Jokester
From the Jokester
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forward the Jokester’s Jokeletter to your friends
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Have a Look at This Joke & Matching Picture at
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Worth the click: http://www.breitbart.tv/?p=127983
Out of Office Messages:
I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get
the position. Be prepared for my mood.
You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me
until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail
will be deleted in the order it was received.
Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the
first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connect ion and is unable
to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending
again.'
Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You
are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in
approximately 19 weeks.
I've run away to join a different circus.
I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I
return, please refer to me as 'Margaret' instead of 'Jay'.
A Secretary's Rules for Work
Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it
to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to
inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me,
advising me at every keystroke.
Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance
to be creative when someone asks where you are.
If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the
door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening
doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and
lose all use of my limbs.
If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which priority is. I
am psychic.
Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to
go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean
a promotion.
If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in
conversations. I was born to be whipped.
If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact,
save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful
information.
Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know
anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to
them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
Bosses Basic Rules
Rule 1: The Boss is always right!
Rule 2: In the impossible hypothesis that a subordinate may be right, Rule 1
becomes immediately operative.
Rule 3: The boss does not sleep; he/she rests.
Rule 4: The Boss is never late; he/she is delayed else-where.
Rule 5: The Boss never leaves his/her work; his/her attention is required
elsewhere.
Rule 6: The Boss never reads the paper in his/her office; he/she studies.
Rule 7: The Boss never takes advantage of his/her secretary with extra work.
He/she educates her.
Rule 8: The Boss is always chief, even in his/her bathing togs.
Rule 9: Whomsoever may enter the boss's office with an idea of his own must
leave the office with the boss's ideas.
Rule 10: If, in your lamentable ignorance, you fail to grasp the truth, fear
not; return to Rule 1
Feel Free To Submit Some Of Your Favorite Jokes
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All the Best: Your Often Misguided Humorist and Joke Moderator,
The Jokester {aka Dan the Man}.
Subscription Information:
ü Jokes are customarily sent 3 - 5 times per week covering a range of
hopefully (?) humorous subjects!
ü Just remember, don't blame the messenger: I only send the jokes, I don't
write them.
ü To unsubscribe see the instructions below or send me an email (be sure to
tell me which group you joined).
ü But Wait! Before you unsubscribe, stop and think about it. Have you given
the jokes enough time? The occasional bad joke is to be expected. Hang in
there, maybe the next joke will make your day!?!?
