Your fear is irrational, and your inability to trust any people except
Africans is, in fact, a form of racism. Since your motive for this
racism is driven by a fear founded in an experience of non-racist
violence, your resulting behaviour could be classified as merely being
"indirectly racist."
My recommendation to you is to work with a qualified and professional
psychiatrist regarding your problem with trusting others. I suggest you
print this message and present it as the description of your problem as
a useful starting point (public newsgroups really aren't the best forum
for developing a reasonable solution to your specific problem). If you
genuinely don't want to be a racist, then working with a good
psychiatrist is a rational approach that should prove to be very helpful.
--
Fidem Turbare, the non-existent atheist goddess
"It's curious how we act in moments of personal despair."
-- Lawrence Welk