My Wife's Birthday

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Oct 10, 2008, 8:30:52 PM10/10/08
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                My Wife’s Birthday
Why Men Wear Earrings A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow and is curious about his sudden change in 'fashion sense.' The man walks up to him and says, 'I didn't know you were into earrings.' 'Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring,' he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?" "Ever since my wife found it in my car." (I always wondered how this trend got started.) Did You See? A man walks in a bank, gets in line, and when it's his turn he pulls out a gun and robs the bank! But, just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The customer replies "Yes, I did!" The bank robber raises his gun, points it to his head and BANG!!!!!... kills him. He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says loudly to this man, "DID YOU SEE ME ROB THIS BANK?" The man calmly responds..."No, I didn't, but my wife did!" Vicarious Learning I've always been handy at fix-it jobs around the house and I've tried to train my children to follow suit. Recently one of my sons asked his wife to hold the flashlight while he replaced a faulty electrical switch. Only mildly interested, she asked him after a short pause, "How did you learn to do this stuff?" "By holding the flashlight," he replied. Anniversary A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job." My Wife’s Birthday A rich man and a poor man are sitting in a bar late one night. They're talking about different things and then the poor man asks the rich man what he got his wife for her birthday. "I got her a brand new Mercedes Benz and a 24-karat diamond ring", said the rich man. The poor man, a bit puzzled by this, says "Why in the hell did you get her both?" The rich man replies, "I got her both because if she doesn't like the ring, she can take it back in her new car and exchange it." After this, the rich man asks the poor man what he got his wife for her birthday. The poor man responds," I got her a pair of flip-flops and a dildo." Obviously confused, the rich man asks why he chose those items. The poor man replied, " Because if she don't like the flip-flops, she can go screw herself." Quotes of Note David Bissonette : When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.   Sacha Guitry : After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Socrates: By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Anonymous: Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Dumas : The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want? Sigmund Freud: I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Anonymous : "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." Sam Kinison : "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." James Holt McGavran : "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't." Patrick Murray: Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. Nash : The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... Anonymous : You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. Henny Youngman : My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield : A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Anonymous : A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." Anonymous: First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.
Why Men Wear Earrings A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow and is curious about his sudden change in 'fashion sense.' The man walks up to him and says, 'I didn't know you were into earrings.' 'Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring,' he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?" "Ever since my wife found it in my car." (I always wondered how this trend got started.) Did You See? A man walks in a bank, gets in line, and when it's his turn he pulls out a gun and robs the bank! But, just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The customer replies "Yes, I did!" The bank robber raises his gun, points it to his head and BANG!!!!!... kills him. He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says loudly to this man, "DID YOU SEE ME ROB THIS BANK?" The man calmly responds..."No, I didn't, but my wife did!" Vicarious Learning I've always been handy at fix-it jobs around the house and I've tried to train my children to follow suit. Recently one of my sons asked his wife to hold the flashlight while he replaced a faulty electrical switch. Only mildly interested, she asked him after a short pause, "How did you learn to do this stuff?" "By holding the flashlight," he replied. Anniversary A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job." My Wife’s Birthday A rich man and a poor man are sitting in a bar late one night. They're talking about different things and then the poor man asks the rich man what he got his wife for her birthday. "I got her a brand new Mercedes Benz and a 24-karat diamond ring", said the rich man. The poor man, a bit puzzled by this, says "Why in the hell did you get her both?" The rich man replies, "I got her both because if she doesn't like the ring, she can take it back in her new car and exchange it." After this, the rich man asks the poor man what he got his wife for her birthday. The poor man responds," I got her a pair of flip-flops and a dildo." Obviously confused, the rich man asks why he chose those items. The poor man replied, " Because if she don't like the flip-flops, she can go screw herself." Quotes of Note David Bissonette : When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.   Sacha Guitry : After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Socrates: By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Anonymous: Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Dumas : The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want? Sigmund Freud: I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Anonymous : "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." Sam Kinison : "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." James Holt McGavran : "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't." Patrick Murray: Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. Nash : The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... Anonymous : You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. Henny Youngman : My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield : A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Anonymous : A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." Anonymous: First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.
Why Men Wear Earrings A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow and is curious about his sudden change in 'fashion sense.' The man walks up to him and says, 'I didn't know you were into earrings.' 'Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring,' he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?" "Ever since my wife found it in my car." (I always wondered how this trend got started.) Did You See? A man walks in a bank, gets in line, and when it's his turn he pulls out a gun and robs the bank! But, just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The customer replies "Yes, I did!" The bank robber raises his gun, points it to his head and BANG!!!!!... kills him. He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says loudly to this man, "DID YOU SEE ME ROB THIS BANK?" The man calmly responds..."No, I didn't, but my wife did!" Vicarious Learning I've always been handy at fix-it jobs around the house and I've tried to train my children to follow suit. Recently one of my sons asked his wife to hold the flashlight while he replaced a faulty electrical switch. Only mildly interested, she asked him after a short pause, "How did you learn to do this stuff?" "By holding the flashlight," he replied. Anniversary A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job." My Wife’s Birthday A rich man and a poor man are sitting in a bar late one night. They're talking about different things and then the poor man asks the rich man what he got his wife for her birthday. "I got her a brand new Mercedes Benz and a 24-karat diamond ring", said the rich man. The poor man, a bit puzzled by this, says "Why in the hell did you get her both?" The rich man replies, "I got her both because if she doesn't like the ring, she can take it back in her new car and exchange it." After this, the rich man asks the poor man what he got his wife for her birthday. The poor man responds," I got her a pair of flip-flops and a dildo." Obviously confused, the rich man asks why he chose those items. The poor man replied, " Because if she don't like the flip-flops, she can go screw herself." Quotes of Note David Bissonette : When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.   Sacha Guitry : After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Socrates: By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Anonymous: Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Dumas : The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want? Sigmund Freud: I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Anonymous : "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." Sam Kinison : "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." James Holt McGavran : "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't." Patrick Murray: Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. Nash : The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... Anonymous : You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. Henny Youngman : My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield : A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Anonymous : A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." Anonymous: First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.

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