does marriage counseling help?
Colleene
it really is scary to me. The thought of putting my life
into someone else's hands is a bit unsettling, to say the
least. I worry about the particular therapist... is he any
good? Is he successful at his job? I'm absolutely
clueless as to where to begin to fix this on my own, and so
is my husband (I wrote 'He woke up and said he wasn't in
love') so we both agree that a third party is our only hope
at getting somewhere. I'm ready to jump through hoops, if
need be, but my husband, at this point, is so confused with
his feelings that he can't even fathom being in a happy
place with me. The therapist said that for my husband,
letting me into his heart at all is like being sucked
backwards to where he was before, and he wasn't happy where
he was. So... I'd like to hear some opinions about
marriage counseling. It seems, as I read through these
posts, that a lot of spouses just up and left without
trying. Their heart wasn't in it, so why bother, I guess.
I think that my biggest fear about counceling is that it
may be preparing me for a divorce, instead of helping to
save my marriage. I don't know. My husband woke up and
said he wasn't 'in love' with me anymore, but I woke up and
found out that I've been living in the Twilight Zone. And,
apparently, a lot of you guys have, too! Never thought I'd
be here...
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Mary Lou
It sounds like you are BOTH willing to try, and that's a very positive thing.
A lot of people say that only one of them is willing to get counseling.
But it looks like you two may have a good chance if you both really want it to
work out.....
Good luck to you both..
Mary Lou
Zimm
bothering you, why are you REALLY angry, etc. My therapist was great. I learned alot about myself, my husband and how to commmunicate. Alas, it didn't
save my marriage but I'm a much better person for the experience and I will make someone else a fabulous wife someday. I know I tried to save the marriage
so I have no regrets. Remember, it takes two so make sure he is working just as hard as you are. If he isn't, you are doomed to fail.
Zimm
tony dunlap
Colleene <colleene...@home.com.invalid> wrote in message
news:2a42f762...@usw-ex0109-069.remarq.com...
> I'm about to start marriage counceling with my husband and
> it really is scary to me. The thought of putting my life
> into someone else's hands is a bit unsettling, to say the
> least.
Don't look at it like that. YOUR life is in YOUR hands. IMO the main
benefit of therapy is that the (good) therapist has seen many
situations similar to yours and knows what questions to ask. The
therapy is in the answers to those questions, which YOU will provide.
You will heal yourself.
Good Luck! The fact that your husband is willing to try means that
there is hope.
Tony
BobeD
We went to counseling and the therapist gave us a lot of good ideas and
lessons to strengthen our relationship [marriage]. Unfortunately we were so
hateful toward one another that to do the things required would mean
becoming two totally different people, an undertaking neither one of us was
willing to do. Now as I look back can I say that I would have gone in with a
different attitude? Maybe, maybe not. Thing is what you *want* out of
therapy is what you *put* into it.
Good luck, however it works out.
Colleene wrote in message
> I'm about to start marriage counceling with my husband and
> it really is scary to me. The thought of putting my life
> into someone else's hands is a bit unsettling, to say the
Karen Ronan
a great job.
Our therapist said, "I'm on the side of your
marriage--I'm not here to criticize either one of you, judge
you, or blame you. Everything I do will be in service of your
marriage." Then the therapist explores the dynamics (dance) of
the marriage, the hidden needs you expect each other to fulfill,
etc.
The therapist needs to be empathic and able to contain emotions
expressed in the session. It should be okay to show your sadness,
anger, grief, or whatever in front of the therapist. If she/he contains
your emotions, then your husband will be relieved of the pressure
to do it. And I think your husb. feels under a lot of pressure. The
therapist might want help him relieve some of that, so that he will be
less confused.
Best of luck.
Karen
Colleene <colleene...@home.com.invalid> writes:
JK
door.
BUT if the joint counselling doesn't work, and divorce becomes imminent,
make sure that your therapist will continue to see you alone, and if
not, find another.
Having the therapist to turn to after my divorce has been invaluable to
me. He is in MY "court". But he's also been there as a non biased third
party. If I'm wrong about something he doesn't bullshit around the
issue, he lets me know. Like when he told me I needed to stop
"stalking" my ex by driving by his house all the time (did I really do
that?)
More important...you will need this person to listen when you need to
let out your pain...for encouragement...for someone to say that YOU are
important and to suggest ways to focus on that...
Because divorce is not easy. But if comes to that, you CAN get through
it.
I wish you luck as a couple. Just remember not to forget there's you as
an individual.
JA
Steve Dropkin
<colleene...@home.com.invalid> wrote:
> I think that my biggest fear about counceling is that it
> may be preparing me for a divorce, instead of helping to
> save my marriage. I don't know.
I hate to be the rain on the parade, but no good counselor will guarantee
that you will emerge from counseling happily married. You may very well
find out as a result of the conversations and other work you are asked to
do and your (both partners) commitment to working on the marriage that
"happily ever after" is not a realistic option for you. Sorry ... A good
counselor _will_ try to help save your marriage, but only you two can
actually do it.
--
"This is only temporary -- unless it works!" -- Red Green
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