Bitch
Anna Bronte
Why? I can take it.
Let's hear some real honest bitching if that's how you feel.
Not clever one liners.
What is wrong with your birth mother?
Name one thing she ever did to hurt you.
Anna
Judy
"Anna Bronte" <fa...@home.com> wrote in message
news:Tlcq6.42636$W05.8...@news1.rdc1.mi.home.com...
Hi Anna,
From what I've seen over the years I believe a lot of this stems from what
children hear as they grow up. Children are sponges and they absorb and
believe what they are told.
The other day a friend related a story to me about the first words out of
her grand nephews mouth. They were "bad boy". He's not really a bad boy,
just a busy toddler, but he sees himself as a bad boy.
Perhaps a lot of adoptees here negative comments about their birth mothers
and these stick. Hopefully the parents of my friends grand nephew haven't
caused him any permanent problems with self esteem. This little guy is only
2!
Anyway - me, I have no ill feelings towards my birth mother and it sadens me
that people do.
Judy
LuanneP
>Name one thing she ever did to hurt you.
Mine was "nice" to me for one month. I thought we might be having the start of
a nice relationship together - until one day out of the blue, she told me I had
to realize that I was "a mistake she had made." She never spoke to me again
after that.
I went to her home in 1995 - just had to see what she looked like once. She
answered the door - we have the same eyes. When I told her who I was, she
slammed the door in my face!
What a woman. She gave away a half-sister two years after my birth. Never
acknowledged it to me though.
Well....how's that?
Best,
Luanne
http://members.aol.com/luannep/adoption.htm
DeannaBefore
Deny me my medical history.
--
Deanna
"After 11 years of marriage, Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman announced this
week that they are getting divorced. The couple say the split is amicable
and they want everyone to know that after the divorce is final, their two
adopted children will be returned to the prop department at Universal
Studios."
-Tina Fey
Lainie Petersen
Bitching about birthmoms is commonplace, but so is bitching about
aparents, and there is the occasional bmom who bitches about her
relinquished kid. More often than not, the bitching in this newsgroup is
about unjust laws, scientologists, and/or each other.
There is plenty of bitching to go around on alt.adoption. I am glad that
you feel that you can "take it".
Lainie
adoptee/bmom
Mandie Staines
manage to be a decent older sister, then when she did decided to speak to
me, she used me to mind her kids (my 1/2 sibs) whilst she worked night
shift, then ran away to reunite with my natural father and then promptly
turned him against me in an effort to be loved most (jealous competition
type behaviour). Ohhhhhhh, sorry you said one thing. But there's so
many.............
Mandie
futurelove
>There is sometimes a lot of anger here, period.
Aint that the truth.
I think that gets to the heart of it.
And we being the imperfect humans that we are, tend to focus on the anger
directed towards us.[our triad position]
When I first came here I saw anger towards amoms as the dominant theme, but
that was simply paranoia plus
a bit of guilt more likely.
Now I see there is plenty of anger to go around.
futureulove
Windforest
too. RELINQUISHMENT.
Windforest
Anna Bronte
I don't know who you are, but you are very wise.
anna
"Windforest" <pits...@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:29218-3AA...@storefull-101.iap.bryant.webtv.net...
DeannaBefore
> Amen Windforest....
> I don't know who you are, but you are very wise.
Windforest is well up on my list of good people, so no offence to her, but I
can't help but notice she's the only person you responded to.....
You did say you could take it, right? Do you want to talk about the amount
of time I have spent in the hospital, and t;he scary-ass treatments I have
been through, uh, "because I don't know"?
Encourage bitching only if you are sure you know the answers.
Deanna
Anna Bronte
Deanna....I may have responded privately to others...I don't quite get your
point.
What don't you know?
Your medical history? I am confused.
Fill me in.
anna
Windforest
just figured I would answer initial question. Name one thing your
birthmother did to hurt you. I answered with the first thing, but I
never said it was the only thing. As you well know I have shared your
frustrations over the last two years for medical issues. Tests that
probably would not have been done if I knew my info and vice versa. The
emotional issues that comes with this sucks!!! The unnecessary fears and
time wasted on the wrong thing is the biggest cruelty in an adoptee's
life. Hope your hanging in there.
Windforest
Anna Bronte
much
gets expressed...except comparing a birth mother to an ex husband. What a
joke.
anna
"Windforest" <pits...@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:566-3AA...@storefull-105.iap.bryant.webtv.net...
Anna Bronte
vulgar
and I knew that going in....so don't get on my case for wanted you to "love"
me. Warm and fuzzy you aint.
I am a birthmother in a good reunion, but I want to learn more from
adoptees,
so I read what you have to write.
Don't take your 2 cent crap out on me...get a support group and whine
there...you sound like you need one.
anna
>
> If you're looking for support, don't look for it in a newsgroup. Buy a
fucking
> bra. (1)
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> (1) Oops a two-liner. My bad
DeannaBefore
>
> Deanna....I may have responded privately to others...I don't quite get
your
> point.
> What don't you know?
> Your medical history? I am confused.
>
> Fill me in.
That's right - I don't know my medical history. I responded to your
question almost immediately, and you ignored it. Wondering why.
Deanna
DeannaBefore
"Windforest" <pits...@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:566-3AA...@storefull-105.iap.bryant.webtv.net...
> just figured I would answer initial question. Name one thing your
> birthmother did to hurt you. I answered with the first thing, but I
> never said it was the only thing.
Oh, I know. :) I just found it funny that she only picked you for a
response.
> As you well know I have shared your
> frustrations over the last two years for medical issues. Tests that
> probably would not have been done if I knew my info and vice versa.
Yup. Not to mention how scary it is to be told what they want to test for.
> The
> emotional issues that comes with this sucks!!! The unnecessary fears and
> time wasted on the wrong thing is the biggest cruelty in an adoptee's
> life. Hope your hanging in there.
I am. I've decided to stop freaking out when they suspect I have something,
since I usually don't. If they ever do figure out what's wrong with my
body, I'll freak out then.
Anna Bronte
> That's right - I don't know my medical history. I responded to your
Dear Deanna,
May I ask why you not allowed to have your medical information? Who is
holding your files?
I am in Illinois, and here there are no open adoption records, but we can
petition the court to make
them be opened up. It costs $250.00 Did they give you nay information at
all...?
It is very upsetting to me that that a person can not get their medical
records! That is a crime.
Birth parents have no right to anonymity. NONE.
I have never met a birthmom that would not take a bullet for her
child...however, I know now every case is different.
anna
The All-Powerful All-Knowing One
>From: "Anna Bronte" fa...@home.com
>Date: 3/12/01 10:37 AM Eastern Standard Time
>Message-id: <b36r6.51525$W05.10...@news1.rdc1.mi.home.com>
snip
> I have never met a birthmom that would not take a bullet for her
>child...
Whereas I've met some who would gladly SHOOT their relinquished kids.
Ghoulagirl
"She lives in a totally Ian-less universe!"
- John Cusack, "High Fidelity"
Helen
"The All-Powerful All-Knowing One" <ghoul...@aol.com.net> wrote in message
news:20010312125948...@ng-da1.aol.com...
> >Subject: Re: Bitch
> >From: "Anna Bronte" fa...@home.com
> >Date: 3/12/01 10:37 AM Eastern Standard Time
> >Message-id: <b36r6.51525$W05.10...@news1.rdc1.mi.home.com>
>
> snip
>
> > I have never met a birthmom that would not take a bullet for her
> >child...
>
> Whereas I've met some who would gladly SHOOT their relinquished kids.
Oooooooh - nasteeeeee! :-)
Helen
Anna Bronte
This is so interesting to me. I wish you would elaborate. Are there really
evil birthmoms out there?
I am so curious. Do they reject? Do they become obnoxious and pushy?
I so want to know. I feel so alone sometimes and I miss my bson so much
lately.
anna
RiverWild1970
>evil birthmoms out there?
>I am so curious. Do they reject? Do they become obnoxious and pushy?
>I so want to know. I feel so alone sometimes and I miss my bson so much
>lately.
Of course there are (don't like the term evil) cruel birthmothers in the
world...and cruel adoptees...and cruel aparents. There are cruel people in
every walk of life.
Debbie
"If coincidences are just coincidences, why do they feel so
contrived?"...Mulder
DeannaBefore
>
> > That's right - I don't know my medical history. I responded to your
>
> Dear Deanna,
> May I ask why you not allowed to have your medical information? Who is
> holding your files?
My birthmother.
> I am in Illinois, and here there are no open adoption records, but we can
> petition the court to make
> them be opened up. It costs $250.00 Did they give you nay information at
> all...?
Oh, yeah, my bmother was prone to ear infections and my birthuncle was born
with bronchitis. There ya go - my entire medical history. More than some
get, though.
> It is very upsetting to me that that a person can not get their medical
> records! That is a crime.
Indeed it is.
> Birth parents have no right to anonymity. NONE.
> I have never met a birthmom that would not take a bullet for her
> child...however, I know now every case is different.
I'm betting mine's not up to getting shot on my behalf. I don't know for
sure, of course, since she's doing a damn good job staying hidden.
Deanna
LilMtnCbn
>From: "DeannaBefore" mcle...@spammenotsprint.ca
>Date: 3/12/01 7:43 PM Mountain Standard Time
>Message-id: <zOfr6.96$9N4....@newscontent-01.sprint.ca>
Ditto for me, Deanna
LuanneP
>>child...
>
> Whereas I've met some who would gladly SHOOT their relinquished kids.
Hah!!! My own bmom would LOVE to see me dead. She'd probably like to shoot me
100 times, let alone one time.
LuanneP
>evil birthmoms out there?
>I am so curious. Do they reject?
I told you ALL about my evil birthmom that slammed the door in my face, but you
completely ignored the post. She chooses staying with an abusive alcoholic
over meeting her daughter, or even talking to her daughter on the telephone.
Why didn't you answer me?
LilMtnCbn
>From: lua...@aol.comelately (LuanneP)
>Date: 3/12/01 9:15 PM Mountain Standard Time
>Message-id: <20010312231509...@ng-md1.aol.com>
Luanne,
Thanks for repeating this. Although I haven't reunited yet, I've been
preparing for every possible outcome in case that day might come.
I tried to articulate this fear in one of my posts, but you're right
(deviating from my usual "one-liners"), Anna only seems to pick and choose what
to answer...either taking it personally or generalizing to anybody who doesn't
suit her.
To recap:
I said: It's kind of like finding out that the very person you count on the
most is continuing buddies with the person who has the potential of actually
hurting you the most.
She said: 'My first reaction to your statement here was. "Are you insane?"'
The rest of her post was to take what I said personally and try to defend
herself (although it wasn't about HER and I tried to be very respectful in my
response). IMO.
Not to be picking on her, but I've met quite a few adoptees who have had
less than positive reunions (not discounting the other members of the triad
who've had crappy experiences either). IMO, as an adoptee, not only have we
been relinquished/rejected once, but possible reunion has huge pitfalls. What
if it we're rejected again? It's a huge personal risk, in a way.
Thanks again for sharing. I didn't respond to that particular post because
although I've met adoptees who were told "you were a mistake", "it's your fault
my life turned out shitty", etc, it's not my experience. Whether she
acknowleges your post or not, I guess, is up to her.
Windforest
someone and have had some semblance of a relationship in order for them
to be an ex.
I have not had that, nor do I expect to as mine is staying pretty well
hidden also. I considered my birthmother a part of me. However it is a
part I do not know, but wish to with every ounce of energy I have.
While I do not blame her for my problems
or the path my life took. I would very much like the puzzle to be
complete. I feel that is an adoptee's right. Whatever the reason for
relinquisment, it does NOT end there for the adoptee. Again I am sure in
most cases the same goes for the birthmother. However, that is not
always the case and you should not take what people share personally.
Just listen, this is a very emotional issue on all sides of the TRIAD.
Welcome to alt. a. Rupa? SUE? some flame suits for Ann?
Windforest
LilMtnCbn
>From: nancy
>Date: 3/12/01 9:12 PM Mountain Standard Time
>Message-id: <vs6rato2cnh64plm1...@4ax.com>
>
>On Mon, 12 Mar 2001 18:43:42 -0800, "DeannaBefore"
><mcle...@spammenotsprint.ca> wrote:
>
>>
>>Oh, yeah, my bmother was prone to ear infections and my birthuncle was born
>>with bronchitis. There ya go - my entire medical history. More than some
>>get, though.
>
>Your birthfather was believed to have been in good health." I'm sure
>glad I didn't cough up $250 to the state of IL for the privilege of
>learning that!
>
>Nancy
Mine says only.....possible diabetes 2 generations ago maternally (big
help....my oldest son was 12 and a half pounds at birth, 2 feet tall, so
freaking us all out). And possible cancer on paternal side (which covers what,
about half the population?) Yikes! I'm looking for the med conditions they
DIDN'T cover!!
LilMtnCbn
>From: pits...@webtv.net (Windforest)
>Date: 3/12/01 9:52 PM Mountain Standard Time
>Message-id: <14495-3A...@storefull-103.iap.bryant.webtv.net>
Eileen, the "ex" thing was a dig at me, not you. I haven't reunited, but I was
trying to share the closest thing in MY life that I could imagine about having
my spouse communicate daily with my bmom without my participation. Anna seems
to pick and choose sound bytes to respond to unilaterally, and distort it to
whatever *one-liner* she feels makes her feel better.
I only used this example (my mom being close to my recently-at-the-time ex) to
illustrate the--I guess betrayal, disloyalty--I felt for someone I counted on
being on my side unconditionally. Not that I feel that reunion would be bad,
but I've heard the second rejection stories. This is the only reference I have
in MY life to equate how I would feel to this situation.
I can only say that if I was feeling the loss of my parents (like her son is,
from what she said his mom died pretty recently), and had somebody come back
into my life after 30+ years and whine about how I only write every 10
days....hell, I'd run away as fast as I could. Obviously, I couldn't fill
whatever hole was in this person's heart. And IMO, I find that neediness
pretty damn scary.
Mandie Staines
Do you have more typing skill than depth?
Mandie
"Anna Bronte" <fa...@home.com> wrote in message
news:qDVq6.50620$W05.9...@news1.rdc1.mi.home.com...
The All-Powerful All-Knowing One
>Message-id: <zOfr6.96$9N4....@newscontent-01.sprint.ca>
>
>
>"Anna Bronte" <fa...@home.com> wrote in message
>news:b36r6.51525$W05.10...@news1.rdc1.mi.home.com...
>>
>> > That's right - I don't know my medical history. I responded to your
>>
>> Dear Deanna,
>> May I ask why you not allowed to have your medical information? Who is
>> holding your files?
>
>My birthmother.
Well, there MUST be a reason for it - perhaps she doesn't know you need them.
snip
>> I have never met a birthmom that would not take a bullet for her
>> child...however, I know now every case is different.
>
>I'm betting mine's not up to getting shot on my behalf. I don't know for
>sure, of course, since she's doing a damn good job staying hidden.
Perhaps she is overwhelmed by the unconditional love for you that your mere
pretend parents could never match.
rkbose
Windforest wrote:
>
> Welcome to alt. a. Rupa? SUE? some flame suits for Ann?
>
> Windforest
Absolutely. Coming up right away. Double strength, someone seems to have
been supplying some strong weaponry around here lately. This suit is
flame-retardent and proof against mildly acidic liquids. Comes with a
helmet and face-guard.
Rupa
(Alt.A Posting Accessories)
Helen
<nancy> wrote in message news:vs6rato2cnh64plm1...@4ax.com...
born
> >with bronchitis. There ya go - my entire medical history. More than
some
> >get, though.
>
> Your birthfather was believed to have been in good health." I'm sure
> glad I didn't cough up $250 to the state of IL for the privilege of
> learning that!
For our second son - now 23 - we were told that because one of his uncles on
his father's side had asthma, we should be careful what vaccinations he got.
As it turned out our son had a lot of allergies.
We were given a good deal of medical information for all four children, and
it can be updated any time, as the need arises. *None* of it cost us a
penny, and never will. I am horrified to hear that there are charges for
what is to my mind, your most basic *entitlement*. It's disgraceful, and
appalling that you have to fight for it.
ALL non-identifying information should be immediately available as a
*right*, to every adopted person, and if and when it needs to be updated,
then the placing agency has a duty to get it. This should be provided free
of charge. In my opinion, of course.
Helen
>
> Nancy
>
> nancy(FIFTEEN)@(roman numeral 9).netcom.com
> (you figure it out...the spammers have)
> _________________________________
> "Well if you think I am going to stand for this lying down,
> you had better think again!"
> Celeste 12/30/96
LuanneP
>DIDN'T cover!!
My own birthfather died of colon cancer at age 51. I wouldn't have known this
if I hadn't of found my own birthfamily. Alcoholism is heavy on both sides of
my birthfamily. I myself am in recovery. Naturally, this wasn't mentioned in
my medical history. As a child, I had severe asthma, allergies, hay fever,
etc..., Nobody at Catholic Social Services in Wayne County, MI could
understand this. It was from birthmom's side of the family. My own
bgrandfather's death was attributed to not only a heart attack but his severe
asthma.
Gee? Why didn't anyone tell ME anything?
Best,
luanne
http://members.aol.com/luannep/adoption.htm
DeannaBefore
<nancy> wrote in message news:vs6rato2cnh64plm1...@4ax.com...
> On Mon, 12 Mar 2001 18:43:42 -0800, "DeannaBefore"
> <mcle...@spammenotsprint.ca> wrote:
>
> >
born
> >with bronchitis. There ya go - my entire medical history. More than
some
> >get, though.
>
> Your birthfather was believed to have been in good health." I'm sure
> glad I didn't cough up $250 to the state of IL for the privilege of
> learning that!
Wow! The usual childhood diseases, that's nice.
Deanna
DeannaBefore
"LilMtnCbn" <lilm...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20010313013902...@ng-fy1.aol.com...
>
> Mine says only.....possible diabetes 2 generations ago maternally (big
> help....my oldest son was 12 and a half pounds at birth, 2 feet tall, so
> freaking us all out). And possible cancer on paternal side (which covers
what,
> about half the population?) Yikes! I'm looking for the med conditions
they
> DIDN'T cover!!
Eeesh. I'm always convinced I'm way sicker than I am. "What if", you know?
Betting I'll be a full-blown hypochondriac when I get older. At least I
finally found a doctor who understands my feelings on this - she clearly
explains why it's unlikely I have something, but she checks it out anyway.
:)
Deanna
DeannaBefore
"Helen" <hel...@eircom.net.despam> wrote in message
news:R1qr6.9525$r4....@news.indigo.ie...
>
> For our second son - now 23 - we were told that because one of his uncles
on
> his father's side had asthma, we should be careful what vaccinations he
got.
> As it turned out our son had a lot of allergies.
>
> We were given a good deal of medical information for all four children,
and
> it can be updated any time, as the need arises. *None* of it cost us a
> penny, and never will. I am horrified to hear that there are charges for
> what is to my mind, your most basic *entitlement*. It's disgraceful, and
> appalling that you have to fight for it.
>
> ALL non-identifying information should be immediately available as a
> *right*, to every adopted person, and if and when it needs to be updated,
> then the placing agency has a duty to get it. This should be provided free
> of charge. In my opinion, of course.
Mine, too.
Deanna
DeannaBefore
> >Subject: Re: Bitch
> >From: "DeannaBefore" mcle...@spammenotsprint.ca
> >Date: 3/12/01 9:43 PM Eastern Standard Time
> >Message-id: <zOfr6.96$9N4....@newscontent-01.sprint.ca>
> >"Anna Bronte" <fa...@home.com> wrote in message
> >news:b36r6.51525$W05.10...@news1.rdc1.mi.home.com...
> >> Dear Deanna,
> >> May I ask why you not allowed to have your medical information? Who is
> >> holding your files?
> >
> >My birthmother.
>
> Well, there MUST be a reason for it - perhaps she doesn't know you need
them.
Oh, that must be it. Either that, or they've sitting on the kitchen table
for years and she keeps forgetting to drop them off at social services.
"Damn, there was something I meant to do today...."
>
>
> snip
>
> >> I have never met a birthmom that would not take a bullet for her
> >> child...however, I know now every case is different.
> >
> >I'm betting mine's not up to getting shot on my behalf. I don't know for
> >sure, of course, since she's doing a damn good job staying hidden.
>
> Perhaps she is overwhelmed by the unconditional love for you that your
mere
> pretend parents could never match.
Ah, of course.
Deanna
The All-Powerful All-Knowing One
>Message-id: <f2rr6.341$9N4....@newscontent-01.sprint.ca>
>
>
>"The All-Powerful All-Knowing One" <ghoul...@aol.com.net> wrote in message
>news:20010313074916...@ng-dh1.aol.com...
>> >Subject: Re: Bitch
>> >From: "DeannaBefore" mcle...@spammenotsprint.ca
>> >Date: 3/12/01 9:43 PM Eastern Standard Time
>> >Message-id: <zOfr6.96$9N4....@newscontent-01.sprint.ca>
>
>> >"Anna Bronte" <fa...@home.com> wrote in message
>> >news:b36r6.51525$W05.10...@news1.rdc1.mi.home.com...
>> >> Dear Deanna,
>> >> May I ask why you not allowed to have your medical information? Who is
>> >> holding your files?
>> >
>> >My birthmother.
>>
>> Well, there MUST be a reason for it - perhaps she doesn't know you need
>them.
>
>Oh, that must be it. Either that, or they've sitting on the kitchen table
>for years and she keeps forgetting to drop them off at social services.
>"Damn, there was something I meant to do today...."
How dare you expect her to remember stuff like that? She has more important
things to think about, you know.
>>
>> snip
>>
>> >> I have never met a birthmom that would not take a bullet for her
>> >> child...however, I know now every case is different.
>> >
>> >I'm betting mine's not up to getting shot on my behalf. I don't know for
>> >sure, of course, since she's doing a damn good job staying hidden.
>>
>> Perhaps she is overwhelmed by the unconditional love for you that your
>mere
>> pretend parents could never match.
>
>Ah, of course.
Well, you should feel SORRY for her - she's clearly paralyzed by her love for
you!
Helen
<nancy> wrote in message news:3acsatohg4d4fjhs7...@4ax.com...
> On Tue, 13 Mar 2001 14:12:37 -0000, "Helen"
> <hel...@eircom.net.despam> wrote:
>
> ><nancy> wrote in message
news:vs6rato2cnh64plm1...@4ax.com...
>
> >> Your birthfather was believed to have been in good health." I'm sure
> >> glad I didn't cough up $250 to the state of IL for the privilege of
> >> learning that!
> >
> >For our second son - now 23 - we were told that because one of his uncles
on
> >his father's side had asthma, we should be careful what vaccinations he
got.
> >As it turned out our son had a lot of allergies.
> >
> >We were given a good deal of medical information for all four children,
and
> >it can be updated any time, as the need arises. *None* of it cost us a
> >penny, and never will. I am horrified to hear that there are charges for
> >what is to my mind, your most basic *entitlement*. It's disgraceful, and
> >appalling that you have to fight for it.
> >
> >ALL non-identifying information should be immediately available as a
> >*right*, to every adopted person, and if and when it needs to be updated,
> >then the placing agency has a duty to get it. This should be provided
free
> >of charge. In my opinion, of course.
>
> 1989 the above information comprised the medical history portion of my
> non-ID. This was the sum total of the information that had been
> provided to them at the time of my adoption decades earlier, and they
> did send it to me without charge. The agency subsequently began
> charging a fee non-ID information, and currently it would cost (I
> believe) $100 for the vague descriptive narrative I received that
> included those 2 sentences.
>
> Someone in this thread indicated that in IL you can petition the court
> for your medical history for $250, and I gave my example to illustrate
> just how useless that really is. For those of us whose information
> has not been voluntarily updated by both bparents, our only recourse
> is to do a search.
>
> The state *will* perform a search, though it's a slow and costly
> process--a minimum of $400 whether the bparents are found or not. The
> agency will search as well (for $350 last time I heard). In both
> cases, if the party(ies) can be found at all, they are contacted
> through an intermediary and any information they provide is strictly
> voluntary. People *have* been known to refuse to provide even medical
> information for the sake of the "privacy" Bill Pierce is always
> yammering on about..
That would drive me insane. When we began adopting - our eldest is 25 -
privacy was a Big Thing. It isn't, nowadays - or certainly not to the same
degree.
The birth mother's name and address were never given to us, but almost
everything else was. Two of our childen were older than usual when placed
with us, so we visited them in the nursery every day for a couple of weeks
so they could get to know us. Their charts were there in the open, readily
available if we were nosy enough to take a peek! We felt it was a matter of
honour not to, but we knew their names (including surnames) and it would
have been a very simple matter to get the rest - and still would.
So what would we have done if we had followed it up and found the
birthmothers' addresses? Would it have been likely that we would have
haunted them - and for what purpose?
This privacy thing has been blown out of all proportion, in my view. Don't
the 'stalking laws' protect people from unwanted intrusion in their lives?
I believe that most people are decent and respectful of others' privacy. If
proper paths are in place to enable a transfer of information then no-one
need fear undue pressure. It is when people are denied such a fundamental
right as information about their medical background (for example) that they
became justifiably angry and will do whatever it takes to get this
information.
Privacy was a Big Thing in the past. It wasn't written in stone however, and
times were very different 20/30/40 years ago. Most birth mothers would not
have been offered the option of a return visit twenty years down the line,
to confirm or rescind the request for privacy made at the time of the
placement. What is to stop any agency from contacting someone to do just
that? It would be the civilised thing to do, in the absence of a national
contact register.
Kjs668
Deanna wrote:
>Eeesh. I'm always convinced I'm way sicker than I am. "What if", you know?
>Betting I'll be a full-blown hypochondriac when I get older.
>
my eyes (the tendrils that is). Among other things.
LilMtnCbn
>From: kjs...@aol.com (Kjs668)
>Date: 3/13/01 2:03 PM Mountain Standard Time
>Message-id: <20010313160304...@ng-cm1.aol.com>
Yikes!!!
RiverWild1970
>Your birthfather was believed to have been in good health." I'm sure
>glad I didn't cough up $250 to the state of IL for the privilege of
>learning that!
>
My medical information said the same thing that yours did..."your birthmother
had the usual childhood diseases." Mine went a step further, however, and said
that she was prone to thyroid and lymph node problems. My information also let
me know that she had to wear corrective lenses.
Bryony
DeannaBefore wrote:
>
> "Anna Bronte" <fa...@home.com> wrote in message
> news:Tlcq6.42636$W05.8...@news1.rdc1.mi.home.com...
> > There seems to be a lot of anger here towards birthmoms.
> > Why? I can take it.
> >
> > Let's hear some real honest bitching if that's how you feel.
> > Not clever one liners.
> > What is wrong with your birth mother?
> > Name one thing she ever did to hurt you.
>
> Deny me my medical history.
She vetoed you getting the records, you are saying? Or the laws in your
state/province prevented you getting the records? Big difference here.
Bryony
Bryony
LuanneP wrote:
>
> >This is so interesting to me. I wish you would elaborate. Are there really
> >evil birthmoms out there?
> >I am so curious. Do they reject?
>
> I told you ALL about my evil birthmom that slammed the door in my face, but you
> completely ignored the post. She chooses staying with an abusive alcoholic
> over meeting her daughter, or even talking to her daughter on the telephone.
Abused women are another case entirely. They can be adoptive parents,
adopted, or natural parents. It doens't mean that they are inherently
evil. She has a ton of problems, and i'm not saying it justifies her
actions. But if she's abused it might explain why she abuses in turn.
My mother was abused by her parents, and abused her family in turn.
It's a learned behaviour.
If she is living with an abusive alcoholic, she probably has a ton more
issues than just you. Part of her might be trying to protect you from
seeing the nightmare that is her life and her home. Just some ideas.
If you feel really generous, maybe drop a pamphlet through her mailbox
about a transition-house for women leaving abusive relationships.
Hopefully she can leave that jerk and become human again (or for once).
Bryony
Helen
<nancy> wrote in message news:8l9tat07v2buotmul...@4ax.com...
> On Tue, 13 Mar 2001 17:50:55 -0000, "Helen"
> <hel...@eircom.net.despam> wrote:
>
> ><nancy> wrote in message
>
> <snip>
>
<snip for brevity only!>
> IMO, much of this mess could be resolved by just allowing adult
> adoptees full access to their original unaltered birth certificates,
> just like every other adult in this country. They can give me a
> lecture on respect and discretion if they feel they must, but give me
> my documents and allow me to do what any other American can do--speak
> to anyone I want to speak to, unless and until I become a menace.
>
> Hey, the subject said "Bitch", so I did. :-)
You did, but sooooo articulately! LOL
Bryony
> Mine says only.....possible diabetes 2 generations ago maternally (big
> help....my oldest son was 12 and a half pounds at birth, 2 feet tall, so
> freaking us all out). And possible cancer on paternal side (which covers what,
> about half the population?) Yikes! I'm looking for the med conditions they
> DIDN'T cover!!
Hey, that's about all I know about my family's medical history and i
wasn't adopted! I think that for a "certain generation", health wasn't
something that was spoken about and this includes telling "medical
histories" of families. I had to drag the info out of my mother that
all her brothers and sisters had heart-disease and her own mother (and
at least 3 brothers) died of it. She still doesn't tbink it's relevant
- or hereditary.
Bryony
Bryony
LuanneP wrote:
>
> >I'm looking for the med conditions they
> >DIDN'T cover!!
>
> My own birthfather died of colon cancer at age 51. I wouldn't have known this
> if I hadn't of found my own birthfamily. Alcoholism is heavy on both sides of
> my birthfamily. I myself am in recovery. Naturally, this wasn't mentioned in
> my medical history. As a child, I had severe asthma, allergies, hay fever,
> etc..., Nobody at Catholic Social Services in Wayne County, MI could
> understand this. It was from birthmom's side of the family. My own
> bgrandfather's death was attributed to not only a heart attack but his severe
> asthma.
>
> Gee? Why didn't anyone tell ME anything?
Because, if they were anything like my parents, they didn't think it was
relevant. For a certain generation, disease wasn't thought to have a
significant genetic basis, it was either "chance" or "lifestyle" or
"moral weakness." (Hemophilia was considered the exception to the rule,
and only because it was a "high profile" disease of royalty).
Thus, even if you were raised by your natural parents, you STILL didn't
get any information unless someone in the house fell sick and you
couldn't avoid hearing about it.
Bryony
ME
>From: "Anna Bronte" fa...@home.com
>May I ask why you not allowed to have your medical information? Who is
>holding your files?
Most likely the state. My birth son would have had to show just cause to get
his records opened up. Even now, we can't get them opened and we all know each
other..so who the hell is being protected?
BTW...when I saw the title BITCH I knew it was for me... I've been called that
quite often this past week!
Linda
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me all at
once.
(Jennifer Unlimited)
ME
>From: ghoul...@aol.com.net (The All-Powerful All-Knowing One)
>Date: 3/12/2001 9:59 AM Pacific
>
>> I have never met a birthmom that would not take a bullet for her
>>child...
>
> Whereas I've met some who would gladly SHOOT their relinquished kids.
>
I'd like to shoot some of the kids on my bus...at least 3 of them should have
been drowned at birth..oops..another topic all together.
Actually, there are times I'd like to drown all the kids..birth and raised!
Hi Kim..
ME
> Are there really
>evil birthmoms out there?
>I am so curious
YES..
> Do they reject?
yes again..
>I so want to know. I feel so alone sometimes and I miss my bson so much
>lately.
I;m sorry. I came in late as usual. Took my 3 month sabatical from alt.adopt.
Came back to 1600 postings. Don't feel alone, there are a lot of evil birth
kids out there too. and aparents. Ok, now I'm gonna get it..
ME
>From: Bryony bry...@pacificcoast.net
>Date: 3/13/2001 4:05 PM Pacific
>If you feel really generous, maybe drop a pamphlet through her mailbox
>about a transition-house for women leaving abusive relationships.
>Hopefully she can leave that jerk and become human again (or for once).
Worth a try, but I find that women are afraid to leave, afraid to face it
*alone*. I have known a couple in my lifetime and only one has left..oops two,
one was a friend the other my sister in law.
Jim&Barb
DeannaBefore wrote:
That is, if they cared at all (agencies)...Now, back to evil bmoms...I wouldn't
exactly think of mine as evil, although there have been times when I've been
pretty angry at her. It's one thing to refuse to acknowledge me, but to deprive
me of a possible connection to bfather's family is *whack*...Most of all, I feel
sorry for her that she can't face her first born; that's sad...oh yeah, when I
then contacted baunt, she put a man on the phone who identified himself as a
police detective and threatened to charge me with harrassment...all over one
polite-as-hell ingratiating ingratiating phone call regarding "family history
research"...Who needs 'em!
barb
barb
>
>
> Deanna
ME
>From: lua...@aol.comelately (LuanneP)
>Date: 3/12/2001 8:13 PM Pacific
>Hah!!! My own bmom would LOVE to see me dead. She'd probably like to shoot
>me
>100 times, let alone one time.
>
OUCH. I just want to hug him and squeeze him to death. I don't know your
story, but it sounds like one I've heard a dozen times. The bmom gets down
right pissed when the bchild comes in. THank the Goddess that most times the
bmom is happy and wanting the bchild. I just cannot imagine WHY or HOW a woman
could reject her own child. I just can't figure it out.
Course, there's a lot I can't figure out today anyway.
LilMtnCbn
>From: nancy
>Date: 3/13/01 4:41 PM Mountain Standard Time
>Message-id: <8l9tat07v2buotmul...@4ax.com>
>
>On Tue, 13 Mar 2001 17:50:55 -0000, "Helen"
><hel...@eircom.net.despam> wrote:
>
>><nancy> wrote in message news:3acsatohg4d4fjhs7...@4ax.com...
>
><snip>
>
>>> process--a minimum of $400 whether the bparents are found or not. The
>>> agency will search as well (for $350 last time I heard). In both
>>> cases, if the party(ies) can be found at all, they are contacted
>>> through an intermediary and any information they provide is strictly
>>> voluntary. People *have* been known to refuse to provide even medical
>>> information for the sake of the "privacy" Bill Pierce is always
>>> yammering on about..
>>
>>That would drive me insane. When we began adopting - our eldest is 25 -
>>privacy was a Big Thing. It isn't, nowadays - or certainly not to the same
>>degree.
>>
>>The birth mother's name and address were never given to us, but almost
>>everything else was. Two of our childen were older than usual when placed
>>with us, so we visited them in the nursery every day for a couple of weeks
>>so they could get to know us. Their charts were there in the open, readily
>>available if we were nosy enough to take a peek! We felt it was a matter of
>>honour not to, but we knew their names (including surnames) and it would
>>have been a very simple matter to get the rest - and still would.
>
>plastered all over the papers my parents received upon the
>finalization of my adoption. My aparents' names and my bmom's name
>were published together in public records at the time of finalization
>as well. It's still a very simple matter to look it up and learn the
>identity of everyone involved. This process was mandatory, to ensure
>that an attempt was made to notify anyone who might object to the
>proceedings. It's absolutely beyond me to think anyone believed their
>privacy was really being protected.
>>So what would we have done if we had followed it up and found the
>>birthmothers' addresses? Would it have been likely that we would have
>>haunted them - and for what purpose?
>>
>>This privacy thing has been blown out of all proportion, in my view. Don't
>>the 'stalking laws' protect people from unwanted intrusion in their lives?
>
>of a threat than the average psychopathic stalker (or whatever). The
>latter can't be restrained unless and until it's proven in court that
>there is a threat; the accused is entitled to face his/her accusers in
>court and answer to the charges. However, adoptees and birthparents
>are considered guilty in advance, it seems.
>
>>I believe that most people are decent and respectful of others' privacy. If
>>proper paths are in place to enable a transfer of information then no-one
>>need fear undue pressure. It is when people are denied such a fundamental
>>right as information about their medical background (for example) that they
>>became justifiably angry and will do whatever it takes to get this
>>information.
>
>
>>Privacy was a Big Thing in the past. It wasn't written in stone however, and
>>times were very different 20/30/40 years ago. Most birth mothers would not
>>have been offered the option of a return visit twenty years down the line,
>>to confirm or rescind the request for privacy made at the time of the
>>placement. What is to stop any agency from contacting someone to do just
>>that? It would be the civilised thing to do, in the absence of a national
>>contact register.
>
>expensive process for them to locate someone in a society that's as
>largely populated and mobile as the US, and the cost must be passed
>along to the searching party--often prohibitive for the searcher. My
>own agency has had to add additional staff exclusively to deal with
>this issue, and these costs must be passed along.
>
>Furthermore, this doesn't always solve the problem. The person being
>contacted has the right to refuse to give out any information, medical
>or otherwise. If the person being sought is no longer alive, there
>are sometimes restrictions which prohibit the contacting of her/his
>surviving family for information--and the same if a person just can't
>be found.
>
>Many agencies have their own registries (and will give you a list of
>other registries as well), as do many states (the state registries
>seem to be notoriously ineffective--lack of interest, I believe), and
>there is also a wonderful private (inter)national registry, the ISRR
>in Carson City, NV. Unfortunately, registries only work if both
>people are alive and actively searching, and who sign onto the same
>registry(ies), and can provide enough accurate information for the
>match to be made by a worker interested enough to actually notice the
>match. The odds aren't all that great that a medical crisis could be
>solved in a timely manner using this method.
>
>IMO, much of this mess could be resolved by just allowing adult
>adoptees full access to their original unaltered birth certificates,
>just like every other adult in this country. They can give me a
>lecture on respect and discretion if they feel they must, but give me
>my documents and allow me to do what any other American can do--speak
>to anyone I want to speak to, unless and until I become a menace.
>
>Hey, the subject said "Bitch", so I did. :-)
>
Excellent Nancy! Please bitch anytime. You do it so well. :-)
ME
>From: nancy
> was adopted through a private agency just outside of Chicago, In
>1989 the above information comprised the medical history portion of my
>non-ID. This was the sum total of the information that had been
>provided to them at the time of my adoption decades earlier, and they
>did send it to me without charge
All Robbie got was what the agency wanted him to have. I was athletic and had
hay fever. Whoopee..nothing about the medical allergies, insect allergies,
asthma. He spent his whole life going from one allergist to another when all
was needed was a phone call to me or to open up the massive information I left
with the agency. still pisses me off that he had to suffer thru various
illnesses and allergies when it wasn't necessary.
DeannaBefore
"ME" <lydl...@aol.comhadenuf> wrote in message
news:20010313195903...@ng-fr1.aol.com...
> >Subject: Re: Bitch
> >From: lua...@aol.comelately (LuanneP)
> >Date: 3/12/2001 8:13 PM Pacific
>
> >Hah!!! My own bmom would LOVE to see me dead. She'd probably like to
shoot
> >me
> >100 times, let alone one time.
> >
>
> OUCH. I just want to hug him and squeeze him to death. I don't know
your
> story, but it sounds like one I've heard a dozen times. The bmom gets down
> right pissed when the bchild comes in. THank the Goddess that most times
the
> bmom is happy and wanting the bchild.
I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to differ with you on this. If this were
true in most instances, you'd see a lot more bmoms searching than adoptees,
and that just isn't the case.
Deanna
DeannaBefore
DeannaBefore
"Jim&Barb" <lu...@fuse.net> wrote in message
news:3AAEC2CC...@fuse.net...
>
> That is, if they cared at all (agencies)...Now, back to evil bmoms...I
wouldn't
> exactly think of mine as evil, although there have been times when I've
been
> pretty angry at her. It's one thing to refuse to acknowledge me, but to
deprive
> me of a possible connection to bfather's family is *whack*...Most of all,
I feel
> sorry for her that she can't face her first born; that's sad...oh yeah,
when I
> then contacted baunt, she put a man on the phone who identified himself as
a
> police detective and threatened to charge me with harrassment...all over
one
> polite-as-hell ingratiating ingratiating phone call regarding "family
history
> research"...Who needs 'em!
>
> barb
Man, some people's children. I would hate to live with their level of fear.
Deanna
Jim&Barb
ME wrote:
> >Subject: Re: Bitch
> >From: lua...@aol.comelately (LuanneP)
> >Date: 3/12/2001 8:13 PM Pacific
>
> >Hah!!! My own bmom would LOVE to see me dead. She'd probably like to shoot
> >me
> >100 times, let alone one time.
> >
>
> OUCH. I just want to hug him and squeeze him to death. I don't know your
> story, but it sounds like one I've heard a dozen times. The bmom gets down
> right pissed when the bchild comes in. THank the Goddess that most times the
> bmom is happy and wanting the bchild. I just cannot imagine WHY or HOW a woman
> could reject her own child. I just can't figure it out.
Would you be my bmom? I'd like to trade mine in...
barb
DeannaBefore
<nancy> wrote in message news:8l9tat07v2buotmul...@4ax.com...
> On Tue, 13 Mar 2001 17:50:55 -0000, "Helen"
> <hel...@eircom.net.despam> wrote:
>
> ><nancy> wrote in message
>
> <snip>
>
> >> The state *will* perform a search, though it's a slow and costly
> >> process--a minimum of $400 whether the bparents are found or not. The
> >> agency will search as well (for $350 last time I heard). In both
> >> cases, if the party(ies) can be found at all, they are contacted
> >> through an intermediary and any information they provide is strictly
> >> voluntary. People *have* been known to refuse to provide even medical
> >> information for the sake of the "privacy" Bill Pierce is always
> >> yammering on about..
> >
> >That would drive me insane. When we began adopting - our eldest is 25 -
> >privacy was a Big Thing. It isn't, nowadays - or certainly not to the
same
> >degree.
> >
> >The birth mother's name and address were never given to us, but almost
> >everything else was. Two of our childen were older than usual when placed
> >with us, so we visited them in the nursery every day for a couple of
weeks
> >so they could get to know us. Their charts were there in the open,
readily
> >available if we were nosy enough to take a peek! We felt it was a matter
of
> >honour not to, but we knew their names (including surnames) and it would
> >have been a very simple matter to get the rest - and still would.
>
> plastered all over the papers my parents received upon the
> finalization of my adoption. My aparents' names and my bmom's name
> were published together in public records at the time of finalization
> as well. It's still a very simple matter to look it up and learn the
> identity of everyone involved. This process was mandatory, to ensure
> that an attempt was made to notify anyone who might object to the
> proceedings. It's absolutely beyond me to think anyone believed their
> privacy was really being protected.
> >
> >birthmothers' addresses? Would it have been likely that we would have
> >haunted them - and for what purpose?
> >
> >This privacy thing has been blown out of all proportion, in my view.
Don't
> >the 'stalking laws' protect people from unwanted intrusion in their
lives?
>
> of a threat than the average psychopathic stalker (or whatever). The
> latter can't be restrained unless and until it's proven in court that
> there is a threat; the accused is entitled to face his/her accusers in
> court and answer to the charges. However, adoptees and birthparents
> are considered guilty in advance, it seems.
>
If
> >proper paths are in place to enable a transfer of information then no-one
> >need fear undue pressure. It is when people are denied such a fundamental
> >right as information about their medical background (for example) that
they
> >became justifiably angry and will do whatever it takes to get this
> >information.
>
>
> >Privacy was a Big Thing in the past. It wasn't written in stone however,
and
> >times were very different 20/30/40 years ago. Most birth mothers would
not
> >have been offered the option of a return visit twenty years down the
line,
> >to confirm or rescind the request for privacy made at the time of the
> >placement. What is to stop any agency from contacting someone to do just
> >that? It would be the civilised thing to do, in the absence of a national
> >contact register.
>
Standing, clapping, cheering, and jumping up and down, both of you!
Deanna
DeannaBefore
> >>
> >> Well, there MUST be a reason for it - perhaps she doesn't know you
need
> >them.
> >
> >Oh, that must be it. Either that, or they've sitting on the kitchen
table
> >for years and she keeps forgetting to drop them off at social services.
> >"Damn, there was something I meant to do today...."
>
> How dare you expect her to remember stuff like that? She has more
important
> things to think about, you know.
Well, for chrissake, somebody buy her a damn DayTimer already!
> >>
> >> Perhaps she is overwhelmed by the unconditional love for you that
your
> >mere
> >> pretend parents could never match.
> >
> >Ah, of course.
>
> Well, you should feel SORRY for her - she's clearly paralyzed by her
love for
> you!
You're right. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm going to bed without dinner to
think about what I've done.
Deanna
DeannaBefore
"ME" <lydl...@aol.comhadenuf> wrote in message
> >ubject: Re: Bitch
> >From: "Anna Bronte" fa...@home.com
>
> >May I ask why you not allowed to have your medical information? Who is
> >holding your files?
>
> Most likely the state.
Not in my case. Just so you know.
Deanna
DeannaBefore
"Bryony" <bry...@pacificcoast.net> wrote in message
news:3AAEB3AC...@pacificcoast.net...
She gave virtually no information on my medical history. I know the
difference, Bryony, believe me.
Deanna
Jim&Barb
DeannaBefore wrote:
> "Jim&Barb" <lu...@fuse.net> wrote in message
> news:3AAEC2CC...@fuse.net...
> >
> ...Who needs 'em!
> >
> > barb
>
> Man, some people's children. I would hate to live with their level of fear.
>
> Deanna
Yeah, and you know...she pretty much gave it away with that little hysterical
reaction...Pretty much confirmed to me I was on the right track. I'm pretty
sure that this is my bio aunt, too...That's why I'm hesitant to continue my
quest for reunion...I know of 2 other daughters bmom had later, but I just can't
bring myself to contact them...I've gotten seriously negative or no response
from 4 birth relatives so far, and don't know if it's worth it to go any
further...How much can a tender little adoptee heart take?
barb
Bryony
> OUCH. I just want to hug him and squeeze him to death. I don't know your
> story, but it sounds like one I've heard a dozen times. The bmom gets down
> right pissed when the bchild comes in. THank the Goddess that most times the
> bmom is happy and wanting the bchild. I just cannot imagine WHY or HOW a woman
> could reject her own child. I just can't figure it out.
I can't figure out either WHY a woman would reject her child.
> Course, there's a lot I can't figure out today anyway.
The only times i've heard birthmothers talking openly of breaking-off a
reunion has been when they've been too emotionally overwhelmed, usually
by buried grief and pain that has resurfaced from years ago. Some
reunited mothers get downright suicidal - they see cutting off contact
as a matter of survival.
I've heard that the Ontario government offers ongoing post-reunion
counselling for both parties in a reunion, on the principle that it's
necessary. Does anyone know if other jurisdictions do as well? I think
that such counselling might help people cope and not cut off contact.
We mothers were told we weren't supposed to love our babies. We were
told we were supposed to forget about our babies. We were told to get
on with life. It didn't work. And many women buried these emotions and
felt guilty for having them, guilty for getting knocked-up in the first
place, AND guilty for relinquishing their children OR being a passive
victim of the system and being forced to surrender. Reunion brings up
all this guilt - along with the pain of loss - it's often easier to just
keep the door closed.
But i'm glad I didn't. I searched for my son, and found him. Both he
and I are glad that I did.
Bryony
Bryony
> >
> > OUCH. I just want to hug him and squeeze him to death. I don't know
> your
> > story, but it sounds like one I've heard a dozen times. The bmom gets down
> > right pissed when the bchild comes in. THank the Goddess that most times
> the
> > bmom is happy and wanting the bchild.
>
> I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to differ with you on this. If this were
> true in most instances, you'd see a lot more bmoms searching than adoptees,
> and that just isn't the case.
You are right that more adoptees than natural parents search - i've
heard that the ratio is 10-to-1.
But that doesn't mean that natural parents aren't wanting contact. Lots
of us had to sign forms upon relinquishment promising that we wouldn't
search. Others feel too ashamed to search. Many don't know (or don't
feel) that they have the right to search. Others don't want to intrude
on the adoptive family's life. And for most natural parents I think
it's a combination of the above, plus a ton of fear of what they might
fine (I was afraid that i'd find my son was dead), and fear of the
emotional horror-show they fear they'll go through.
I waited a few months before searching once my son turned 19, partly
thinking that if he was interested, then he'd search for me and that if
he didn't search for me then he didn't want contact. It took me about 2
months to find him via the Internet once I began searching, but many
older birthparents arent computer-literate and don't know where to begin
looking.
Bryony
Bryony
nancy wrote:
>
> IMO, much of this mess could be resolved by just allowing adult
> adoptees full access to their original unaltered birth certificates,
> just like every other adult in this country.
Agreed!!!!!
Bryony
DeannaBefore
>
>
> DeannaBefore wrote:
> >
> > Man, some people's children. I would hate to live with their level of
fear.
> >
> > Deanna
>
> Yeah, and you know...she pretty much gave it away with that little
hysterical
> reaction...Pretty much confirmed to me I was on the right track. I'm
pretty
> sure that this is my bio aunt, too...That's why I'm hesitant to continue
my
> quest for reunion...I know of 2 other daughters bmom had later, but I just
can't
> bring myself to contact them...I've gotten seriously negative or no
response
> from 4 birth relatives so far, and don't know if it's worth it to go any
> further...How much can a tender little adoptee heart take?
Toughen up that heart a bit and keep trying, I think. If you can find the
daughters, that might be the way to go. The youths might be more open than
the elders. Just my opinion, mind you.
Deanna
rkbose
I think I'm with you there, Bryony. This is coupled with the fact that
diagnoses weren't always that accurate or painstaking either. It's
difficult to know if someone died from a heart attack or a stroke when
the information is "He was playing tennis the previous day, in the
morning he was dead." For some older people, there really was no
diagnosis as such, it was just an accumulation of assorted health
problems.
To be frank, if I were giving my kid her med history *today*, I could
say little beyond "I had the usual childhood diseases." And I suppose
she'll have the ages at which various members of the family died (though
even some of those were falsified).
Rupa
rkbose
DeannaBefore wrote:
>
> "ME" <lydl...@aol.comhadenuf> wrote in message
THank the Goddess that most times
> the
> > bmom is happy and wanting the bchild.
>
> I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to differ with you on this. If this were
> true in most instances, you'd see a lot more bmoms searching than adoptees,
> and that just isn't the case.
>
> Deanna
They may just think they haven't the right. Remember Jackie before her
b-son found her?
Rupa
DeannaBefore
"rkbose" <rkb...@pacific.net.sg> wrote in message
news:3AAEE4EC...@pacific.net.sg...
And I could counter that with a mountain of adoptees who also don't think
they have the right, or don't search until their aparents are dead for fear
of causing an upset in the family, or who aren't searching because they are
still furious, upset, whatever.
Jackie searched passively, i.e. - she made sure she was easily found.
That's the difference between Jackie & my birthmother, IMO.
Deanna
Tm n Kat
get half way decent and updated medical information.
You say that you had to drag the info out of your mom and her siblings. You do
realize that if you are an adoptee, this quite possibly would be considered
harassment.
Kathy J
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Subject: Re: Bitch
>From: Bryony bry...@pacificcoast.net
>Date: 3/13/01 6:13 PM Central Standard Time
>Message-id: <3AAEB78E...@pacificcoast.net>
>
>LilMtnCbn wrote:
>> Mine says only.....possible diabetes 2 generations ago maternally (big
>> help....my oldest son was 12 and a half pounds at birth, 2 feet tall, so
>> freaking us all out). And possible cancer on paternal side (which covers
>what,
>> about half the population?) Yikes! I'm looking for the med conditions
>they
>> DIDN'T cover!!
>
>Hey, that's about all I know about my family's medical history and i
>wasn't adopted! I think that for a "certain generation", health wasn't
>something that was spoken about and this includes telling "medical
>histories" of families. I had to drag the info out of my mother that
>all her brothers and sisters had heart-disease and her own mother (and
>at least 3 brothers) died of it. She still doesn't tbink it's relevant
>- or hereditary.
>
Jim&Barb
DeannaBefore wrote:
>
> Toughen up that heart a bit and keep trying, I think. If you can find the
> daughters, that might be the way to go. The youths might be more open than
> the elders. Just my opinion, mind you.
Yeah, you're right...I know I'll pick it up again someday, but have to muster up
the fortitude...
barb
>
>
> Deanna
The All-Powerful All-Knowing One
>Message-id: <xNzr6.488$9N4....@newscontent-01.sprint.ca>
snip
>Man, some people's children. I would hate to live with their level of fear.
Maybe they'd seen Kay Russell's shrine to adopted killers and feel they have
good reason to fear Barb.
Ghoulagirl
"She lives in a totally Ian-less universe!"
- John Cusack, "High Fidelity"
The All-Powerful All-Knowing One
>From: Jim&Barb lu...@fuse.net
>Date: 3/13/01 8:47 PM Eastern Standard Time
>Message-id: <3AAECDBA...@fuse.net>
snip
>I've gotten seriously negative or no response
>from 4 birth relatives so far, and don't know if it's worth it to go any
>further...How much can a tender little adoptee heart take?
Aw c'mon - everyone knows that adopted children don't have hearts. Or is
that bmoms? I always get that confused.
The All-Powerful All-Knowing One
>Message-id: <20010313160304...@ng-cm1.aol.com>
>
>
>Deanna wrote:
>>Eeesh. I'm always convinced I'm way sicker than I am. "What if", you know?
>>Betting I'll be a full-blown hypochondriac when I get older.
>>
>I'm certain I have a brain tumor with tendrils that will soon be coming out
>of
>my eyes (the tendrils that is). Among other things.
Just take some Excedrin.
The All-Powerful All-Knowing One
>Message-id: <3AAEB3AC...@pacificcoast.net>
>
>
>
>DeannaBefore wrote:
>>
>> "Anna Bronte" <fa...@home.com> wrote in message
>> news:Tlcq6.42636$W05.8...@news1.rdc1.mi.home.com...
>> > There seems to be a lot of anger here towards birthmoms.
>> > Why? I can take it.
>> >
>> > Let's hear some real honest bitching if that's how you feel.
>> > Not clever one liners.
>> > What is wrong with your birth mother?
>> > Name one thing she ever did to hurt you.
>>
>> Deny me my medical history.
>
>She vetoed you getting the records, you are saying? Or the laws in your
>state/province prevented you getting the records? Big difference here.
Not really. If her bmom hadn't relinquished Deanna into that system, Deanna
wouldn't BE in this situation.
Right?
The All-Powerful All-Knowing One
>Message-id: <8Wzr6.495$9N4....@newscontent-01.sprint.ca>
snip
>> She vetoed you getting the records, you are saying? Or the laws in your
>> state/province prevented you getting the records? Big difference here.
>
>She gave virtually no information on my medical history. I know the
>difference, Bryony, believe me.
How could you know the difference on your own? You're just a stupid adopted
child. Luckily, Bmommy Bryony is here to explain it to you.
The All-Powerful All-Knowing One
>From: lydl...@aol.comhadenuf (ME)
>Date: 3/13/01 7:55 PM Eastern Standard Time
>Message-id: <20010313195511...@ng-fr1.aol.com>
snip
>I;m sorry. I came in late as usual. Took my 3 month sabatical from alt.adopt.
>Came back to 1600 postings. Don't feel alone, there are a lot of evil birth
>kids out there too. and aparents. Ok, now I'm gonna get it..
Nah... welcome back! We've missed you around here.
>
> Linda
>I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me all at
>once.
>(Jennifer Unlimited)
Love the new sig!
The All-Powerful All-Knowing One
>From: tmn...@aol.com-remove (Tm n Kat)
>Date: 3/14/01 7:02 AM Eastern Standard Time
>Message-id: <20010314070232...@ng-cf1.aol.com>
>
>Exactly, Bryony, which is why person to person contact is the only *chance*
>to
>get half way decent and updated medical information.
>You say that you had to drag the info out of your mom and her siblings. You
>do
>realize that if you are an adoptee, this quite possibly would be considered
>harassment.
She has no clue, Kathy.
The All-Powerful All-Knowing One
>Message-id: <3AAEB78E...@pacificcoast.net
snip
>Hey, that's about all I know about my family's medical history and i
>wasn't adopted! I think that for a "certain generation", health wasn't
>something that was spoken about and this includes telling "medical
>histories" of families. I had to drag the info out of my mother that
>all her brothers and sisters had heart-disease and her own mother (and
>at least 3 brothers) died of it. She still doesn't tbink it's relevant
>- or hereditary.
At least she was available for you to ask those questions, unlike adoptees
whose records are closed.
Right?
The All-Powerful All-Knowing One
>Message-id: <OKzr6.485$9N4....@newscontent-01.sprint.ca>
>
>
>"ME" <lydl...@aol.comhadenuf> wrote in message
snip
>THank the Goddess that most times
>the
>> bmom is happy and wanting the bchild.
>
>I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to differ with you on this. If this were
>true in most instances, you'd see a lot more bmoms searching than adoptees,
>and that just isn't the case.
Yep.
The All-Powerful All-Knowing One
>From: lydl...@aol.comhadenuf (ME)
>Message-id: <20010313195343...@ng-fr1.aol.com>
>
>>Subject: Re: Bitch
>>From: ghoul...@aol.com.net (The All-Powerful All-Knowing One)
>>Date: 3/12/2001 9:59 AM Pacific
>
>>
>>> I have never met a birthmom that would not take a bullet for her
>>>child...
>>
>> Whereas I've met some who would gladly SHOOT their relinquished kids.
>>
>
>I'd like to shoot some of the kids on my bus...at least 3 of them should have
>been drowned at birth..
Oh, they must be adopted.
>oops..another topic all together.
Indeed.
>Actually, there are times I'd like to drown all the kids..birth and raised!
Or you could have roasted them on a spit at birth.
The All-Powerful All-Knowing One
>Message-id: <HTzr6.492$9N4....@newscontent-01.sprint.ca>
>
>
>"The All-Powerful All-Knowing One" <ghoul...@aol.com.net> wrote in message
>news:20010313135015...@ng-fc1.aol.com...
snip
>> Well, you should feel SORRY for her - she's clearly paralyzed by her
>love for
>> you!
>
>You're right. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm going to bed without dinner to
>think about what I've done.
You're just further victimizing her, no doubt because your evil babynappers
brainwashed you into hating her. It's all THEIR fault that she's such a mess -
and it's YOUR fault too, for having been born.
Anna Bronte
Oh yes Bryony....you said it so well. I was told I would forget. I never
did. I tried to take
my own life when my bson was 13 because his a-mom denied me a picture or any
news at all.
She said she would have be arrested if I ever found them. She was telling
all this to an agency worker who she thought was me.
I didn't search for my bson. I never felt I was worthy enough.
Then one day he called me...and it was magic. Just hearing my voice, he
said, gave him peace.
He ran into my arms a few days later. He needed me and I needed him.
anna
"Bryony" <bry...@pacificcoast.net> wrote in message
news:3AAEDAE3...@pacificcoast.net...
Anna Bronte
than adoptees,
and that just isn't the case. Deanna
Wait! Hold on! I signed a release 25 years ago so my bson always could find
me, but I never searched for him.
Why? NOT because I didn't love him! But because it had to be HIS CHOICE! His
time. I had to give him that!
He has thanked me over and over again for not hiring PI's to find him. You
adoptees have to keep in mind that we birthmothers were beaten up really
badly when we were pregnant and told we were trash.
I became very successful in life, but still was way too afraid to search out
my bson, and I would die for him, I love him so much.
anna
"DeannaBefore" <mcle...@spammenotsprint.ca> wrote in message
news:OKzr6.485$9N4....@newscontent-01.sprint.ca...
>
> "ME" <lydl...@aol.comhadenuf> wrote in message
> news:20010313195903...@ng-fr1.aol.com...
> > >Subject: Re: Bitch
> > >From: lua...@aol.comelately (LuanneP)
> > >Date: 3/12/2001 8:13 PM Pacific
> >
> > >Hah!!! My own bmom would LOVE to see me dead. She'd probably like to
> shoot
> > >me
> > >100 times, let alone one time.
> > >
> >
> > OUCH. I just want to hug him and squeeze him to death. I don't know
> your
> > story, but it sounds like one I've heard a dozen times. The bmom gets
down
> > right pissed when the bchild comes in. THank the Goddess that most
times
> the
> > bmom is happy and wanting the bchild.
>
> I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to differ with you on this. If this were
> true in most instances, you'd see a lot more bmoms searching than
adoptees,
> and that just isn't the case.
>
> Deanna
>
>
DeannaBefore
> >Subject: Re: Bitch
> >From: "DeannaBefore" mcle...@spammenotsprint.ca
> >Date: 3/13/01 8:31 PM Eastern Standard Time
> >Message-id: <xNzr6.488$9N4....@newscontent-01.sprint.ca>
>
> snip
>
> >Man, some people's children. I would hate to live with their level of
fear.
>
> Maybe they'd seen Kay Russell's shrine to adopted killers and feel they
have
> good reason to fear Barb.
Ah, could be. Or they met Ms. Crackangelo.
Deanna
DeannaBefore
> >Subject: Re: Bitch
> >From: lydl...@aol.comhadenuf (ME)
> >Date: 3/13/01 7:53 PM Eastern Standard Time
>
raised!
>
> Or you could have roasted them on a spit at birth.
Oh, my. LOL. That mental image with be with me all day.
Deanna
DeannaBefore
No way! Are you sure?
Deanna
DeannaBefore
I wish you well when you get back to it.
Deanna
DeannaBefore
> >Subject: Re: Bitch
> >From: "DeannaBefore" mcle...@spammenotsprint.ca
> >Date: 3/13/01 8:40 PM Eastern Standard Time
> >Message-id: <8Wzr6.495$9N4....@newscontent-01.sprint.ca>
> >
> >
> >"Bryony" <bry...@pacificcoast.net> wrote in message
> >news:3AAEB3AC...@pacificcoast.net...
>
> snip
>
> >> She vetoed you getting the records, you are saying? Or the laws in
your
> >> state/province prevented you getting the records? Big difference here.
> >
> >She gave virtually no information on my medical history. I know the
> >difference, Bryony, believe me.
>
> How could you know the difference on your own?
I didn't figure it out on my own. I was brainwashed by my aparents.
> You're just a stupid adopted
> child. Luckily, Bmommy Bryony is here to explain it to you.
Yup, lucky me!
Deanna
DeannaBefore
> >Subject: Re: Bitch
> >From: "DeannaBefore" mcle...@spammenotsprint.ca
> >Date: 3/13/01 8:37 PM Eastern Standard Time
> >Message-id: <HTzr6.492$9N4....@newscontent-01.sprint.ca>
> >
> >
> >"The All-Powerful All-Knowing One" <ghoul...@aol.com.net> wrote in
message
> >news:20010313135015...@ng-fc1.aol.com...
>
> snip
>
> >> Well, you should feel SORRY for her - she's clearly paralyzed by her
> >love for
> >> you!
> >
> >You're right. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm going to bed without dinner to
> >think about what I've done.
>
> You're just further victimizing her, no doubt because your evil
babynappers
> brainwashed you into hating her. It's all THEIR fault that she's such a
mess -
> and it's YOUR fault too, for having been born.
If I get reincarnated, I'll make sure that doesn't happen again! I promise!
Deanna
DeannaBefore
"Anna Bronte" <anna.@bigfoot.com> wrote in message
news:S5Lr6.57221$W05.11...@news1.rdc1.mi.home.com...
> If this weretrue in most instances, you'd see a lot more bmoms searching
> than adoptees,
> and that just isn't the case. Deanna
>
> Wait! Hold on!
No.
> I signed a release 25 years ago so my bson always could find
> me, but I never searched for him.
> Why? NOT because I didn't love him! But because it had to be HIS CHOICE!
His
> time. I had to give him that!
Which could be easily accomplished even with a passive search on the part of
a birthmother.
> He has thanked me over and over again for not hiring PI's to find him.
Personally, I wouldn't thank my bmom for that, but I would have smacked her
silly if she had uses PIs.
> You
> adoptees have to keep in mind that we birthmothers were beaten up really
> badly when we were pregnant and told we were trash.
Oh, fuck you. You birthmothers have to keep in mind that you might not all
feel the same way about your situations. Don't you dare try to speak to
whether or not my bmom loved me, or loves me still. Until she crawls out of
the woodwork, that's only for her to know. Get it yet? I can't find her
because she isn't out there to be found.
Why do you think she never put her name down on the passive registry run by
the province where I was adopted? So we could have a match when I was ready?
You can theorize all you want to, but one the possible reasons is that she
isn't interested, whether you like it or not. You signed a release. My
bmom didn't.
Deanna
The All-Powerful All-Knowing One
>From: "Anna Bronte" anna.@bigfoot.com
>Date: 3/14/01 9:02 AM Eastern Standard Time
>Message-id: <QRKr6.57215$W05.11...@news1.rdc1.mi.home.com>
snip
>I was told I would forget. I never
>did. I tried to take
>my own life when my bson was 13 because his a-mom denied me a picture or any
>news at all.
>She said she would have be arrested if I ever found them. She was telling
>all this to an agency worker who she thought was me.
Do you know if it's true, or is this what the agency worker told you? Agency
workers aren't exactly known for their honesty, you know.
LilMtnCbn
>Message-id: <S5Lr6.57221$W05.11...@news1.rdc1.mi.home.com>
>
>If this weretrue in most instances, you'd see a lot more bmoms searching
>than adoptees,
>and that just isn't the case. Deanna
>
>Wait! Hold on! I signed a release 25 years ago so my bson always could find
>me, but I never searched for him.
>Why? NOT because I didn't love him! But because it had to be HIS CHOICE! His
>time. I had to give him that!
>He has thanked me over and over again for not hiring PI's to find him. You
>adoptees have to keep in mind that we birthmothers were beaten up really
>badly when we were pregnant and told we were trash.
>I became very successful in life, but still was way too afraid to search out
>my bson, and I would die for him, I love him so much.
>
>anna
I wonder how many other adoptee/birthparents are in this situation. I can't
even get my non-id info (other than what was given to my parents at my
adoption) without a court order. I'm really glad you found each other Anna.
Anna Bronte
May I return your statement. Fuck you...and fuck you good you little spoiled
brat.
You are angry at your birthmom, NOT me.
If you would only listen to birthmoms, you might have a clue as to what they
were up against.
If you do need meet your bmom and want to have a happy reunion, you better
change your attitude.
anna
"DeannaBefore" <mcle...@spammenotsprint.ca> wrote in message
news:vZLr6.653$9N4....@newscontent-01.sprint.ca...
The All-Powerful All-Knowing One
>Message-id: <S5Lr6.57221$W05.11...@news1.rdc1.mi.home.com>
snip
>You
>adoptees have to keep in mind that we birthmothers were beaten up really
>badly when we were pregnant and told we were trash.
When you type "you adoptees", I can just imagine the sneer on your face.
Sort of like saying "you blacks" or "you Jews".
The All-Powerful All-Knowing One
>Message-id: <1WMr6.57407$W05.11...@news1.rdc1.mi.home.com>
>
>Respectfully Deanna,
>May I return your statement. Fuck you...and fuck you good you little spoiled
>brat.
My goodness! It appears we're getting a glimpse of your true feelings for
those to whom you refer as "you adoptees".
>You are angry at your birthmom, NOT me.
I don't recall her saying she was angry at you, Anna.
>If you would only listen to birthmoms, you might have a clue as to what they
>were up against.
Boo fucking hoo, Anna.
>If you do need meet your bmom and want to have a happy reunion, you better
>change your attitude.
I wonder why your son has backed away... perhaps you didn't like what he had
to say and suggested that he "change his attitude".
Am I right? Was he perhaps a bit TOO honest with you about his feelings?