News of the Weird, April 27, 2008
Minister Chuck
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* Update: Experimental "natural orifice" surgery might be health
care's next big thing following its U.S. introduction last year at
Columbia University (as reported also in News of the Weird),
where doctors removed a woman's diseased gall bladder not by an
abdominal incision but through her vagina. In March, doctors at
UC San Diego Medical Center removed a woman's appendix
through her vagina and a man's, through his mouth. (A
microscopic camera must be inserted through the abdomen,
however, to guide the surgeons.) Pain and healing time are usually
less than half that of ordinary surgery, but the risk of internal
infection is greater. The next step, doctors say, will be removing
kidneys through the anus. [Newsweek, 4-5-08; Time, 4-3-08]
Government in Action!
* A Maryland governmental fund created to assist "innocent"
victims of violent crime, has paid out nearly $1.8 million since
2003 to injured (or deceased) "drug dealers, violent offenders, and
other criminals," according to an investigation by the Baltimore
Sun published in March. Burial expenses were awarded for a
carjacker, and a victim of an inter-gang killing, and a sex offender
who was fatally beaten in prison. The Maryland courts have ruled
that as long as the applicant was not engaged in a crime at the time
he was injured, he must be considered for an award. [Baltimore
Sun, 3-16-08]
* The Associated Press reported in March that "dozens" of locked-
up sexual predators are receiving federal aid to take mail-order
college courses through Pell Grants, even though prison inmates
normally are ineligible. Sex offenders who have completed their
sentences, but are held for "treatment," are not technically
"prisoners," and many have spent their stipends on "living
expenses" such as DVD players, in that they have no "room and
board" expenses. [CNN-AP, 3-17-08]
Great Art!
* Graduate art student Matthew Keeney's latest piece of
performance art, in February, called The Waiting Project, had him
standing on streets in Syracuse, N.Y., waiting for someone to ask
him what The Waiting Project is. In previous pieces, Keeney had
held a "Super Bowl party for one" on a park bench, had earnestly
watched ice sculptures melt, and had walked from the Capitol steps
in Washington, D.C., to the Lincoln Memorial but stopping each
time he heard a car horn and then starting again when he heard
another. [Syracuse Post-Standard, 2-24-08]
* Two aggressive art pieces sexualizing Jesus's Last Supper were
displayed earlier this year: Among the 74 plaster models shown in
Gateshead, England, in January by British artist Terence Koh was
one of Jesus and several disciples sporting generous erections.
And in March, a retrospective of Austrian Alfred Hrdlicka went on
display in the Cathedral Museum in Vienna, with the blessing of
the archbishop of Vienna, even though it included a painting of the
Last Supper as a "homosexual orgy," in Hrdlicka's description
(because, he said, there were no women in the original Da Vinci
painting that inspired it). (That piece was removed during the first
week, after complaints.) [The Sun (London), 1-11-08] [Reuters, 4-
7-08]
* Last year, Montreal, Quebec, artist Michel de Broin created, as
art, the hollowed-out shell of an old Buick powered only by a four-
seater bicycle (with hand brakes, or, failing them, Fred Flintstone-
type brakes). Nonetheless, when a group took the car out for a spin
last October, an overzealous officer ticketed them for "driving" an
unsafe "car," but in April, after a daylong court hearing, the
charges were dropped. [Toronto Star, 4-24-08]
* No Man's Land: "The Bride of Palestine" (a 26-year-old drag
queen) is the best-known of a group of sexually-uncertain Israeli
Arabs who gather in underground venues in Tel Aviv and "struggle
to define themselves," according to a March dispatch from
McClatchy Newspapers. Though they are proud Palestinians at
odds with the "occupying" Jewish society, some feel even more
rejection by their own conservative communities and seem grateful
that the "oppressors" permit the spaces that one woman called her
"only refuge." [McClatchy Newspapers, 3-5-08]
Police Blotter
* Latest Police Chases: (1) In Ocala, Fla., in March, Bret Wass,
28, scrambling from police investigating a sexual battery,
commandeered a tow truck and drove away, even though the truck
had a car hooked onto it; during the chase, he hit the patrol car and
was captured on foot nearby. (2) Police in Osaka, Japan, mobilized
in January to apprehend fugitive Hirofumi Fukuda, 27, who was
wanted for assaulting an officer (which tends to get the attention of
fellow officers). By the end of the two-hour episode, a helicopter
and 460 patrol cars, involving 2,240 law-enforcement officers,
were on the case. [WKMG-TV (Orlando), 4-1-08] [Japan Today,
1-26-08]
What Goes Around, Comes Around
* Thirty years ago, before Wal-Mart became an international giant,
a small video company made a "handshake" deal to shoot
promotional footage of the firm's executives and was given free
rein within the company. It made 15,000 tapes, including many,
inevitably, showing Wal-Mart leaders in awkward situations. In
2006, an incoming Wal-Mart executive decided to end the
relationship, devastating Flagler Productions's bottom line, and to
compensate, the company began offering to research its library for
historians and, more notably, litigants suing Wal-Mart on product
safety, employment, and union-busting issues. According to an
April Wall Street Journal report, a treasure trove of embarrassing
moments is available. [Wall Street Journal, 4-9-08]
People Different From Us
* Even though 20 states outlaw keeping monkeys as pets, the
Humane Society of the U.S. estimates that there are 15,000
privately-owned primates, with at least 200 Floridians licensed for
pet capuchins, according to an April Orlando Sentinel report.
Since experts warn that the animals are biters and scratchers and
are very aggressive when agitated, the Sentinel asked what
accounts for their popularity. Said the editor of Monkey Matters
Magazine, it's their humanlike features and owners' desires to
dress them up. "Believe me," said the editor, "If people could get
their cats [into] outfits, a lot of those cats would be wearing
outfits." [Orlando Sentinel, 4-7-08]
Least Competent Criminals
* In three incidents in March and April, robbers were arrested in
the act after police were tipped off in advance. The source of the
tip each time was a store employee who had been brazenly notified
by the perp to expect a robbery soon. Daniel Glen, 40, was
arrested in Windsor, Ontario, having called ahead to make sure
there was enough money in the convenience store's cash register.
An 18-year-old man was arrested in Chicago, having given his
phone number to a Mufflers For Less employee and instructed him
to call when the manager, with access to the safe, arrived at work.
And two men were arrested near Traverse City, Mich., having
described to a gas station employee two hours earlier exactly how
they would soon rob him. [Camwest News Service, 3-24-08]
[Chicago Sun-Times, 3-25-08] [WPBN-TV (Traverse City), 4-3-
08]
Recurring Themes
* Earnest residents continue to accidentally destroy their homes:
(1) A house in Galveston, Tex., had the roof blown off on January
21st when the resident set out six bug foggers but neglected to turn
off the gas stove's pilot light; (2) A Jacksonville, Fla., woman who
smelled something unusual in her home on November 15th decided
to light the fireplace to clear the air, and a gas leak created a fire
that destroyed the home; (3) An apartment building in Sioux Falls,
S.D., was wiped out on February 21st when a resident tried to thaw
frozen pipes with a blow torch. [Daily News (Galveston), 1-22-08]
[Florida Times-Union (Jacksonville), 11-16-07] [KSFY-TV (Sioux
Falls), 2-21-08]
News That Sounds Like a Joke
* (1) Bernard Fincher Jr., 25, was arrested in Buffalo, N.Y., in
March for possession of cocaine, when police found a stash of the
drug that Fincher had allegedly tried to hide in a doughnut box. (2)
Cody Young, 13, complained in January that when he parked his
expensive BMX bicycle inside the front door of a Goodwill
Industries store in Salem, Ore., so he could browse, an employee
mistakenly sold the bike to a customer for $6.99. [Buffalo News, 4-
2-08] [Statesman Journal (Salem), 1-30-08]
Thanks This Week to Sam Gaines, Pierre Langenegger,
Roger Gulbransen, Ken Casarsa, Steve Dunn, Catherine May,
Dave Kanofsky, Dale Woodall, Kiki Yablon, Thomas Sullivan, and
Eric Gibbs, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial
Advisors.
* * * * *
Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at
http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com (or
www.NewsoftheWeird.com / WeirdN...@Yahoo.com / P.O.
Box 18737, Tampa FL 33629).