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Swiggy
May 11, 2013, 7:40:20 PM5/11/13
to
Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the
night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it
home OK!
The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last
night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell
disaster.
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I
should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as
she likes to call it.
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going
to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself,
I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Fuck it, soldier on!"
Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last
night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her,
"Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed,
"I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now
you want me to stay?"
A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I
masturbated while thinking about my sister." "That's a disgrace," said the
priest, "especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."
A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this
country so that they can see their own doctor.
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look
like she's moving during sex.
--
SWIGGY
Check Out today's PUNography at
http://www.punography.us
"Familiarity breeds contempt - and children."
Mark Twain
night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it
home OK!
The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last
night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell
disaster.
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I
should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as
she likes to call it.
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going
to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself,
I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Fuck it, soldier on!"
Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last
night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her,
"Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed,
"I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now
you want me to stay?"
A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I
masturbated while thinking about my sister." "That's a disgrace," said the
priest, "especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."
A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this
country so that they can see their own doctor.
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look
like she's moving during sex.
--
SWIGGY
Check Out today's PUNography at
http://www.punography.us
"Familiarity breeds contempt - and children."
Mark Twain
THE COLONEL
May 30, 2013, 2:20:49 PM5/30/13
to
Sounds like ya slept with yer mom again, squiggy.
Message has been deleted
Maude Herr-Chodt
Jun 15, 2013, 2:15:05 PM6/15/13
to
Outstanding shorties!
"Swiggy" wrote in message news:zpadnTQ57_BvSxPM...@giganews.com...
Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the
night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it
home OK!
[snip]
"Swiggy" wrote in message news:zpadnTQ57_BvSxPM...@giganews.com...
Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the
night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it
home OK!
giga news
Jun 20, 2013, 5:31:20 PM6/20/13
to
"Daytek" <Day...@isp.com> wrote in message
news:51b4043b$0$18406$bb4e...@newscene.com...
> And Swiggy did psot words of wisdom:::
>
>> Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of
>> the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I
>> made it home OK!
>>
>
> Have not been here in months. I see the group looks dead.
>> Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of
>> the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I
>> made it home OK!
>>
>
>
> Still love your jokes.
>
>
> --
> Kind regards/Herzliche Gr≪e/SincSres salutations/Atentamente,
>
> DayTek
Thanks. I don't get in here, much, either. Worse getting in here since my
computer started acting up, but I got a different one that seems to be
working a lot better.
SWIGGY
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