Craziest Christmas Stories
J
December 21, 2009
Catholic League president Bill Donohue comments on the craziest Christmas
stories of 2009:
There is a Christmas tree inside town hall in Cary, North Carolina, but town
officials couldn't bring themselves to call it by its proper name, so they
relabeled it the "Community Tree." They used to have a "Holiday Tree" in
Madison, Wisconsin, but even that was deemed too improper this year, so they
opted for "The State Capitol Tree." American Atheists threw a party
decorating what they called their "Solstice Tree."
Vineland, New Jersey opted to call their Christmas parade the "Holiday
parade," maintaining that because Urban Enterprise Zone dollars are used to
fund the parade, they can't call it the Christmas parade. In Howard County,
Indiana they decided not to have a manger scene this year, and elected
instead to have a lighted display of the Loch Ness Monster, a whale and
other animals. Waterbury, Connecticut is awash in "Winter" concerts and the
like, and the sages there even renamed their holiday parties "celebrations."
What they were celebrating remains a mystery, but one thing is for sure:
Santa was not allowed to give out gifts as that job was assigned to Frosty
the Snowman.
In Benton, Arkansas children put on Christmas skits, and in one of them the
lead character wore a hula. Why? To show that the "Hula Girl" was rejected
because she was not deemed "Christmasy." It was announced by the woman in
charge of this mess that "The meaning of Christmas is not to judge each
other." Santa was banned from the festivities in the Northern Lehigh School
District in Pennsylvania; his role as gift-giver was taken by the district
mascot, the Bulldog.
Finally, one corporate diversity wag (her actual title is executive director
of diversity, inclusion and engagement) advises against saying "Happy New
Year." She recommends "Looking Forward." By contrast, we at the Catholic
League are old-fashioned. We are pro-Christmas trees and parades, pro-Santa
and wish everyone-including the "Looking Forward" types-a Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year.
Copyright � 1997-2009 by Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights.
*Material from this website may be reprinted and disseminated with
accompanying attribution
--
J Young
Jvis...@live.com
A very Merry Christmas to all!
Jimbo
> CRAZIEST CHRISTMAS STORIES
>
> December 21, 2009
>
> Catholic League president Bill Donohue comments on the craziest Christmas
> stories of 2009:
>
> There is a Christmas tree inside town hall in Cary, North Carolina, but town
> officials couldn't bring themselves to call it by its proper name, so they
> relabeled it the "Community Tree."
The appropriate name for it would be the Yule Tree. Yule was
celebrated a long time before your jesus was born, and a very long
time before the christians coopted the Yule tradition as their own.
In point of fact, if you read your own book of riddles and myth, take
a close look at Jerimiah 10. You're, by your own imaginary dieties
command, are not even supposed to be using Yule Trees.
So, you and Donahue should stop bugging altar boys and teach yourself
a bit of history.
W.T.S.
news:3cl4ed....@news.alt.net...
> CRAZIEST CHRISTMAS STORIES December 21, 2009
> Catholic League president Bill Donohue comments on the craziest Christmas
> stories of 2009:
Christmas, bad. Secular, good.
--
http://folding.stanford.edu
Save lives, visit today!
MarkA
> CRAZIEST CHRISTMAS STORIES
>
>
> December 21, 2009
>
>
>
>
> Catholic League president Bill Donohue comments on the craziest Christmas
> stories of 2009:
>
>
What is the relationship between Santa Claus and Christianity?
--
MarkA
Keeper of Things Put There Only Just The Night Before
About eight o'clock
Zadok
"MarkA" <nob...@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:pan.2009.12.21....@nowhere.com...
> On Mon, 21 Dec 2009 13:31:05 -0500, J wrote:
>
> > CRAZIEST CHRISTMAS STORIES
> >
> >
> > December 21, 2009
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Catholic League president Bill Donohue comments on the craziest
Christmas
> > stories of 2009:
> >
> >
>
> What is the relationship between Santa Claus and Christianity?
Both based on Fables!!
Father Haskell
> CRAZIEST CHRISTMAS STORIES
Start with your own.
Jimbo
>
> - Show quoted text -
LOL! Exactly.
Father Haskell
> On Mon, 21 Dec 2009 13:31:05 -0500, J wrote:
> > CRAZIEST CHRISTMAS STORIES
>
> > December 21, 2009
>
> > Catholic League president Bill Donohue comments on the craziest Christmas
> > stories of 2009:
>
> What is the relationship between Santa Claus and Christianity?
Santa brings us toys and jesus brings us candy?
Jimbo
And those funny little wafers that he says is his own flesh... I
have do respectfully decline. :D
LC
Crazy 24/7, "J" <Jvis...@live.com> wrote in message
news:3cl4ed....@news.alt.net...
> Catholic League president Bill Donohue comments on the craziest Christmas
> stories
"Didya hear the one about the virgin getting knocked up by a mythical being,
and the goat-herders believed it?"
Father Haskell
That's possible only if jeziz is the Pillsbury Doughboy.
Jimbo
> Crazy 24/7, "J" <Jvisi...@live.com> wrote in messagenews:3cl4ed....@news.alt.net...
>
> > Catholic League president Bill Donohue comments on the craziest Christmas
> > stories
>
> "Didya hear the one about the virgin getting knocked up by a mythical being,
> and the goat-herders believed it?"
You know, look at all the publicity it gets when some idiot sees Mary
in his pancake, or whatever. I see a family who was trying to prevent
the townies from stoning their 14 year olf daughter for turning up
pregnant by saying, "Yeah! She's still a virgin! It was God!!" The
next thing you know, a whole town full of idiots pass that to more
towns of idiots, so the kid grows up as the "virgin born child of
God", and he gets a big head and starts preaching. The next thing
you know, you have a religion. The idiots truly do drive the world.
Jimbo
>
> - Show quoted text -
LOL! Either way, I had to decline. :D
Syd M.
LOL!
Exactly!!
PDW
panam...@hotmail.com
ROFL! Ya beat me to it...<g>
-Panama Floyd, Atlanta.
aa#2015/Member, Knights of BAAWA!
Mike Painter
> CRAZIEST CHRISTMAS STORIES
>
> Copyright � 1997-2009 by Catholic League for Religious and Civil
> Rights. *Material from this website may be reprinted and disseminated
> with accompanying attribution
Notice that J posts copyright permission when it is granted.
Notice that most of the time he does not post such a notice.
The sick, bigoted, idiot continues to break th law.
Dr. Smartass, Troll Veterinarian
> Subject: Craziest Christmas Stories
The craziest one:
This dude and his knocked-up wife are looking for a place to crash for
the night. They finally find a place that's full-up, but the owner will
let them snooze out back in the critter garage.
She's really far along and goes into labor and pops the little bun out,
like millions of women before her, and billions after her.
BUT...this kid's special: he's all magical and stuff, because his mommy
got rooted by a magic man (he said with a smile...), and not by her
proper husband.
Somehow these three guys found out about the rumors that she'd been
shagged by a god, and they came a-running, desperate to bestow gifts and
suck up, lest they be forgotten by Junior.
Thirty-three years later, the poor bastard (heh) got himself nailed up
for disorderly conduct and died, only not really because he's a magic boy
and he's expected to return to life once again rilly rilly rilly soon,
now.
The end. *curtsey*
See how dumb that sounds?
--
Doc Smartass | BAAWA Knight of Troll Medication | aa # 1939
Book reviews: http://jw-bookblog.blogspot.com/
Kook Clearinghouse! http://kookclearinghouse.blogspot.com/
Pray for Goppers the way they pray for Obama! Psalm 109!
Robibnikoff
<panam...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:4168a6ac-488b-4925...@g26g2000yqe.googlegroups.com...
On Dec 21, 2:10 pm, Father Haskell <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> On Dec 21, 1:31 pm, "J" <Jvisi...@live.com> wrote:
>
> > CRAZIEST CHRISTMAS STORIES
>
> Start with your own.
>ROFL! Ya beat me to it...<g>
I don't have a crazy Xmas story, but I do have a painful one.
My best friend's parents had a great Xmas party every Xmas eve - usually
involving fantastic food and LOTS of alcohol. Consequently, Xmas mornings
could be a bit "rough" to put it mildly. The worst was the Xmas morning
after my parents had gone to Switzerland for a vacation earlier that year.
You know what they gave earch other for Xmas? COW BELLS!!! Which, to my
great misfortune, they felt compelled to demonstrate. Arrrrgh.
--
Robyn
Resident Witchypoo & Belly Dancer Supreme
BAAWA Knight
#1557
LC
"Mike Painter" <md.pa...@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
news:LsUXm.115984$gg6....@newsfe25.iad...
Hey, this is a loon that stalks children, has a long term drug problem, and
has more nyms than IQ points.
His larcenous nature is the _least_ of his problems.
elizabeth
Well, yes, Jesus was born in the spring. Shepherds ain't tending
their flocks and there are no lambs in midwinter.
Because the Europagan Sun God was reborn at the Solstice the xians
stole the date . .. sorta like crashing someone else's party.
panam...@hotmail.com
> <panamfl...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
>
> news:4168a6ac-488b-4925...@g26g2000yqe.googlegroups.com...
> On Dec 21, 2:10 pm, Father Haskell <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> > On Dec 21, 1:31 pm, "J" <Jvisi...@live.com> wrote:
>
> > > CRAZIEST CHRISTMAS STORIES
>
> > Start with your own.
> >ROFL! Ya beat me to it...<g>
>
> I don't have a crazy Xmas story, but I do have a painful one.
>
> My best friend's parents had a great Xmas party every Xmas eve - usually
> involving fantastic food and LOTS of alcohol. Consequently, Xmas mornings
> could be a bit "rough" to put it mildly. The worst was the Xmas morning
> after my parents had gone to Switzerland for a vacation earlier that year.
> You know what they gave earch other for Xmas? COW BELLS!!! Which, to my
> great misfortune, they felt compelled to demonstrate. Arrrrgh.
Ouch. What was it the Grinch said about all that "..noise, noise,
Noise, NOISE!.."? <g>
-PF, Atl.
etc.
tirebiter
>
> December 21, 2009
>
> Catholic League president Bill Donohue comments on the craziest Christmas
> stories of 2009:
>
christians have no right to force others to participate in their
holidays. It's about time.
---
a.a. #2273
Spartakus
> JYoung/IBen wrote:
> > CRAZIEST CHRISTMAS STORIES
> >
> > December 21, 2009
> >
> > Catholic League president Bill Donohue comments on the craziest Christmas
> > stories of 2009:
The year's not over, Bill!
> What is the relationship between Santa Claus and Christianity?
Funny you should ask! I just posted this in talk.abortion. It's a
story where the neighbors are a little disturbed by 2nd Amendment
Jesus:
http://www.kcoy.com/global/story.asp?s=11697824
"The display is of Jesus and Santa, the two icons
of Christmas. However, Jesus is holding a shotgun
over the dead body of Santa Claus."
I guess the "artist" won't be getting a Christmas card from Bill
Donohue...
Dr. Smartass, Troll Veterinarian
news:5ce54f86-a890-4999...@x15g2000vbr.googlegroups.com:
Or the Cow God (or as Green Jello does it,
"The...Cow......Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooddd-uh!")
Eat of this burger, for it is My flesh!
Drink of my milk, for it is My blood!
Obey...The...Cow......Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooddd
(yeah, the rest of the album's just as whacked-out as that)
Dr. Smartass, Troll Veterinarian
news:6523df51-12ff-43cc...@b2g2000yqi.googlegroups.com:
> On Dec 21, 2:21�pm, "LC" <LC__...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>> Crazy 24/7, "J" <Jvisi...@live.com> wrote in
>> messagenews:3cl4ed.aq9.19.1@
> news.alt.net...
>>
>> > Catholic League president Bill Donohue comments on the craziest
>> > Christm
> as
>> > stories
>>
>> "Didya hear the one about the virgin getting knocked up by a mythical
>> bei
> ng,
>> and the goat-herders believed it?"
>
> You know, look at all the publicity it gets when some idiot sees Mary
> in his pancake, or whatever. I see a family who was trying to prevent
> the townies from stoning their 14 year olf daughter for turning up
> pregnant by saying, "Yeah! She's still a virgin! It was God!!" The
> next thing you know, a whole town full of idiots pass that to more
> towns of idiots, so the kid grows up as the "virgin born child of
> God", and he gets a big head and starts preaching. The next thing
> you know, you have a religion. The idiots truly do drive the world.
That would explain the handbasket, then.
Mike Painter
> <panam...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:4168a6ac-488b-4925...@g26g2000yqe.googlegroups.com...
> On Dec 21, 2:10 pm, Father Haskell <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>> On Dec 21, 1:31 pm, "J" <Jvisi...@live.com> wrote:
>>
>>> CRAZIEST CHRISTMAS STORIES
>>
>> Start with your own.
>
>> ROFL! Ya beat me to it...<g>
>
> I don't have a crazy Xmas story, but I do have a painful one.
>
> My best friend's parents had a great Xmas party every Xmas eve -
> usually involving fantastic food and LOTS of alcohol. Consequently,
> Xmas mornings could be a bit "rough" to put it mildly. The worst was
> the Xmas morning after my parents had gone to Switzerland for a
> vacation earlier that year. You know what they gave earch other for
> Xmas? COW BELLS!!! Which, to my great misfortune, they felt
> compelled to demonstrate. Arrrrgh.
Cow bells ring are you listing?
On the floor,
vomit's glistening,
A real ugly sight,
we were happy last night.
drinking... and I'm stuck .
Jimbo
> MarkA <nob...@nowhere.com> wrote:
> > JYoung/IBen wrote:
> > > CRAZIEST CHRISTMAS STORIES
>
> > > December 21, 2009
>
> > > Catholic League president Bill Donohue comments on the craziest Christmas
> > > stories of 2009:
>
>
>
> story where the neighbors are a little disturbed by 2nd Amendment
> Jesus:
>
> http://www.kcoy.com/global/story.asp?s=11697824
>
> "The display is of Jesus and Santa, the two icons
> of Christmas. However, Jesus is holding a shotgun
> over the dead body of Santa Claus."
>
> I guess the "artist" won't be getting a Christmas card from Bill
> Donohue...
Santa Claus is an amalgum of several different characters. St.
Nicolas, who in actuality was a gaunt, thin man generally depicted in
a more priestly garb than we are used to in Santa Claus, but they did
have two features, St. Nicolas was said to be generous, and they both
had beards, of a sort. St. Nicolas was actually christianity's
attempt to insert itself into the Santa Claus mythos. Mostly, Santa
was taken from "Father Yule", who did visit the homes of good children
leaving them presents, and doing pretty much everything Santa Claus
does today. Father Yule was probably a "spin-off" of Odin. Other
than that, the only connection that Santa has with Christianity was
the Christian attempt to coopt every pagan tradition associated with
Yule into Christmas to make Christianity more palatable to the pagans
of that time period.
Dr. Christopher Walken
news:7palc1...@mid.individual.net:
>
> <panam...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:4168a6ac-488b-4925...@g26g2000yqe.googlegroups.com.
> .. On Dec 21, 2:10 pm, Father Haskell <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>> On Dec 21, 1:31 pm, "J" <Jvisi...@live.com> wrote:
>>
>> > CRAZIEST CHRISTMAS STORIES
>>
>> Start with your own.
>
>>ROFL! Ya beat me to it...<g>
>
> I don't have a crazy Xmas story, but I do have a painful one.
>
> My best friend's parents had a great Xmas party every Xmas eve -
> usually involving fantastic food and LOTS of alcohol. Consequently,
> Xmas mornings could be a bit "rough" to put it mildly. The worst was
> the Xmas morning after my parents had gone to Switzerland for a
> vacation earlier that year. You know what they gave earch other for
> Xmas? COW BELLS!!! Which, to my great misfortune, they felt
> compelled to demonstrate. Arrrrgh.
This thread needs more cowbell.
http://morecowbelloriginal.com/index.html
"I...have a fevah! And the only prescription...is more cowbell!"
--
Doc Walken
Father Haskell
<gek...@astroskivviesboymail.com> wrote:
> Father Haskell <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote innews:5ce54f86-a890-4999...@x15g2000vbr.googlegroups.com:
>
>
>
>
>
> > On Dec 21, 2:14 pm, Jimbo <ckdbig...@gmail.com> wrote:
> >> On Dec 21, 2:12 pm, Father Haskell <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> >> > On Dec 21, 1:45 pm, MarkA <nob...@nowhere.com> wrote:
>
> >> > > On Mon, 21 Dec 2009 13:31:05 -0500, J wrote:
> >> > > > CRAZIEST CHRISTMAS STORIES
>
> >> > > > December 21, 2009
>
> >> > > > Catholic League president Bill Donohue comments on the craziest
> >> > > > Chr
> > istmas
> >> > > > stories of 2009:
>
> >> > > What is the relationship between Santa Claus and Christianity?
>
> >> > Santa brings us toys and jesus brings us candy?
>
> >> And those funny little wafers that he says is his own flesh... I
> >> have do respectfully decline. :D
>
> > That's possible only if jeziz is the Pillsbury Doughboy.
>
> Or the Cow God (or as Green Jello does it,
> "The...Cow......Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooddd-uh!")
>
> Eat of this burger, for it is My flesh!
> Drink of my milk, for it is My blood!
> Obey...The...Cow......Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooddd
>
> (yeah, the rest of the album's just as whacked-out as that)
Just checked them out. Like a cross between Motorhead
and Gwar. Me like.
Robibnikoff
<panam...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:a9672b14-d1ad-437b...@m16g2000yqc.googlegroups.com...
LOL - Perfect :)
And now those cowbells hang in my house where they remain silent! :)
Robibnikoff
LOL - Excellent :)
Robibnikoff
"Dr. Christopher Walken" <gek...@astroskivviesboymail.com> wrote in message
news:Xns9CE94C017A6...@216.196.97.131...
D'oh! :)
MarkA
Nice summary. Thanks. And Merry Solstice Season to you!
--
MarkA
Keeper of Things Put There Only Just The Night Before
About eight o'clock
Jimbo
>
> - Show quoted text -
Exactly.
Jimbo
>
> - Show quoted text -
And to you and yours as well.
Spartakus
Jimbo
Three drunken idiots walk out... :D
Dr. Smartass, Troll Veterinarian
> On Dec 21, 11:23�pm, "Dr. Smartass, Troll Veterinarian"
> <gek...@astroskivviesboymail.com> wrote:
>> Father Haskell <fatherhask...@yahoo.com> wrote
>> innews:5ce54f86-a890-4999-
> a823-2ab...@x15g2000vbr.googlegroups.com:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> > On Dec 21, 2:14�pm, Jimbo <ckdbig...@gmail.com> wrote:
>> >> On Dec 21, 2:12�pm, Father Haskell <fatherhask...@yahoo.com>
>> >> wrote:
>>
>> >> > On Dec 21, 1:45�pm, MarkA <nob...@nowhere.com> wrote:
>>
>> >> > > On Mon, 21 Dec 2009 13:31:05 -0500, J wrote:
>> >> > > > CRAZIEST CHRISTMAS STORIES
>>
>> >> > > > December 21, 2009
>>
>> >> > > > Catholic League president Bill Donohue comments on the
>> >> > > > craziest Chr
>> > istmas
>> >> > > > stories of 2009:
>>
>> >> > > What is the relationship between Santa Claus and Christianity?
>>
>> >> > Santa brings us toys and jesus brings us candy?
>>
>> >> And those funny little wafers that he says is his own flesh... � I
>> >> have do respectfully decline. �:D
>>
>> > That's possible only if jeziz is the Pillsbury Doughboy.
>>
>> Or the Cow God (or as Green Jello does it,
>> "The...Cow......Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooddd-uh!")
>>
>> Eat of this burger, for it is My flesh!
>> Drink of my milk, for it is My blood!
>> Obey...The...Cow......Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooddd
>>
>> (yeah, the rest of the album's just as whacked-out as that)
>
> Just checked them out. Like a cross between Motorhead
> and Gwar. Me like.
They're awesome.
"Rock 'n' Roll Pumpkhin" had me rolling in tears just from the chorus,
(where the singer draws it out forever); then there's that incredible
vibrato bit in "Cereal Killer."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Green_Jell%C3%BF
Mike Painter
> CRAZIEST CHRISTMAS STORIES
Andrew McGee
"Jimbo" <ckdb...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:72eb2c94-fccf-4dd6...@u7g2000yqm.googlegroups.com...
> stories of 2009:
>
> There is a Christmas tree inside town hall in Cary, North Carolina, but
> town
> officials couldn't bring themselves to call it by its proper name, so they
> relabeled it the "Community Tree."
The appropriate name for it would be the Yule Tree. Yule was
celebrated a long time before your jesus was born, and a very long
time before the christians coopted the Yule tradition as their own.
In point of fact, if you read your own book of riddles and myth, take
a close look at Jerimiah 10. You're, by your own imaginary dieties
command, are not even supposed to be using Yule Trees.
So, you and Donahue should stop bugging altar boys and teach yourself
a bit of history.
If only they restricted themselves to bugging altar boys - I think the word
has something missing. ER, I wonder what it was?
duke
wrote:
>
>"Jimbo" <ckdb...@gmail.com> wrote in message
>news:72eb2c94-fccf-4dd6...@u7g2000yqm.googlegroups.com...
>On Dec 21, 1:31 pm, "J" <Jvisi...@live.com> wrote:
>> CRAZIEST CHRISTMAS STORIES
>>
>> December 21, 2009
>>
>> Catholic League president Bill Donohue comments on the craziest Christmas
>> stories of 2009:
>>
>> There is a Christmas tree inside town hall in Cary, North Carolina, but
>> town
>> officials couldn't bring themselves to call it by its proper name, so they
>> relabeled it the "Community Tree."
>
>The appropriate name for it would be the Yule Tree. Yule was
>celebrated a long time before your jesus was born
Doens't matter. We don't celebrate anything "yule". But we did turn December
25 into the most magnificent birthday celebration.............ever.
>, and a very long
>time before the christians coopted the Yule tradition as their own.
Never used it.
>In point of fact, if you read your own book of riddles and myth, take
>a close look at Jerimiah 10. You're, by your own imaginary dieties
>command, are not even supposed to be using Yule Trees.
We don't. Legend has it that monks in the 7th century used the triangular shape
of the fir tree to describe the Holy Trinity of God the Father, Son and Holy
Spirit.
The Dukester, American-American
*****
"The Mass is the most perfect form of Prayer."
Pope Paul VI
*****
IT Helpdesk
news:gc6dnSnm1vEpV6HW...@bt.com...
I believe the passage refers to carving idolatrous images from timber. That
would seem to be something very much different than a simple Christmas tree.
If someone were actually so inclined, the worship of Christmas trees would
be deemed improper.