Have Dinner with My Husband

[The Jokester]

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Woman's Quote of the Day:   "Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with."   Men's Counter-Quote of the Day:   "Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."     The Sensitive Man A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.   There are three shelves in the bedroom with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large a collection of Teddy Bears, but doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.   They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking, 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father my children?' She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly.   They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love   She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known, and even did a few things she had never done with any other man.   After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it?' The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says......................       'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'     Giving Up I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.   I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"   "No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told me.   "Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked.   "No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."   "Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked.   "Are you NUTS !" replied the homeless woman. " I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"   "Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."   The homeless woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."   I said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."
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The Jokester {aka Dan the Man}.

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