PASCAL'S WAGER: YOUR FORTUNE AWAITS

Bill Thacker

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Oct 30, 1998, 3:00:00 AM10/30/98

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Looking for a way to earn EXTRA CASH for school, a car, or a home?
YOU can earn up to $500 a week, and it's so easy ANYBODY can do it!

A few months ago I was FLAT BROKE, and since I was an ATHEIST I knew I
didn't even have a prayer. I tried every moneymaking plan under the
sun. After three years of constant attempts at striking it rich, I
had done nothing but strike out.

I tried multi-level marketing...I failed!
I tried chain letters... They failed me!
I tried envelope stuffing... What a joke!

Then a true friend showed me how I could MAKE REAL MONEY through the
Internet! I swear, this is all completely legal. (*)

It's all based on PASCAL'S WAGER. If you've never heard of it, don't
worry; you don't need to understand mathematics or gambling to make
money with this technique! Pascal's Wager is simply a theological
argument that goes like this:

If there is no God and you worship him anyway, you lose
nothing. But if God exists and you worship him, you get to
go to Heaven forever. If you don't worship God, you're
no better off if he doesn't exist, but you miss a big
opportunity if he does. Therefore, the sensible thing to do
is to worship God.

Pretty convincing, eh? It should be - it's been a foundation of
theism for more than three centuries! But, smart as Pascal was,
he wasn't smart enough to see the MONEY-MAKING POTENTIAL of this
"wager". But my friend did!

Here's how it works.

You find someone who believes in God and make them the following
offer:

Dear theist;

I am GOD, and I'm here to make you a FANTASTIC OFFER! I will
guarantee you ETERNAL LIFE in Heaven after you die, and all
you have to do in exchange is to prove your faith in me by
sending me one dollar. Now, unlike those jealous gods you
may have heard about in church or on television, I'm very
open minded. I don't care one bit if you worship other gods!
After you send me a dollar, I don't care what you do, even if
you go back to your old God, repent, and beg his forgiveness.
You can even tell other people I'm not really God - I JUST
DON'T CARE. All that matters is that you sent me a dollar.
THAT'S IT!!! No prayers, no collection plates, no guilt
trips.

Think of this as a gambling proposition. If I'm not God,
this ONLY COSTS YOU A DOLLAR. You'll never miss it! But if
I *am* God, this is your ONLY WAY TO THE AFTERLIFE! How can
you afford to pass up this TREMENDOUS OPPORTUNITY? You'd
spend a lot more time and money worshipping those OTHER gods,
but I'm offering you everything they are FOR JUST ONE BUCK!
YOU CAN'T GO WRONG!

Love,

GOD

That is all I do! I earn $500 a week mailing out this exact same
sales letter. There is absolutely no catch or crazy gimmick involved
here, I promise you. This has nothing whatsoever to do with any
ridiculous envelope stuffing program, illegal chain-letter scam or
worthless multi-level scheme! There is not an easier or simpler way
to make $500 a week than this - there can't be - it's impossible!

(*) Not legal in the lower 48 states, Alaska, Hawaii, or District of
Columbia.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Bill Thacker Atheist #1363 gun...@ds.net
Bill's Rail Buggy Page: http://www.ds.net/~gunner/buggy/buggy.html

"The things that you're liable to read in the Bible -
it ain't necessarily so." - George and Ira Gershwin

David J. Devejian

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Oct 30, 1998, 3:00:00 AM10/30/98

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In article <71d2au$q...@nntpa.cb.lucent.com>, w...@cbemg.cb.lucent.com
says...
>

You forgot the best part, its all tax free!

--
regards,
David J. Devejian
widsith <at> panix <dot> com

Andrew Lias

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Oct 30, 1998, 3:00:00 AM10/30/98

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In article <71d2au$q...@nntpa.cb.lucent.com>,

Bill Thacker <w...@cbemg.cb.lucent.com> wrote:
>
>Looking for a way to earn EXTRA CASH for school, a car, or a home?
>YOU can earn up to $500 a week, and it's so easy ANYBODY can do it!

[snip excellent parody of Pascal's Wager as a get-rich-quick scheme]

ROTFLMAO!!

Attention Liz! We need an Atheist Post of the Month Catagory, and I do
hereby nominate this one to be the charter entry for it!

LOL..... ow, ow, ow.... my side hurts... LOL....

--
Please direct all replies to anrwlias AT hotmail.com | Siste viator
*-----------*------------------*-----------------------*------------*
Christian Fundamentalism: The doctrine that there is an absolutely
powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe spanning entity that is
deeply and personally concerned about my sex life.
*-----------*------------------*-----------------------*------------*
http://www.wco.com/~anrwlias

George Ricker

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Oct 30, 1998, 3:00:00 AM10/30/98

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I second that. This one definitely belongs in the alt.atheism archives as well.

--
George Ricker
"Theology is not what we know about God,
but what we do not know about Nature."
Robert G. Ingersoll - "Some Mistakes of Moses"

Frank Wustner

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Oct 30, 1998, 3:00:00 AM10/30/98

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Following up on Mr. A. Lias' suggestion, I'm posting this. This is
the entire text of the suggested Post of the Month.

--

The Deadly Nightshade
http://members.tripod.com/~deadly_nightshade

|-----------------------------------|-----------------------------------|
|"I, too, believe in fate... |"Ack. Thpppbt." Bill the Cat |
|the fate a man makes for himself." |-----------------------------------|
|Lord Soth | Atheist #119 |
|-----------------------------------| Knight of BAAWA! |
|"Quoth the raven, 'Eat my shorts!'"|-----------------------------------|
|Edgar Allan Bart | niteshade(at)mindspring(dot)com |
|-----------------------------------|-----------------------------------|

----cut here----

w...@cbemg.cb.lucent.com (Bill Thacker) wrote:

> Looking for a way to earn EXTRA CASH for school, a car, or a home?
> YOU can earn up to $500 a week, and it's so easy ANYBODY can do it!
>

Peter Kirby

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Oct 30, 1998, 3:00:00 AM10/30/98

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Andrew Lias wrote:
>
> In article <71d2au$q...@nntpa.cb.lucent.com>,

> Bill Thacker <w...@cbemg.cb.lucent.com> wrote:
> >
> >Looking for a way to earn EXTRA CASH for school, a car, or a home?
> >YOU can earn up to $500 a week, and it's so easy ANYBODY can do it!
>

> [snip excellent parody of Pascal's Wager as a get-rich-quick scheme]
>
> ROTFLMAO!!
>
> Attention Liz! We need an Atheist Post of the Month Catagory, and I do
> hereby nominate this one to be the charter entry for it!
>
> LOL..... ow, ow, ow.... my side hurts... LOL....

Agreed.

This should also be put in the alt.atheism archives. If there is no
appropriate category, make one for 'humor'. This stuff is too good to simply
expire on a news server.

--
Peter Kirby <ki...@earthlink.net>
XTIANITY list owner, alt.atheism atheist #16
Home page: http://home.earthlink.net/~kirby/ (updated 8/27/98)

Liz

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Oct 30, 1998, 3:00:00 AM10/30/98

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On Fri, 30 Oct 1998 15:11:19 -0800, see...@for.email.com (Frank
Wustner) in alt.atheism wrote:

>Following up on Mr. A. Lias' suggestion, I'm posting this. This is
>the entire text of the suggested Post of the Month.

Hi Frank,

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Oct 31, 1998, 3:00:00 AM10/31/98

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On 30 Oct 1998 11:58:40 -0800, anrw...@shell1.ncal.verio.com (Andrew
Lias) wrote:

>In article <71d2au$q...@nntpa.cb.lucent.com>,

>Bill Thacker <w...@cbemg.cb.lucent.com> wrote:
>>
>>Looking for a way to earn EXTRA CASH for school, a car, or a home?
>>YOU can earn up to $500 a week, and it's so easy ANYBODY can do it!
>

>[snip excellent parody of Pascal's Wager as a get-rich-quick scheme]
>
>ROTFLMAO!!
>
>Attention Liz! We need an Atheist Post of the Month Catagory, and I do
>hereby nominate this one to be the charter entry for it!
>
>LOL..... ow, ow, ow.... my side hurts... LOL....

It was absolutely fucking brilliant.
Bill Thacker has one of the best S/N ratios around here.

I'm other wise speech less, never the less :)

randall g =%^)> #320 - only 346 short
mailto:rand...@telemark.net http://www.telemark.net/~randallg
When You let me fall, grew my own wings, now I'm as tall as the sky
When You let me drown, grew gills and fins, now I'm as deep as the sea
When You let me die, my spirit's free, there's nothing challenging me
- James (a band from England, not my name)

John Hattan

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Oct 31, 1998, 3:00:00 AM10/31/98

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"Cabrutus" <loc...@geocities.ddddddddddd.com> wrote:

>Bill Thacker <w...@cbemg.cb.lucent.com> wrote in article
><71d2au$q...@nntpa.cb.lucent.com>...
>

>> Pretty convincing, eh? It should be - it's been a foundation of
>

>No, it isn't, and that's why NO professional theologian uses it today.

While it isn't used by theologian's who've lost their amateur status,
just about every street-fundie you meet will bring it up as his first
line of defense.

Like it or not, "Yeah, but what if you're wrong?" is all the
justification most folks need for their faith.

That being said, the MLM post was brilliant!

---
John Hattan High UberPopeness -The First Church of Shatnerology
The Code Zone Sweet Software for a Saturnine World
hat...@fastlane.net http://www.fastlane.net/~hattan/

Cabrutus

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Oct 31, 1998, 3:00:00 AM10/31/98

to

tetrahydrocannabinol <i.get...@hempseed.com> wrote in article
<71e61a$cji$1...@news.inc.net>...

>
> Cabrutus wrote in message <01bdfc89$f3b534a0$903aa3cd@default>...
> |
> |

> |Bill Thacker <w...@cbemg.cb.lucent.com> wrote in article
> |<71d2au$q...@nntpa.cb.lucent.com>...
> |

> |[snip]

> |
> |> Pretty convincing, eh? It should be - it's been a foundation of
> |
> |No, it isn't, and that's why NO professional theologian uses it today.

It
> |doesn't tell you which religion to believe, and it doesn't make any
> |guarantees that the god will accept belief just as a way of covering
one's
> |bases. Try harder.
>
>

> Were you born without a sense of humor, or did your mommy beat it out of
> you.

It wasn't funny, because I see it so often.

>
> It's a humorous post nothing more.

It may have been humorous but the fallacy is still there, and it was a good
opportunity to point it out.

>
> I also saw NO assertions that professional theologians used this
argument.

I made no assertions that he asserted that.

> The humor arises in the fact that someone comes by here once or twice a
week
> with some silly version of Pascal's wager, as someone emails me once or
> twice a day with some stupid get rich quick scheme. This post really hit
> home. Why are you in such a hurry to pick a fight? Perhaps you should
lurk a
> bit longer before you loose a few more teeth by swiftly putting your foot
in
> your mouth again.

Lurk a bit longer? I've been posting here for over a year. Why do you say
I put my foot in my mouth? Why are you so sensitive about what I post?
Jeez, maybe *you* need to lighten up.

>
> -=+tetrahydrocannabinol+=-

tetrahydrocannabinol

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Oct 31, 1998, 3:00:00 AM10/31/98

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If you can't laugh at other's blatant stupidity, what can you laugh at?

-=+tetrahydrocannabinol+=-

Don Antropos

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Nov 1, 1998, 3:00:00 AM11/1/98

to

ech...@concentric.net (Liz) wrote:

>On Fri, 30 Oct 1998 15:11:19 -0800, see...@for.email.com (Frank
>Wustner) in alt.atheism wrote:
>
>>Following up on Mr. A. Lias' suggestion, I'm posting this. This is
>>the entire text of the suggested Post of the Month.
>
>Hi Frank,
>
>Bill Thacker's post was hilarious, but I, personally, am not in a
>position to do anything about it. I don't even have a website to call
>my own. I sent an email to Don Antropos to see if he were
>interested. If he is not, then some kind atheist would need to
>volunteer to handle the proposed "Posts of the Month".
>
>

I'm not going to do some sort of Post of the month election, but the
archives of alt.atheism related are something like 'Post for
eternity', which means that only the best posts (or the most
interesting) come in there. How to get a post in the archives? Bring
it to my attention and I will have the audacity to decide about it's
fate on my own. Okay, I promise I will listen to advise. :)

In this case: I'm going to put this article not in the regular
archives, which is for more serious stuff, but in the funny-section.
If anybody objects to that, you know my number. :)

----------------------------------------------------
Don Antropos

nospam....@cistron.nl

The alt.atheism related website:
http://www.signature.nl/alt.atheism/
----------------------------------------------------

Don Antropos

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Nov 1, 1998, 3:00:00 AM11/1/98

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Peter Kirby <ki...@SPAM.earthlink.net> wrote:

>Liz wrote:
>>
>> On Fri, 30 Oct 1998 15:11:19 -0800, see...@for.email.com (Frank
>> Wustner) in alt.atheism wrote:
>>
>> >Following up on Mr. A. Lias' suggestion, I'm posting this. This is
>> >the entire text of the suggested Post of the Month.
>>
>> Hi Frank,
>>
>> Bill Thacker's post was hilarious, but I, personally, am not in a
>> position to do anything about it. I don't even have a website to call
>> my own. I sent an email to Don Antropos to see if he were
>> interested. If he is not, then some kind atheist would need to
>> volunteer to handle the proposed "Posts of the Month".
>

>My suggestion: Conjoin the "Alt.Atheism Archive" and the "Posts of the Month"
>- in other words, anything that is successfully nominated for post of the
>month is also placed in the alt.atheism archive. Then, at the end of the
>month, we can take a vote, for fun and glory. Not only should this encourage
>people to write well-crafted and thoughtful posts, but these will be
>preserved for the edification and amusement of the general public.
>
>I would volunteer, were it not for my somewhat irregular schedule of
>newsgroup reading. If someone else would like the honor, their
>responsibilities would probably be (1) forwarding the texts of successful
>nominations to Don Antropos, or finding some other way of posting them on the
>Alt.Atheism Archive, (2) posting a message requesting votes for the posts at
>the end of the month, with references to the texts, and (3) tallying the
>responses to report the results.

My first reaction: Oh no, not more voting! But this is a free world
and if you were to present me with good results, I won't turn you
down. :)

Don Antropos

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Nov 1, 1998, 3:00:00 AM11/1/98

to

Peter Kirby <ki...@SPAM.earthlink.net> wrote:

>Andrew Lias wrote:
>>
>> In article <71d2au$q...@nntpa.cb.lucent.com>,
>> Bill Thacker <w...@cbemg.cb.lucent.com> wrote:
>> >
>> >Looking for a way to earn EXTRA CASH for school, a car, or a home?
>> >YOU can earn up to $500 a week, and it's so easy ANYBODY can do it!
>>
>> [snip excellent parody of Pascal's Wager as a get-rich-quick scheme]
>>
>> ROTFLMAO!!
>>
>> Attention Liz! We need an Atheist Post of the Month Catagory, and I do
>> hereby nominate this one to be the charter entry for it!
>>
>> LOL..... ow, ow, ow.... my side hurts... LOL....
>

>Agreed.
>
>This should also be put in the alt.atheism archives. If there is no
>appropriate category, make one for 'humor'. This stuff is too good to simply
>expire on a news server.

There is a separate fun-stuff section on alt.atheism related: it will
fit in nice there.

Don Antropos

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Nov 2, 1998, 3:00:00 AM11/2/98

to

nospam....@cistron.nl (Don Antropos) wrote:

>ech...@concentric.net (Liz) wrote:
>
>>On Fri, 30 Oct 1998 15:11:19 -0800, see...@for.email.com (Frank
>>Wustner) in alt.atheism wrote:
>>
>>>Following up on Mr. A. Lias' suggestion, I'm posting this. This is
>>>the entire text of the suggested Post of the Month.
>>
>>Hi Frank,
>>
>>Bill Thacker's post was hilarious, but I, personally, am not in a
>>position to do anything about it. I don't even have a website to call
>>my own. I sent an email to Don Antropos to see if he were
>>interested. If he is not, then some kind atheist would need to
>>volunteer to handle the proposed "Posts of the Month".
>>
>>
>

>I'm not going to do some sort of Post of the month election, but the
>archives of alt.atheism related are something like 'Post for
>eternity', which means that only the best posts (or the most
>interesting) come in there. How to get a post in the archives? Bring
>it to my attention and I will have the audacity to decide about it's
>fate on my own. Okay, I promise I will listen to advise. :)
>
>In this case: I'm going to put this article not in the regular
>archives, which is for more serious stuff, but in the funny-section.
>If anybody objects to that, you know my number. :)
>

Correction: I did put it in the archives after all, in the funny posts
section.
Okay, this may be confusing, having two funny sections on the website,
but let me explain.
The archives are meant for posts in alt.atheism and since we also have
a lot of really funny posts in here, there should also be a 'funny'
category in the archives.
As for the funny/party section of alt.atheism related, atheism isn't
only serious, there's also a lot of good laughs out there. They can be
placed, published or linked in the funny section of aar. Actually, I
was hoping of receiving some good links to really hilarious sites. I
was also hoping that somebody would create a website for the
Saviour-on-a-stick stories, which could be viewed from aar's party
pages (maybe even placed there).

Bill Thacker

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Nov 2, 1998, 3:00:00 AM11/2/98

to

Wow! Thanks, everybody, I'm pleased as punch that y'all enjoyed my
posting so much! It just came to me, the sort of inspiration for
which a bleater would right now be giving credit to God.

Here's where atheism pays off, you know. Instead of feigning
embarrassment or being thankful that "God chose me as his tool for
displaying His own brilliance," I get to revel in the praise like a
sow wallowing in her own filth and love every minute of it! Yeah,
*stroke* that ego, baby! :-)

Paul Chefurka <chef...@magma.ca> wrote:

>You must have been
>possessed to come up with that one

SSSsshhhh!! It's supposed to be a secret!

>- two or three more of those, and
>you've got a new career!

What, two or three more possessions? Man, I ain't goin' for that
whole multiple personality gig. Don't like the hours!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Bill Thacker Atheist #1363 gun...@ds.net
Bill's Rail Buggy Page: http://www.ds.net/~gunner/buggy/buggy.html

"Faith is when you believe in something
a crazy person wouldn't believe." - Archie Bunker