The Parent and Child Relationship
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*By: Hanif Mohamed*
*Introduction:* I was asked to deliver a speech to the youth at my father's
church. Alhamdulillah, I was raised as a Christian and reverted back to
Islam in 1991. I felt like this was a good opportunity to show Christians
that we are well versed with the Bible and that we all share the same
concerns. Insha' Allah for Muslims that don't know anything about the Bible
or Christian teachings this will be a good place to show how The Bible and
The Qur'an agrees on the subject of the parent and child relationship. This
is only one subject where we agree and there are many more. This speech was
addressed to Christians but its message is universal. Insha' Allah, it will
be well received by all.
The parent and child relationship is a very important relationship. It is
a relationship that each and everyone us have. Today I will be talking about
three verses that show us how this relationship should be. The first verse
is, "train a child in the way that he should go, and when he is older he
will not depart" (H.B. Proverbs 22:6). The second is "honor thy mother and
thy father so that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy
God giveth thee" (H.B. Exodus 20:12). And finally "The Lord has commanded
you to worship only Him and to do good to your parents. And if either or
both of them reach old age with you say not to them as much as "ugh" nor
chide them. And speak kind words to them, and submit yourselves humbly to
them with compassion, and pray, Oh Lord have mercy on them as they brought
me up when I was little" (H.Q. 17:23-24). These verses share common themes;
they all have commands and promises. If we heed the command, we will benefit
from the promises.
We will begin with the first verse and it's command. God says "train a
child in the way that he/ she should go". God has given us children as a
Trust. Not everyone can have children so they are truly a blessing to those
of us that have them. But this trust is only given to us for a season. The
average person is now living to be 80 years old and we have roughly 18 years
to put them on right guidance. In that short time we must set the foundation
because like a building, if the foundation is good the building is good. If
the foundation is bad the building is bad. We can't afford to fail this
command because if we do we will end up with a society full of degenerates.
If we fail to train our children don't worry, all the undesirable elements
will do it for us. The streets, television, video games, and their peers
that are just as lost as they are will train them for us. To insure the
quality of life we desire for our future we must teach our children to
revere God. We must see that they know the laws and statutes of God. We have
to let them know that even when we're not around God is the Seer of all, and
nothing goes on outside of His Knowledge. If we train them, God has promised
us that they will not depart. God has said that, "he is not a man so that he
should lie", so his promise is true. Our Children may stray but they will
not depart.
The second verse's command is directed toward the children. They are told
to "honor thy mother and thy father". To honor is to pay respect to and to
hold one in high esteem. It is to remember that you not only represent
yourself, but you represent your parents and your upbringing in all that you
do. When you're out and about with your friends, in school, at the park or
where ever you may be, you have to hold on to, better yet cling to the
teachings that were given to you by your parents. These teachings will keep
you away from drugs, gangs, lying, cheating, stealing and any other vices
that may be tempting you. Take a look at your friends that don't honor the
teachings of their parents and see how their lives turn out. They will more
than likely either end up in and out of jail or they'll die at a young age.
Now here again God has put a promise with His command. Obey the command,
honor your parents and receive the promise of having a long life.
The last verse is full of commands, the first of which is "to worship non
but God". The next is to "do good to your parents" and this is at all times.
The third command is very special; it truly makes you reflect on the Mercy
of God if you are grateful. This command says that "if either or both of
your parents reach old age with you…I am here to testify today that I am
truly blessed to have all of my parents here today. My Grandfather has said
that when you have lost your mother you have lost your best friend. Some
people never meet their parents. Some people lose their parents while
they're young. It is not a given that you will reach old age with your
parents and look how God makes us acknowledge this fact through this verse.
Give God the Praise for the Blessings He bestows upon men. The command
continues and says, "not to utter ugh towards them". Notice God is not
saying not to argue with them, nor is he saying not to speak harshly with
them, He goes an extra step and says not to make any sound of discontent
towards them. He continues with "nor to chide them" which is to scold them.
As in asking, "why didn't you take your medicine?" in a disrespectful way.
But now, the next command informs us on how we should act towards our
parents, it says" speak to them with kind words and to submissively humble
ourselves towards them with compassion". Now watch how the Almighty brings
everything together, the final command is for the child to pray, "oh my Lord
have mercy on my parents as that have brought me up when I was little" (H.B.
James 5:16). This is the end of the verse and some of you may be asking
where is the promise to all these commands listed in this verse. God has
said, "The effectual fervent prayer of the righteous man availeth much."
When you bring up the child in the way he/ she should go, when you teach
them to only worship God, when you teach them to honor their parents and
they comply, you have produced righteous men and women. When they pray they
are your intercessors with the Almighty. They pray to have your sins
forgiven, to improve your health, to change your financial situation and
that prayer does avail much. What a Loving, Merciful, Wise, Omnipotent and
Just God we serve.
The real beauty in this parent and child relationship is that we all get
to participate in every facet of the relationship. Even those without
biological children, and children without birth parents joins in equally.
This is so because we are our brothers' keepers. And we are responsible for
one another and our kids too. The African proverb says, "It takes a village
to raise a child". That means every adult belongs to every child and every
child belongs to every adult. We first see this world as children and I
remember saying, "I will never treat my kids the way my Mother treated me".
And I always questioned, "Why did she make that decision? I wouldn't have
ever made that decision". Then we change places and we become the parents
and the veils are removed from our eyes and what comprehended as children as
the real world quickly fades away. It's only when we experience life and
become parents ourselves that we begin to fully appreciate why Momma didn't
allow us to do what the neighbor's kids were doing. It's only then that we
understand the decisions, which were sacrifices that had to be made so that
we could have food, water, gas, lights and a roof over our heads. I find
myself periodically calling back to apologize to my parents for the wrongs
that I have done and begging for their forgiveness for my unfair judgments
on them. After we raise our children, we get to see them come to the same
realizations about life that we did. And the proof in our parenting can only
be truly measured on how well our children raise our grandchildren. I will
now end with the following prayer, "Oh lord forgive our sins, the sins of
our parents and protect us from the fire of hell. Amen. Thank You.
H.B. denotes Holy Bible H.Q. denotes Holy Qur'an
If you have any comments concerning this speech please feel free to direct
them to: *hanee...@yahoo.com.*
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