Fine.
But I have some questions that I have been pondering and can't seem to
resolve. Perhaps someone can help me answer them.
First, my experience of Being, and other experiences that have been
reported to me are characterized by an uncanny specificity that
surpasses what I would call appropriate for a pure eternal - timeless
- meaning. To be specific I will relate an experience.
When I was a young man I was in a drama class where the teacher would
drive us to a play an then we'd have to write papers on it. Now I was
becoming aware of Being gradually. I believe I had not yet had my
moment of enlightenment but I had accomplished what Husserl calls the
phenomenological reduction and "seen" the "green" of the grass for the
first time in my life. I still however had not experienced Being
directly but I had been getting for lack of a word, "inklings", or
clues that there was "something going on" - some meaning which,
although I was not fully realizing yet, was evident in a way that
meanings often are when one first finds them. They interest one and
cause one's intellect to strain to focus to perceive what it is that
is being meant in the same way that a man squints to see. At the time
my drama teacher, who was truly a great teacher, was driving the car
and cheerfully pontificating about some aspect of art. In my mind
formed the following statement: "Now if I am right, and all of this is
really happening, meaning if the inklings I was having were real or
were not chimera or false inklings which would, as these things often
do, reveal themselves in fact to be misunderstanding, if I was right
about "all of this" - whatever that meant at the time - then Ed, my
teacher was bullshitting and what he was saying was incorrect." I
formed that statement as kind of a wondering or a question. It was
phrased something like "If I am right about all of this then Ed is
bullshitting." (I should say that "bullshitting" at the time meant
more than it does now. It was a way of avoiding an uncomfortably
personal experience as well as just not telling the truth) I did not
pose it actually as a question nor did I ask it of anyone or of the
universe. I just wondered to myself - pondered - as to whether this
other way of thinking that I was experiencing was real. I then exactly
after I posed the question or statement looked out over the highway
and there was a sign that read "Ed Art Mouth".
I laughed. The timing was exquisite. The phrase "Ed Art Mouth" was an
immediate "answer" to my question - or it was perceived by me to be
one instantly. I did not interpret an answer latter. I was answered -
at least that was my initial reaction. I asked. Boom. I was answered.
"Ed Art Mouth" was the answer and it meant it was real and it also
meant that it had a sense of humor. I then noticed as we drove by and
I strained to keep my eyes on the sign that it really was a sign that
read "Dartmouth Pharmacy" but the sign was broken in front of the "D"
in the shape of an "E" an so the first word became "Edartmouth" or to
me "Ed Art Mouth".
Now that and many more things like that have happened to me personally
and while you may doubt it or think that I was high or something I do
not have the luxury of doing that doubting because I was there and it
in fact happened and I was not intoxicated in any way and that sign
was there and it was there at that time- exactly at that time. It was
material. Also this was one of several such events.
In addition other events like this have been relayed to me by others
and in fact there are written reports and even an analysis by Carl
Jung of the phenomenon which he terms Syncrhonicity. (Jung's theory is
that there are causal chains that form a pattern across time that is
not random but are meaningful and organized around what he termed
archetypes.) My experience is that these synchronistic events are not
organized around archtypes but form statements that sometimes are the
answers to specific questions asked at a specific time by a specific
individual such as the one I just described and at other times are
messages that can in fact motivate a lifetime of service but are again
specifically directed to an individual person.
So here is my problem. Being is eternal, timeless, unchanging. I
believe that anything that is specifically at a given time is not a
being but a creature. I think this because the specific utterance at
that time is contingent and capable of having been or not having been
and is not necessary as is the existence of Being. So are there two
Gods, one timeless and unchanging and one that speaks? Is the second
God a creature of the first and capable of temporality? If so why do
we experience the utterances of the second only when becoming or being
aware of the first? What are we to make of the words of the second? Or
is Being itself alive?!! How can it be if it is the meaning of Being?
Is meaning alive? If so then isn't that an accidental property. After
all these things could have not happened. Just as my mind cannot be
reduced to the machinations of the material in my brain but constitute
an opening of being (for lack of a better term) that is me, can the
machinations of the universe itself be a mind - a temporal one - not
an eternal one - a creature of the creator (a phrase I use only to
distinguish the Being that means creation ex nihlo). Is the universe a
mind and does it speak?
I am aware of the following: In order to determine if whether what I
have experienced is statistically significant I would need to know the
total number of patterns, the number that is a subset of the former
that are the "meaningful ones" and then form the ratio which would be
the statistical probability of normal occurrence. I would then have to
know that the number of meaningful occurrences was greater than the
predicted "normally" occurring "chance" occasions. I realize that I do
not know these numbers and so scientifically speaking I cannot put the
matter on firm ground but anyone who has experienced these things
knows that the events at least seem to be out of the natural
probability - the one I described was completely specific to my exact
state of mind and involved the location of the car, the sign, that it
had been broken etc, and also their occurrence does not seem to be
random but more prevalent as one's awareness of Being grows and wanes.
So I am just unable to square this with my own ideas and just don't
know where to go with it or how to think of it. Any help or
speculations would be appreciated.
I also am having trouble with the notion of and relationship of
"meaning" and "Being". It seems that for example "red" has a "meaning"
which is not "red" but that "Being" is its own meaning. Further I am
not sure that meaning itself - or the process of it - does not change
as one's level of consciousness raises. Is my notion of "meaning"
flawed and is "meaning" itself really eternal? What is meaning? It
seems that "the Word" is not "a Word". What is the meaning or effect
of the change in article? Is meaning and Being one for Being only?
What is the relationship between Being and meaning?
I am also having trouble understanding the relationship between pride
or even arrogance to thinking. I have noticed some interesting threads
on this in this group.
Finally I have another inkling and it is very dark. I will just
outline it like this because I am convinced that I scarcely know what
I mean by it. If being can be either "being" or "Being" in the sense
that it can be interpreted to mean "a being" - something - or else is
the principle of the fact of experience does not the notion of
nothingness have its twin - the notion of "Nothingness" which has the
power to nihilate in an affective way Being.
Thank you for your patience with my dense verbiage but I want to
really understand this and I am convinced that - either I can
understand it or at else know why I can't. At any rate I know of no
reason either intellectual or - and this is more difficult but I still
believe it though I am not as sure - ethical as to why the pursuit of
these questions will not lead to further enlightenment. There is so
much confusion in the culture. We are in Eden and we are having a real
problem and we must I think understand so I am trying. Can you help? I
am sure you know what I mean.
Sorry to dump all of these questions out at once in a jumble but if
you have any insight about any of them or how to think of them I would
love to hear it. It is difficult for me as I rarely have an
opportunity other than on the internet to even pose such questions. No
one seems to be the least bit interested and it takes a while to get
to the point.
In closing I will relate to you a last image. It is from a Tom Cruise
movie of all things. Tom's character is a military lawyer and he
basically challenges a senior officer on the stand something to the
effect of "Tell the truth" and the character full of vile and evil
snaps back "You want the truth. You can't handle the truth!" I hope I
am not in that situation and will try as hard as I can to handle
whatever it turns out to be.
Sincerely Thanks in Advance,
Learning at too old an age,
JT
> ...
>
> read more »