Painting Pleasure.

[Pewter Pot]

You had me at first. Then half way through the
seventh line everything stopped tracking. Going back
I managed to put together something that seemed
to make sense.

After recovering I was doing well until the last line.
I have no idea what this is supposed to mean.

A few minor changes might help keep people from
getting lost in the middle of the sentences.

Otherwise I like the poem.

On Sat, 22 Aug 1998 17:48:08 +0000, David A Doolan wrote
(in message <35DF0187...@box.net.au>):

> My pen will play the painter and will paint
> What colour photograph cannot capture;
> My room where we'll spend endless nights, in quaint
> Surroundings here in Ad'laide, in rapture.
>
> Facing south the full moon fills my bedroom
> With romance that pink paint of previous
> Tenants cannot dim but feel free as soon
> As you wish to close your eyes glorious.
>
> You'll fill my room as the moon with a light
> That changes my mind from focussing on
> Mundane,to beauty to softness and fight
> I'll not, to fall for your spell, you lay on.

--
Mikel Potts
{pewter}@{harborside.com}
http://www.harborside/home/p/pewter/index.html

[David A Doolan]

[Pinky Andrexa]

I love all of this except the last three lines of the last verse. I do
portrait painting as well as poetry and can relate to the emotions and
the subject. The last verse, however although it starts beautifully with
the first line, it loses its way in search of a suitable rhyme, also the
rhythm trips slightly.

Here's a suggestion for that last verse which may trigger further ideas
to bring it in line with the first two:

>You'll fill my room as the moon with a light
>That changes my mind from focussing

from the mundane to beauty too warm to fight
like the magic of love's flower opening.

(lose the word 'on' from the second line and you have a new word sound to
rhyme with).

*************************************************************************
All the best, Pinky Andrexa (aka Sara L Russell, E.O.S. Last of The Cyber
Vixen Poets From Outer Space) http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Metro/2853
pi...@redcity.demon.co.uk''Nothing to declare but my genius'' Oscar Wilde
*************************************************************************

In article <35DF0187...@box.net.au>, David A Doolan
<odo...@box.net.au> writes

--
Pinky Andrexa