Pastor preaches against complaining
Pastor Dale Morgan
Pastor preaches against complaining
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POSTED: 0200 GMT (1000 HKT), May 3, 2007
Story Highlights
• Rev. Will Bowen tells church members to quit complaining
• It took him three months to live complaint-free
• Says not complaining leads to health, prosperity, happiness, peace of mind
• Purple bracelets are reminder
KANSAS CITY, Missouri (AP) -- The Rev. Will Bowen tries not to complain.
He wants everyone else to stop carping, too -- all 6 billion of us on
the planet.
And his message, first preached in a sermon at his small suburban
church, has caught on -- even though some critics note complaining
serves an important function.
Last July, Bowen challenged worshippers at Christ Church Unity to quit
complaining as a way to bring more prosperity into their lives. The
congregation is part of the Association of Unity Churches, which offers
what it calls "practical Christianity" -- a way of life leading to
health, prosperity, happiness and peace of mind.
"When you're focusing your attention on what's wrong or complaining,
you're going to get more of what you're complaining about," Bowen says.
Positive thinking is not a new concept, but Bowen's spin came with a
contemporary twist: the silicone bracelet. At the July sermon, Bowen
handed out about 250 purple bracelets he wanted his congregants to use
to remind themselves to stop complaining, criticizing or gossiping.
Sarcasm was another no-no.
He challenged them to refrain from complaining for 21 days because, he
said, that is how long it takes to break habits. Whenever they found
themselves failing they were to switch the bracelet to the other wrist
and start over.
"Complaining draws all of its essence from negativity," the 47-year-old
Bowen says. "When you complain, you do it typically to attract attention
or sympathy. It's you saying, 'There's something wrong with me.'
"You're sending out this vibrational energy into the universe that
you're a victim, and the universe responds with more negativity."
Bowen thought the challenge would be easy for him since he's a "positive
minister guy." But he broke three bracelets after moving them from wrist
to wrist so many times before making his 21 days. It took him nearly
three months.
The bracelets and the no-complaining challenge were a hit with church
members, who came back looking for more bracelets, which the church
gives out free. People at their offices wanted them. Family, friends,
students wanted the purple bracelet and to take the 21-day challenge.
By October, reporters came calling. After the initial burst of
publicity, the church sent out more than 1 million free bracelets.
Requests came in via the church's Web site from around the world --
Russia, South America, Asian countries. Some Pentagon employees began
using the bracelets, which they kept on their desks because they were
not allowed to wear them, says Tom Alyea, a church board member who has
been coordinating the no-complaining effort with Bowen.
"When they find themselves complaining, they move the bracelet from one
side of the desk to the other," Alyea says.
But Barbara S. Held, psychology professor at Bowdoin College in
Brunswick, Maine, says Bowen's approach is misguided. Complaining is an
important, necessary tool for some people, she said.
"If we lived in a world in which there was nothing to complain about I
think it might make perfect sense," Held says. "But we don't."
Held, author of the book "Stop Smiling, Start Kvetching: A 5-Step Guide
to Creative Complaining," says people cope in different ways and some
people need to vent. "The tyranny of the positive attitude in America,
which Reverend Bowen wants to spread to the entire world" can actually
hurt some people, she says.
"The research is compelling. When you force people to use a coping style
that goes against their nature their functioning goes down," she says.
"I'm not pushing pessimism. I'm saying let people cope in the way they
cope and don't make them feel defective."
Still, Bowen's no complaining mission has resonated widely. He does
several interviews a week and gets a lot of questions about what exactly
constitutes complaining.
He explains it this way: "Complaining is saying, 'Man, that sucks.' What
changes things is saying, 'This is not the way I would like it to be.
This is how I would like it to be.' It's painting a picture or creating
a vista to get people to look in that direction. It's where you want to
move toward."
Bowen attributes his campaign's appeal to people "being tired of
negativity," and to the changes he says people experience when they move
away from complaining. Schools, prisons and homeless shelters have taken
up the no complaint challenge, he says.
"When you're not articulating complaints then they have nowhere to go,
and your brain literally stops producing them, and you become a happier
person," he says.
Since Bowen's appearance on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" in March,
volunteers have taken orders for more than 4 million bracelets. They've
been coming in to the Web site at about 1,000 a day, Alyea says.
The bracelets are free, but the church includes a donation envelope in
each packet it sends out. Alyea has contacted some Web sites that have
offered copycat Complaint Free World bracelets but laughs about another
site that he says "for $3 will send you a bracelet so you can complain
all you want."
Bowen will not say how much the bracelets cost the church or what the
donations amount to. But so far, contributions are keeping up with
costs, he says.
A book, "A Complaint Free World" is due in October, and Bowen's next
goal is a nationwide No Complaining day, preferably the day before
Thanksgiving.
Held likely wouldn't support that idea.
"If they want to stop complaining and be optimistic and look on the
bright side, fine," she says. "But why cram the agenda down everybody's
throat? You don't see the kvetchers and complainers saying that
everybody has to complain."