News of the Weird, April 27, 2008
Minister Chuck
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* "Many of my young patients think about getting plastic surgery
the way they'd think about getting their hair done," explained Dr.
David Alessi of Beverly Hills, Calif., who is still amazed at
women's willingness to endure "extreme" cosmetic alterations.
"Vaginal rejuvenation" (labiaplasty) might be the most sensational
procedure, but surgeons also do "forehead implants" and ankle and
shoulder liposuction, break and reset jaws to tweak smiles, and
lengthen or shorten toes (for "toe cleavage" with certain shoes).
Alessi told a Glamour magazine writer for an April story that one
25-year-old recently asked him to "remove" her navel (whereas
most umbilicoplasty patients merely request reshaping). Said a
bemused colleague, "There's some consensus about what makes
for an attractive . . . face, but we have no definition of the ideal
navel." [MSNBC-Glamour, 4-20-08]
Chutzpah!
* Gulfport, Miss., resident Michael Petro pleaded to a documentary
filmmaker (in a clip later uploaded with his permission to the
Internet) for help in recovering from his shattering loss during
Hurricane Katrina, when his 115-year-old house was destroyed.
Since then, he said on the video (reported by WLOX-TV in April),
"Church groups have not come through, the government has not
come through, insurance has not come through like was promised,"
and "[S]omebody has to fight to get these things back and going."
According to WLOX-TV, the house that stockbroker Petro lost was
2,500 square feet, and the replacement he's pleading for help with
is 6,000 square feet. Said Petro to the station, "I'm not too proud
to ask . . .." [WLOX-TV (Biloxi), 4-8-08]
* Jerome Kerviel told reporters in April that he is planning to sue
Societe Generale bank in Paris for unfair dismissal, even though he
is the "rogue" derivatives trader who the bank says cost it the
equivalent of about $7.5 billion by making risky, unauthorized
deals that came to light in January and for which he is under
indictment for fraud. Kerviel pointed to an independent
investigator's conclusion that SocGen management had ignored 75
warning signs about Kerviel's trades and continued to support him,
but SocGen said Kerviel doctored paperwork to disguise trades.
[The Times (London), 4-3-08]
Ironies
* Cumberland County (Pa.) Commissioner Bruce Barclay resigned
in April after disclosure that he had built a hidden video system in
his home and recorded as many as 500 sexual episodes with
unaware men. While the videos may have violated state law
(investigation is underway), one of them has exonerated Barclay of
a separate rape charge filed by a 20-year-old man, in that the video
evidenced a consensual relationship. (The young man has been
charged with making a false police report.) [The Sentinel (Carlisle,
Pa.), 4-10-08, 4-9-08]
* Instant Karma: (1) In March in Leesburg, Va., driver's-license
test-taker Nita Sureka was told by the examiner to park beside the
Department of Motor Vehicles building, but she accidentally
crashed into it, tearing a hole in the wall and forcing the
Department to close for the day. (2) The Manitoba (Canada) Bar
Association, which was hoping to file a brief in a controversial
police investigation case in Winnipeg in March, announced it
would have to forego participation because it lacked sufficient
funds to hire a lawyer. [Washington Post, 3-17-08] [Winnipeg Free
Press, 3-7-08]
Compelling Explanations
* World's Greatest Lawyer: Oregon public defender Ethan Levi
agreed to represent Eric Kincaid, 29, who had been identified by
DNA as the man (in a miniskirt, wig, and fishnet stockings) who
one night last year had hidden in the closet of a woman he did not
know before fleeing. Kincaid denied that he meant the woman any
harm, maintaining that he had been invited by a mysterious second
woman, whom he also did not know, to have sex but had realized
after seeing the first woman that he was in the wrong apartment,
and he left. In April, Levi convinced the jury to accept Kincaid's
explanation and acquit him of all charges. [The Oregonian, 4-8-08]
* Well, That Explains That!: (1) Gene Morrill, 57, hoping for a
shorter sentence after his conviction for soliciting sex from teenage
boys over the Internet, told a court in Fredericksburg, Va., in
March about his rough life as a child, beginning with the time he
was sexually molested by Bigfoot. (2) A 26-year-old driver was
arrested in Bay County, Fla., in April after being spotted on the
side of a road masturbating. According to the police report, the
man said "he had just left work and explained that he needed some
personal time with himself that he could not have at home."
[Fredericksburg Free Lance-Star, 3-26-08] [Northwest Florida
Daily News, 4-2-08]
I Want My Rights!
* Student Vinicios Robacher, 15, said in March he was preparing
to file a lawsuit against school officials in Danbury, Conn., over an
ear injury. Robacher said that, while he had his head down,
sleeping in class, the teacher slapped his desk so hard with her
palm, to wake him, that he still has constant pain. [WCBS-TV
(New York City)-AP, 3-13-08]
* Astrid Literski, in prison after pleading guilty to murdering her
four-year-old daughter in 2003, is due in tax court in Halifax, Nova
Scotia, in May to argue that she should not have to give back
$1,296 (Cdn) in tax benefits she was wrongly paid for the child
during 2002. Actually, the girl was living with her father at the
time, but Literski says she deserved the tax benefits, anyway,
because she provided "emotional" support. [Chronicle Herald
(Halifax), 3-1-08]
People Different From Us
* What Housing Crisis? "This is heaven on earth," said one
resident living on burned-out lava rocks about a mile from the
oozing Kilauea volcano near Kalapana, Hawaii, explaining the lure
that he and his neighbors feel, having built houses by hand,
collected rainwater to drink, installed solar panels for power, and
planted vegetables between the rocks for food. Said one of the
semi-hermit residents, to an Associated Press reporter in March,
"I'm more scared of people than I am a volcano." [CNN-AP, 3-25-
08]
Recurring Themes
* Least Competent Criminals: (1) In March, Christopher Koch, 28,
became the latest to wait outside a bank, building up his nerve to
rob it, and then finally put on the ski mask and walk up to the front
door (of the Citizens & Northern Bank, Liberty, Pa.), only to
realize that it was by then 12:01 p.m., and the bank had closed at
noon. (Employees got Koch's license plate number.) (2) Angelo
Trujillo, 20, became the latest, in March, to attempt to rob someone
who was pumping gas (at a Smith's store in Santa Fe, N.Mex.).
The customer, Ms. Bernie Garcia, 83, calmly sprayed Trujillo with
gasoline, sending him fleeing (but he was soon arrested). [Star-
Gazette (Elmira, N.Y.), 3-13-08] [KOB-TV (Albuquerque), 3-13-
08]
* That Sacred Institution: The Al-Shams newspaper in Riyadh,
Saudi Arabia, reported in March that Mohammed al-Rashidi, 11,
had just married a cousin, who is 10, remarking, "I am ready for
this marriage. It will help me study better." And in April, in a
courtroom in Sana'a, Yemen, a courageous 8-year-old girl walked
in alone and demanded that the judge grant her a divorce from the
30-year-old man her father had contracted to marry her. The judge,
rejecting tradition, granted the divorce. [Agence France-Presse, 3-
19-08] [Yemen Times, 4-9-08]
Armed and Clumsy (all-new)
* More people who accidentally shot themselves recently: Mr.
Roland Scott, the victim of a street robbery, took away the perp's
shotgun and started beating him with it, but jarred the trigger, and
it fired, hitting Scott, fatally, in the stomach (Baltimore, March). A
31-year-old man, fleeing police after a "pump and run" at a gas
station, lost control of his car, and the collision jarred his gun,
firing a shot into his abdomen (Morgan County, Colo., March). A
20-year-old man shot himself in the groin when he stuffed a
shotgun (that he had allegedly just stolen) inside his pants (Seattle,
April). A 44-year-old woman recanted her rape and assault claims,
admitting that she shot herself in the knee while reaching for a
flashlight (Springfield, Mo., December).[Baltimore Sun, 3-28-08]
[KMGH-TV (Denver), 3-13-08] [Yakima Herald-Republic, 4-13-
08] [Springfield News-Leader, 12-21-07]
Thanks This Week to Pierre Langenegger, Mike
Mendenhall, John Holsinger, Michael Lawlor, Craig Cryer, Kelvin
Norton, Perry Levin, Gary Schmidt, Charlene Suess, Beth Matz,
and Denis Meadows, and to the News of the Weird Board of
Editorial Advisors.
* * * * *
Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at
http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com (or
www.NewsoftheWeird.com / WeirdN...@Yahoo.com / P.O.
Box 18737, Tampa FL 33629).