help with patience
michellem...@hotmail.com
between trusting my kids in other issues and trusting them to make good
food choices.
I realized that it is possible for them to make good choices, but I
need some help with the patience part. I would like to read more
stories of people who started trusting their kids after telling them
what they could and couldn't eat for years.
I have always educated my kids as to why they should eat healthy
foods, and why they should not overload on unhealthy ones. I have
tried to have them eat a healthy diet, but I have always been the one
to make the decision about what they can eat, when... I worry over
their diets for fear of it being "my fault" if they get sick because I
"allowed" them to eat a poor diet. As if that is the sole cause of
getting sick anyway.
I have a lot of issues with thinking of "junk" foods as a reward,
and "making" myself eat good foods to "stay healthy". For the past
couple years I have been trying to give myself a more healthy outlook
by realizing that I don't "have" to avoid junk food like the plague,
and there is no one stopping me from eating it... A lot of things have
contributed to my feeling that I have these restrictions on myself,
although no one is physically telling me I can or cannot eat something.
My thought is that I passed these unseen fears and restrictions on to
my kids, and this is why given the choice right now, they do not even
think of eating anything good for them. They want what is convenient
and good tasting to them, and this usually means candy, pop, or
something equally non-nutritious. Even if there is fruit sitting on
the counter....
I need encouragement that if I trust them for long enough, they will
begin making healthy choices. Some added stress I have at the moment
is that I would love to make more nutritious options available to them
on a consistent basis, but at this point I am almost 38 weeks pregnant,
and can't even do my own grocery shopping. I am grouchy, and aching to
the point that I can't even keep my own house clean. I can do about a
half hour to an hour of work before I am so sore that I feel like
crying.
I just need some encouragement in embracing this life of unschooling
amidst these pressures. Thanks in advance.
Sandra Dodd
If it's not possible for them to make choices, they can't make good
choices.
If it's possible for them to make choices, it's possible for them to
do things you will consider "bad choices."
It's already too late for them to listen to their bodies' needs from
the time they're babies. Parents who breastfeed and give their
children foods they reach for and don't make them eat more than they
want, and let them try things they want have a huge head start over
parents who have spent years telling their children that their
desires are wrong and their choices are bad but their parents'
choices are like god's own decisions.
Probably all of us could think of examples of parental choices that
turned out in retrospect to have been very bad, whether because the
foods were later thought not to be so good for a person, or because
the child had an allergy the parent didn't know about, or whether
simply the child said "That will make me sick" and the parent said
something like "No it won't, eat it or else..." and then the child
got sick.
The more parents have controlled, the more crow the parents will have
to eat while the child learns unnaturally and painstakingly what
their bodies want and need.
I learned from my children to think before I eat. If I come into the
kitchen hungry, I don't grab the sweetest or closest thing. I think
and feel, and have learned to know whether I need protein or greens
or what. Sometimes I wake up knowing I need juice. Sometimes I need
something salty. I rarely had these feelings before. I would eat
what I COULD eat, not what I needed to eat.
My kids, though, have always had that, since they were little.
-=- I have always educated my kids as to why they should eat healthy
foods, and why they should not overload on unhealthy ones.-=-
You have talked about it, but whether they were listening and
believing you isn't a sure thing.
-=-. I would like to read more
stories of people who started trusting their kids after telling them
what they could and couldn't eat for years.-=-
http://sandradodd.com/eating/control
http://sandradodd.com/eating/longterm
http://sandradodd.com/eating/sweets
Sandra
Amy Carpenter-Leugs
<michellem...@hotmail.com> wrote:
==
> I need encouragement that if I trust them for long enough, they will
Careful about "long enough," though, okay? I know that you're trying,
but please realize that this healing will take as long as it will take
-- for you, too -- and there is no deadline or "long enough," there's
just life and eating what feels right and learning.
All that said, I have four words for you. French Toast Pop Tarts.
When we stopped controlling his access to food, that is what my 6 y.o.
(at the time, 3 years ago) son ate, morning, noon and night. We went
through boxes of them.
And then one week, I brought home the Pop Tarts, and the old box was
still sitting there with a couple of packets inside. And when I
checked for the next grocery trip, there were still some left.
My kids still love candy and ice cream and soda and cookies -- you
should know that your kids might want to eat these things throughout
their childhood, and you'll need to come to peace with that. But my
kids also only eat as much as they want, and not a bite more. In
fact, they often want exactly one bite of something sweet -- I've
learned to ask, and to give out small portions to start, knowing there
can be more if they want more.
My kids ask for protein foods when they need them -- they ask for
their vitamins and favorite fruits when those sound good and
refreshing to them. They are incredibly healthy, jumping, running,
rarely sick, happy, joyful, with good skin and hair and body weight
and muscle tone -- all of it. And most importantly, they know how to
listen to their own bodies. They can count on that internal
information to decide how to best care for themselves -- that's the
really cool part.
Peace,
Amy
--
Fresh From the Universe
www.geocities.com/freshfromtheuniverse
Astrology, Tarot Cards, and Dream Work
Specializing in Children and Families
"It is not a slight thing when they, who are so fresh from God, love us."
-- Charles Dickens
Sandra Dodd
should know that your kids might want to eat these things throughout
their childhood, and you'll need to come to peace with that. But my
It's interesting when a parent who is bitching about a kid wanting
sweets then ALSO complains if the kid "only" eats half a cookie, or
drinks half a soda.
Sometimes I think the parents just want to complain.
Sodas are big. I rarely can finish one. I drink what I want and
pour the rest out. Better to pour it down the sink than through my
guts, if I don't want it. Full-size sodas are less expensive than
half-size ones, generally. Two-liter bottles go flat easily. So we
buy cans on sale, and I don't mind pouring out partials.
Candy can get tasted and left lying. I throw it away when it's clear
that it's been abandoned for a while.
I made brownies Monday morning. There are still half of them left.
When kids know there will be more when and if they want them, they
don't scarf stuff down like there's no tomorrow. The feelings of
desperation can be created by the parents, but they can also be removed.
Sandra
Joanne
Here's a blog post I wrote on this topic. I didn't want to copy the
whole thing here because it may be to long.
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (14)
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