Amazing, scribbled poem

[transkawa]

Amazing

Kindly was read the script
of treasures and men strewn ashore
conquering the pavement with steps
who made giants seem asleep.

Mild and gentle was the code
a line here and there of braces
how bravely they threw sparks, our
eyes shone with a million gems.

But the barnyard, places of repose
was where we brew the maps
a light for nations to our shops
Amazon! kindly kindly read the scrpt.

###
dying for comments. just scribbled. yesterday.
nd

[Olivia]

> This is a hard one to comment on. It seems to be telling,
with some good images, a story of treasure maps and brave men, but I
think the story is one you saw vividly as you wrote it, but of which
only those images come across,at least to me. A scribbled poem almost
always needs revision, and this seems worth rewriting to give more
than a promising glimpse of the story. BTW, didn't you mean drew,
rather than brew? Why kindly? Why Amazon? Good start, though.

Olivia
>