Help! This is where I don't get it and I don't know what to do

[Michelle]

I need suggestions! My 10 year old son likes to look up game cheats,
music videos, ghost videos, etc on YouTube. He says he hates to read,
so watching the video instead of reading game cheats suits his style.
We try to stay involved with him and/or nearby while he is doing this
because we are aware of what other things can easily be found on
YouTube. Today I've been walking in and out while doing laundry as he
was looking up videos about the new Destroy All Humans due to come out
in the fall. The last time I walked in, he was watching a real life
video showing a man getting hit by a car. From the hit, I'm guessing
the man didn't survive; at the very least, he was severely injured.
And my son is watching this and laughing.

I was appalled, to say the least. So here's my first question: is this
normal behavior for a boy? I don't think I would have laughed at
something like that as a kid, but I know boys and girls find different
things funny. I didn't think farts were all that funny either as a
kid, but he thinks they're hysterical. And now my confession: I told
him to turn off YouTube and no more YouTube for today. Then he lied to
me and said he was laughing about one of the Destroy All Humans videos
he'd just been watching. So long story short: now I have a miserable,
unhappy kid sleeping in his room because I stressed him out so much by
getting onto him for thinking that was funny and trying to explain in
detail why it wasn't funny. And I'm miserable and unhappy because I
stressed him out and because I know I did such a bad job handling that
interaction. My next questions: Did I overreact? How could I have
handled that differently? and How can I fix it?

Now, when you give your suggestions/feedback, please keep in mind that
this is my stepson. We have him 50% of the time, and I've been in his
life since he was 6. He is schooled because his mom refuses to even
consider homeschooling (even when he begged), and he has full freedom
to use the computer without any adult involvement at her house - more
along the lines of neglect, IMO, because she has little idea, if any,
of what he's actually involved in on the internet. We are trying to
live with as much of an unschooling mindset as we can, given the
situation.

Thanks!
Michelle

[Pamela Sorooshian]

I'd go right now and say you're sorry, that you totally overreacted. Then let it drop.

You didn't start by telling us he's a mean-spirited bully who likes to torture small animals --- or anything like that. 

Kids DO think stuff like this is funny - it means nothing other than he's not thinking of the real person being injured or killed - he's just looking at it as a video.

It would have been one thing to have walked in and said, "What's funny?" When he told you, you would have known what HE thought was funny about it. I bet he wouldn't have said, "I think someone being maimed and killed is funny." There would have been something about how the accident happened that was funny. You could have, if you really felt compelled, said, "That IS funny. So, is the person really being killed or is it a set up piece?" Just help him think about it a little, not shame him.

Besides, I think the Darwin Awards are hysterically funny - but they all involve someone being killed due to their own stupid moves. Really, I'm a kind-hearted nice person, and, if I knew the person, I'd probably feel awful for them, but they are very funny to read about.

In fact, to make up to him, maybe you should share the Darwin Awards WITH him -- quite a few have to do with stupid car accidents. One of the most recent ones took place near where I live - four people on two dirt bikes, no helmets, no lights -- riding around in the middle of the night, they crashed into each other and all four died. 

The Darwin Awards: A Chronicle of Enterprising Demises

Honoring those who improve the species...by accidentally removing themselves from it!

<www.DarwinAwards.com>

-pam

[k]

I don't think it's funny when someone is injured, maimed or killed. I
definitely laugh though when there's a scene in a horror flick and
weird production bloopers happen where the body moves unrealistically
or in some way bizarrely. One of the reasons I might laugh is to
relieve some of the pent up emotion that comes from watching the
living getting hurt or an actor portraying the undead doing something
that looks gross to me. That's at my age (40s). When I was a kid all
the above was even more likely to happen without thinking much about
the reality being portrayed in these things.

I remember the poem by Dickinson "I saw a Fly When I Died" and it
struck me as funny in that same bizarre way. If people think after
death, what would they think about or look like when they're dead or
in the act of dying? Sometimes I wonder about these curiosities now
(but more idly).

The fact that you saw your son laughing at the video on YouTube is a
good indication that he might have trusted you to understand.
Perceptions change over a lifetime and it does so a little at a time.
This is a great opportunity to be involved in gradual changes in
perception with your son, and to talk a bit at time about them. And
to also realize there might be something you could learn about his
interests. He will more easily hear and be influenced by your values
if you do.

~Katherine

> The Darwin Awards: A Chronicle of Enterprising DemisesHonoring those who

[Michelle]

Well, I went in and apologized to him for overreacting when he woke
up. Then I told him I loved him and that I'm glad he's in my life, and
he responded the way he normally does when I express affection for him
in a direct way like that: he got all uncomfortable and said, "uh,
thanks." So I laughed, because the way he responds always makes me
laugh, he grinned, and we were good. Then he wanted to talk about why
I thought it was real. He didn't think it was. And he told me that
when I first overreacted, but I steamrolled right over him. :(

Pam, I wish I could have thought of your suggestions when we were in
the middle of the whole interaction. It would have been a lot more
peaceful and pleasant. And the thing I thought about later is that
I've been wanting to show him some videos of cheerleading bloopers.
I've even told him about them, telling him that they're funny and
awful all at the same time - although I don't think anyone dies. But
how is finding those funny any different than him finding the video he
was watching funny? It's not! I wish I could think of all these things
before I mess things up.

Anyway, thanks for your responses, and your reassurances that just
because he found this funny doesn't mean he's going to grow up to be a
serial killer.

Michelle

[Pamela Sorooshian]

This will undoubtedly offend some people- but it is too funny to not
pass on. From my daughter to your son, Michelle!

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8hgPSwHnM8>

Jesus Christ, the Musical. He is singing "I Will Survive" - walking/
dancing down the streets of Hollywood. It has a surprise ending.

-pam

[Nicole Willoughby]

your reassurances that just
> because he found this funny doesn't mean he's going to grow up to be
a
> serial killer.

Well if it does my 5 year old is going to be one too . She just got done cracking up at the video Pam sent . She thought it was hillarious this man was walking down the street in a diaper

My husband didnt find it funny at all ......sigh but then again he still tries to control, and hollers at the kids :(

---

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

[enchanteddreams]

Funny- I was waiting for it to go on longer!

Cheryl

[Michelle]

That was funny. That's one of those things that I find funny and
offensive all at once! Kind of funny how we can be that way. But I
figure if God made me able to laugh at myself, he's big enough to take
a joke himself. I'm sure my son would love it! Thanks, Pam. And tell
your daughter thanks.

[Maisha Khalfani]

<<Jesus Christ, the Musical. He is singing "I Will Survive" - walking/
dancing down the streets of Hollywood. It has a surprise ending.

-pam>>

I just watched that with Safiya (9) and Dakari (8). Safiya thought it was
funny...so did I

be at peace,
Maisha
Khalfani Family Adventures
"...life is for entertainment purposes only" ~ Abraham-Hicks

"Don't be afraid of showing affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and
affectionate. Mankind is more helped by sympathy than by service. Love is
more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present."
~ Jean Baptiste Lacordaire