News of the Weird, June 15, 2008
Minister Chuck
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2008 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* Leading Economic Indicator: Rising prices of synthetic
fertilizers and organic foods have intensified the collection of bird
droppings on 20 climatically ideal islands off the coast of Peru
where 12-inch-thick seabird guano coats the land. In the 19th
century, Spain fought with Peru on the high seas for the right to
mine the guano, which at that time was 150 feet high in places.
Said an official of the Peruvian company that controls guano
production (to a New York Times reporter in May), "Before there
was oil, there was guano, so of course we fought wars over it."
The exceptionally dry climate means that 12,000 to 15,000 tons of
guano are available yearly. [New York Times, 5-30-08]
Government in Action
* Los Angeles Police Department announced in April that it had
investigated 320 complaints against its officers last year for alleged
"racial profiling" and found that not a single one was valid. The
Los Angeles Times reported that that was at least the sixth
consecutive year that LAPD reported a perfect record on racial
profiling. [Los Angeles Times, 4-30-08]
* WWL-TV reported in April that at least one east New Orleans
floodwall, built immediately after Hurricane Katrina, had been
temporarily stuffed with newspaper to create seals but that in the
two years since had not been upgraded. Among the stuffing that
had not decayed or been eaten by bugs was an issue of Parade
magazine of May 21, 2006. A contractor of the Army Corps of
Engineers told a resident at the time that the newspaper seals were
used only until money from Washington arrived to finish the job.
Two weeks after WWL-TV's report, the Corps repaired the seals
properly, but a spokesman insisted that the newspaper stuffing
"ha[d] no effect from a structural or safety factor." [WWL-TV, 4-
24-08, 5-9-08]
* The Government Accountability Office revealed in April that
more than 60,000 of the federal government's contractors owe a
total of about $7.7 billion in unpaid federal taxes and that health
care providers who take Medicare payments owe an additional $1
billion in late taxes. One unnamed company owes $10 million in
back taxes, yet the Pentagon did $1 million worth of business with
it. (One activist on tax issues pointed out that firms might find it
easy to win low-bid contracts if they don't have the tax expense
that their competitors have.) [USA Today, 4-24-08]
* The British government compensates soldiers the equivalent of
about $115,000 if they lose a leg in battle. In March, though, the
Defense Ministry paid out the equivalent of about $400,000 in
disability to a civil servant who had injured his back while lifting a
printer, and in May the Ministry paid out the equivalent of about
$500,000 to an army paratrooper to settle a claim of "humiliating
and demeaning" treatment. The soldier had undergone sex-change
surgery, converting from "Ian" into "Jan," yet was ordered by the
army to report for a physical exam dressed as Ian. [Daily Mail
(London), 3-16-08] [Daily Telegraph (London), 5-25-08]
Great Art!
* Austrian director Johann Kresnik's re-interpretation of the classic
Verdi opera "A Masked Ball" opened for a limited engagement in
Berlin in April, aimed at America's "war and the excesses of
American society today," he said. In one scene, against a backdrop
of the ruins of the World Trade Center, 35 naked senior citizens
danced, wearing Mickey Mouse masks. [Agence France-Presse, 4-
10-08]
* "Art is no longer just a painting on the wall," said the curator of
the Museum of Bat Yam, near Tel Aviv, Israel, in April. "Art is
life; life is art." He gave that as an explanation for why he had
accepted, as a live exhibit, seven young people from Berlin whose
art is merely to live in the museum for three weeks with lice on
their head. The artists denied they intended a Holocaust expression
based on Nazis' references to Jews as "parasites." [Reuters, 4-28-
08]
* Worth Every Penny: (1) At an April auction in Beijing, artist Liu
Xiaodong's large (8 feet by 30 feet) oil painting, part of his Three
Gorges series, brought the equivalent of about $8 million. The
work, "Breeding Ground No. 1," depicts 11 men in their underwear
playing cards. (2) In May in New York City, a buyer spent $15.2
million at a Sotheby's auction to acquire sculptor Takashi
Murakami's "My Lonesome Cowboy," which is of a naked man
holding his penis and creating a long, curly lasso out of his
ejaculate. [Reuters, 4-29-08] [New York magazine, 5-15-08]
The Continuing Crisis
* In May, 8th-grader Michael Avery of Thousand Oaks, Calif., told
the hometown newspaper The Acorn that he was undecided which
area high school he would attend next fall. This was a matter of
interest in that Avery, 15, is a basketball prodigy and, though
undecided on high school, he knows exactly where he will go to
college because he had just accepted a full scholarship at the
University of Kentucky beginning in 2012. The following week,
Kentucky offered another one, to ninth-grader Jeremiah Davis III,
to enroll in 2011. [Thousand Oaks Acorn, 5-8-08; Lexington
Herald-Leader, 5-16-08]
Fetishes on Parade
* (1) Martin Turner, 39, of Blackpool, England, pleaded guilty to
four counts of harassment in May, specifically, pestering several
workmen by telephone over a three-year period to please come by
and stand on his face, his fingers, and his genitals while wearing
their heavy boots. His lawyer said it had something to do with
"domination." (2) Jeremy Pope, 26, was arrested in April in
Madison, Wis., in an alleged second episode at a Target store (the
first was in December at a ShopKo), in which he urinated on
women's underwear on the shelves. Police said Pope was quick to
confess: "Yeah, I have a problem." [Lancashire Evening Post, 5-5-
08] [Wisconsin State Journal, 4-24-08]
Least Competent Criminals
* Police in Mesa, Ariz., chased driver Christopher Psomas, 38, in
May after his companion, Ashley Strahan, 20, allegedly tried to
pass a forged check at a business. The pair's car ran red lights at
high speeds to get out of town, then left the road near the Salt
River Reservation, and when the car became disabled, kept going
on foot. However, they ran smack into a bed of chola cactus,
becoming virtual pin cushions. At Banner Desert Medical Center,
as nurses plucked the needles from his body, Psomas, in pain and
in tears, said, "I am so stupid. This is what I get for trying to run
from the police." [Arizona Republic, 5-7-08]
Update
* In March, News of the Weird reported the bratty behavior of two
Boynton Beach, Fla., high school girls who not only swiped money
from a Girl Scout selling cookies at a supermarket but then told a
TV station on camera that they were "pissed" because they got
caught and had to give the money back. One of the girls, Stefanie
Woods, 18, chose to go to trial on the theft charge in May but was
quickly convicted and will be sentenced in June. A week after the
conviction, she also pleaded no-contest to an intervening event in
which she allegedly skipped out on a $28 dinner tab at a Denny's.
She said she was sorry for the theft, but that "I still don't think it
gives [the public] the right to be screaming things at me" around
town. "People scream things at me every single day, and it's
getting really hard." [WPEC-TV (West Palm Beach), 5-22-08]
The Classic Middle Name (all new)
* Arrested recently, and awaiting trial for murder: Cody Wayne
Moore, Rockford, Ill. (April); Larry Wayne Rubin, Decatur, Ga.
(April); Darrell Wayne Buchanan, Burke County, N.C. (February).
Pleaded guilty to murder: Christopher Wayne Hudson, Melbourne,
Australia (May); Fred Wayne Douty II, Martinsburg, W.Va. (June).
Committed suicide while a suspect in the murder of a state trooper:
Brandon Wayne Robertson, Cass County, Tex. (May).
[Washington Post-AP, 4-29-08]
[WGCL-TV (Atlanta), 5-1-08]
[Charlotte Observer, 2-28-08]
[Sydney Morning Herald, 5-12-08]
[Martinsburg Journal, 6-3-08]
[WFAA-TV (Dallas), 5-1-08]
Thanks This Week to Sam Gaines, Mark Whybird, Jim
Guenther, Ruth Gurwitch, Neil Gimon, Richard Hopkinson, Nick
Blanton, Mark Fetzner, and Mindy Cohen, and to the News of the
Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
* * * * *
Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at
http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com (or
www.NewsoftheWeird.com / WeirdN...@Yahoo.com / P.O.
Box 18737, Tampa FL 33629).