Talk.Abortion Drinking Game, v. 2.0
Susan C. Mitchell
And here it is! New and improved! For the first time since April! The
long awaited, never imitated, TALK.ABORTION DRINKING GAME!!!
<APPLAUSE light flashes on. Cricket noises echo through the auditorium>
==========================================================>8 clip 'n' save
THE TALK.ABORTION/ALT.ABORTION DRINKING GAME
version 2.0
(This is, and will probably remain, a work-in-progress. Comments are
welcome, as are suggestions for additions, although I do not promise that
all will be included. Thanks to Sarah Whippman, Hans-Richard Gruemm,
Maritza Combes, and MINXS for their contributions.)
One drink for every newbie who suggests -- in the certainty that this is a
brand-new idea no pro-choicer has ever considered before -- that people
who don't want kids should use contraception.
One drink for every newbie who bursts onto the newsgroup and announces
what zie's sure no one has hitherto realized, that abortion is the
heartless murder of a helpless unborn baby. Two drinks if said newbie is
posting from a webtv account. Three if from an .edu extension. Chug if
from an .edu extension AND the .sig file indicates a US junior-high or
high school.
*Two* drinks if a newbie's first posting consists entirely of the words
"Abortion is murder!" Another drink for every three additional
exclamation points.
One drink for every mention of the relative position of a woman's legs
(i.e. "spread", "together", "open", etc.).
One drink for every time it's suggested that married or long-term couples
abstain from sex altogether.
One drink for every time it's suggested that abortion *was* once legally
regarded as murder in the United States.
One drink for every mention of the Hippocratic Oath supposedly forbidding
abortion.
One drink for every mention of Norma McCorvey as pro-lifer. (Another if
it's pointed out that she's now past menopause, and thus in no danger of
getting pregnant. Chug if someone points out that she's now lecturing to
white-supremacist groups.)
One drink for every time it's mistakenly argued that McCorvey's rape
accusations figured into the _Roe_v_Wade_ decision.
One drink for every mention of "Post-Abortion Syndrome". Two drinks if
the suggestion is made that *all* women suffer overwhelming guilt after
abortion, they just "deny" it. Chug if Ray reposts "The Myth of
Post-Abortion Trauma".
One drink for every medical-journal citation in a posting from MINXS,
Sarah Whippman, or Al Borges.
One drink for every time a pro-lifer says that doctors who perform
abortions are "only in it for the money," not to help women. Another when
Sarah replies that doctors under the National Health Service get paid
whether they perform abortions or not, and yet they still do them. A
third drink in honor of the inevitable lack-of-response from the
pro-lifers.
One drink for each suggestion that Planned Parenthood tries to persuade
women to abort, to swell its own profits. Another drink for each response
that PP is, in fact, a non-profit organization. (Chug for repeated
accusations against PP in the face of this being pointed out.)
THREE drinks for each erroneous explanation of what the word _fetus_
"really means in Latin" (e.g. "small baby," "tiny person").
One drink for each confusion of "human" (adjective) and "a human" (noun),
or "life" (general) and "a life" (specific). Two drinks if the confusion
remains after one explanation of the difference. Four drinks if the
confusion remains after the second explanation of the difference ... etc.,
increasing in powers of two.
One drink for each regurgitation of "The fetus is human, it has being,
therefore it's a human being!"
One drink for each claim that the opponent is "in denial".
Chug if the poster claims to know what someone else actually believes.
One drink for each reiterated statement that human life started two
million years ago.
One drink for each claim that something is a "natural" or "unnatural"
action.
One drink for each reference to "abortion argument # 128" or "standard
riposte #237".
One drink each time adoption is suggested as an alternative to abortion.
One drink each time a distinction is made between "abortionists" or
"abortion doctors" and "real doctors".
One drink for every use of the phrase "pro-abortion". Two if either
"pro-abort" or "proab" is used as a noun.
(And, since this is an Equal Opportunity Drinking Game: one drink for
every use of "pro-lie".)
One drink for every use of "abortuary", "abortion mill", or "abortion
chamber".
One drink for every use of "preborn baby".
One drink for every use of "unborn" as a noun (e.g., "The helpless unborn
in the mother's womb").
One drink for every use of "convenience".
One drink for every mention of _Silent Scream_.
One drink for every citation of _Lime 5_.
One drink for every "what-if" argument (i.e., "What if *your* mother had
aborted *you*?") Two if it takes the form of presenting some dreadful
scenario where, the poster implies, any self-respecting "pro-abort" would
*demand* the woman get an abortion -- with the punchline "SEEEEE? You
would have aborted Beethoven/Ethel Waters/Jesus Christ!"
If the what-if argument takes the form, "Aren't you glad *your* mother was
pro-life?", only one drink for the initial posting ... but another for
EACH poster who responds with, "Actually, my mother was pro-choice."
One drink for every mention of Exodus 21:22, Numbers 5:11-31, or Psalm
139.
One drink for every time Papa Jack posts a news article. Chug if someone
else has already posted the same article and Papa Jack didn't notice.
One drink for every time Papa Jack refers to "Queen Mab (aka MINXS)" or
"Maritza/MINXS/Mab", or calls Ray Fischer "Village Idiot" or Tom Scalf
"The Fool".
One drink for every time Papa Jack tries to get someone else to stop
replying to his posts. Two if he accuses the other of "following him
around".
One drink for every time Papa Jack equates *not* crossposting excessively
with "censorship".
One drink for every time Papa Jack, pressed to document an assertion he's
made, responds with "I will not jump through hoops for you."
One drink for every time Papa Jack willfully refuses to understand an
analogy or simile.
One drink for every Papa Jack reference to "scared little girls".
One drink for every time Papa Jack uses the word "wee" with reference to
fetuses.
One drink for every time Papa Jack uses the phrase "chop shop".
One drink for every time Papa Jack uses the word "slaughter". Two if it's
in the phrase "slaughter of living unborn human beings".
One drink for every time Papa Jack calls abortion "child abuse." Another
drink for *each* poster who asks him why this form of "child abuse" is to
be condoned if the "child's" father is a rapist.
One drink for every Papa Jack variation on, "I've never called abortion
murder. I said it was HOMICIDE."
One drink for every time Papa Jack says that Post-Abortion Syndrome
"hasn't been properly researched". Another if he suggests that this is
because of some evil Pro-Abort conspiracy. Yet another if he says that
the Centers for Disease Control are tools of "the abortion industry".
One drink for every time Papa Jack uses the words "Women's Studies
Department" to refer to studies that do not support his pro-life
conclusions.
One drink for every time someone argues against Papa Jack by quoting Papa
Jack.
One drink for every time Papa Jack mentions "the continuum of life" or
uses the word "nexus".
Chug whenever he refers to implantation as "the beginning of life" and
refuses to explain why.
Put your glass down for 24 hours whenever he posts anything from a
dictionary, as drinking on *each* such occasion would lead to serious
health damage. (This also safely prevents leak-through between the
Talk.Abortion Drinking Game and the Talk.Abortion Dic-Waving Contest.
Bringing these together might create a critical mass that would destroy
Usenet.)
One drink for every post cut-and-pasted from a pro-life website. Two if
the poster attributes the pasted information to "my book on human
development", "my biology textbook" or "my child development textbook".
One drink for every pla...@iamerica.net regurgipost.
One drink for every time Ray suggests that a pro-lifer give up zir own
computer. Two drinks if he posts that article about the woman in Romania.
One SMALL sip (no more!) every time Ray uses the words "sleazy",
"dishonest", or "asshole", or discounts another poster's claims with the
line, "Pro-lie propaganda."
One drink for every time a pro-lifer compares the pro-choice position to
Hitler's. Another for *each* pro-choicer who retorts that Hitler actually
made abortion illegal.
One drink for every time a pro-lifer accuses pro-choice people of "hating
babies".
One drink for every time a pro-lifer suggests "shooting the homeless" or
"killing children in orphanages" as an alternative to abortion.
One drink EACH for any variant of "if the baby's head slipped out of the
vagina it would be murder", "abortion five minutes before birth",
"partial-birth infanticide", "jamming scissors in the back of the baby's
head", "sucking brains", or "prom dress".
Chug for every new Ramon Kire sockpuppet.
Chug every time a pro-lifer suggests or implies that Peter Singer speaks
for all, or any, pro-choicers.
Chug for every mention of Brenda Pratt Shafer.
Chug every time a pro-lifer calls Margaret Sanger a racist.
Chug every time Papa Jack accuses someone else of flaming.
Chug for every dreadful pro-life story or bit of doggerel. Chug, refill,
and chug again if it's "Diary of an Unborn Child" or "Dear Mommy, I'm here
in Heaven with Jesus now".
Throw up every time Donald Spitz rears his putrescent head. Preferably on
him.
==========================================================>8 clip 'n' save
I know it's not necessary to invite comments: I'd get them, whether I
invited them or not. B-)
Think globally, act locally.
Susan
--
=============== Remove SPAMWALL from my address to reply ===============
"Gadfly is what they call you when you are no longer | Seditious libel
dangerous. I much prefer troublemaker, malcontent, | for fun and
desperado." -- Harlan Ellison | profit
ANEBT
Susan C. Mitchell <sus...@primenet.com> wrote in message
news:7rh82m$dmn$1...@nnrp02.primenet.com...
>
> And here it is! New and improved! For the first time since April! The
> long awaited, never imitated, TALK.ABORTION DRINKING GAME!!!
>
> <APPLAUSE light flashes on. Cricket noises echo through the auditorium>
>
>
> ==========================================================>8 clip 'n' save
>
> THE TALK.ABORTION/ALT.ABORTION DRINKING GAME
> version 2.0
ROTFL&L!
To be fair, we must add the following pro-choice funnies:
One drink whenever Chris Owens ends her posts with "Try again." Two drinks
when she demands proof of the existence of God. Chug whenever she
succinctly replies to a post with "A fetus is not an human being."
And:
One BIG drink whenever a pro-lifer follows Papa Jack around with statements
such as "Papa Jack, you speak the truth" or "You are a martyr for our cause"
or "Keep up the good fight." Chug if a pro-choicer demands that this
pro-lifer explain why PJ should get such distinctions and the pro-lifer
cannot answer.
Matt Pillsbury
> And here it is! New and improved! For the first time since April! The
> long awaited, never imitated, TALK.ABORTION DRINKING GAME!!!
> <APPLAUSE light flashes on. Cricket noises echo through the auditorium>
[...]
> I know it's not necessary to invite comments: I'd get them, whether I
> invited them or not. B-)
One drink per interminable C4M/child-support thread.
One drink every time Ray Fischer or Josie changes a thread title to
insult an opponent.
One drink every time Matt Pillsbury calls someone a "fuckhead" in a
post. Three drinks if the word "fuckhead" is the only text added to
the thread.
Two drinks every time Papa Jack flip-flops on abortions following
rape.
One drink every time somebody is accused of needing psychotropic
drugs.
One drink for every claim that an opponent is abusing alcohol or
crack cocaine.
One drink every time a school shooting is blamed on abortion.
One drink every time an oldbie challenges a newbie to post their SAT
scores. Chug the bottle if the newbie responds with said scores.
Three drinks for every cascade crossposted from alt.flame.
--
Matt Pillsbury | pillsy [at] brown [dot] edu