News of the Weird, August 24, 2008
Chuck Shepherd
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* Great Moments in Capital Punishment: Prosecutors in Portland,
Ore., took the death penalty off the table for Tremayne Durham in
July, accepting a minimum-30-year prison term for an "aggravated
murder" over a business deal. Durham agreed to plead guilty when
prosecutors relented to his additional demand of two pig-out meals
(featuring KFC, Popeye's, and Haagen Dazs right away, and pizza
and lasagna on the day the judge accepts the plea). Prosecutors
said they hated appearing to cater to the whims of a murderer, but
eyeing the expense of a long trial and lengthy appeals, as well as
the turmoil for the victim's family, they agreed. In August, the
judge accepted the deal, and Durham chowed-down again. [The
Oregonian, 7-26-08]
Can't Possibly Be True
* Though it has been on national cable TV since mid-July, ratings
have not been spectacular for the G4 channel's show, "Hurl!"
leaving many Americans unaware of precisely how far standards of
taste have fallen. "Hurl!" contestants are forced to gorge
themselves, then are purposely, rapidly, twirled and shaken on
carnival-type rides, with the last player to retain his stomach
contents declared the winner. Wrote a Washington Post reviewer,
it's "for people who found 'Fear Factor' much too nuanced."
[Washington Post, 7-16-08] [Daily Mail (London), 7-3-08]
* Least Competent Multitaskers: A Dallas, Tex., entrepreneur
recently created a programmable device for those busy, busy
parents who actually need to be reminded that they brought their
tots with them in the car (lest their child become one of the several
hot-car deaths a year in America). Provided that they're not too
busy to set the system up, an alarm alerts them if they exit the car
without the baby. Said one Texas woman interviewed by NBC
News, "As a mom, you can get really distracted . . .." [WOAI-TV-
NBC, 7-30-08]
Inexplicable
* A rule for federal lawsuits (Rule 8a) requires the initial pleading
that commences the case to be "short and plain," and another (9b)
requires it to be to the point, with several pages usually plenty to
give the other party notice of what he's being sued for. In June,
federal judge Ronald Leighton summarily tossed out the initial
pleading of Washington state attorney Dean Browning Webb,
whose client is suing GMAC Mortgage, because Webb had
submitted 465 pages, with meticulous detail, including 37 pages
quoting e-mails, and 341 pages asserting claims that freely repeated
each other on points they had in common. [Boston Globe-New
York Times, 7-7-08]
* Believers: (1) Rocky Twyman of Washington, D.C., started Pray
at the Pump, a brief, scattered national campaign in June to urge
prayer to bring down gas prices. A colleague in St. Louis claimed
his prayer sessions caused the price drop in July, pointing to his use
of the civil rights anthem "We Shall Overcome" (and his new
verse, "We'll have lower gas prices"). (2) In July, Salinas, Calif.,
Mayor Dennis Donohue, frustrated at this year's dramatic surge in
gang violence, kicked off a campaign to urge a citywide fast, which
he said was a proven technique in achieving social justice. [Fort
Worth Star-Telegram-AP, 7-28-08] [Los Angeles Times, 7-26-08]
Unclear on the Concept
* In a July ceremony, Minneapolis Police Chief Tim Dolan
honored SWAT officers for their bravery and professionalism
during a December middle-of-the-night raid of a house that
supposedly contained a gang's guns. However, it was the wrong
house, and the bewildered, frightened resident started shooting
back. Said Dolan, "The easy decision would have been to retreat
[but the] team did not take the easy way out." The house got
riddled with bullets, but no one was hit, and the chief later
apologized but still felt that it was "a perfect example of a situation
that could have gone horribly wrong, but did not because of the
[team's] professionalism." [WCCO-TV (Minneapolis), 7-29-08]
* Unrealistic Expectations: (1) Victor Rodriguez, 21, about to be
arrested on a domestic assault charge in Bridgeport, Conn., in June,
turned to his 9-foot-long pet python and, as police approached,
shouted to the snake, "Get them!" (It remained motionless.) (2) In
July, Josef Fritzl, the man who imprisoned his daughter and her
children for 24 years in a dungeon in their home in Arnstetten,
Austria, told his own jail's officials that he needs daily exercise
outside because he hates being cooped up in his cell. [Connecticut
Post, 6-17-08] [Daily Telegraph (London), 7-11-08]
Bright Ideas
* While most major opera houses provide sign-language
interpreters at the side of the stage, producer Marita Barber
recently staged the opera "The Hunt of King Charles" in a version
in which all performers sign as they sing, with only a two-piece
orchestra in background, for patrons with hearing. At Barber's
venue, the Theatre Totti on a Finnish island, actual baritones and
sopranos were sought for their respective roles, even though they
would all sign their lyrics, because, said Barber, "[W]e need facial
expressions and gestures to get the feeling and the atmosphere
across" to the deaf audience, for example, when lyrics call for
elongating a word to fit the music. [Stuff.co.nz (Fairfax
Newspapers), 7-14-08]
Oh, Yeah, Tough Guys!
* (1) Lamont Cooke was arrested by a SWAT team in Vernon,
Conn., in July after spending the last year on the run from
Philadelphia and Maryland authorities, who wanted him for
charges of kidnaping and murder. According to the arresting U.S.
Marshal, Cooke surrendered quietly, except that he wet his pants.
(2) A police task force in Orem, Utah, arrested a 21-year-old gang
member in June, catching him riding a tricycle that he had just
stolen from a little girl. [Philadelphia Daily News, 7-3-08] [Salt
Lake Tribune, 7-1-08]
People With Issues
* Montreal, Quebec, psychiatrists Joel and Ian Gold believe they
have identified five patients between them who are deluded to the
point where they are certain they are starring in reality TV shows or
movies about their lives. In the well-established Capgras Delusion,
a patient believes that his immediate family has been replaced by
lookalike actors, but the Golds' five patients believe that their every
movement is being broadcast around the world (and have named
the disorder the "Truman Show Delusion" after the 1998 movie
starring Jim Carrey), according to a July National Post story.
[National Post (Toronto), 7-19-08]
Least Competent Criminals
* Latest Negative-Cash-Flow Robbery: The man (dressed as a
woman) got away after the attempt at Joe's Caf‚ in Metairie, La., in
July, but he lost money in the deal. As a ruse to get a clerk to open
the cash register, he handed over a $5 bill to pay for two donuts,
and, with the register then open for change, pulled a gun and
demanded the contents. The clerk immediately became hysterical,
screaming, and the robber, frightened, fled the restaurant without
his $5 or his donuts. [Times-Picayune, 7-29-08]
Update
* Stripper Susan Sykes, 47 and known as "Busty Heart," was
rejected in July as a contestant for the NBC show "America's Got
Talent," as the judges were unappreciative of her ability to crush
empty beer cans with her enormous breasts. As News of the Weird
reported, Sykes was sued in 1997 by an Illinois strip-club patron
who claimed a serious neck injury after Sykes, in a little audience-
participation, playfully trapped his head between her breasts while
she danced. Eventually, the lawsuit was dropped. [Daily Mail
(London), 7-3-08]
Armed and Clumsy (all-new!)
* Revenge of the Critters: A 44-year-old woman accidentally shot
herself in the knee while pursuing a mouse inside her travel trailer
(Potter Valley, Calif., July). And a 27-year-old man accidentally
shot himself in the head while chasing a skunk (Elwood, Utah,
May). And a 45-year-old woman accidentally shot herself in the
foot while stalking a woodchuck in her garden (Ferryville, Wis.,
June). And a 57-year-old man accidentally shot himself in the
hand while aiming at bees (Williamsburg, Pa., April). And a
retired police officer accidentally shot himself in the chest while
aiming at a snapping turtle behind his house (Bensalem, Pa.,
August).
mouse: [Press Democrat (Santa Rosa), 7-8-08]
skunk: [Deseret News, 5-28-08]
woodchuck: [Wisconsin State Journal (Madison), 6-18-08]
bees: [WRTA-TV (Altoona), 4-28-08]
snapping turtle: [Bucks County Courier Times, 8-2-08]
Thanks This Week to Steve Dunn, Abby Dombrovski,
Vince Newberg, David Miller, Amy Saxton, Jill Poe, Ray Irons,
David Melcher, Gregory Toney, Mike Waugh, Naja Moore, and
Nicole Johnson, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial
Advisors.
* * * * *
Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at
http://www.WeirdUniverse.net (or www.NewsoftheWeird.com) or
mail Weir...@earthlink.net / P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL
33629.