution.
First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered nicely saying,
"Hello." I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up.
The jackass said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."
He said "Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's
parked out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your
prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.
Then I called Jackass #2.
He answered, "Hello."
I said, "Hello, Jackass!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your butt."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!"
And I hung up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I
was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay
lover as soon as he got home.
Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down
W. 34th Street.
After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street
to watch the whole thing.
Glorious!
If you want to watch two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each
other in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter, I taped it
off the evening news.
Homer Gunther
>>For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just
??need to take it out on someone!!!
Great story! Wish'd I had written it!
Ta~
Homer
dyn...@bigfoot.com
I hope it's true, tell me was it fun when they met?
bye
ps. do you have that news report on the internet?
In article <35DA0601...@ecis.com>,
-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/rg_mkgrp.xp Create Your Own Free Member Forum
titu...@my-dejanews.com
From now on I will see Jackasses in a whole new light!
Titus Waalwijk
From Holland
Simon Besteman
>From now on I will see Jackasses in a whole new light!
>Titus Waalwijk
>From Holland
>
welcome to ABG Titus
news.euronet
BigDaddy wrote in message <35DA0601...@ecis.com>...
>For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just
> need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on
> someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!
>
made up for a lot!!! Amazing how the right words at the right time can work
miracles.
Annie-from-amsterdam-who's-newsgroup-cherry-has-just-been-popped
Simon Besteman
>
>Annie-from-amsterdam-who's-newsgroup-cherry-has-just-been-popped
>
>
Gulp. well, congratulations on the Cherry-popping I suppose.
What's happening here, first Titus, now Annie, it's a Dutch
invasion! Time for me to move again? I HAVE been offered a job
in Barcelona, maybe I should take it.
Tom Kohlinger
<sim...@nl.demon.net> wrote:
>What's happening here, first Titus, now Annie, it's a Dutch
>invasion!
We are taking over this newsgroup, surrender now or we'll unsubscribe
you ;-) You guessed it, I'm another dutchman.
The reason I think you see several dutch people (like me) following
this thread is because the original post was referred to in a mailing
list I am subscribed to (and so are Titus and Annie I guess). The
original message wasn't quoted in the mailing list, they just said
that it was posted in this newsgroup and that it was a pretty
hilarious way to get even with someone. And it is!
Have an .AVI of this news broadcast, anyone? ;-)
Tom
Jazz
> welcome to ABG Titus
There seems to be quite an influx of newbies. Hope this one tastes
better than the last one did. He was a bit greasey!
--
Jason "Jazz" Irwin | Windows NT crashed.
jasonirwin#earthling!net | I am the Blue Screen of Death.
Ban SPAM NOW! #=@ !=. | No one hears your screams.
BigDaddy
>
> Thanks for this wonderfull story, I haven't had so much fun for weeks.
> Titus Waalwijk
> From Holland
>
> http://www.dejanews.com/rg_mkgrp.xp Create Your Own Free Member Forum
Thanks titus, I understand my story reached some sort of ezine in Holland. To
say the least... I'm, impressed.
BigDaddy
>
> I have been having one of the worst days of my life today, but this story
> made up for a lot!!! Amazing how the right words at the right time can work
> miracles.
>
> Annie-from-amsterdam-who's-newsgroup-cherry-has-just-been-popped
Glad to have cheered you up Annie.
BigDaddy
>
> Cool story.
>
> ps. do you have that news report on the internet?
Alas no, but thanks for writing, I have a few more anecdotes that im working
on.....stay tuned.
Jazz
> >Annie-from-amsterdam-who's-newsgroup-cherry-has-just-been-popped
Run Annie, run!!
> Gulp. well, congratulations on the Cherry-popping I suppose.
Simon, that's quite enough from you!
Liz Kane
Jazz wrote in message <35DD2C...@banspam.earthling.net>...
>Simon Besteman wrote:
>> >Annie-from-amsterdam-who's-newsgroup-cherry-has-just-been-popped
>Run Annie, run!!
>> Gulp. well, congratulations on the Cherry-popping I suppose.
>Simon, that's quite enough from you!
Yea, watch out for our Si, Annie. You don't write poetry
do you?
Liz Kane
Jazz wrote in message <35DBFD...@banspam.earthling.net>...
>Simon Besteman wrote:
>> welcome to ABG Titus
>
>There seems to be quite an influx of newbies. Hope this one tastes
>better than the last one did. He was a bit greasey!
Jazz, we shouldn't have used that new fry-daddy we
won in the raffle last week at the fair. Back to the
grill!
Simon Besteman
>
>Yea, watch out for our Si, Annie. You don't write poetry
>do you?
>
All right, all right, that'll do nicely thank you.
(sulking in corner)
Tom E Arnold
>
> For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just
> need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on
> someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!
>
> Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his
> voice, "Hello."
> I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone
> company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our
> caller ID program?"
> He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down.
>
Just after caller I.D. was introduced, and before it was well known, the
mother of a woman a friend was dating used it to return an obscene phone
call.
"Do I have time for a shower before you come over here and fuck me in
the ass?"
TEA/