Monday’s Creme de la WeirdThe wrong people discover YouTube (pastors
videoing customers at an “adult” lingerie shop)The Reporter (Vacaville,
Calif.)Penalty for high school telephone prank: 8 yrs in the slammerTwo
Tyler, Tex., kids called rival school and threatened to open fire on
students. Tyler Morning TelegraphBritish court orders up a van from
another town to come take a prisoner across the streetEvidently, “perp
walks” violate “human rights” in Britain since they’re so, y’know,
embarrassing. A police car was available, but by law, cops were out of
the loop, and courts’ wheels must be used, and the nearest court van
was 60 miles away. (Seriously.) Daily Telegraph (London)Feds throw the
book at the gloriously debauched technology billionaire Nick
Nicholas25-count indictments (4 for drugs, 21 for stock manipulation)
against an extremely large-living guy who smoked so much dope on his
private jet that the pilot had to wear his oxygen mask. Juiciest part:
He had a 2,000-sq-ft labyrinth built underneath his mansion, unknown to
his wife, so he could par-tay with all the floozies he could buy.
Downfall: He is so arrogant that he mistreated his personal assistant
(who spilled everything). AP via Yahoo / New York PostHorny pandas
scrummingA BBC Natural History team video’d mating in the wild, first
showing males fighting each other, accompanied by “loud calls which
will make viewers think instantly of the Wookie character from the Star
Wars movies," wrote BBC News. Said the show’s producer, Gavin Maxwell,
“I liken it to Chewbaccas in a pub brawl.” As to the act itself,
“They’re really fired up, they’re breathing hard and panting, and you
can see the steam coming out of their mouths. They seem like different
creatures altogether.” BBC NewsTanzania’s albino crisis: medically
endangered to begin with, and now hunted down for their “magical” bones
and skinDonating a little sunscreen would help them a lot because,
contrary to local belief, they don’t live forever. New York TimesMr.
Artives Freeman has a fool for a client, but that’s not his big problem
(it’s feces)He argued with the judge about whether he was competent to
act as his own lawyer, then showed up in court in a nice business suit,
only with his own caca on his face and in his hair. Charlotte
ObserverCorporate boards of directors still reluctant to make CEO’s
give back their miscalculated bonusesSaid a critic, “All shareholders
suffer [when a company is forced to restate earnings downward].
Therefore all executives who benefited from misstated accounts should
see their incentives adjusted to reflect actual achievements. This is
not the approach taken by the majority of boards, as yet.” New York
TimesTexas baby “born” twice (but stuffed back in the first
time)(Seriously) Fetus had this big tumor so doctors pulled it up out
of the uterus, removed the growth, crammed it back in, and 10 weeks
later, voilà! CBS NewsPunchline-friendly news: Japanese watermelon
sells for $6,100, and it’s a black watermelonAP via Yahoo!Your Daily
Loser Fortunately for counterfeiter Calvin Robinson, the police caught
him before he could lose any more money than he already had. Cops said
Robinson needed “$90" to buy drugs and bought a color copier for $100
so he could make some fake $10's. Spokesman-Review (Spokane, Wash.)NOTW
LiteA guilty plea in Britain on one count of animal cruelty for
abandoning a pet during a household move (Bonus: the pet was Milly the
rat) . . . . . If the cops are after you, ya use the weapon you have,
so if you’re carrying a baby– . . . . . Added to the list of things
you're not supposed to hoard in your apartment: gasoline.And
also . . .Australia’s Education Department sent teachers letters
telling them not to “shout” at students so much . . . . . A chemical
plant in Belfast had a nitric acid accident, releasing plumes of N2O,
but with no injuries or uncontrollable giggling . . . . . A business
school in Lucknow, India, goes the “endowed professorship” thing one
better: name the monkey god Hanuman head of the school . . . . . Dawn
of a new day in Cuba: sex-change surgery now available (and, of course,
free) . . . . . r.i.p. the homeless Kentucky man who had a rough life
in more ways than one, since his name was Edward Semen.Professor
Music’s Weird Links“Two-thirds of humanity use the squatting position
to answer the call of nature. In those cultures, appendicitis,
diverticulosis, hemorrhoids, colitis, prostate disorders, and colon
cancer are virtually unknown.” “Recommended by doctors and yoga
teachers for easier and more complete elimination.” Nature’s
Platform!Newsrangers: Tom Barker, Marlon Campbell, Mark Neunder, Sam
Gaines, Matthew Taylor, Gary Davidson, Ginger Katz, Mark Svevar, Kate
Gladstone, Jim Collins, Jessica McRorie, H.Thompson, John Witherspoon,
Bob Pert, Karl OlsonThis posting to News of the Weird Daily is © 2008
by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

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Posted By Chuck to News of the Weird Daily at 6/09/2008 07:21:00 AM