You know you have lived in the Dubai too long when...

[Cavan Creado]

You know you have lived in the Dubai too long when...

• You enjoy camping in the sand
• You're not surprised to see a goat in the passenger seat
• You think the uncut version of "Little House on the Prairie" is racy
• You serve coffee in a thimble
• You expect the confirmation of your flight reservation to be 'inshahallah"
• You think everyone's first name is Al
• You don't expect to eat dinner until 10.30pm
• You need a sweater when it's 80 deg F
• You expect everyone to own a GSM
• Your idea of housework is leaving a list for the houseboy
• You think a picnic means pulling over on the side of the road with your TV and sheeshah
• You think that skis were developed for sand use
• You think speed limits are only advisory
• You expect to see tractors driving at 40kmph on the motorway
• You know whether or not you are in the missile range of Iraq's Scuds
• You think black is appropriate day time wear
• You think it's normal to play golf on the sand and putt on the browns
• You expect to go to jail when a local hits your car from behind at a stop sign
• You wear a jacket inside and take it off outside
• You think a shopping mall is a covered souq
• You can judge a perfect '10' by her ankles
• You don't question how an ID card works for women wearing abayas
• You think carpets belong on the wall
• You think the further you edge into the intersection, the faster the light will turn green
• You believe that the definition of a nanosecond is the interval between the time the light turns green and the guy behind you starts blowing his horn
• You give directions by land marks instead of by road names
• You think a desert storm is a war
• You can receive every television station except the local one
• You think being liberated is sitting in the family section of a restaurant
• You think a red light means run it
• You think only men should hold hands in public
• You understand that wadi bashing isn't a criminal act
• You make left turns from the far right lane
• You make right turns from the far left lane
• You make U turns from any lane you want
• You know a traffic jam on this side of the road means an accident on the other side
• You measure time by the prayer calls
• You know that your Internet charges per month are more than buying a new computer
• You don't expect the traffic police to stop you for a traffic offence
• You know that the colour of your skin is your entry criteria
• You think driving with your foot on the dashboard is cool
• You find everybody thinks they can speak Englis'
• You can't figure out if the city's name is Djubai or Dyubai
• You think Bebsi is better than Coke
• You shake your empty Cappuccino cup when you've had enough
• You think a Jumeira Jane's outlook to life is normal
• Having a belly is a sign of being healthy
• It's OK for a woman to have a moustache and sometimes even a beard
• You think the hazard lights are fog warning lights
• You find you've visited all the new malls that mushroom by the minute
• You still buy Dubai Duty Free's lottery tickets when it would have been cheaper to pay the down payment for the BMW instead
• You've left dust tracks in all the hotels along Jumeriah beach
• You know which side of a shawarma to unwrap first
• You look forward to rainy days