Some Rules for Work

[The Jokester]

	From the Jokester	Help the Jokester’s eMail List Grow, forward the Jokester’s Jokeletter to your friends and ask them to sign up to be a Jokester!
		Have a Look at This Joke & Matching Picture at www.thejokester.net
Worth the click:  http://www.breitbart.tv/?p=127983
Out of Office Messages:   I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.     You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.     I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April.   Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order   it was received.     Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each   additional word in your message.     The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connect ion and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'     Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.     I've run away to join a different circus.     I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Margaret' instead of 'Jay'.       A Secretary's Rules for Work   Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.  The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.     If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps.   Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.     Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.     If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me.  I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose  all use of my limbs.     If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which priority is. I am psychic.     Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.     If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.     If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.     If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.  No use confusing me with useful information.     Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything.  In the corporate food chain, I am plankton.  When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.       Bosses Basic Rules   Rule 1: The Boss is always right!     Rule 2: In the impossible hypothesis that a subordinate may be right, Rule 1 becomes immediately operative.     Rule 3: The boss does not sleep; he/she rests.     Rule 4: The Boss is never late; he/she is delayed else-where.     Rule 5: The Boss never leaves his/her work; his/her attention is required elsewhere.     Rule 6: The Boss never reads the paper in his/her office; he/she studies.     Rule 7: The Boss never takes advantage of his/her secretary with extra work. He/she educates her.     Rule 8: The Boss is always chief, even in his/her bathing togs.     Rule 9: Whomsoever may enter the boss's office with an idea of his own must leave the office with the boss's ideas.     Rule 10: If, in your lamentable ignorance, you fail to grasp the truth, fear not; return to Rule 1
Feel Free To Submit Some Of Your Favorite Jokes
See This Joke & Matching Picture at: www.TheJokester.net
Help My Joke List Grow:  Invite friends and family at  Google Groups (suggested, most advertisement free), Yahoo Groups or www.thejokester.net If you got this email from a friend, why not sign-up and get the jokes straight from the Jokester’s keyboard?

All the Best: Your Often Misguided Humorist and Joke Moderator,

The Jokester {aka Dan the Man}.

Subscription Information:

ü  Jokes are customarily sent 3 - 5 times per week covering a range of hopefully (?) humorous subjects!

ü  Just remember, don't blame the messenger: I only send the jokes, I don't write them.

ü  To unsubscribe see the instructions below or send me an email (be sure to tell me which group you joined).

ü  But Wait! Before you unsubscribe, stop and think about it. Have you given the jokes enough time? The occasional bad joke is to be expected. Hang in there, maybe the next joke will make your day!?!?