Just curious about something...
rj
I'm wondering if it would actually be worth one's time to post here
about adoption issues.
You see, in the short time I've been looking in here, I don't think
I've seen any posts that actually pertain to adoption and issues
surrounding it. In fact, there doesn't seem to be much traffic here
at all.
Anyhow, my wife and I will most probably be adoptiong soon. And any
real advice would be appreciated.
rj
Robibnikoff
"rj" <rjk...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:t9n5h558fa5gttq3f...@4ax.com...
Sorry, but I pretty much can only give you the adult adoptees' perspective.
Hopefully someone else with chime in with some good advice.
--
Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & Belly Dancer Supreme
BAAWA Knight
#1557
Michael Dobony
Like Robibnikoff, I can only speak from the adoptee side. In my case i was
adopted to keep my parents together. I was a lonely only child. Be truthful
with the child and express joy in adopting them and praise the birth mother
for caring enough about them to see that they had a loving and supporting
home for them. When I was very young I knew I was adopted, and proud of it.
Then for some reason my parents said I was not adopted. I found out the
truth when I went to get a birth certificate for getting married and they
found no record of my birth. That really destroyed my trust in them and
severely affected my relationship with them.
Mike D.
rkb...@pacific.net.sg
This used to be a very active ng, but now it's fading out. People have
mostly moved on, and spammers have moved in.
I adopted over 20 years ago, and my kid is all grown up. I guess the
only thing I can say I learned over the years is that each situation
is different, each kid is different.
Perhaps the most important thing: Recognize your adoptee for who he or
she is. This is true for non-adopted kids, too; but I think
particularly important for adoptees. Don't be surprised when they have
different preferences, personalities, talents, than you do... and try
to nurture those that they have not necessarily those that *you* have.
Flexibility is good.
Larry
<9c39a6c9-a6c9-4d0b...@b36g2000prf.googlegroups.com>,
"rkb...@pacific.net.sg" <rkb...@pacific.net.sg> wrote:
These newsgroups have gone hill for the past few years. There is
nothing posted here or on alt.adoption.searching that is of any interest
anymore. It is too bad because it was a place to come to find people
and to discuss adoption issues.
I don't know for sure, but there are groups on Facebook which may be
better. At least there you do not get the hateful remarks and just
plain garbage replies like you do on here.
KathyJ
>
> Anyhow, my wife and I will most probably be adoptiong soon. And any
> real advice would be appreciated.
>
> rj
My advice:
Be honest, age appropriately of course.
I liked a quote I heard the other day, from the Dr Laura show.
When kids don't know the truth, its like a vacuum, they fill it with
fantasy.
I believe my adoption and reunion would have been fine had
communication lines been open and honest.
Royden
<10da2181-53f8-402f...@o33g2000vbu.googlegroups.com>,
KathyJ <tmn...@mchsi.com> wrote:
Be sure and tell your child as soon as they are old enough to remember,
like 4-5-6 yrs old. Just drop little hints that they will pick up on
and remember and maybe question later. Not a lot of info at one time.
My adopted mother asked me how i would like to have the name Darrell,
and I thought about that. Then she told me that used to be my name,
nothing more at that time. By the time I was 6 I knew I had been
adopted, and that was good. Playing with neighborhood kids, who can be
very cruel, and knew I was adopted as their parents had told them, they
would call me a 'bastard' and they knew the Webster definition, but i
didn't let it bother me. Later I would say at least my parents had a
choice. Maybe not the best thing to say but it got them off my back.
As I grew up, I did not look at all like my parents or any of my
relatives. There really could be no way of hiding that I was not of
their blood. This is such a mistake that is often made, trying to hide
the fact that their child is adopted. If you have given your child a
good home, lots of love and encouragement and honesty, you do not have
to be afraid that someday they will forsake you. They will possibly
want to find their roots, but you will always be their Mom and Dad.
Finding who they are, background on their biological family, and the
circumstances of their adoption usually answers a lot of questions they
have, and will go a long way to helping them mature. Knowing your
background is very important.
Roy
LINKS Post-Legal Adoption Support
http://members.shaw.ca/linksadoptionsupport