Random Thoughts From the Chefography Marathon
Ubiquitous
NB: There's a blurb afterward announcing SLop's involvement with Prilosec
heartburn medicine. I don't think I need to comment on THAT.
Anim8rFSK
"Ubiquitous" <web...@polaris.net> wrote:
She uses it in place of Almonds.
Kevin
"Ubiquitous" <web...@polaris.net> wrote in message
news:a5udnRi3uKDRPpbb...@giganews.com...
> http://tvfoodfan.blogspot.com/search/label/Sandra%20Lee
>
> NB: There's a blurb afterward announcing SLop's involvement with Prilosec
> heartburn medicine. I don't think I need to comment on THAT.
My impressions after watching some of the featured chefs on the marathon are
that I have confirmed my extreme distaste for Tyler Florence and Bobby Flay.
I just don't like these guys. I like Rachael and Giada. And I like Nigella
Lawson, but she can come off as a bit pretentious. Although I guess I can
cut her some slack as she has just possibly the most depressing personal
history I have ever been made of aware of.
As for Sandra Lee, mere words do not convey the depth of my complete
amazement.
Ubiquitous
>As for Sandra Lee, mere words do not convey the depth of my complete
>amazement.
SLop's Chefauxgraphy:
Tonight, the role of Snarda will be played by Odo (from Deep Space Nine)
SLop was born in 1966. Ha ha, you're OLD -- Oh crap, she's the same age as I!
We hear the ol' tale of how SLop had to fend for herself and her siblings at
age 11. Her inspiration? The Better Home and Gardens Red Cookbook. The hell?
(Cue the sad music) SLop was seperated form her siblings and shipped off to
live with her bio-dad. She was LITERALLY ALL ALONE!
Loraine, her grandmother, gave her $500 each month for an apartment and living
expenses. After graduating, she studied physical therapy (boom-chicka) at the
local college.
Someone described her as "terrific" in the kitchen. Given the original meaning
of the word (same root as "terror"), this is not surprising. We cut to her
drinking pal and room mate, Cooooleen, who gushes about how SLop used to take
a box of mac and cheese and add hamburger and mushrooms and cheese to it. Gee,
that's exactly what I did too!
SLop invented Kurtain Krap"Hft and won the blue ribbon at the LA County fair
and later nagged Florence Henderson into doing an infomercial for it with her.
Hmm, In wonder if it's on YouTube?
In 1997, SLop studied cooking at the Cordon Blue in Ontario. SLop described
having to scrap beef tendons as "Hard work!" (heh) and wondered why they were
making biscuits from scratch instead of using Bisquick, which already
contained those ingrediants. After quitting, she had an epithany at the
grocery store in the baking isle when she saw some semi-sweet chocolate chips;
"semi-sweet" ... "semi-homade"! Her gimmick's name was born!
While SLop was writing her first "cook" book, Grandma Lorain died (cue sad sad
music), so she travelled abroad extensively for a year or so (huh?) before
selling her books on QVC, with the the help of Mary Hart. Just how old is that
woman, anyway? She looks unchanged since she first hosted Entertainment
Tonight! Mary was chums with SLop so she wrote the forward for her book.
In 2002, Food Network got excited about her book and negotiated doing a show.
But there was a catch: It had to have cooking.
In 1997, SLop created a TV show called Simply Living, but it never aired. Hmm,
I wonder if Martha Stewart sued her ass for ripping her show off? To be
honest, the clips of it looked better than this train wreck.
SLop made her show on FN and -- OMG! OMG! *OMG!!* BLOOPERS! Sorry, I got
really excited at this part. SLop tells us about how she insisted she have an
electric stove like the one she used in college, as a means to show the soccer
moms that they can cook her concotions too. I seriously doubt her apartment
had an incadescent stove (had they even been invented yet?)
More BLOOPERS! This one involves SLop opening a spring-form pan and the cake
dropping to the ground, confirming that her advice on how to open a them was
indeed from personal experience. Ha!
BLOOPERS! They show SLop dropping another cake out of the pan on the floor
with this stupid expression on her face. Man, that never ceases to make me
laugh!
Did I see MV scurrying around in the one clip with a short dark-haired girl
"fluffing" the food and handing it off to SLop.
Her show debuted in Oct 2003 and was highly criticized for its content. SLop
interviews that she was shocked at the heat she took and whines about how
criticizing her is like criticizing housewives all over America. Get off that
cross, bitch. I am amused at the accompanying clip they ran of her dumping
grapes or blueberries into a running blender that appeared to full of watery
grey vomit.
SLop, I think, interviews about how she provides easy and economical
decorating tips. HA!
SLop is so successful that she has to make other people to help her with her
tablescapes, accompanied by a clip of two unfortunate interns or PAs gluing
together a tower of coffee cups (from Fantasy Fountains) and meticulously
gluing things to a recipe box.
Someone (Colleen?) says that "Nobody can throw a party like Sandie", through
clenched teeth. Hmmm...
Next is a segment covering "Cocktail Time!” I wondered when they'd address her
alcoholism.
Someone says that SLop's products are "very believable". Bullshit!
That publisher tries to claim that SLop brought crock pots back into popular
use. What a diaper load!
There's another behind the scenes clip with Santos in it. Wow, who did he piss
off and what did he do to deserve this?
Once again, they claim that SLop revived the slow cooker and made it popular
again. Right.
SLop claims she screws up on her show so much because she cannot read the cue
cards: "If you can't see the card you can't say why you have to say why" and
thanks her mentors, Florence Henderson and Mary Hart. Oh, please!
--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.
Anim8rFSK
Ubiquitous <web...@polaris.net> wrote:
> In article <460c86db$0$492$815e...@news.qwest.net>, kev...@excite.com
> wrote:
>
> >As for Sandra Lee, mere words do not convey the depth of my complete
> >amazement.
>
> SLop's Chefauxgraphy:
>
> Tonight, the role of Snarda will be played by Odo (from Deep Space Nine)
>
> SLop was born in 1966. Ha ha, you're OLD -- Oh crap, she's the same age as I!
>
> We hear the ol' tale of how SLop had to fend for herself and her siblings at
> age 11. Her inspiration? The Better Home and Gardens Red Cookbook. The hell?
>
> (Cue the sad music) SLop was seperated form her siblings and shipped off to
> live with her bio-dad. She was LITERALLY ALL ALONE!
except for everybody else
> Loraine, her grandmother, gave her $500 each month for an apartment and
> living
> expenses. After graduating, she studied physical therapy (boom-chicka) at the
> local college.
>
> Someone described her as "terrific" in the kitchen. Given the original
> meaning
> of the word (same root as "terror"), this is not surprising. We cut to her
> drinking pal and room mate, Cooooleen, who gushes about how SLop used to take
> a box of mac and cheese and add hamburger and mushrooms and cheese to it.
> Gee,
> that's exactly what I did too!
"no human being would ever stack ingredients in this way"
>
> SLop invented Kurtain Krap"Hft and won the blue ribbon at the LA County fair
> and later nagged Florence Henderson into doing an infomercial for it with
> her.
> Hmm, In wonder if it's on YouTube?
(singing) "This slop has got a cerrrrtaiiin, Sandra-ality!"
>
> In 1997, SLop studied cooking at the Cordon Blue in Ontario. SLop described
> having to scrap beef tendons as "Hard work!" (heh) and wondered why they were
> making biscuits from scratch instead of using Bisquick, which already
> contained those ingrediants. After quitting, she had an epithany at the
> grocery store in the baking isle when she saw some semi-sweet chocolate
> chips;
> "semi-sweet" ... "semi-homade"! Her gimmick's name was born!
She should say that at the end of the show. "Keep it semi sweet, semi
homemade, semi fabulous, semi edible!"
>
> While SLop was writing her first "cook" book, Grandma Lorain died (cue sad
> sad
> music), so she travelled abroad extensively for a year or so (huh?) before
Yeah, did grandma leave her money or what?
> selling her books on QVC, with the the help of Mary Hart. Just how old is
> that
> woman, anyway? She looks unchanged since she first hosted Entertainment
> Tonight! Mary was chums with SLop so she wrote the forward for her book.
>
> In 2002, Food Network got excited about her book and negotiated doing a show.
> But there was a catch: It had to have cooking.
>
> In 1997, SLop created a TV show called Simply Living, but it never aired.
> Hmm,
> I wonder if Martha Stewart sued her ass for ripping her show off? To be
> honest, the clips of it looked better than this train wreck.
>
> SLop made her show on FN and -- OMG! OMG! *OMG!!* BLOOPERS! Sorry, I got
> really excited at this part. SLop tells us about how she insisted she have an
> electric stove like the one she used in college, as a means to show the
> soccer
> moms that they can cook her concotions too. I seriously doubt her apartment
> had an incadescent stove (had they even been invented yet?)
EZ Bake oven.
I don't know -- somebody is to blame.
>
> There's another behind the scenes clip with Santos in it. Wow, who did he
> piss
> off and what did he do to deserve this?
>
> Once again, they claim that SLop revived the slow cooker and made it popular
> again. Right.
>
> SLop claims she screws up on her show so much because she cannot read the cue
> cards: "If you can't see the card you can't say why you have to say why" and
> thanks her mentors, Florence Henderson and Mary Hart. Oh, please!
You left out her repeated protestations about 'doing it all with her own
money' -- um, zillionaire husband, and SOMEBODY paid for Europe.
Billy
wrote:
>http://tvfoodfan.blogspot.com/search/label/Sandra%20Lee
>
>NB: There's a blurb afterward announcing SLop's involvement with Prilosec
>heartburn medicine. I don't think I need to comment on THAT.
That show was the BIGGEST CROCK OF SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN.
So....where did the Wallet's deep pockets fit into all of this? "It's always
my own money," eh?
I don't even know where to start - wait, yes I do. "Sandra Lee's Simply
Living." She has quite a penchant for TM/copyright infringement, doesn't she?
Ubiquitous
> Ubiquitous <web...@polaris.net> wrote:
>> (Cue the sad music) SLop was seperated form her siblings and shipped off to
>> live with her bio-dad. She was LITERALLY ALL ALONE!
>
>except for everybody else
Heh!
>> Someone described her as "terrific" in the kitchen. Given the original meaning
>> of the word (same root as "terror"), this is not surprising. We cut to her
>> drinking pal and room mate, Cooooleen, who gushes about how SLop used to take
>> a box of mac and cheese and add hamburger and mushrooms and cheese to it.
>> Gee, that's exactly what I did too!
>
>"no human being would ever stack ingredients in this way"
Oh yeah, did SLop try to take credit for making bacon cheeseburgers popular?
>> While SLop was writing her first "cook" book, Grandma Lorain died (cue sad sad
>> music), so she travelled abroad extensively for a year or so (huh?) before
>
>Yeah, did grandma leave her money or what?
I suspect The Wallet had a lot more to do withn that than her dear ol dead granny.
>> There's another behind the scenes clip with Santos in it. Wow, who did he
>> piss
>> off and what did he do to deserve this?
>>
>> Once again, they claim that SLop revived the slow cooker and made it popular
>> again. Right.
>>
>> SLop claims she screws up on her show so much because she cannot read the cue
>> cards: "If you can't see the card you can't say why you have to say why" and
>> thanks her mentors, Florence Henderson and Mary Hart. Oh, please!
>
>You left out her repeated protestations about 'doing it all with her own
>money' -- um, zillionaire husband, and SOMEBODY paid for Europe.
Enter, The Wallet. I wish I could compare her time as mistress of and eventual
marrying to The Wallet to that of this show. I bet that would be amusing!
Anim8rFSK
Ubiquitous <web...@polaris.net> wrote:
Yeah, the time line would be illuminating.
Eduardo Reyes
They didn't mention the "Wallet" just like the failed to mention Bobby Flay has been married
twice before...yet, they make his marriage to #3 so wonderful and oh so romantic. It's all crap.
I liked how The Wallet was never mentioned, nor SLop's reasons for dropping out of college to
move cross-country and become a waitress.
No way was she born in 1966. No way.
I don't know any Midwesterners who would be amazed at the idea of putting bacon on a
cheeseburger.
I didn't notice this during Florence's appearances on recent reality TV shows, but her eyes point
in different directions. Creepy.