News of the Weird, March 30, 2008
Minister Chuck
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* While "March Madness" dominates intercollegiate athletics,
another group of collegians works out amidst coaches' whistles,
endures bloody, 12-hour practices, and cheers on
teammates preparing for the national championship in meat-
judging, in which about 40 colleges compete, according to a March
Wall Street Journal report. Coaches at powerhouses like Colorado
State and South Dakota State say skills such as evaluating T-bone
cutting and spotting whether a pig has too much back fat come
with determination and concentration (and of course, practice, as
one coach said it all comes down to time spent in the meat locker,
at 38 degrees (F)). (And pro scouts are watching from the
stands representatives of U.S. meat companies, seeking talent.) .
[Wall Street Journal, 3-12-08]
Fine Points of the Law
* (1) Italy's highest appeals court ruled in March that it is not
illegal for a woman to lie in a police investigation if the reason is
to cover up her adulterous affair. Court of Cassation judges said
that her honor is more important than providing intimate
information about her lover. (2) The North Carolina Court of
Appeals voted 2-1 in February to approve a worker compensation
claim for only one of a woman's breast-implant replacements,
ruling that the other implant ruptured (in a job-related accident)
only because it had been improperly installed. (The dissenting
judge said, even so, the compensation fund should pay for the
second replacement, too, because to achieve their purpose, both
breasts must be aligned properly on the chest.) [BBC News, 3-7-
08] [WTKR-TV (Norfolk)-AP, 2-5-08]
The Entrepreneurial Spirit!
* When Johnny Diablo's year-old vegan restaurant failed to catch
on in Portland, Ore., last year, he converted the space into Casa
Diablo's Gentlemen's Club, which is what he believes is the
world's only vegan strip club. He has no rule against meat-eating
dancers, he told Willamette Week newspaper in February, but
won't permit leather, fur, silk, or wool outfits on stage (No
"murder victims" in the club, he said). [Willamette Week, 2-6-08]
* Cosmetics from the American company Blue Q, under the
"Lookin' Good for Jesus" brand urging users to "Get Tight with
Christ," were pulled from stores in Singapore in February due to
complaints, but Blue Q said it's not abandoning that line of hand
and body creams, lip balm, breath spray, and bubble bath. (Of
course, Blue Q also markets similar cosmetics under such brands
as "Dirty Girl," "Cute as Hell," "Total Bitch," and "Virgin/Slut,"
as well as a car air-freshener by its brand "Cat Butt.") [Reuters, 2-
12-08; www.BlueQ.com]
Science on the Cutting Edge
* A team of researchers from the University of Calgary and the
Tokyo Institute of Technology proudly announced in February that
they had successfully stored "nothing" inside a puff of gas and then
had managed to retrieve that same "nothing." That "nothing" is
called a "squeezed vacuum," and the physicists tell us that a light
wave can be manipulated so that its phases are of uncertain
amplitude, then the light itself removed so that only the
"uncertainty" property of the wave remains. [ScienceNOW Daily
News, 2-29-08]
* In February, the South Korean cell phone company KTF
announced a new voice-analysis program for its customers to
enable them to evaluate their sincerity when calling a lover. The
caller can point the phone's camera at himself and see a meter on
the screen measuring his own passion, then receive a text message
afterward noting voice expressions by the person receiving the
call.(surprise, honesty, etc.). [Reuters, 2-14-08]
Leading Economic Indicators
* To feed the fast-growing women's hair-extension business,
brokers in India scour the countryside for Hindu temples that
encourage female worshipers to shear themselves as good-luck
offerings to the temples' gods, according to a February dispatch in
Germany's Der Spiegel. Historically, the hair was used to make
mattresses, but because the celebrity-driven extension business is
so large, salons around the world pay from $125 to $250 per pound
for strands of never-chemically-treated hair of desirable hues.
Shaving is a Hindu tradition, and one donor told Spiegel she had
long prayed for her husband to stop drinking and that when that
"miracle" happened, she felt compelled to offer her hair. [Der
Spiegel, 2-19-08]
* In the worst slums of Port-au-Prince, Haiti (where 80 percent of
the people live on less than $2 a day), rice now sells for 30 cents a
cup (double the price of a year ago), according to a January
Associated Press dispatch, leaving the poorest of the poor to
subsist mainly on "cookies" made with dirt. Choice clay from the
central plateau is at least a source of calcium and can be baked
with salt and vegetable shortening. However, recently in the La
Saline slum, the reporter noted, the price of dirt, too, has risen
about 40 percent. [MSNBC-AP, 1-29-08]
The Continuing Crisis
* At a February casting call in Pittsburgh, Pa., for the movie
"Shelter" (to star Julianne Moore), producers announced they were
seeking extras to play West Virginia mountain people from the
hollers (Pittsburgh is about 40 miles from the state line),
specifically an albino woman, extraordinarily tall or short people,
those with unusual body shapes and faces (especially eyes), and "a
9-to-12-year old Caucasian girl with an other-worldly look.
'Regular-looking' children should not attend." [Pittsburgh Tribune-
Review, 2-26-08]
Tireless Obsessives
* Takahiro Fujinuma, 37, was arrested and charged with making at
least 2,600 calls (perhaps more than 10,000) to directory assistance
("I would go into ecstasy when a lady [operator] scolded me," he
told a reporter) (Tokyo; January). Ms. Lee Amor, 23, pleaded
guilty to calling or texting her jilting ex-boyfriend more than
10,000 times over a 65-day period (South Devon, England;
February). John Triplette was arrested, suspected as the one who
made more than 27,000 calls to "911" since May 2007 (consisting
mostly of mumbling and making bodily noises) (Hayward, Calif.;
February). Paul Kavanagh, 40, was sentenced to 30 months in jail
for making about 15,000 calls in 12 years to women asking them
about their underwear (West London, England; November).
[Courier Mail (Brisbane), 1-30-08] [Daily Mail (London), 2-12-08]
[KTVU (Oakland, Calif.)-AP, 2-15-08] [CNN-AP, 11-9-07]
Least Competent Criminals
* Not Ready for Prime Time: Robber Adam Grennan, 39, did not
make it out of the Mt. Washington Bank in Dorchester, Mass., in
December. So intent was he in not appearing nervous that he
waited patiently in line, eyes straight ahead, until the time came to
hand the teller his holdup note. He did not notice that a uniformed
Boston police officer, working security, had slipped quietly behind
him in line, and he arrested Grennan immediately as Grennan was
quietly demanding large bills and "no funny money." [Boston
Globe, 1-1-08]
Update
* Padre Pio, who died in 1968 and was sponsored for sainthood by
Pope John Paul II, has been a controversial figure, as News of the
Weird reported in 1999. He was wildly loved by his parishioners,
yet viewed skeptically by some Vatican officials who found his
claim of hands bleeding from crucifixion holes (similar to those of
Jesus), and og having been eye-gouged in a wrestling match with
the devil, to be difficult to authenticate. On orders from Pope
Benedict XVI , Padre Pio's body was exhumed in March, to be
placed on public display for several months at the Vatican, even
though problematic for two reasons. The top part of his skull is
exposed, presenting an unsettling image, but more important, there
obviously are no crucifixion holes or scars on his hands or feet.
[The Independent (London), 3-9-08]
Undignified Deaths
* Latest Electro-Sensual Accidents: Toby Taylor, 37, of York
County, Pa., was charged with involuntary manslaughter in January
after his wife died of a heart attack in an accident during sex, and
police found the woman's body (according to the York Daily
Record) with "alligator clips on the end of a stripped electric cord .
. . attached to her breasts," with an on-off switch. About two
weeks earlier, 100 miles away in New Berlinville, Pa., a 23-year-
old construction worker was electrocuted when he attached electric
clips to his chest piercings.(despite colleagues' warnings). [York
Daily Record, 1-24-08] [Boyertown Area Times (Boyertown, Pa.),
1-9-08]
CLARIFICATION
Three weeks ago, News of the Weird reported that David Henton,
72, was on trial in Swansea, Wales, accused of murdering his long-
time girlfriend, based on secret recordings police had made in
Henton's home, in which he seemingly "confessed" the murder to
his only companions, his cats, to whom he spoke frequently. On
March 14th, a jury found Henton not guilty, probably because the
tapes were not as intelligible to the jury as the police claimed they
were. [The Independent (London), 3-14-08]
Thanks This Week to Sam Gaines, Bruce Townley, Perry
Levin, Scott Schrier, Joel Walz, and Matt Hopkins, and to many
contributors of the electro-sensual accidents, and to the News of
the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
* * * * *
Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at
http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com (or
www.NewsoftheWeird.com / WeirdN...@Yahoo.com / P.O.
Box 18737, Tampa FL 33629).