On Fri, 06 Apr 2012 19:53:35 -0700, linuxgal <
linu...@cleanposts.com>
wrote:
From Jim Perry posted to alt.atheism in 1992.
Bloody hell, was it really twenty years ago?
Anyway, it's a favourite....
My copy of this came from mailing list to mailing list to...; I've
deleted a passel of routing and rerouting information -- I don't
know the ultimate origin.
**********************************
The following is a true story.
Last week I walked into a local "home style cookin'
restaurant/watering hole" to pick up a take out order. I spoke
briefly to the waitress behind the counter, who told me my order
would be done in a few minutes.
So, while I was busy gazing at the farm implements hanging on the
walls, I was approached by two, uh, um... well, let's call them
"natives". These guys might just be the *original* Texas rednecks
-- complete with ten-gallon hats, snakeskin boots and the pervasive
odor of cheap beer and whiskey.
"Pardon us, ma'am. Mind of we ask you a question?"
Well, people keep telling me that Texans are real friendly, so I
nodded.
"Are you a Satanist?"
Well, at least they didn't ask me if I liked to party.
"Uh, no, I can't say that I am."
"Gee ma'am. Are you *sure* about that?" they asked.
I put on my biggest, brightest Dallas Cowboys cheerleader smile and
said, "No, I'm positive. The closest I've ever come to Satanism is
watching Geraldo."
"Hmm. Interesting. See, we was just wondering why it is you have
the lord of darkness on your chest there."
I was *this close* to slapping one of them and causing a scene --
then I stopped and noticed the T-shirt I happened to be wearing that
day. Sure enough, it had a picture of a small, devilish looking
creature that has for quite some time now been associated with a
certain operating system. In this particular representation, the
creature was wearing sneakers.
They continued: "See, ma'am, we don't exactly *appreciate* it when
people show off pictures of the devil. Especially when he's lookin'
so friendly."
These idiots sounded terrifyingly serious.
Me: "Oh, well, see, this isn't really the devil, it's just, well,
it's sort of a mascot."
Native: "And what kind of football team has the devil as a mascot?"
Me: "Oh, it's not a team. It's an operating-- uh, a kind of
computer."
I figured that an ATM machine was about as much technology as these
guys could handle, and I knew that if I so much as uttered the word
"unix" I would only make things worse.
Native: "Where does this satanical computer come from?"
Me: "California. And there's nothing satanical about it really."
Somewhere along the line here, the waitress has noticed my
predicament -- but these guys probably outweighed her by 600 pounds,
so all she did was look at me sympathetically and run off into the
kitchen.
Native: "Ma'am, I think you're lying. And we'd appreciate it if
you'd leave the premises now."
Fortunately, the waitress returned that very instant with my order,
and they agreed that it would be okay for me to actually pay for my
food before I left.
While I was at the cash register, they amused themselves by talking
to each other.
Native #1: "Do you think the police know about these devil
computers?"
Native #2: "If they come from California, then the FBI oughta know
about 'em."
They escorted me to the door. I tried one last time: "You're really
blowing this all out of proportion. A lot of people use this "kind
of computers".
Universities, researchers, businesses. They're actually very
useful."
Big, big, BIG mistake. I should have guessed at what came next.
Native: "Does the government use these devil computers?"
Me: "Yes."
Another BIG boo-boo.
Native: "And does the government *pay* for 'em? With *our* tax
dollars?"
I decided that it was time to jump ship.
Me: "No. Nope. Not at all. Your tax dollars never entered the
picture at all. I promise. No sir, not a penny. Our good Christian
congressmen would never let something like that happen. Nope.
Never. Bye."
Texas. What a country.