Jan. 31, 2006 Work 911 Workplace Newsletter
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Special Focus: Getting Along With Others
We have a lot of news to share, so we'll have to break up our site
updates across several issues of this ezine. In this one, we focus on
articles and resources connected with getting along more effectively
with others, both at home and at work, and in particular, how to deal
with difficult people.
Issue Contents
1) Performance Appraisal Tools Prices Slashed
2) New Additions and Notables At Our Websites
3) Feature Articles
A) How To Cope With Difficult People
B) Conflicts With Your Boss Are Inevitable, But Can Be Healthy
4) Brief Listing of Our Free Resource Centers
1) Prices Slashed on Performance Appraisal Cheatsheets/Helpcards
At the beginning of January we cut the prices on our downloadable
performance appraisal tools by about 40%. These tools include a
manager checklist, performance planning and setting objectives,
diagnosing performance issues, progressive discipline, and there's
even one to help plain old employees get more out of their
performance appraisals. Prices are under $7.00 each and you can
browse or preview free of charge at: http://performance-
appraisals.org/learnto/index.htm
Of course, if you want free performance appraisal and improvement
help, the main site is http://performance-appraisals.org .
2) New Additions and Notables On Our Websites
At our Conflict Resource Center we've added new material on bullying
at work, and dealing with difficult people and verbal abuse.. Main
page is http://conflict911.com .
In particular, check out "Emotional Abuse Just As Damaging As
Physical Abuse" at http://conflict911.com/cgi-bin/links/jump.cgi?
ID=10784 . Also if you are interested in taking a self-assessment to
increase your awareness of your "arguing style", you might try "The
Arguing Self-Assessment" at: http://conflict911.com/cgi-
bin/links/jump.cgi?ID=10879 .
There's a free version (all the questions but a very sparse scoring
system) that is still good for stimulating thinking about your own
arguing style. Or, you can pay a few dollars to have a full online
scoring done (we have no affiliation with them).
For all the recently added conflict material go to:
http://conflict911.com/New
We've also added a fair number of customer service resources at The
Customerservicezone (http://customerservicezone.com) to help build
better relationships with customers. There's new material on customer
service in different industries, including how companies are using
online services to serve customers. And of course, lots of help with
dealing with those "customers from hell". All the new material is at:
http://customerservicezone.com/New/
We've done a lot more updating, but we'll tell you about more of the
changes next time. Now, on to our featurs.
Feature Articles On "Gettin Along"
How To Cope With Difficult People By Saleem Rana
They are out there. They may either be your boss, college professor,
business partner, landlord, or even your own spouse, children,
siblings or parents. Anyone can be a difficult person to someone else.
You may not admit it -- but at one time or another; all of us have
been difficult people to other people.
It is vital to see if you are in a situation with a difficult person
or if you yourself are beginning to be one. The first solution to any
problem is recognizing the problem.
Most times, difficult people do not realize they are difficult. They
don't see that they are demanding too much from other people. They
think their attitude is just normal. Likewise, some of their victims
may not see that they are dealing with difficult people.
It's vital that at this early point, we grasp the fact that avoiding
difficult people does not solve the problem in question. As earlier
mentioned, these people are everywhere. There is no privacy they
cannot invade.
Ironically, the more successful you get the more difficult people you
have to meet and cope with. Coping with difficult people might even
be considered an essential skill to getting and staying successful in
your life.
If you enjoy sailing in the sea you have to get used to its moods.
The key is not to stay out of it but to learn to sail smoothly
through thick and thin. Likewise, it is learning how to deal with a
difficult person that gives you smooth sailing amid a storm.
Once you master this, difficult people will start liking you.
So what makes a difficult person difficult?
Everyone out there is fighting a life battle of some kind. The
battles may be fierce or mild. Different people have different stress
tolerance. When people reach a state of high confusion and overwhelm,
they become difficult. They, then, unconsciously project their
frustration on you.
As a psychologist, my business is actually in dealing with difficult
people, trying to make them less difficult. Once people become aware
of their own inner pain, they begin to see how they bludgeon others
with it, often unconsciously. Their lives are falling apart because
they are critical, judgmental, and hostile to themselves and other
people. Everything I do in a session is designed for only one
purpose: to make them self-aware.
Given this opportunity to see other people more deeply, I have found
the best way to stay objective enough to help them is to follow the
advice of Don Miguel Ruiz, a brilliant philosopher. He said that
everyone is living in their own dream, their own version of reality.
You have to understand that everything they are saying about you is
only a projection from that state of unawareness. In fact, they do
not see you at all, only their interpretation of what someone like
you means to them. Thus, he advised--do not take things personally.
If you base your values and your meanings on someone else's point of
view, you have merely traded in your own uniqueness and become
imprisoned in their dream. You are letting them define you. No one
can truly understand you…for they do not know you well enough to do
it.
Once you really get this perspective, you can allow yourself the
freedom to see them as they are--i.e. upset about something that has
nothing to do with you but over something that is bothering them.
They are experiencing something about you that does not even exist in
your reality.
Often, too, they do not even use the same words in the same way you
do. Let me give you a simple example of the often invisible
linguistic barrier that arises between people. Yesterday, I was
having a discussion with someone about 'consciousness.' She argued
that it had no value for her. This was puzzling to me…because what I
was witnessing was a being that was animated because of
consciousness. After some investigation, I finally understood that
she had narrowed the word down to mean 'figuring things out.' Thus,
while I was defining the word as 'sentience, life-force, and
awareness,' she was defining it as 'limited, circuitous thinking.'
Thus, even when two people are discussing what appears to be the same
topic, they are actually talking about two completely different
things. Each in their own minds are convinced that they are correct—
because each is viewing something that is perfectly aligned with
their own precepts and own vision.
The best way to cope with difficult people is to not take what they
have to say personally.
If this does not make sense to you, consider the following.
Difficult people are difficult because:
(a) They project their inner pain on you; and you just happen to be
at the wrong place at the wrong time.
(b) They do not even experience you as you are; but only interpret
you a certain way because of their limited experience of you.
(c) They do not even see you as you are; but are only caught up in a
dream state of what someone like you stirs up in them.
(d) They do not even hear the words you say; but are only
interpreting the meaning of your words according to their own hidden
definition.
Thus, when you really look at it deeply, it is not wise to take
things personally. Once you remain free of getting stuck in their
view of you, then you can intuitively understand how to cope with the
situation.
Saleem Rana is a psychotherapist in Denver, Colorado. If you would
like to learn how to finally stop difficult people from upsetting you
and ruining your life, then you can get more information at
http://theempoweredsoul.com/SelfImprovementBooks/difficultpeople.html
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Saleem_Rana
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Conflicts With Your Boss Are Inevitable, But Can Be Healthy By Ramon
Greenwood
If you are a pro-active, get-things-done type, sooner or later you
will come in conflict with your boss. The same sort of assertiveness
and confidence that leads you to have a mind of your own has helped
him to earn his position.
Another reality is that if you do not have some periodic
disagreements with your supervisors you are probably not being as
assertive as you should be in moving your career ahead.
These conflicts can prove to be hazardous to the health of your
career if they are not handled with common sense, says Ramon
Greenwood, senior career counselor, www.CommonSenseAtWork.com>
No one enjoys conflict, especially with the boss. But when you have
an honest difference of opinion, it is better to pay the price of
discomfort and take the risk of some penalty than to bottle up the
frustration and nagging conscience that results from not meeting what
you see as your responsibilities.
Knowing you will have conflicts, you can be prepared to handle them
so there are no individual losers.
TURN CONFLICTS TO ADVANTAGES
Greenwood says there are nine steps you can take to lessen the damage
that can result from conflicts with your boss. In fact, you can turn
these conflicts to your advantage.
1. The first step is to concisely define the issue-- preferably in
writing-- so that you have a clear understanding as to what the
controversy is all about. Determine how important it is to the
parties involved and to the organization.
If it is not truly important beyond your personal feelings, forget
it. Save your energies for another time when the stakes are
significant.
2. Give full consideration to the points of view of all parties
concerned, especially the boss. His responsibilities are different
than yours. He may have a legitimate reason for his opinion, which
you are not aware of at the moment. The conflict you see may
disappear with an explanation.
3. Weigh your reasons and objectives against the good of the
organization. Before you 'go to the mat' on an issue, be sure you are
motivated by what you believe to be the larger interest and not just
your own narrowly defined agenda.
4. Ask for a face-to-face discussion with your boss if, after due
consideration, you still feel the difference is worth pursuing. If
the matter is not resolved with a meeting, ask permission to leave a
written explanation with your boss for his further consideration.
5. Never push your boss into a corner where he has no room for
compromise. Do not air the conflict with your boss in the presence of
others.
6. Avoid letting the matter be positioned on a personal basis.
Emotions and personalities have no place in a confrontation with the
boss.
7. Be tactful. Show respect for the boss's position and
responsibilities. Whatever the outcome of your differences with him,
he is still your boss.
8. Keep the matter in perspective. It is good to remember that win,
lose or draw, it is a rare situation when the resolution of an issue
results in a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow or the world
coming to an end.
9. Don't pin a medal on your chest if you prevail or wear the black
of mourning if the decision goes the other way. Get on with the job.
If you have been heard and the boss still doesn't agree, be a good
trooper, support his decision, openly and aggressively. If the
outlook is contrary to your basic values look for another job.
If you can't discuss the inevitable conflicts with your boss in a
free and open manner so as to arrive at acceptable resolutions, or if
such disagreements are so frequent and painful that your life and
career are being disrupted, recognize you have a problem larger than
any single issue. It may be that you are at odds with the standards
and objectives of the boss or the organization. Or the personal
chemistry between you and your boss may be out of balance.
If you can't resolve the conflicts or live with them, locate another
opportunity. Life is too short to exist in a world of turmoil and
confrontations, in the opinion of Greenwood.
Senior career counselor for http://www.CommonSenseAtWork.com, Ramon
Greenwood is a former senior vice president of American Express; a
professional director for various businesses; a consultant; a
published author of career related books and a syndicated column
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Ramon_Greenwood
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4) Our Free Websites:
http://work911.com is our flagship site where you can find out more
about us, and tons of work related information.
http://articles911.com is our flagship articles directory focused
primarily on the workplace.
http://customerservicezone.com - Want help with dealing with
difficult customers, or want to know what's being done to improve
performance? This is the place.
http://performance-appraisals.org - The Performance Appraisal Help
Center is about performance management and appraisal, and improving
performance in a humane and cooperative way.
http://conflict911.com is our Conflict Help Center. Tons of free
conflict related advice.
http://relationships911.org is for those looking for better
relationships at home and at work.
http://buyingadvice411.com is a consumer related site to help you
select the products that will suit your needs and budget. Advice on
buying televisions, cookware, beds, mp3 players and tons more is
there, and it's impartial. You'll also find
http://buyingadvice411/services which focuses on choosing "soft"
services and products -- for example, choosing a doctor, car
mechanic, purchasing insurance. It's brand new.
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